Look Pro: Flandrian Best
To Look Pro is to strive to Look Fantastic and to be at our ease on a bicycle. It is to walk the line between form and function and is based entirely on the premise that the professional peloton is far more experienced in this endeavour than we shall ever be. Their lessons speak through their actions on the bike, serving as a beacon to provide us the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and triumphs. But this is a dangerous game; being a Pro does not mean one Looks Fantastic. Because of the Commutative Property of Looking Pro, Looking Fantastic does not mean you Look Pro. The Pros are our inspiration, but care must be taken to choose your muse wisely.
Looking Pro in good weather is an simple matter; bibs, jersey, (white) socks, shoes, and helmet. Tan your guns, match your kit properly, and get on with it. But when the chill sets in and layers are added, the matter becomes quite complicated quite quickly. Rule #21 and Good Taste dictate that we dress in our Flandrian Best; we don knickers or knee warmers, gillets, arm warmers, Belgian Booties or shoe covers, slip caps beneath our helmets, and hope to encounter some good old-fashioned gritty roads.
The preference for knee warmers over tights distills down to one elemental fact: no matter how one might try to disguise them, tights are simply not an attractive garment. Not on cyclists. Not on skiers. Not on overweight women at the market. Not on fit women at the Yoga studio. Not on runners, not on swimmers. Not in a box, not on a fox.
As is customary, I will leverage the powers of photography to illustrate my point. A casual glance at this particular photo shows a collection of proper hardmen rattling over the muddy cobbles of Omloop Het Nieuwsblad. It is plainly obvious that perennial hardman Tomeke Boonen was suffering from some kind of mental trauma, as he chose to don full tights rather than his usual knee warmers. These actions are not without their consequence, and you can plainly see he is ill at ease and destined to perform below his best for the remainder of the season. Eddy Boasson Hagen, in the blurry distance, suffered a similar fate and it took him until July to recover from his mistake. Boonen wasn’t so lucky, presumably because such an offense holds greater punishment for actual Flandrians as opposed to étrangers.
Then we have the others. Thor Hushovd, Lars Boom, and Philipe Gilbert all have two things in common: they all Look Fantastic, and they’re all dressed in their Flandrian Best. Hushovd has obviously already taken the safety off the howitzers, while Gilbert, if I’m not mistaken, is smirking – apparently at Boonen’s choice. Boom’s face can’t be read, but his posture is that of a Dutchman with intense Belgian aspirations.
When making decisions about how to dress for the cold and wet, keep the following points in mind.
- Layering offers maximum versatility; forgo jackets and tights for the flexibility of arm and knee warmers which can be pulled up or down, and gillets which can be unzipped or doffed and tucked under your pockets. It is also to be noted that your Flandrian Best should always be close-fitting. Belgian Booties and shoe covers are to fit tightly over the shoe; gloves are to be tight and sleek. (Sorry, Lobster claws, despite your utility, there is no place for you in a rider’s Flandrian Best.)
- Knee warmers are employed to keep the knees warm and protected from the cold, while at the same time allowing the shins to breathe like a fine bottle of wine after uncorking the magnums.
- Maintain order; if it’s cold enough for knee warmers, it’s cold enough for arm warmers. First come arm warmers, then knee warmers.
- While cycling caps may be worn in a variety of conditions for a variety of reasons, cotton cycling caps are to be worn under helmets any time the rain falls or knee warmers are deployed for use. In extreme cold conditions, a winter cycling cap may be considered. Skull caps, due in large part to their condom-like appearance, are to be avoided at all costs.
- Tights are to be avoided whenever possible. If, due to some kind of genetic shortcoming, you find that you simply must wear full-length tights, ensure that they are are straight-ankled and not stirrups. (We’re Cyclists, not dancers.)
Another great piece, very amusing!
I may however need to reconsider some of my winter riding attire…..
Uh, Boonen’s a Walloon–not a Flandrian, which is perhaps why it’s OK for him to wear tights.
@Rich
Gilbert is the Walloon – Tomeke is was born in Mol, and lived in Balen, both in North Flanders.
That aside – being a Waloon is no excuse for tights, please note Gilbert in the background.
Sorry Frank but although this site has guided me like a beacon, …
“forgo jackets” – wtf? it’s below freezing and snowing/sleeting over here. All my layers have long sleeves and I’m only trying to figure out how to get more layers on.
