The Elements
Water is an asshole, at least when it comes to bicycles. So is wind, now that I think of it; I don’t love it, unless its at my back, but that rarely seems to happen even on out-and-back routes. Fire’s not winning any prizes either, unless you’re talking about the hunk-a-hunka burnin’ V. Even le soleil isn’t scoring points for either the bike or the rider, unless given in carefully-controlled amounts, a fact which has large portions of the Pacific Northwest – perhaps the gloomiest place on Earth – buying up more high-SPF sunscreen and sunglasses per capita than any other place in the civilized world.
In other words, Nature’s a bit of a beyotch.
As far as our bikes go, water seems to be the biggest of these opponents. When I rode the 7-hour Heck of the North over clay-gravel roads in wind and rain; the wind was unpleasant but it left no indelible mark on me, apart from some sore muscles. The rain, on the other hand, combined with the clay from the roads to form a slurry that destroyed every bearing in my bike save one – not to mention the quarter cup of slurry that found its way into my chamois. The replacement bearings took a few weeks to source and install; the damage from the sandy chammy took over a month to heal. Water – and the additional wear it imposes on the machine (and sometimes our bodies), is not to be under estimated.
Water also introduces direct challenges while riding, the nuances of which can be explored while climbing or cornering by means of spinning out and crashing, respectively. Things get particularly interesting right around the freezing point, where the laws of physics governing cornering take on The Price is Right rules.
I have long espoused the merits of riding in bad weather; it removes the seductive qualities of riding a bike that see the weekend warriors flocking to the sport in droves during the summer months. In bad weather, the simple act of going out is already enough to make you feel the strength of your resolve as a Cyclist. But the fundamental pleasure of riding remains the same, with the added bonus of the clothing we wear making us look like the hardmen from Belgium and the dripping of water from our cycling caps serving as a metronome as we tap out our lonely path towards Mount Velomis.
We don’t ride because we love tree-lined boulevards and sunny afternoons; we ride because we love testing ourselves against our minds and the elements. There is a simple pleasure to be found in enduring a challenge; to learn to face hardship with a welcoming smile is a gift that riding a bicycle uniquely helps us discover.
@titirangisi
Bollocks then! That’s funny. I haven’t been to England in much too long. Must go back. Drink good ales.
@PeakInTwoYears
we all know that’s just silly. maybe belgians can suggest that, and it would be verbal jousting between equals over style points and history. this, well, embarrassed I even bothered to address it. Oh, and we actually get to ride in the sun a couple months a year…
@scaler911
Especially where I ride, I can usually find a route that is pretty well sheltered from the wind, and thank fuck for that; I hates me some wind.
We appear to be looking down the business end of just that later this week.
The other thing not mentioned is that the coldest you will ever be is riding at ~32-33 degrees in the rain. The water is as cold as it can get, and it soaks everything. Colder than that and you’ve got snow and it doesn’t soak you.
But then a nice long hot shower or bath is about the nicest experience you’ll have after you get home.
@titirangisi
This is why I invent my own sayings, like “the cats cock”. It doesn’t make any more sense, but at least no one can claim I’m using it incorrectly.
@Chris
You have obviously never been to the PNW. The beer here kills anything you can find outside Belgium, and you can find all the beer from Belgium here – including fucking Malteni.
In other words: get fucked.
@sthilzy
When its really raining, I’ll drop whatever I’m doing (if at all possible) and make sure I get out in it. So much fun.
@Gianni
I remember the rainy rides in Maui with you – it blew my tiny little mind that the rain was warm. It was like taking a hot shower.
@frank
That about covers it.
@scaler911
I might add that there are a metric shitton of fine craft breweries, all (if they want to stay open) with at least one or two ales that are either “great” or “fantastic”. So many, I may never get to them all, and believe me, I’ve been trying.
Anyone else feel just completely cold for hours after some rides? Not a real tangible cold, but a deep-seated sort. Sometimes I just kind of have to build myself a nest and hibernate for a good minute.
@scaler911
The only standard worth anything is Rochefort 10.
Missing from this discussion is embrocation. Every cyclist should use embrocation at least once (since the hardmen of days gone by all did).
I find it to make cold, wet, muddy CX races just right, including the car ride home afterwards (when I would otherwise be shivering all the way home). I can go without knee warmers for the duration of the race if I spread a bit of embro on 45 minutes before the race.
