In Memoriam: Il Pirata, Broken-Hearted Saviour
There’s an air of Shakespearean tragedy to the death of Marco Pantani on Saint Valentine’s Day in 2004. Once the most famous cyclist in the world, he died alone in a hotel room on a day devoted to love.
But his love – Cycling – had betrayed him. Once a fixture of the Nineties European road racing scene, he was part and parcel of the culture and spirit that embodied that era. Sensationally, as he was about to win the Giro d’Italia for the second time in 1999, he was thrown from the race after a failed hematocrit test on the morning of the penultimate stage. At a time when doping was rampant throughout the peloton and, as we are beginning to understand now, secretly supported by both the teams and governing bodies, Pantani was torn from the world he knew like a puppy from a warm house and abandoned in the winter cold. He was singled out, vilified, made example of. Confused and betrayed, he would never recover.
A rider defined by brilliant highs and devastating lows, he fit the mold of “enigmatic climber” so well it almost feels cliché to point it out. He won atop nearly all the most famous climbs in cycling and still holds the record for the fastest ride up Alpe d’Huez. But on days that his mind and motivation failed him, he would trail in long after the favorites arrived home.
He was also monumentally unlucky. He was almost crippled after hitting a car head-on during Milano-Torino, after it was mistakenly allowed onto the course in 1995. In 1997, he was forced to abandon the Giro when a black cat crossed his path and caused him to crash. 1998 saw him reach the pinnacle of our sport with the Giro-Tour double before 1999 saw him become the first super-star to be singled out for the (suspected) use of EPO during the jet-fueled late Nineties.
Pantani was more than a cyclist for us. 1998 was the year my VMH and I met, and we built our relationship in part as we shared in the excitement as our favorite rider won first the Giro and then the Tour. (Early in our relationship, she hosted a party at her apartment; when I walked in, she had Star Wars, A New Hope playing on the television. Later that night I learned her favorite rider was Pantani. Needless to say, I’ve never looked at another woman since.) The ’98 Tour remains my favorite, with the stage to Les Deux Alpes the high point.
He inspired me – a big, tall, oafish flatlander – to become obsessed with climbing, an obsession I maintain to this day (or, at least I did until January 28). His climbing epitomized the angelic grace of le grimpeur. Climbing in the drops with his face a picture of focus and determination, his climbing could not be described as effortless, but powerful. A sight to behold. Everything about him oozed cool. I modeled my first dream bike after the gloriously beautiful steed he rode in 1998. My VMH, the same weight and height as Marco, modeled her position and climbing style after his.
My heart aches when I think of how this man, who was part of a system which, however full of flaws, he understood. I imagine that he was not a unintelligent nor an ignorant man, but that he was not prepared for the cruelty of the world outside cycling. I can scarcely fathom his sense of confusion and betrayal that the very system and players who taught him Le Metier would so readily cast him aside and leave him on his own. I don’t believe it’s a stretch to compare the scars he received from this experience to those of a victim of abuse. He would never trust his surroundings again.
Several times, he returned to the only world he knew, the professional peloton. But he wasn’t the same. He was bullied, he was teased. Occasionally, he rose above it all to show signs of his former self. Then, he would recede.
2003 was an exciting season as he returned to form and it appeared as though he was finding his own again. Imagine our excitement when, as we planned to visit the Tour for the month of July, rumors broke that he was leaving Mercatone Uno to join another team in order to race the Tour. We were foaming at the mouth at the thought of Ullrich and Pantani shelling Pharmstrong out the back as they partied like it was 1998.
It wasn’t to be. The team transfer didn’t materialize, and Pantani disappeared. The next time we were to hear from him would be the solemn announcement of his death on CyclingNews. I called my VMH and asked if she was sitting down before I told her what happened. It was as if I had given her the news of her brother’s death.
I truly believe he died of a broken heart.
And he died denying he ever doped.
Very sad nonetheless. And very poignantly put, Frank.
mighty article frank, you’ve put down on paper what it means to truly love a sportsman, what makes them great and why they make up feel like that. kids a school used to mock me for adoring sport and wanting to be like them, i remember running up and down supermarket isles wanting to be Linford Christie (GBR 100m sprinter later suspended for doping) aged 3. The problem is have we not got a character in the current peloton with the same extrovert and exiting sensibility, we have world class hardmen, but no one who stands out as their own man like Pantani
This is a wonderful write-up, Frank.