“forgo jackets”
nice …
So no rain jackets and/or windstoppers?
“Dutchman with Belgian aspirations”. That is an awesome line, though I would have said “Flemish aspirations”. I HAVE to use that on may Dutch in-laws. Nothing bothers them more than not being able to measure up to the Flemish Hardness Scale (FHS).
Chapeau Frank… apostrophetically perfect I think.
You only lose marks for being semi-American.
Apparently the concept of offence/offense licence/license with one being a noun and the other a verb is too difficult, but that’s not your fault. Carry on…
Why is Gilbert not wearing arm warmers then, Frank? Looks to me like gloves, bare arms and knee warmers.
Dear Mr Gilbert, please “Maintain order; if it’s cold enough for knee warmers, it’s cold enough for arm warmers. First come arm warmers, then knee warmers.” Thank you.
F&*k’ing Boom without gloves. Now THAT’s hardcore!
“while Gilbert, if I’m not mistaken, is smirking – apparently at Boonen’s choice”
Classic!
@al
*sigh*. Have you learned nothing, Pedalwan? Dress however you need to in order to ride. Nevertheless, it’s important to understand when you look good, and when you don’t. Not looking good is no excuse for not riding, but you should at least be aware of it.
First paragraph, last two sentences:
This is an article in the “Look Pro” series, not about riding in snow or sleet. Time to face facts: you will not Look Pro riding in jackets (with the exception of all-black rain capes to be used only in torrential downpours), woolie hats, or Lobster claws. But, you can still look good. If you must wear a jacket, make sure it’s close-fitting, not bulky and loose.
It may also be a good time to remind everyone that Hinault rode in snow and sleet, looked very Pro and Fantastic, and did it without leggings of any kind and just a thick long-sleeve jersey. He also managed this without complaining, I might add.
Everyone’s got “their” weather that they feel escuses them from dressing in a way that looks good or using an EMPS. The PWN and the UK has lots of rain and wind (we ride in the cold and snow as well, by the way), the midwest their sub-zero winter temps, the Southwest their heat. Tell yourself whatever you need to to sleep better at night, but whatever choices you make, none of them are an excuse to look good doing it.
If you need a jacket to get out, fine, put on a jacket. I have a cold-weather Assos airblock jersey I use in extreme conditions, but I’m well aware that it represents a hail-mary to get out on the bike, and that it comes at the expense of Looking Pro.
The point is, don’t wear a jacket when a LS jersey and gillet will do. Don’t wear an LS Jersey when a SS jersey with arm warmers and a vest will do, and so on.
What’s that under Thor’s helmet? looks dangerously like a skull condom to me..
@Greg
I’ll quote again:
Gilbert is a repeat offender. There actually is a pre-race photo of him with arm warmers, so he doffed them. He’s also wearing a skull cap, which is another offense. He also often wears a cap under his helmet with the brim up, a tertiary offense.
@Dashiell
I think it might be. I thought it was a backwards cap (which is also suspect) but I think you might be right. Its better that its white as its less obvious. On the other hand, a skull cap is still just…wrong.
“Not in a box, not on a fox.”
Brilliant, Frank. Made me snicker out loud. However, I must depart with your assertion that tights do not look good on fit women at the yoga studio. Perhaps you need your eyeglasses prescription updated?
I break the arm warmer/knee warmer suggestion all the time unfortunately – my core and upper body are much more sensitive to hot/cold than my lower body, so especially during the spring/fall I will strip off of the arm warmers mid-ride but keep the knee warmers on. Partially because they are a bigger pain in the ass to remove (must actually get off of the bike), but my legs just don’t feel easily overheated like my arms will, and I must admit I like the supportive tight feel of the knee warmers over my legs.
Well done, Fronk. Sometimes I wonder, since Velominati.com is known to the pro peloton whether guys like Boonen read this stuff and bemusedly shake their heads or if they think “I better Rule #5 it and square my shit away.”
By the way, my wife thinks I look pretty sexy in my winter bib tights.
But what does she know?
By the way, the links to pictures in the last paragraph (“straight-ankled” and “stirrups”) do not work?
@Cyclops
Exactly!
