Look Pro, Part II: Casually Deliberate
Looking Pro is a delicate art rife with paradox and enigma. Aesthetics in a sport as difficult as cycling is itself a contradiction; surely anything wrought with such suffering should be driven by function and function alone. Yet cyclists are both some of the hardest people in sport and the most vain. For a cyclist knows better than perhaps any other athlete that Morale is a fickle beast that lives upon a knife’s edge; it can drive us on to incredible heights yet squash us at will like an insect for little more than spotting grime on a freshly laundered jersey or dirt on the bar tape. In order for us to ride well, we must have good Morale. In order to have good Morale, we must look Fantastic.
The argument could be made that the best way to improve your riding is to meditate extensively on Rule #5; some might even suggest that aesthetics dilute it’s purity. On the surface, that may be a seductive thing to believe, but it ignores the single most important fact of cycling: looking Fantastic is the best anesthetic available. Just imagine how you looked there, standing on the pedals, dishing out The V. I was magnificent and didn’t feel a thing; I looked Pro.
Along with the vital The Three Point System, mastering the art of being Casually Deliberate is one of the key principles to Looking Pro. A professional gives the impression of having been born on their bicycle; they are one with their machine. When riding, their Magnificent Stroke exudes grace and power. Movements on the bicycle are deliberate yet effortless. Standing, sitting, climbing, cornering – rider and machine form a cohesive union.
Even when not riding, the Professional exudes an air of calm. Sitting across the top tube, the rider rests easy, precisely familiar with the movements of their loyal machine, trusting in the motion and balance. The bicycle is as familiar and connected to the rider as the very air they breathe.
In your quest to master the art of the Casually Deliberate, keep these pointers in mind:
- A pre-ride espresso is the perfect casually deliberate means to prepare for a ride. Fully kitted up, loyal machine leaning patiently against a nearby wall, cycling cap carefully disheveled atop the head, sunnies perched above the brim.
- Never look like you’re too eager to get on with the ride or the race. After all, the ride is a daily companion and while it is cherished, you are tranquillo in the knowledge that the ride will start soon enough. This is the genesis of Rule #80; energy is to be saved for the right moment and is not to be wasted on pointless things like standing under your own strength.
- Once the ride begins, the first twenty minutes are to be taken at a luxuriously slow pace. A rider is confident in their powers and never too anxious to show their hand too early. When riding with others, this is the time to ride two abreast, chatting about simpler times.
- Light conversation is to be taken up casually near the top of the first several climbs of the day. If not at the top, at least during the more difficult bits. As the other riders in the group begin to feel the pressure in their legs and Doubt begins its steady march into the bit of the morale where they do their worst damage, a casually deliberate comment which show no signs whatsoever of labored breathing can do much to hurry that march along.
- Never show how much you’re suffering. Ever. Even when inhaling a wasp, the effort that shows on your face is less than you are truly suffering. Unless, of course, it is the finale, and all thought has vacated the mind in the solemn journey into the void. Only then is it acceptable to cease being casually deliberate.
Increased sloppiness and a general laid back attitude has permeated most facets of our western cultures, which is a shame. When I was on business in Japan it was nice to wear my suit everywhere and be expected to look put together and professional, lest I embarrass myself and my company.
I love wearing jeans and t-shirts as much as the next person, but sometimes I just wish people would “try” harder in certain situations.
@G’phant
Oh so true, unfortunately. Except we don’t call ’em jandals, they’re fuckin thongs mate….
I’m loving this whole discussion, and the smartening up is something I could go for. In an op-shop kind of way though; I’m not on the kind of coin that allows G-phant to strut around the Commissaires tent at the Tour of Wellington wearing Armani.
@Brett
That is a gross slander, you dashed cad. I demand satisfaction. Frame pumps at dawn, Sir. Name your second. (Just trying to get with the new “better dressed” zeitgeist.) Don’t think I ever have, or ever will, own anything by Armani. Not even if they start making bikes. Actually, especially if they start making bikes.
It’s one thing to dress to the nines in the center of London, it’s all together different to do so on the side of a mountain in the Pyrenees. Look at the white loafers on the dude in the front and the sharp lady behind him. Overcoats and skimmer hats abound. So these fans keep their school clothes on and scramble up a scree slope to perch themselves there and watch the race go by. And it looks like at least a couple of them road their bikes too. Class.
That’s how to pay fucking respect to Gimondi as he rides by in the big ring. Not by wearing a Borat banana hammock and painting dick and balls on the road.
See, while I’m as imbued in the Importance of Being Dressed Correctly for every occasion, wouldn’t it be a greater endorsement of the Vie to ride up the same cols ahead of the peloton and to watch the race go by, (preferably attired similar to Gimondi above or otherwise wearing the sacred kit), while showing off one’s magnificent Guns?
