Riding Ugly: The Spider

Too low and too short. Photo: Montreal Gazette
Too low and too short. Photo: Montreal Gazette

There are lots of things to like about Vroomie Froomie, like his willingness to accept the fact that people are inclined to question his performances. Aside from me resenting him for leading a Tour which everyday becomes a little less exciting, he seems quite a likable guy; he is polite, respectful of the sport, wears team-issue bibs with his yellow jersey, his bike is only subtly yellow’d out, and he hasn’t publicly called anyone a c*nt that I’m aware of. That last point alone represents a refreshing change from last year.

When KRX10 and I worked together during the Dot-Bomb, we used to keep a miniature bike in our office, which we would use to do 6-corner time-trials around the office floor. I’m assuming someone must have made videos of those races and that they must have gone viral in Kenya, because it appears Froome modeled his position after ours on those tiny bikes.

I haven’t seen anyone ride in a position like his since Sean Kelly, except Sean always Looked Fantastic. His saddle is too low, his reach is too short, his back is too hunched, and his heels and elbows are pointed out like he’s trying to stomp on a Smurf. And, from the looks of his shoes, it appears he has been successful. I would very much appreciate it if he would sort himself out and attain a more pleasant position on the bike. I don’t care that he can make it go like a nutter; it’s an affront to my sense of aesthetics to see him hunched up like a spider humping a lightbulb.

And everyone knows that Science has proven spiders to be icky on account of having too many appendages.

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191 Replies to “Riding Ugly: The Spider”

  1. I haven’t watched much of this year’s Tour as I have been away on weekends and trying to actually ride my new bike.  I tried to watch yesterday’s stage and Froome’s style on the bike made me want to put my eyes out with a minipump.

  2. Froome should ride your bike, that would help.

    He has the rib cage of a high altitude sherpa, arms of a person who never uses them and long skinny legs. It is another good thing about cycling, the bike is the great equalizer of body types. It doesn’t matter your body type; if you can go bat-shiet fast, you are winning. He is built like a tall climber yet he can time trial like Tony Martin, almost. Thank god he can’t sprint.

  3. It does look strange — yes. And he went against the grain of Eddy’s advice — “no need to attack on Ventoux…” and did it on a clown-size frame.

  4. I can only say that I doubt his bike set up is wrong for him given the undoubted wealth hat Sky can throw at the ‘fit specialists’.  Just like me, ( but me not like him…..) his frame is rather ungainly for the pure esthete!!

  5. Yet you chose a picture of him looking relatively normal.

    Unlike…

    or perhaps…

    or the comparatively awkward…

    All images stolen. No rights reserved.

  6. If it’s not broken don’t fix it.

    Froome might look like a slinky on the bike but a slinky is still a coiled spring.

  7. Thank you for pointing out the class he has by staying with the team bibs and yellow jersey as to not look like a d bag (i.e. P.Rolland).  His “style” may be horrid but he’s at least got some class.

  8. Good call on Froome not being too pimped out in yellow everything. I see he is wearing Sidi’s, as opposed to Wiggins’ Bont’s last year.

  9. @Nate I caught the very end of stage 15 yesterday. I didn’t really notice anything about his riding position or style. What I noticed was the way he – in the last minutes of the climb – turned up the V and went into spin-mode to the finish. I would have been dying by that point. (Granted, my too fat to climb ass wouldn’t have been able to do that stage in anything less than 8.5 hours…)

    But judging by the photos that @Erik just posted, Froome-froome is definitely not utilizing the v-locus, but does it really matter? The guy is being a full-on monster this year.

  10. As humans, we are all different. So he looks different from the “regular” rider and maybe taking a different approach, but so what. Is he doing what he wants and well on his way to reaching his goal?

  11. Crap, I mean V-lotus. *sigh* I’m so out of touch it’s not even funny. I’m destined to be 100% fail for Saturday’s cogal.

  12. Saddle too low – I noticed this on the ITT stage.  He still has quite a bend in his knees at BDC – but he is consistent on his regular and TT bikes, so I can’t figure that out, either.   One half of P2 even said as much in yesterday’s commentary right after he pulled away from Quintana.  One has to assume that he’s tried different positions and this is his most efficient, but, strange, in general.

  13. @Ron

    As humans, we are all different. So he looks different from the “regular” rider and maybe taking a different approach, but so what. Is he doing what he wants and well on his way to reaching his goal?

    Oh god, some sort of hippy spouting body image shite. Next you’ll be telling me that people are likely to get anorexic if you call them fat.