I wasn’t a full-on Velominati back when Pantani was at his peak, but I surely knew of him and his talents. When I’m heading out for a long day in the saddle I’ll watch some video clips of him climbing for inspiration and motivation. I’m also about the same size as him, so it was easy for me to cheer on a lil’ fella.
One can only imagine what he felt to be cast aside in such a manner.
And Frank, it only proves once again that you are our rightful leader considering that you can date your relationship with your VMH with major events in the cycling world. Awesome.
This article, and Pantani’s passing, mark a somber note to the day, but happy Valentine’s Day, fellow Velominati. Hope you all get to eat some of those crappy, chalky heart candies.
Nice Frank. Such a sporting tragedy that we never saw Big Jan and Pantani simultaneously at the peak of their powers during the Armstrong years. I like to think those two in unison most certainly would have tested him a little more.
Yet another fine piece of writing frank on a very troubled soul (especially at the end of his career).
@Ron –
Similar feelings myself Ron. Sameish size & watching him climb those mountains, all over his bike, seemingly wasting so much energy, inspired me to try & climb half as well as Il Pirata was able to. Something I still dream of being able to do.
I had forgotten that today was the anniversary of his passing. I now feel a little empty on a day where one is filled with love for that person one holds most dear.
frank, thank you for a timely reminder that you should cherish those that you love, as one never knows what tomorrow may bring.
found this
Poor Marco. A tremendously sad end.
Nice Frank, good for you to always put things in perspective and then to bring love together in two disparate forms is art.
I’ll testify. One of my early lessons (along with the Rainbow Turd) from my Cycling Sensei was an enthusiastic, almost evangelical, account of Pantani’s 98 Giro/Tour double from Frank and his VMH. Their shared adoration for the man was infectious. I remember speaking with Frank a couple days after Marco’s death. It was apparent my friend had lost a hero. I had only begun to understand and am not sure I fully do to this day.
What’s sad, as Frank so aptly stated, is the hypocrisy of dopage, the inconsistency of enforcement for some riders and the turning of a blind eye for others. That, coupled with what has reported to be an already fragile psyche, seems to be what did Pantani in. To say that Marco did it to himself is a profound understatement. Yes, he never admitted it, yes nobody was holding a gun to his head, but yes it was (is?) institutionalized in the pro-peloton and the powers that be appear to lay blame to whoever is the most convenient. “Who Killed Davey Moore” comes to mind.
@frank : beautiful homage; sad day.
@mightyninja
Where’d you find that? Love it.
I’m going to be devil’s advocate here so don’t get me wrong, I loved to watch Pantani and whether he doped or not doesn’t detract from his brilliant rides in my eyes.
But…
…I think you’re over-egging it to make him out as some martyr. He wasn’t single out and vilified. 1999 Giro… come on, 1998 was the Festina Tour. Virenque, Brochard, Zulle, Moreau. Mass raids on Tour teams. A criminal trial. That was the environment in which Pantani had haematocrit levels of 60%.
I think part of his tragedy is the classic star trajectory of surrounding yourself with hangers-on and mistaking them for friends, then being surprised when they aren’t around for the bad times.
Pantani was no victimised puppy – in many ways he’s the prototype for more recent events like Ricco. Cobra, Pirate… not a long stretch to lay that one at Marco’s door is it ?
The saddest part of the whole thing is that dying alone in a crappy hotel room with as much dignity as rock-group drummer hasn’t put more people off trying to follow his path.