I need guidance as I’m planning my first trip to next year’s Tour and my tailor has a backlog so he needs advance notice.
@Marko
A++1 – though Monsieur Les Dames Blanches does let the side down a touch with his pom-pom hat.
My tailor is Italian. I’ll have to ask him to kit me up properly for any and all bicycle races I attend. His name is Pio and he is spot on.
I hope to see at least one sharply dressed Velominati in the background of all important race photos in 2011. Get that off-bicycle kit together, lads. And no fucking denim.
@Marko
Reminds me of the scene in La Course where the youngster in the Molteni cap sheepishly watches Eddy shooting the shit with his mechanics one morning before the race.
@Ron
Think that denim like this is acceptable.
@Kiwicyclist
While I often gaze upon the sacred Velominati kit with reverence and wonder, and I burn to own one or three, I don’t think wearing the kit with cycling shoes while standing on the side of the road at the TdF is becoming of a Velominatus.
Please understand, this is only a humble suggestion from a fellow Velominatus. It is given with optimism and friendship and with the hope that we can bring sartorial splendor to those who have lost their way whether on or off a bike.
If I were to attend any of the upcoming tours, I would undoubtedly ride up one of the vaunted cols prior to the arrival of the peloton. However, I would arrange for a friend or Velomihottie to meet me at a pre-determined location at the side of the road. She would carry my accoutrements for me in a neatly organized Velominati race bag. In it, I might have a washcloth, a towel, a bottle of water with which to clean myself, a small bottle of rubbing alcohol to help prevent saddlesores, sunscreen, silk boxers, a cotton undershirt, linen slacks and matching sportcoat (khaki or light stone color), a cotton/linen blend long sleeve dress shirt with button down collar (sky blue) with matching pocket square, leather woven loafers (brown), alligator belt (brown), thin cotton over-the-calf dress socks (light brown), tortoise shell sunglasses, and a soft straw Panama hat (natural color, probably a Stetson Monte Carlo, as I am bald as a ping-pong ball). I’d go without the tie. I would also pack a second Velominati kit and clean fresh socks. Who wants to put on a sweaty kit for the descent? Not me.
When packing, I roll each garment. This saves a tremendous amount of space in my bag and it keeps my clothes almost free of wrinkles.
I recommend the linen suit because it looks great slightly wrinkled, it says summer vacation, and it’s very Casually Deliberate.
Food would consist of some kind of local meat and cheese sandwiches on baguettes, sparkling mineral water, and a bottle of a local moderately priced red wine.
We will recognize you as a true Velominatus when we see you on steephill.tv or Universal Sports or Versus or Eurosport because you will be resplendent in your semi formal Casually Deliberate roadside sportswear.
You can change the world, one pair of slacks at a time.
@Marko
@Jeff in PetroMetro
Fucking brilliant, both of you.
On the topic of improving one’s roadside wardrobe, how about Velominati ties?
http://designyourtie.com/index
Then, of course, there’s the Velominati race bag:
http://www.logosoftwear.com/teamcustomsportsbags.php
Merckx, I’m good at spending everyone else’s money.
@Jeff in PetroMetro
Ties, yes. Race bag, no. Musette, maybe…
Jeff, I bow before your sartorial munificence…
Cavendish might be an okay sprinter but he’s got a lot to learn about science. ;-)
Lots of people are lactose intolerant and that can definitely have an effect on performance, but it’s still nothing whatsoever to do with lactic acid build-up…
OK, so in this image of Kelly is he looking casually pro or just not giving a f*ck cause he’s dished out a sh*tload of no.5 and your togs don’t make you go faster softc*ck. Excuse my profanities if you can, I too am interested in the fashion of our sport but it just always seemed he never cared. I don’t know if Merckx did much either.
@Chris @Frank wanted to give you the definitive on lactose production, so spoke to my mate who is doing his doctorate on it and he says:
“One of big misconceptions in sports science is that lactic acid (or lactate) is a bad thing, it is not. It can actually be re-metabolised to create additional energy for exercise. The ‘acidosis’ that you feel is from hydrogen ions (and other metabolites) produced from the breakdown of lactic acid into lactate. The intensity of exercise mediates the accumulation of these ions, not what you eat”
That is all. Drink your milk.
@ Jeff – I prefer witch hazel to keep it clean on the underside when I can’t shower after a ride. You can either buy your own bottle and use cotton squares or you can find pre-soaked pads in a nice screw top container at a decent pharmacy.
