La Vie Velominatus: The Sound of Silence
In most situations, silence is an ominous thing that signals impending doom. Having never been in any danger myself, I base this largely on my experience watching box-office movies. As a general rule, I use Hollywood as the principal source of information on all subjects as they relate to doom and politics, principally because I’m loath to do any “reading” or “research” of my own; the more thinking an actor or actress can do for me, the better. The more glamorous they look, the more trustworthy they are.
For the Cyclist, however, silence signals efficiency. Noise is loss; every creak, squeak, click, clack, groan, moan, or other emanation of sound from our machine or body is energy escaping the system. Energy that we put into the system through hard-fought application of The V. That includes uncontrolled, dog-like panting or wheezing, and the creaking and clicking of body parts, by the way.
Sound is energy carried on waves of vibrating air. Sound escaping our bicycle or body as a consequence of us applying pressure to the pedals is evidence that some portion of our energy is being expended to produce noise instead of moving us forward. This makes noise intolerable and infuriating in equal measure and in extreme circumstances may precipitate a Rule #65-violating Millarcopter. Drivetrain noise means loss with every link of the chain that passes through the derailleur and over a cog. A click in the bottom bracket or a creaking in the cleat signals energy poured into compression of bearings or plastic, not speed. Wheezing or panting indicates air converted from V-giving breath into the useless rattling of a larynx.
Silence the machine, control your breathing into a steady, muscle-fueling source, and maximum V will follow. The mind fixates on noises and is distracted from The Work; it is only through the Principle of Silence that we may find Rule #6.
But riding a quiet bike is far from riding in the silent vacuum that signals impending danger. On the contrary, a silent bike submits us to the genuine beauty of our Sport: the whisper of the wind in our ear, the song of a bird who encourages us along our way, the crisp click of a perfect shift, the rhythmic patter of rain on our helmet, cap, or the tarmac as we carve our path along La Vie Velominatus.
But the most beautiful sound of Cycling has come to me late in my life as a Velominatus. My reluctance to ride sew-ups has for many years denied me the sublime sound of a handmade tubular rolling along the road. This world opened up to me early last year when I finally built a set of Golden Tickets for my introduction to the Hell of the North. This year, almost by accident, I wound up riding my Café Roubaix Arenbergs for all of Keepers Tour 2013, glued to the best set of tires available – the FMB Partis-Roubaix. The amplifying qualities of the deep-section carbon rim allows the supple hum of the handmade tubular to sing like Merckx’s mighty rollers upon the rock of Mount Velomis.
This sound inspires. It is a reason to get out to ride. It is a reason to be a Cyclist. This sound is a reason to live.
Vive la Vie Velominatus.
+1! I love the silence of tubulars on tarmac.
A few weeks ago I had a most embarrassing ride with one of my distributor agents. A quick ride before opening was in order, but as we rolled on some smoother surface with a slight incline, we could both hear a sharp ping out of my ride. He turned to me and said, “that’s not at all confidence inspiring coming out of a pro mechanic’s bike.” Bastard! I was riding a previous generation of my own wheels that had some hubs that I had previously dropped from my testinto due to QC and delivery issues. I have since replaced the wheels with Haleakala wheels. No more pings And back to that glorious hum
*testing. Not testino. Damn hobbit fingers
I’ve always thought that the rhythmic sound of bike wheels rolling across a smooth as glass, quiet country asphalt road, is my favorite part of cycling. I feel sorry for anyone that doesn’t know that sound.
ever tried these ?
#1 and #3 are silent at the moment. Last night I realized #2 needs some TLC. I’ll get on that this week.
I have a pair of Diadoras that are not conforming. Not sure if it’s the cleat, the straps or what. It’s driving me nuts.
@xced
I would fly to Seattle myself and challenge frank to a duel by mini pumps if I ever caught wind of him wearing those.
can’t comment regarding tubulars, but i absolutely agree about the beauty of a silent machine, and enjoying that in itself as well as the sounds of the world around you. part of the joy of riding is in the head-clearing that it affords. you can’t do that with headphones in or a bike clicking or squeaking away at you.
recently, i’ve actually struggled with two annoying silence-robbing sounds: 1) drivetrain noise. i was trying phil’s tenacious oil for a while but found it attracted far too much grit to my drivetrain and also wore off too quickly. i’ve moved on to prolink gold, at a friend’s recommendation. it solves the grit issue quite well, but i find that i’m pulling a good bit of it off when i do a quick post-ride chain wipe. still trying to find a good balance there. and 2) a clicking noise from my CK R45 front hub when i sprint up steep climbs. i’ve narrowed this down to either a bearing pre-load or a skewer-related issue.
hopefully i can get to the root of both of these noises soon and will be back to glorious silence.