I wonder the same thing and, after my comments on here, I was always looking over my shoulder for a one-nutted, epo-denying, better-late-than-never-steroid-exemption producing ego-maniac driving a truck while riding the Austin Cogal a few weeks ago!
@Cyclops
She knew enough to marry a masters cat4 BEFORE he was a masters cat4!
Though the move to Idaho is questionable.
Or do what I do. Wear my summer kit all the time. Actually that not really a good idea. @frank has a much more practical approach.
@mcsqueak
That’s common – just shove the arm warmers down to the wrists and you’re still in compliance. That’s why they’re designed the way they are. No need to take them off completely.
For example:
As for the Yoga thing, a quick Google Image Search (if apprehensive) turned up this evidence. The tights just don’t flatter the legs, while the knickers at the back do.
I wonder if Big George get a discount on Hincapie stuff?
@frank
Ugh, I hate bunched down armwarmers. Hate. I remove them as soon as possible, or hope I get to the top and get cold again so I can push them back up. Dunno why I don’t like them.
This past year I’ve been much more into using a LS base layer under a SS jersey. Not as flexible since it’s harder to remove, but the material is much thinner so my arms don’t overheat as fast and I don’t feel the need to remove them. I’ll use arm warmers on days where I know it’ll get warmer and I’ll want to remove them and pack them away for the rest of the ride.
And touché on your brave Google image search. I had assumed you were also dismissing knick tights as well as the long ones. Yes, the knicks are clearly superior when put in direct comparison to the tights.
He really loves branding his name very largely, looks ridiclous.
I dont golf much and Im pretty bad at it. I was told by a really good golfer that its OK to suck if you can look good doing it, have nice gear and golf quickly not slowing others down. I ride a lot and while I work at it am not that great at it either. So same applies: I can look good doing it, have nice gear and not slow others down. Courtesy and respect both go a long way no matter what your doing.
@Buck Rogers
Yes hardcore. Until youre scraping along riding the pave on your bare palms and knuckles. I guess not wearing gloves says quite loudly how you feel about your bike handling skills.
@frank
You found it then?
@Oli
Ha, actually – no, I didn’t. I did find a few from the same day (Tirreno, evidently) but not the one I was looking for. The quest goes on.
@mcsqueak
Of course Thor looks like a badass, he’s a Viking. Vikings are badasses, period. As far as tights go, I wear them when it’s -5c or colder. Kneewarmers just don’t cut it when it’s colder than that. A. Because they’re not thick enough, B. Because they don’t keep the neighborhood warm for the boys. It may not be pro, but then again I don’t see a lot of pros when it gets that cold.
@Steve Wilson
Roger that, mate. Well put. Or, as @Jarvis says, “I’d rather be crap and look good that be good and look crap. But I try to be both.”
@Dashiell
So it is. Two hardness demerits.
ermmm I think you messed that quote up Frank. ( Isn’t it great how everyone jumps on your shit first chance they get )
I’m pretty lucky since here in So Cal winter gear is a base layer, arm/knee warmers and a gillet. And thats on a really bad day. Anyhow great article. This is what I have been saying of late. Looking good matters and it’s an endless fascinating debate as to what constitues looking good.
Personally I think bunched arm warmers are a disgrace to mankind and a fau pas of epic proportions.
It’s good to be reminded that the Pros don’t always get it right, it makes them more human.
frahnk quoting Dr Seuss’s ‘Fox in Socks’ I like it, shows that some of you Yanx have a sense of humour. However you haven’t mentioned where Van Hooydonck’s come in this wintry post. I agree with Marko, when the Hg drops to zero its tights for me, legwarmers just don’t cut it. Can you do tricks with bricks?
Am I in violation of Rule #21 if I wear a traditional cap the entire season? I’m bald and would like to protect myself from all the elements yet, fear breaking the rules..
Frank, I have a question for you. Little skull caps for the summer with a sweat band built in. Acceptable or no? As one who lives in a hot climate and has a baldy bonce I find them invaluable and they can’t really be seen under the helmet. Of course when I stop the cap is removed immediately with the helmet…I’m not a complete idiot.
@mcsqueak
Agreed. Can’t say I spend much time in a Yoga studio, but this is not only a genuine exception to the tights rule, it should meet with an exception to Rule #22 variants, wherein fit women in Yoga tights can wear them wherever they damn well please.