I love the shoe assortment in The Legs photo. Cycling shoes with duct tape. Some all white Easy Spirits. Some black heels. And yes, some Velcro sneaks…(and what look to be some brown leather boots on the far left)
both hands in the rear pockets fiddling around for food or the ticket puncher is a must.
@Ron
Witch hazel–of course. Excellent choice.
When racing, I carried isopropyl alcohol. It is a great cooling rub, cleans the chains of irresponsible teammates who do not adhere to Rule #65, can be mixed with water and a mild soap to clean the other parts of the bikes of irresponsible teammates who do not adhere to Rule #65, disinfects, and prevents acne.
Of course, isopropyl alcohol is highly flammable. And when used to clean road rash, it hurts worse than a trip through the depths of Hell and tends to kill off whatever live skin cells one has left nearest one’s wounds. (I preferred hydrogen peroxide, but I can’t say it was any less pleasant. I just liked the bubbles.)
@Jeff
Re your roadside vestements and proposed neckware, do please consider an ascot. It would be just the thing to complete the look.
@ChrisO
That cut is actually from Stars and Watercarriers. That, along with the Impossible Hour, La Course en Tete, and The Greatest Show on Earth are just completely crammed full of gems. Have a look at The Works for more details.
@roadslave,
@Ron, @G’phant, @Jarvis, @Jeff in PetroMetro
I am just returning from Manhattan after a meeting out this way. Manhattan is a fucking classy place where people still (gerenally) remember that going out in public looking nice is a sign of dignity and showing respect for your fellow people on the street. I cannot understand the twatwaffles who go out in sweats and a dirty t-shirt.
I would also like to point out that while many of my favorite suits are Italian (Italians understand how to cut a suit for a thin guy) the English suits I have are every bit as stylish and have a little more flair. The Ted Baker suit I wore is black with a blue strip, but the jacket is lined completely in a radical purple fabric. Fucking class, that.
I also wore a pair of Paul Smith shoes (no loafers, lace-up only) and they are fucking gold.
I think a small v-cog stitched to the right sleeve, just beside the buttons would be a suitably subtle sign of the ilk; as we go to shake our fellow roadside fan’s hand, we check the cuff and recognize each other.
Also, in case you’re wondering if the English know how anything about style…
@Jarvis
Interesting; that explains why I always feel that after the first run into The Red and thoroughly burned my guns, I am instantly stronger on the next climb. Fascinating shit, that.
@Oli Brooke-White
Thanks for the kind word. I try to have some decorum, some appropriate elan.
@Nate
I’ve never worn an ascot. I like the look, but I’m afraid I’d come off too Vaughters. However, in colder weather, one cannot leave the house without one’s scarf–black goes with just about everything; a Burberry’s is always acceptable; I have one from Pendleton that says Western casual but not cowboy.
You know, think Mod, not Rocker, when making clothing decisions.
@frank
Nag mate, that’s just being old & unfit*
Actually, it’s toxins that build up in muscles. The ones that are renoved by a massage
@frank
Spot on with English clothing. I love double-vented suit coats. The ties are inspiring, never garish. The quality is impeccable.
The shoes–ah the shoes. I, like you, always wear lace-ups with business suits. Always. English shoes! They take a little breaking in, however, they’ll never wear out, ever. And they take a shine like no other footwear.
As for Manhattan, I’ve spent about a month of my life there. I loved it. When I was younger, I wanted to live there. Now, I’m a little slower and I like a visit, not a relocation.
Yes, Manhattan is sartorial splendor.
@frank
Even worse than people wearing dirty sweats are people who wear pajama bottoms out. I spot people out and about with pajama bottoms on a weekly basis.
Do people really look in the mirror like that and say “yup, this is it!” to themselves before heading out? I want to represent *this* to the world! Ugh.
How about pajama bottoms PLUS furry lined slippers? Fucking college kids do this all the time, but I also catch some adults in this nonsense. Have some goddamn self respect.
And I really think these fucks need better friends. “Mate, what in the fuck are you wearing? I wouldn’t wear that around my house, much less out to the store. Go get changed you sack of shit.”
I want my friends to tell me I’m being a sorry POS when I am.
I’d like to wear a pair of these once in a wile…
Milano-Sanremo 2009
Sean Connery is most definitely not English, in fact he’s a vociferous proponent of Scottish independence! He’s certainly a well dressed man though…
@Pedale.Forchetta
There’s a Rule #27 violation in that photo.
@michael
Right I’d wear these legs with my own kit&sox :)
@Oli Brooke-White
Who’s talking about fucking Sean Connery? That is a photo of James Bond, an English character, dressed like an Englishman, leaning against an English car. After all, he’s got the toupe on, doesn’t he?
@michael
You’re looking at the shorts and socks? Coz I didnt notice them.
@ Frank РTouch̩!