Stereo monkey chirping! Wow!
God Damn It! That dutch monkey sound at the end of the clip drove our dog insane.
And god damn it again, carbone aero wheels and tubs, do I have to? Really? OK. If you insist. Will they make me faster? Maybe. Look more ‘core, hell yes. And I get to sniff solvents again. What’s not to love?
@Gianni We all have to!
My ‘fancy’ wheels are giving me goddamn fits right now. Creaking and stuff, annoying the piss out of me. My older, heaver wheels are silent. So hopefully the hub just needs some TLC.
@mcsqueak is there any play in the hubs?
@RedRanger
Oh good, let the obsessing begin…
@xced
They had to find something to do with all the false Wiggo ‘burns now that he’s wimped out of public favour.
@Gianni Im sure dan can help you. or maybe these
Strong work, Frank.
I had a rare outing with my local club last Sunday, got in the wrong group and found myself riding with a bunch of halfwheeling incompetents so to stay safe I spent a most of the ride on the front or at second wheel. On the way back the pace gradually got eased up (not so much to drop anyone but enough that the chattering and moaning stopped). I stopped thinking about the free ride they were getting as we hit a long straight stretch of particularly pristine tarmac and my tubulars began to sing. At that moment in time things could not have been much better.
The sound of silence from my bike, accompanied by bird song, or even better, the sounds of nature in the high mountains accompanied by the rhythmic chatter of my freehub as I descend is an almost blissful state for me. I only truly realised quite what the bike and all it represents and makes possible means when i first experienced that. The bliss being all the more enjoyable because of the release it brings from the grovelling, panting, blaspheming climb that comes before it!
Does one have to adhere to Rule #65 when crushing and crunching the bones of one’s competitors?
@RedRanger
The bit that you screw off to access the inside of the rear hub was lose so I tightened that, no dice. I think I need to take it apart and service it. Never done that before. Scaler gets the pleasure of bailing me out of I can’t put it back together, ha.
@McSqueak. Could be the harbinger of doom. The rear bearings in my blingest set of Fulcrum racing zeros pooped themselves after a mere 9 months of light use and conveniently just out of warranty. Still haven’t fixed them.
Two months later, the rear drop out of beloved bike number 1 cracked in half.
Ouch!
@Joe
Yeah we’ll see. Worst case scenario if it’s beyond a simple fix, the wheel came from Revolution Wheelworks and they charge you a maximum of $180 for a wheel repair/replacement outside of warranty, which seems reasonable to me.
I’m content to ride clinchers, for now, but someday I will make the move to tubulars. Something to dream about for the time being. A wonderful piece to keep me dreamin’, Frank.
I have had lots of problems with my newest wheelset. Thankfully I at least have an idea how to sort out one noise issue. Now I have to figure out why there is a slight “chugging” when I brake. Brake track feels perfectly smooth, wheel is true. Hmm.
Got in 4.5 hours on Saturday. Very nice to be out solo enjoying the wind and the KMs ticking by. Did get caught in three different rain storms, but still had a nice time.
I do enjoy solo rides but I find myself getting a bit “bored” (not the right word, but something like that) between the 3-4 hour mark. With groups I can ride longer and not notice it, but still really haven’t found a group I totally dig riding with. Anyone else love a three hour ride but begin to lose the thrill around four? Could be that I have plenty of work to do and know such long days in the saddle are not good for productive. Also could be that I’ve been riding light and not eating at all. Despite what the Lion says, I think I simply gotta take in some calories when I head out for many hours.
N1 is just starting to give a whisper of chain rattle (factory wax starting to thin out) but yet this is great news because now I get to strip it and sample the delights of last years imported from the ol USofA Dumond Tech!….cue silence…
@TBONE That photo deserves an Anatomy of a Photo article.
The Jazzercise arms from the lady in powder blue slacks.
The little girl’s tornado hair.
Merckx’s hat still facing in the direction of his momentum just before he turned.