I think this perfectly illustrates the differences of character and how it affects our perception of a person. I think it’s safe to say that we are all adults here and we all know in our heart of hearts that doping was/is rampant in the pro peloton. When confronted with the brash arrogance and prickishness of the likes of Armstrong we loathe him and wish him to be hung out to dry. Though we “oppose the proud” we “give grace to the humble” and that is where guys like Pantani come in. He didn’t hide behind a “cause” as if he deserved impunity because of it. He merely wanted to ride his bike. My life pretty much revolves around all things 700c. I have my favorite riders and those I dislike and I admit that I base my likes on nothing more than if the guy seems like a nice guy. Zabel admitted to doping but he won me over in Hell on Wheels because he seemed like the average likable guy. Full of faults and foibles. But he didn’t seem like a dickhead so I can look past the fact that he succumbed to the Darkside. Pantani likewise. It is sad that corporate greed forces those that start with a passion for the bike to do things for the sake of performing at a level that attracts sponsors and money. But it is angering when you turn to the Darkside because you are driven to be #1 regardless of the cost to those that love and care for you. When you use people and discard them when you have no use for them you become a sad individual that no one will shed a tear for when you fall from pinnacle of the sport.
That photo sends a shiver down my spine every time I see it.
He truly transcended sport, even with a crit of 60%, the man was such an icon.
Thanks for the reminder of the anniversary of his passing. Definitely makes one pause.
Also, I still do not buy that Pharmstrong “gifted” the Ventoux to Pantani in 2000.
RIP Marco
After having tortured us with that yellow monstrosity, your time in front of the Merckx shrine has paid off Frank! Very well written piece on a tragic man.
Ricco is such a dickhead doper. Why doesn’t he just die like Pantani so we can be rid of him?
Not. I agree with you in that there are strong parallels between Ricco and Pantani. It’s so easy to forget that these people are human. They’re supposed to be our supermen who get in the saddle with the sole goal of redefining what’s possible, but they are just men. Should they turn to drugs? No. But do we understand why they do? Of course.
In some ways it’s in human nature to be scared and insecure. I’d like to imagine that most people dope because they feel(for whatever reason) a vacancy of approval and love, and I can’t hate someone like that; I can only empathize.
I hope Ricco has a speedy recovery and is able to escape the coming circus, settle down, take care of his girlfriend and daughter, and if he rides bike he does it for the love of the sport.
Cycling is important, but it’s not worth dying over, and Marco Pantani will always remind me of that fact.
The last sentence is so true but where does the blame lie? We put these sportspeople on pedestals, to be worshipped & adored & to be public role models for the young & easily led. What qualifications do these people have that makes us think they are or should act how we percieve them to be? Then, as frank so rightly points out,
“Pantani was torn from the world he knew like a puppy from a warm house and abandoned in the winter cold. He was singled out, vilified, made example of. Confused and betrayed, he would never recover.”
drop them quicker then a paperbag filled with crap. In most cases, for being nothing but human, with all of our human foibles. Not everyone can rise above the crap again or forget (especially when the media &/or fellow sportsman won’t let you) what it was that ones original path or goal was, i.e. cycling as a sport & a passion, rather than being an idol.
Frank said:
‘I truly believe he died of a broken heart’.
And for what I saw of him and for what I understood of him
it’s exactly what I think of him.
My heart bleeds for Pantani. He was the quintessential climber of his time, to be compared to none others.
I think Frank nails it, he died of a broken heart and how poignant it is that he died on St Valentines day, to be memorialized on the day of love into eternity.
His existence was either hot or cold.
He was either on top of it, or he was being spit off the back of the peloton eating dust…disappointing us all as his fans.
But the days he could climb were glorious. I imagine he is the embodiment of Charly Gaul of my time, and in many ways perhaps this is too true. Gaul would predict that ‘today I will die’ as he was teetering on the edge winning and just simply quiting. Pantani, although never said this, rode like it. Seeming to have ‘nothing to lose’ would go on a breakaway up a mtn pass in a transcendant way, to seem only to prove a point that he wanted to win, win, win.
And slipping into the twilight of his career and life outside of cycling may have just been too much as others cut from that mold have done, they sink into the depths of hell in a depression that make my hardest days of V look like creme puffs.
Afterall, after doing what Pantani did, riding like he did, spilling his guts for his countryman, his familia, his country, his fans, his team, his sport, can you imagine having to live a life trying to figure out who you are….now? He gave it all, what more can we ask now?
I for one love him and what he did, black eyes and all
it was all about the bike for him
RIP ‘Il Pirata’
I’ve always thought of “tragedy” in classical terms; i.e., the great brought low by the very qualities that made them great. In other words, our characters contain both the potential for greatness and the seeds of destruction, inextricably linked and frequently in equal measure.