@Jeff in PetroMetro
I love the imagery and the spirit of what you’re saying about riding up and changing, but in regards to the statement:
I have to point out that any Velomihottie would at worst ride with you up the mountain and at best drop your sorry ass. If I were to suggest to my VMH that she drive up ahead and carry my accoutrements, she would undoubtedly say something to the effect of “you want someone to carry your shit around, get a fucking porter, asshole.”
@Jeff in PetroMetro
Jeff, you’re not the Satorialist are you? Here’s a test – brown shoes, grey suit – discuss.
@Frank
Wholehearted agree with the comments about Manhatten. I was there on a visit in 2008 and hanging around the West Village when I spotted a prime example of casually deliberate in commuting setting – a local 30 something gent dressed in boat shoes, pale cords rolled up to show the appropriate level of ankle, vest and tweed jacket, cravat and a cheesecutter riding a dutch bike with basket and tortiseshell sunnies – the dude carried it off with such insouciance- hard to pull of that look with such style in other cities – in Manhatten it worked.
@frank
Your metrosexuality is showing.
The socks look just about perfect, the shorts are definitely short; they’re above the vastus medialius/sartorius muscle intersection. They are even above the end of the gracilis/adductor longus (can never figure out which one that is) I even recommend these anatomies as a guideline for short length. I also recommend that socks are anatomically fit. The lowest socks can be at the thinnest part of the ankle viewed from the front, but they absolutely must be below where your gastrocnemius ends on the inside. Some people have short calf muscles and therefore maybe a measurement above the thinnest part of the ankle could be used as a guideline.
I’ve actually become obsessed about sock length and am thinking of going back to school to write a master’s thesis on it. Confession: I like the slightly longer socks Specialized (Special-ed) Wool Trainers are my favorites.
Y’know: I used to like these pages, before they turned into copy for Banana Republic or some such. What the fuck do cravats, tweed, and sweater vests have to do with cycling? Please refer to Rule #4. And then Rule #5.
@frank
Yes, you’re right. No offense to the many Velomihotties who read these posts. A porter, a valet is in order here. A local would be best. He could arrange the delivery of both yours and your Velomihottie’s race bags to a comfortable location where she could also change into something cool and comfortable, yet smart and femine. I’m thinking an all white ensemble. Very summer. White summer dress, knee length, sleeveless with spaghetti straps, a white floppy ribbon hat with a 15cm wide brim, white slingback leather sandals with a 2.5cm heel and an open toe, large sunglasses framed in black, and a big, chunky red bracelet to match her red toenail polish–the kind of red polish that says, “Frank, you’re going to get lucky tonight.”
@Kiwicyclist
Grey suit with brown shoes is classic! Anyone can wear black shoes with a grey suit. But a man who wears brown shoes and a grey suit says, “I know what the fuck I’m doing.” Just get your shades and styles right. The lighter the shade of grey, the lighter the shade of brown. And no mixing casual shoes with business suits. Lace-ups with the suits. Belt must match the shoes perfectly. Or skip the belt and go with suspenders. How about a medium grey pinstripe suit, medium brown lace ups (Loake Savoy in mahogany?), mahogany leather belt, pink and white windowpane or box check shirt, very dark navy blue or black tie with a very small white pattern (white dots?) and a solid light pink pocket square with a flat fold. The suit is English tailored, double vent, two-button. Pants–plain front, no cuffs. Shirt is spread collar, French cuff with dark rose colored cufflinks. Use a Windsor knot.
@Steampunk
Absolutely, it’s always about the bike. We just want to help the roadside fan make better clothing choices when dressing for perpetual YouTube exposure:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_eIrXGhmTI&feature=channel
Fuck me, it’s Patrick Bateman! AAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Getting a little out of hand I think! None of this now sounds casually deliberate!
Can you really call it casually deliberate if you’ve done so much planning to be seen that way that you need a local sherpa to carry a change of clothing up a mountain and then presumbly have a little tent for your Velomihottie to change in! Hmmmm?
In addition to my last…. you should always use a Windsor knot!
@Jeff in PetroMetro
Although I’m sure you’re already aware of it: The Chap
I’m a big enthusiast of slightly longer socks. I always wore mid-calf socks when playing sports growing up and through college. Now I like to wear slightly longer ones when cycling. I have pretty severe skankles, so maybe I’m just trying to cover up…
I’m torn about Manhattan, but maybe it is because I’m a New Yorker. Lots of style, but a lot of people who don’t seem Casually Deliberate about it at all. They just moved to NYC from Ohio or Kansas or wherever and work hard to totally remake themselves. It’s a bit stuffy to me, but hey, better than stained sweats and goddamn crocs in public…