    Looking good is the be all and end all of cycling. We don’t particularly care how quick someone is along as the aesthetics are dialled. The same cannot be said of riding balls out quick without having your shit squared away.

    If the aesthetics of it all aren’t the most important thing, you’re effectively green lighting beards, spd sandals and helmet, mounted mirrors.

  14. Though I never wanted to say this about any man — “He does look pretty good from the back.”

  15. So far the most accurate description of Froome’s riding position I’ve heard is that he looks like an old lady pushing a shopping cart with a mobile phone tucked between her ear and shoulder – but a spider humping a light bulb is pretty good as well.

  16. Froome also drops his right shoulder when he’s giving his all on the uphill. I’ve noticed that I do the same when I am struggling.

  17. @Ron

    As humans, we are all different. So he looks different from the “regular” rider and maybe taking a different approach, but so what. Is he doing what he wants and well on his way to reaching his goal?

    I’m more disturbed at the fact that it seems we now have two Rons…I thought usernames/handles were unique, are they not?  I can’t imagine the Ron I know saying such a thing.  Performance certainly matters, but no moreso than Looking Fantastic.

     

  18. @Xyverz He clearly has more V than anyone this year you are right about that.  The photos don’t quite capture the ungainliness.  I just went and looked at a couple of Youtube videos of the riding and he didn’t look so terrible when he attacked Contador.  Ungainly but not terrible.  I think my impression is based more on how he looked before the attack, riding in the small group.

  19. @Xyverz

    But judging by the photos that @Erik just posted, Froome-froome is definitely not utilizing The V-locus, but does it really matter? The guy is being a full-on monster this year.

    Does it really matter? DOES IT REALLY MATTER?

    Have you forgotten where you are? This is Velominati. This is what we do, for fucks sake. The fact that he’s going batshit fast only makes his unappealing position marginally less offensive.

    Like @Jarvis said many moons ago, the goal is looking good and going fast, but if I have to choose one, I’ll choose looking good every time.

    @Martin james

    @JohnB

    @Ron

    @Stefan

    That goes for you, too.

    you care too much.

    Does not compute.

  20. @VeloVita

    @Ron

    As humans, we are all different. So he looks different from the “regular” rider and maybe taking a different approach, but so what. Is he doing what he wants and well on his way to reaching his goal?

    I’m more disturbed at the fact that it seems we now have two Rons…I thought usernames/handles were unique, are they not? I can’t imagine the Ron I know saying such a thing. Performance certainly matters, but no moreso than Looking Fantastic.

    It’s a “WordPress” login thing. They don’t discriminate unique usernames. I’ve learned a lot about WP since running our team website, and countless emails to @Frank (who’s help has been invaluable, as I’m code illiterate). The @Ron ^^ up here isn’t “our” Ron fo sho.

  21. @VeloVita

    @Ron

    As humans, we are all different. So he looks different from the “regular” rider and maybe taking a different approach, but so what. Is he doing what he wants and well on his way to reaching his goal?

    I’m more disturbed at the fact that it seems we now have two Rons…I thought usernames/handles were unique, are they not? I can’t imagine the Ron I know saying such a thing. Performance certainly matters, but no moreso than Looking Fantastic.

    Only if they register. Guests are only unique by email addy. Embrace the chaos!

  22. @cantona

    Ugliest riding style since Cadel “I stole a kids BMX” Evans

    Cuddles rides like he’s trying to crush his bike to deal out of spite.

    Paradoxically, he looks stunning on a TT bike.

  23. Oh come on! He’s in yellow, he’s gained a minute and a half on his rivals, and he attacks the only man left standing to win the stage by thirty seconds. The Ventoux on the hundredth tour. What does he have to do to impress lesser cyclists. I despair…

  24. @Oldnslowly

    Oh come on! He’s in yellow, he’s gained a minute and a half on his rivals, and he attacks the only man left standing to win the stage by thirty seconds. The Ventoux on the hundredth tour. What does he have to do to impress lesser cyclists. I despair…

    Not sure about lesser cyclist but for Velominati he needs to look fuck’in FANTASTIC while doing it.

  25. Watching yesterday’s highlights again and I think the “problem” is his compact bars. For a guy with such long arms, when he gets out of the saddle, it looks like he’s still on the tops, which looks horrendous.

    Comparing the pic above with this one from the 2010 Giro, he seems to have reduced his reach considerably:

    Here’s last year’s Vuelta:

    …where he seems to have the reduced reach. I can’t find a comparable angle from the 2011 Vuelta, but he seems a bit more stretched out there, too.