The only one I’ve tried is Rapha, but it works well enough that I haven’t needed to try any others. Just be aware of the sting of shower water hitting the legs and reactivating it (if you shower before the chemicals have run their course…usually 3-4 hours after initial application).
@DerHoggz
Rochefort 10. Good. It is going on the annual bonfire list of beers. I may need extra time to order it ??
@G’rilla
Chemicals? Reactions? Okay!
I do, I really do, like deciding to plan to commit to a gruppo that agreed to go whether it is cold or not. Almost always it is only two out of the regular gruppo. Even better.
@G’rilla
I have only used Mad Alchemy Russian Tea, very good stuff. My knee warmers are pretty much infused with the stuff, the first time I realized this was jumping in the shower and getting that burn without having put any on.
@unversio
Distribution
There is some company that will direct export from Belgium.
@frank
I always repeat Peter Van Petegem’s words, “this weather is good for us”, as it starts to rain on a ride out here. @mauibike and I can embrace the rain and go a little harder knowing it will keep us cooler. Yeah, Rule #9 is more difficult to define in Hawaii but like ChrisO points out, riding in really hot weather falls under #9 too, I hope.
@The Pressure
I can endure cold, I even like riding in rain, but put the two together and I am a miserable, but I still ride, very unhappily.
@Gianni
Yeah, the rain there is warm, but your sharks are biting our feet off and killing us Washingtonians. Your shark attacks this year are up 300% over the 20-year average? WTF? Were your sharks supposed to get an email or something? This metric is going in the wrong direction.
@scaler911
Dude. And in weird-ass, campy little Poulsbo? Three good breweries? Who the fuck knew? It’s endless in this part of the world.
@DerHoggz
I use the Rapha winter embrocation also.
Point to note however is the little tin the embrocation comes in is exactly the same as their chamois cream, which I also use.
Now, you dont have to be a rocket scientist to figure out things can go awfully wrong at 5am when trying to stumble around on a cold winters morning and pick up the wrong tin first !!
The Rapha stuff has patchouli in it and therefore smells like hippy chicks. This perhaps explains the affinity our PNW brethren have for it.
I have tried several flavors of the Mad Alchemy stuff, and am excited that embro season is back.
Frank’s last paragraph nails it. The challenge and the reward of battling the elements. Getting caught in a New England change of weather and getting cold AND wet, feels great afterward that I met the challenge. But I hate cold hands when the temp’s below 25F (am I supposed to say -4C?). They hurt on the way to getting numb, and hurt like hell warming up post ride. Fucking hate it. But still, I ride.
Embro? I make my my own. Pretty simple mix of Bag Balm, olive oil, clove oil, and extra hot Tiger Balm. The Bag Balm keeps it “thick” and not oily while providing a coat that acts like a base layer. The clove and Tiger Balm provides the “heat”. Been thinking about experimenting with some of the Thai peppers I grew this year. Not too many since I prefer to eat them.
@Steve-o
The hand thing is my beef too. Being out on a ride and your fingers won’t perform a shift anymore. Or brake. You have to use your wrist with your hand flexed to stop which isn’t great on a 9% descent.
And before any of you asshats (fine gentlemen) start telling me about Lobster Claws, ya, they’re fine when it’s just cold, but they get wet too. I’ve found that glacier gloves are the bomb. Fends off the cold for hrs, even when wet. They’re a bit bulky, and stink to high heaven after a few rides, but that’s a fine trade for not frozen hands. They don’t keep the fingers “toasty” in 1-2C and pouring, but way better than any other glove I’ve tried (including full on ski gloves).
@Barracuda
I got embro on my sunnies and bidons prior to one race, it was not enjoyable.
@scaler911
Trying to trim the front derailleur with frozen hands when you have to stare at the lever or derailleur because you can’t feel actually feel anything is pretty common for me. The feeling of hands and feet thawing is excruciating, feels like your bones are trying to grow through your fingers and toes. I find a more gradual warm-up works better then jumping straight into a hot shower. I usually spend several minutes curled up on the floor in a fetal position with my hands smashed behind my knees crafting monologues of obscenities. It seems to work.
@PeakInTwoYears
Hawaiian sharks are pussies – come down to Australia, particularly Western Australia, if you want good weather and fatal shark attacks. And shit beer.
@Marcus
Hmmm. Can I order à la carte?
@Marcus
Finally the turtle shows his head around here again.
Let me make sure I’ve got this right.