@Ron
Dear Ron,
I hear you. Long rides require almost as much metal prep as physical prep.I did 7 hours on Saturday. It was very good and I knew I could do it as I did just over 6 he previous week in much harsher conditions. It’s all in the build-up. As for eating, in the 7 hours I ate two Oatmeal to go bars, four gels and probably about 6 bottles. I should have drunk more. I prep with a big bowl of raw oats, yogurt and raisins. Bland as hell but easy on the stomach and nice slow release of carbs and energy. I eat it about an hour before I ride and don’t go into the pockets until about 25 miles in.
That’s disco corner. The lady in the powder blue slacks had meant to pull her top up but the speed of Merckx caught her out.
@wiscot Lookin for the man with the hammer? Chapeau.
Ringle!!!!
@mcsqueak
Yes. But there’s always beer involved, so it’s all good.
@flaco
@wiscot
I like to ride with nugget potatoes roasted with sea salt, pepper, and olive oil. They’re cheap, easy, hit the gullet and get absorbed instantly. I’ll also bring along some balsamic tomato crackers, a bar, a handful of almonds, and some EPO laced Stinger chews. Mid velo I’ll stop at the always Rule #56 compliant Musette Cafe. They even have menu items for delicate flowers like me with food allergies.
Any ride over 90 minutes or so and you’ll need to eat. If you don’t you’ll blow up and your body will start eating away at muscle. Ever get in the shower apres velo and all you can smell is ammonia? That’s your body eating muscle instead of fat. Eat carbs! If you don’t you’ll run a calorie deficit, get home, and eat All The Things, making you even fatter.
Here’s me wishing there was an easy way to bring sauerkraut on a ride:
(sorry my glasses are askew, this is after climbing 3500m)
Mid velo respite:
Apres velo:
Recommendations for mid-velo full on mini-meal at a cafe or such?
@wiscot
East Maui Loop; 170km, 2200km. Bidons: 2. Food: none. Pace: moderate. Lost one bidon on the bumpy section but did refill the other one once.
That’s training.
@Ron
Everyone gets bored on a long, solo ride. The trick is not minding that it hurts. Training alone is about exploring the darkest corners of yourself. On a 12 hour solo ride, things get very musty in the ol’ mind. Doubt, obsession on the inconsequential, highs, lows. Its a beautiful thing that inspires one to become a better person.
I don’t do those rides solo for the enjoyment of it, I do it because of how I feel afterwards. I do enjoy them, but at this point I can’t separate the reward of having pushed myself to do something like that from the enjoyment of a long day on the bike. A group ride of that length gives you other things, but when you drop the flashlight deep in the pain cave, you would be alone even if you were riding through Times Square.
@mcsqueak
squeekers, my c24 dura ace wheels were chirping a while back.. I was sure it was the bearings, took it to my lbs and they put a dot of tri flow on each spoke where it meets the rim. No more noise. The guy said you always have a problem at the interface of two different materials like metal and carbon. Now I do the same oh every once in a while and the noise has not returned.
@ Frank. I like that…so true about being all alone in the pain cave. I like the fact that my minds wanders on a solo ride but I love that state of meditation on a group ride when following a wheel or going to the front and nobody is talking. Just concentrating on the job in hand and not thinking about anything else. 4 hrs can vanish in no time at all doing that.
@DerHoggz
Breakfast panini with egg/ham/english muffin. Carbs/protein/fat, not sweet, easy to digest. Worked the trick today.
Long solo rides can begin to feel like you’ve been dropped and no one gives a shit. Then you dwell on every negative aspect of your existence and consider chucking this stupid fucking sport of all suffering, and for what? Super cathartic to let that stuff percolate out of your psyche so you have room for more positive stuff to flood in.
Unless your squeak suddenly turns into an exploded bottom bracket, as happened on my old Bianchi, after which anger and resignation get to hang out for a while. At least you’re the only one truly inconvenienced, a minor blessing.
@paolo
Absolutely right, matey. Silently suffering together, it is a beautiful thing.
The fact is, Cycling is beautiful in all its forms, except recumbentism.
@mcsqueak
Check the spokes, as @paolo suggests, but also the skewers and the spacers between cogs, though those generally seem to emanate as creaks more than clicks. The skewers are a deadly thing as well; they can really creak, especially after a rainy winter. Take them apart, and grease them before any further panicking.
Oh, and axels should have a little play in them – you don’t want them perfectly tight.