It seems that Pantani’s greatness stemmed in no small part from his extraordinary ability to suffer physical pain, matched by his extraordinary inability to suffer mentally or spiritually. They say that in life “Pain is mandatory, suffering is optional”. I don’t think Marco (or Fausto for that matter) had the coping skills or support to manage emotional pain. And that insecurity led him to surround himself with people who he though would shield him from that pain. That obviously didn’t work out so well, and Frank I think nails this perfectly, especially noting how Pantani was bewildered that “the very system and players who taught him Le Metier would so readily cast him aside and leave him on his own.”
Let’s face it; everyone was doping along with Pantani, he for some still barely understood reason was singled out. He couldn’t understand it, couldn’t deal with the emotional and spiritual stress, and destroyed himself in the aftermath.
Tragic.
Let’s not demean his fall with any comparison to the likes of Riccardo Ricco, a rider with no similar accomplishments, a mean and petulant air, and a dumbass to boot.
good thoughts sgt
is it also possible that he didn’t surround himself at all. Cast aside, or allowed himself to be cast aside, either way left isolated and left in a dark motel room in the middle of February, alone in a sea of self destruction and a heap of coke?
I am not second guessing ‘friends’, just that even if they had tried to help, (some did), but the legacy’s of these tragedy’s such as are some of the Greats of our sport, Charly Gaul specifically, many lived lives in isolation. Hermits. As you well note, unable to cope, deal with the reality of their lives. But is there something else there going on?
Gaul came out of it in his elder years
Pantani couldn’t take it
Excellent story. Written with passion. Love it
@all
Wow, some really great thoughts and posts from everyone. It’s great to see that others feel the same way; it feels like he’d appreciate that.
To clarify @ChrisO very reasonable remark about being singled out, I think Pantani was on a completely different level than Virenque, Brochard, Zulle, Moreau, Ricco or any of the others. These were riders without anything near the class nor the palmares that Pantani had.
I also think the Festinas fell because Voet was found with a carload of dope; Pantani was singled out (rumors broke in the days before the test that he would test positive in a few days) for reasons that are still unclear today. Virenque didn’t even get sanctioned until 2000, he raced away for two more years, denying everything all the while. In my eyes, a completely different situation.
One of the things that kills me is that he felt – and was – so alone. I wonder how he would have responded had it happened to him in today’s environment where positive dope test are a dime a dozen. Would he have found comfort in numbers and returned?
I don’t know, but @Souleur and @sgt are onto something; maybe his isolation was the price of his brilliance. In any case, we miss you, Marco. May you rest in peace.
Pantani’s story inspired me to ride the AIDS ride from SF to LA. He was already gone and I was nothing more than a dirtbag commuter on a Bottecchia, but after reading his tale and his passion for the climb I was hooked. I will always be drawn to his passion and in awe of his abilities legal or otherwise.
To not be able to read between the lines and realize that keeping his mouth shut when it would have been easier to out others in the Peloton, well, you’re not getting the full story.
See you at the top, Marco. Have a cold Pinot Grigio waiting for me because I’ll be way behind.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx5Zer4XJkg
In the evening when Italy is sad,
She looks like Rimini,
No, really, what took you,
To go and die in Rimini,
Blackbeard was waiting for you up there,
The pirates where proud of you,
No, really, what took you,
To go and die in Rimini,
You went higher faster than the others,
I hope you did not miss Paradise,
Yes, next to Rimini,
Even Palavas* looks sexy,
Because next to Rimini,
The Grande Motte* ressemble to Venise,
You went higher faster than the others,
Yes for you Rimini is really finished,
You went higher faster than the others,
I hope you did not miss Paradise,
One day with all the pirates,
You’ll come back screaming vengance,
The bandana under the stars,
To reduce Rimini to ashes.
Ta.
* absolute shiite french sea resorts.
Pantaini captured imaginations – he was the new Lucho Herrera. But when I look back, after reading everything I can find about him, at the end of the day he was a cheat and had been cheating for so long that I don’t think he knew how to get anything out of life without drugs. His professional career was built on drugs, which I think is why he found it so hard to leave them. Deep down, he was living a lie and it killed him in the end. Pity his friends didn’t realise this until it was too late…
Armstrong killed Pantani.