    So, I wonder:

    1. What prompted the change in set-up at Team Sky? It looks very wrong, but it’s clearly working.

    2. An injury and this mitigates the discomfort?

    3. I’d also like to know what gearing he was using yesterday. Sean Kelly seemed to indicate that the peloton would likely be riding 39×23/25, but the speed of Froome’s acceleration has me wondering if he had smaller gearing, too.

  26. I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I didn’t like skinny little Mexicans that casually chat next to me as they climb in their big ring whilst I’m at redline in a 50-28.  One of the things that makes riding with my friend Abel tolerable is the realization that though I am taller than him, when our bikes are side by side, my handlebars are quite a bit lower than his.

  27. Froome’s style problems also include the fact that he looks like a reptile.  Certainly he’s mostly humanoid in form, but if you look at his face it’s impossible not to picture him snapping up any flies unfortunate enough to pass by while he’s on the podium.  I expect that he would have made quick work of the legions of butterflies that must have been perched on Grimpito’s spokes when he finally reached the finish on Sunday.

  28. @frank

    @cantona

    Ugliest riding style since Cadel “I stole a kids BMX” Evans

    Cuddles rides like he’s trying to crush his bike to deal out of spite.

    Paradoxically, he looks stunning on a TT bike.

    Don’t you mean that his TT bike looks stunning until he gets on it?  I know it is an optical illusion of sorts, but his knees are literally lifting over his elbows.  It may very well be a fast position, but I see nothing redeeming about the look.

  29. @Steampunk

    Watching yesterday’s highlights again and I think the “problem” is his compact bars. For a guy with such long arms, when he gets out of the saddle, it looks like he’s still on the tops, which looks horrendous.

    Comparing the pic above with this one from the 2010 Giro, he seems to have reduced his reach considerably:

    Here’s last year’s Vuelta:

    …where he seems to have the reduced reach. I can’t find a comparable angle from the 2011 Vuelta, but he seems a bit more stretched out there, too.

    So, I wonder:

    1. What prompted the change in set-up at Team Sky? It looks very wrong, but it’s clearly working.

    2. An injury and this mitigates the discomfort?

    3. I’d also like to know what gearing he was using yesterday. Sean Kelly seemed to indicate that the peloton would likely be riding 39×23/25, but the speed of Froome’s acceleration has me wondering if he had smaller gearing, too.

    Are you sure that change in reach is not his position on the saddle, in one shot he is on the rivet, in the other he is looking more comfortable?

  30. Riding Beautifully: Liz Hatch

    The pictorail definition of training properly?

  31. Like almost all Euro-Pros over 5’10”, he’s on a too small frame. Bring back the custom bikes!

  32. @Erik

    All equally horrible, but non work with the smurf joke, and that’s not a joke you can play very often when writing about Cycling.

    @Chris

    It might be a little harsh, but all I see is this:

    I see Arachnis Deathicus.

  33. @Steampunk

    I would take Kelly’s word for it; at the speeds they’re going (18-24kph range, I’m guessing) they wouldn’t need anything lower to accelerate sharply like that.

  34. @JCM

    Froome’s style problems also include the fact that he looks like a reptile. Certainly he’s mostly humanoid in form, but if you look at his face it’s impossible not to picture him snapping up any flies unfortunate enough to pass by while he’s on the podium. I expect that he would have made quick work of the legions of butterflies that must have been perched on Grimpito’s spokes when he finally reached the finish on Sunday.

    IPA snorted. Strong work.

    Another thing I forgot to mention is his too-long and uneven shorts. Seriously, is one longer than the other? Methinks so.

  35. @JCM

    Froome’s style problems also include the fact that he looks like a reptile. Certainly he’s mostly humanoid in form, but if you look at his face it’s impossible not to picture him snapping up any flies unfortunate enough to pass by while he’s on the podium. I expect that he would have made quick work of the legions of butterflies that must have been perched on Grimpito’s spokes when he finally reached the finish on Sunday.

    Yes! That is it exactly. A big long tongue…zaaaap, nailed that fly on Hinault’s forehead. And a Grimpito slam in the same post. Well done.

  36. @Bianchi Denti

    Of all the Liz Hatch pics on the net (and i am pretty sure we have seen them all – twice), you went with that one?  You can do better.

    And I can do worse. You want an offensive photo of a tall skinny climber who could TT (he could for one Tour anyway)?

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