@frank
A few year back I did a group charity ride – 1000km’s over 5.5 days at ave 30 kmph – about 36 riders. My most memorable moment from that ride was the sound of the collective wheels – a dull roar really – no one talking, just “silently suffering together”, but remembering that rumble coming from the group still sends a shiver through me. Great article!
I tried to relate that
@frank
Yep, all of that and this:
I had a creaky front end on the CX bike for ages. Caused me to pull down and regrease the headset twice in 3 weeks. (Forgot I’d done it the first time. i’m a bit dim)
Found a sand grain in the QR interface that once cleaned out seemed to do the trick. 2 days later, the sound was back.
Turns out that i had some water get into the bearing outer surface. There was a bit of corrosion on the outer side of the bearing race where it sat in the aluminium hub shell. Once I gave it a bit of a buff with a scotchbrite pad and greased the bejesus out of it, it’s been silent ever since.
Good Luck!
@Chris
No way is she going to be able to pull that top up. It’s all pretty packed in there and those pants aren’t going to let go of the hem without a fight.
Alright people. The problem with McSqueaks whip is not his “skewers” nor his headset. I won’t bore you with the reasons I know this, but do you really think I’d let my pedalwan tear apart his rear hub without a bit of inspection? It’s in the hub. Really.
That’s what she said. Or was it a he?
@scaler911
mavics by any chance? Just curious.
@TBONE On what distance/time rides would you consume all that ? Seems quite a lot.
@Ron Certainly on long solo rides it is hard to maintain concentration – the mind wanders and I have had a couple of times when I’ve suddenly found myself about to ride into sand, or into the middle of a road. Eating helps maintain concentration, just with a bit of variance if nothing else.
For an up to 4 hour ride I would have:
Before – a banana smoothie (with soy milk and a weetabix thrown in)
During – water and energy drink, a couple of dried figs
Halfway – a date-filled biscuit (or an oat bar/flapjack)
After – immediately, a bowl of cereal if at home, or if out I will pack some wraps with rice and sweet potato.
I’m less worried about my body consuming muscle during a ride – I train to avoid that. More concerned with replenishing glycogen afterwards.
Over 4 hours I would eat more regularly, but a little bite every 45-60 mins – no more than a mouthful. Home made rice cakes or flapjack squares and figs or dates. The roast potatoes sound nice.
@frank
I see another big volcano to the NW on that island……so, you weren’t tempted to tag it on to the end for shits and giggles?
@ChrisO
What helped to finish me off at the end of me and @upthetrossachs big 360km London to York day out (ably supported by @mrsEngine) was that after about 12 hours I couldn’t eat without nausea – wasn’t cramping or anything so I was well hydrated but I just couldn’t eat anything. If I took a little recovery time I could get back to some sort of speed but it was difficult to sustain. I also noticed that I was finding it impossible to get my heart rate up to what I’d consider normal for a ride.
Training had been disrupted in the run up by having a couple of colds so I wasn’t on my best form but nevertheless I’d like to finish the ride next year (that’ll be another 360kms the following day then) and eating is challenge I need to overcome otherwise the experience will be disappointing again.Obviously I’d like to hear from anyone who’s had the same problem and solved it.
Thus far next year’s planning consists of remembering to enter, being a bit more organised in travel to the start, sleep, kit checking and losing half our body weights.
By the way – when the Strava map shows an entire country to get your ride in – you know you’ve gone a long way.
@G’rilla @T-Bone I agree, it is an awesome photo.
It’s the girl’s hair and her expression that make it for me – she is trying to resist being sucked into the V-ortex of Merckx’s slipstream.
You can see that the smaller child behind was also being pulled in but has been grabbed by an adult, who presumably had taken the precaution of tying himself to a tree, just out of shot.
As for the woman, she’s well fit, with signs of nicely developed guns. It is in fact Marianne Vos’s grandmother, and a genetic fusion has occurred spontaneously as drops of Merckx’s sweat found their way into those delightfully clinging slacks. But as we saw with Axel, even Merckx’s DNA doesn’t work fully in the next generation.
I find that some freehubs are obnoxiously loud and ratchety sounding, while performing as designed, while others (thankfully mine) are virtually silent. I would think that loud freehubs would be avoided by Velominati.
As for the pic with that snugly clad woman, the seemingly unfortunate birth defect that precluded the young man having arms, likely saved his sister from getting pushed in front of the bike.