@frank
I think your reference offense falls into a grey area between pants and tights, those particular leggings do not make a full stop at the ankle, but rather muddy the waters with a flare at the base. A more traditional tighted look may make for a better comparison. That said, I will concede that the knickers look a degree more flattering.
@Frank
Apologies. Apparently my reading skills are not up to par. I shall take great care in future to read and re-read before posting!
great one yet again frank
Its a tough one this time of the year, but hey, thats why we’re here…right. Its raining out, 55* and i can’t wait to get out when i am done here, because this is hot this time of the year here.
Ever since donning the arm warmers and knee warmers, i promise you will never go back. I got the full leggins, but agree, its december, i have rode into the teens to work and not donned the full leggins yet, but will prob in january.
Nothing looks better than armwarmers pulled back to taste, and i may disagree w/mcsqueak here, i love the ability to vary the temp w/the arm warmers.
But, i will also be clear, my current pair of knee warmers are Craft, and i promise, if these fuckers fall down one more time i am throwing them away. Do any of you have the same problem. I has pearl izumis and upgraded to the nordics but these things aren’t worth starting a fire over. Thus, nothing is worse than a pair that are falling down, like your condom analogy, thats a bad bad thing fella’s.
as to paolo, not to speak before frank, but only because i peek in once a day or so, but you ask can you wear a headband in summer. I am glad you take interest in this, because wearing a headband is seriously not PRO. Its akin to walking into your local pub in a blue leisure suit, a nice pot gut, white belt and white suede shoes…you cannot pull it off, so please don’t even try. I sweat enough, that seriously, my ritchey bars last year eroded where the ergo lever clamp clamped, the alloy disolved from 3 years of sweat running down my hands over this sucker, so i sweat, and use no head band. Just used your water bottle, drench yourself every now and then and repeat as needed. Its even better if you pull back to the innocent passer byer, hang onto their mirror and ask for another water bottle in exchange.
@paolo
Cheers Souler….please improve upon your reading skillzzzzz.
So true on so many levels but totally, totally agree on not wearing knee warmers unless wearing arm warmers, it is just how it must be.
Pet hate is triafletes riding on Beach Road in a sleeveless jersey and leg/knee warmers.
I am gathering it is getting cold and wet on your side of the planet, the weather here just gets better and better.
Good article Frank.
@Souleur
I would add that the sweat is not the problem…sunburn in the shape of the vents on my LAS…that’s the problem. That’s why it’s a cap and not a headband. Just happens that they have a little sweatband with a silicon bead built in.
BTW how can you go three years without taking all that stuff apart on your bike form maintenance ?? I need to strip mine down every six months if nothing else to clean the salt out of the headset.
Or triafletes wearing arm warmers and sleeveless jerseys.
@paolo
Although a few Sundays ago here in “sunny SoCal” I set out on my ride at 0700, and the temp was 38 degrees. Yeah, for this part of the country, that’s pretty damn cold.
How does a cotton cycling cap with the brim cut off fit in? They are awesome for sweat retention and dissipation and temperature regulation, plus they are not a skullcap.
At the Lombardia in October…
out of sheer contrariness, gonna argue for tights in the real cold (<5c). if its gonna heat up 10+C during the ride, go use your leg warmers if you must. Gotta say, bought several pairs of canari tights w gel chamois- used both to race cross and recently in that ridiculous long/cold road ride. They wick hard, screen wind fairly well, and take some gravel spills without shredding (if you're not falling you're not going for it).
cotton cap in the real cold? really?
@frank
those tires are horrible in color.
@anotherdownunder
I agree that the arm warmers alone are very non pro. (Or worse, they could be arm compression garments). By way of explanation of the sleeveless-ness, he is wearing a race jersey or a tri-suit. It needs to be sleeveless as it goes under your wetsuit for the swim and after the ride you run in it. Much cooler sleeveless. Not excusing just explaining.
@doubleR
Yep, it’s been the coldest winter in the 15 years I have been here. I’m in the SF Valley, where are you @ ?? Sgt is only 1.5 hrs away in Santa Barbara and there is a chap here called LA Dave who I am guessing is in LA. We may well have a So Cal chapter!!
@girl
Surely Triahtletes are exempt from needing to look “pro” or even just fabulous on a bike on the grounds that, well, they’re Triathletes.