Hawaiian sharks:
Western Australian Sharks (also a common household pet)
@DerHoggz
Yes. Yes yes yes. Cherish those times. I’ve tried long hot showers, long hot baths, down jackets…nothing works except a bunch of embrocation to the crotch to stop the shivering.
@unversio
I can buy the 6, 8, and 10 at the local grocery market up the street. You are not living in the right town if you need to order it.
@scaler911
I’ve had no luck with Neoprene because I sweat from the inside and get just as cold. Thick wool gloves are good, or windproof.
But yeah – I’ve had to shift using my palm because my hands were so cold. The best I’ve found is a good thick winter cycling cap and that oddly keeps the warm in enough to keep the hands warmish.
@DerHoggz
That’s like chopping chili peppers right before having some alone time.
@Marcus
Our sharks are doing pretty well for being pussies. Killing and biting, a lot.
It’s taken all the fun out of swimming offshore with meat flippers. Luckily, our beer is good.
@frank
I have some Glacier Gloves, and they rock for splashing around in North Pacific seawater in winter, but I find them too schweddy* on a bike, even though I used to get the screaming barfies when I’d try to rockclimb in merely chilly damp weather.
*
@scaler911
DIY embro? What could be more Portlandia? Have you moved across the river?
@RedRanger
+1 on my part. First ride with arm-warmers always brings joy to my heart. If I have to break out the raincoat, I’m downright giddy.
@Gianni
Wiki tells me there have been 9 fatal shark attacks in history in Hawaii (which I found surprising). Australia has 219. Next closest is the whole of Africa with 89.
Grow some balls Gianni
@Marcus
Is this really a reflection on the appetites Hawaiian & Australian sharks and the perils of swimming there or more likely a result of the intelligence of the respective populations?
@frank
Defeet’s woolly gloves are awesome. I went through a stack of other winter gloves but ended up giving most of them away. Warm, wet, breathing hands are fine but warm, sweaty, stewed hand, no thanks.
@frank You’ve obviously spent little time drinking ale in the UK and what time you might have spent must have been in the wrong places. Most ‘mericans make that mistake.
Belgian beer is pretty easy to come by here as well and doesn’t come with a premium as we’re not that far from the source.
My local purveyor of fine booze stocks Rochefort 10 so it’s highly likely that I will get fucked at some point in the lead up to Christmas.
@Chris “My local purveyor of fine booze stocks Rochefort 10 so it’s highly likely that I will get fucked at some point in the lead up to Christmas.”
Rohypnol’s probably easier to come by stateside if that’s what you’re hoping to achieve
@ped I wasn’t suggesting that the Rochefort be supplied to others a beer goggles or social lubricant. A word can have more than one meaning.
@Chris of course, far too much time on my hands today, I’ll go do your quiz
@Gianni
What are the relative populations?
Gotta be honest but Australians are probably a lot more appetising to a shark that Hawaiians. I’m gonna expect that Hawaiians are generally a lot better in the water than your average fat fucker lolling around on an Aussie beach before waddling into the water, having marinaded themselves for a lifetime with bacon and chips.
@minion
Don’t the Hawaiins have a propensity for obesity as well? I thought the difference was bacon & pineapple v bacon & chips.
@Chris
They’re great, just too thin so the wind goes right through them.
@frank
They work for Tom, so make them work for you:
Seriously, though: Neoprene works by trapping moisture inside. If you wear Neo only after you’ve started cooling down, you only trap your cold fingers inside – in cold weather they don’t get enough circulation to then reheat. Try wearing Neo gloves (on bare skin) right as you head out the door on a cold day – if you start the ride with hot fingers, it should form the right sweat-barrier to keep you warm. Incidentally, that’s why triathletes and surfers pee in their wetsuits (or the more civilized option of stepping into a warm shower pre-swim, or scooping some lakewater by your neck) – warm moisture that helps it insulate.
I’ve ridden Assos’ rainGlove and Castelli’s Diluvio in hail and low single-digit temps and retained mobility and a bit of feel in my fingers – more than any other glove I’ve tried.
@DerHoggz
Winter reminds us to ride Sur La Plaque at all times…shifting is unnecessary. I also suggest riding sans hands while keeping one’s arms neatly folded – it will warm your hands up in no time. Note that this maneuver must be performed with strict adherence to Rule #80.
@Chris
Sharks here in Aus usually prefer stringy surfers or divers. One poor diver recently had his second attack And got bitten in the head.
@frank
I must be thinking of some other Trappist Ale…