The Pirate was head and shoulders the best climber in the world in ’98 and ’99, then all of a sudden a former one-day specialist is pedalling away from him on the Tour’s biggest Cols. Desperate, he wonders what has given Pharmy his new ‘wings’. Because Marco knew if he himself was on the go-juice, then Pharmy must have something even better. He attacked again and again, but to no avail. How could this be?
Not content with demoralising Marco on the road, Pharmy then belittled him with personal slander, classless name-calling and supposed ‘gifts’. The road to self-destruction began. The downward spiral can be traced back to the 2000 Tour, and these incidents.
Armstrong killed Pantani. And JFK. Possibly Elvis.
@Brett
If Lance killed Pantani (which is a very unhinged claim, even from one of the unhinged Lance haters among us), what do you think the Spanish Cycling Federation killed today?
I think pro cycling is now officially in disarray. If the inevitable UCI appeal is denied, then I fear for the future of professional cycling…
@Marcus
Ummm…
@Brett
now those last claims are just plain silly! Pantani, JFK & Elvis? Everyone knows JFK & Elvis are alive & well, working in the Sydney RSL & League’s club scene. Elvis is in a Pink tribute band as a back up singer & JFK is one of the roadie’s.
+1
@Marcus
++1. Spanish Federation is right up there with the WWF.
@Marcus
Ummm…
@mightyninja
I think I saw that act at Rooty Hill RSL! Something equally as bad, anyway…
@mightyninja
I think I saw that act at Rooty Hill RSL! Something equally as bad, anyway…
Rooty Hill RSL, now you’re talking. One of our more upmarket establishments here in Shidoney.
Pantani loved the climb and that’s enough for me.
@Brett
yes mate – the Elvis/JFK was a bit of a giveaway on your somewhat satirical bent. Was only really using it as a connection to let me attempt to share how pissed off I am about clenbutador. Friggin spaniards – they are gonna wreck it for everyone.
@Marcus
In NZ there’s a well-known brand of beer called “Tui”, whose marketing campaign primarily involves large branded billboards featuring a strongly satirical (sorry, Marcus) use of the phrase “Yeah, right”. E.g. “Of course I don’t fancy your girlfriend, Mate” – “Yeah right”.
Driving in this morning I saw a new one:
“One nut, 7 Tours de France, no steriods – Yeah, right”.
Brett, have you been moonlighting as a copywriter?
The Clenbutador scenario brings into sharp contrast the difference in mindeset towards athletes in the last decade. Pantani never tested positive – he just failed a hematocrit test which, at the time, only meant riders were deemed “unfit” to race for medical reasons. It wasn’t a doping charge. Compare that to Contador where he is actively protected by the politicians in his country. Completely different case.
Although, I do think Brett has a bit of a point with the impact Pharmstrong had on him.
@G’phant
No comment…
@G’phant
And I refuse to acknowledge Tui as ‘beer’…
@Brett
It’s as much a beer as a recumdent is a bike…
@Marcus
Can you get a photo of the b-board? Would love to see it. And whereabouts? If in Chch I’ll go looking for it – will make my day to see that one.
@G’phant, @lonewheel
free Symbol Pack to whomever posts a picture of that board. If you already have a symbol pack, we’ll work something else out. Hi resolution photo please. I’ll want to print off a poster size copy.
@lonewheel
Wellington – SH2, half way between Wgtn and Petone (on Western side, facing North – so only see it when driving South).
@frank
Am trying to persuade Tui Breweries that they should send me a proof to post on velominati.com. You don’t ask you don’t get …
@G’phant
Strong work. But a photo of the board will do as well. But, I am happy to see you go for the jugular. As my Oma (that’s Dutch for Grandmother, to all of you whose language sucks) – Merckx bless her soul – used to say, “A ‘No’ you already have. But you can still get a ‘Yes'”. She kicked ass.
Excellent. Thanks
I can see a new headline too…
“SPANISH BEEF SCARE: CONTADOR TESTS POSITIVE FOR BULL SHIT”
@Oli Brooke-White
SO GOOD!! Except, it’s sevens TOURS de France. I’ll take that as evidence that their beer sucks, but I love their Schweddy balls!!