Archive | April, 2014

Minnie Phinney takes a swig. Photo: Pedale.Forchetta

Look Pro: Drink Properly

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Riding a bicycle involves much more than just pushing the pedals around in a perfect sweep of muscular elegance while Looking Fantastic at all times. There are all sorts of soft skills involved like learning to shift properly, learning to corner properly, learning to crash properly, learning to criticize a fellow rider’s puncture-repair technique, learning to chide a struggling…

Hinault explores the second of the Fundamental Fives: technical skill.

Convergence of the Two Fives

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Physics tells us that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. The conservation law extend beyond the physical world and into mystical where the V and Anti-V are also in a constant fight for balance. The Ancients on Mount Velomis understood this well, and taught that the Anti-V expresses itself within the universe as two…

Liège-Bastogne-Liège Battle. photo THIERRY ROGE

Anatomy of a Photo: The Look 2003

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If Lance won seven Tours then maybe Tyler Hamilton did win a Monument after all, or not. Finally Hamilton had a chance to measure up to Armstrong in a big one day race. That alone must have felt good; riding against him instead of for him. Johann versus Bjarne, Lance versus Tyler, this was a…

The Best Tool for the Job

Rule #94 and The Evolution of the Pedal Wrench

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Given the fact that everyone over-tightens their pedals to the crank arms, one needs a long lever to get too much torque. Rule #94 decrees using the correct tool and using it correctly. While the proper tool has always been available, it is up to us to evolve, to understand the difference between right and…

Roche and Criquielion

Velominati Super Prestige: Liége-Bastogne-Liége 2014

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The 100th running of Liége-Bastogne-Liége takes place this Sunday. Danny-boy Martin will be marked heavily as the defending champion. Malmerde, and Phil Gil have shown they are peaking too. Froomy has thrown his hat into the ring, as he did last year but after last years 26th place, maybe it’s training. 263 kms, past winners include…

The Prophet hands down the New V-Estament

Book Release: Events and New Rules

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The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path, not the end. In pursuit of La Vie Velominatus, we know of no end to the Path; each of us journey through an endless evolution of understanding and reverence. As such, The Word continues to be handed down from high upon Mount Velominis and The Rules…

Photo: sjaradona via

Velominati Super Prestige: La Fleche Wallone 2014

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Midweek in Belgium in Spring is a wonderful thing. Hordes of people come from seemingly nowhere to fill the bars and line the roadsides when presumably they’d usually be working, or at school, or some such. That the only ones who appear to be working are the bartenders and frites dispensers reinforces my belief that…


Velominati Super Prestige: La Fleche Wallone Feminine 2014

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Wednesday sees the return of the women to the VSP. More notably, we see the return of Marianne Vos to the road. She’s won this race five of the last seven years. It makes me wonder if the rest of the field have already resigned themselves to racing for second. On the other hand, Vos…

Sean Kelly in his home Tour

Guest Article: On Suffering

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What, another guest post? Seemingly yes, but in fact we are keeping to our every-other Friday guest post schedule. We must Keep The Schedule! @Harminator’s post about pigs was the little seen “pop-up” article; a confluence of Paris-Roubaix, Orchies pigs and Jupiler beer. These things go very bad, very fast if not served quickly. @Ccos…

Jan Raas, 5 time winner, not drinking Amstel Gold. photo-Peters, Hans / Anefo

Velominati Super Prestige: Amstel Gold Race 2014

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The Amstel Gold Race, 251 km from Maastricht to Valkenburg, the hard way. There appears to be no flat sections longer than ten meters. There are thirty-four mean little climbs to ruin the legs. We have moved on from the real Spring Classics. There is no rest in this VSP; The Ronde and Roubaix were…

Winner on the road, loser in the mirror. Photo: Gian Mattia D'Alberto

The Mirror

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Have you ever been told to take a good look at yourself? Usually it infers that you need to smarten up your ideas, get your shit together, shape up or ship out. If Viagra eyedrops had an advertising campaign, (or indeed existed), their tagline would be: “Take a long, hard look at yourself.” Most Cyclists…

Pantani finds his power in the drops. Photo: Tom Able-Green/ALLSPORT

In Search of Power

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It’s no secret that I’m prone to riding in the big ring as much as possible, mostly on account of my not being a giant sissy. In accordance with the ISO Non-Sissy Standard, I also never read instruction manuals or ask for directions when lost. I make sure to only rarely ask my VMH to turn…

All Hail The Pigs

Guest Article: Follow the Pigs

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@Harminator just submitted this little gem of a tale. It is too timely not to share with Paris-Roubaix looming. VLVV, Gianni I imagine that some people who decide to fly 17000kms to watch a bike race might plan every little thing down to the finest detail. We didn’t. We believe in the maxim that the…

Phinney takes flight in the Trouée d'Arenberg.

Velominati Super Prestige: Paris-Roubaix 2014

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It has been a brutal week for us Keepers, having decided not to hold a Keepers Tour this year. Watching the action from half a world away has been almost too much for us to bear, and I know most of the participants from last year must be feeling similarly. On Sunday, we would be…

Gino Bartali looking for a gear

The Hail Mary Shift

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The grade is long and I am climbing away. I’m not going to Pantani this: I am not out of the saddle, not in the drops and not leaving everyone in my wake. The climbing gear was engaged a long time ago. There is progress, but I am not dancing up this climb. A little…

Fabs and Vanmarke make the split on the Kwaremont. Photo: Alexandre Voisine


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I had always imagined that de Ronde van Vlaanderen must be hardest race in the world. The way I worked it out – having never ridden the course of either event at the time – was that de Ronde had the same cobbles as Roubaix, but with 20% grades thrown in. It makes enough sense…

Bianchi Denti and Rigid on the Muur

Guest Article: In V We Trust

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One of greatest cycling pleasures is riding with a mate. Riding ten centimeters off each other’s rear wheel for hours; trust is a beautiful thing. You swing over, ease your effort slightly so your mate rides through, you then tuck behind, in the draft, close and fast. It is the best. @Kah touches on this…

Eddie Boss

Velominati Super Prestige: Ronde van Vlaanderen 2014

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This needs no introduction. The Spring Classics are truly upon us. The course has been modified yet again, it is tougher? The riders make the race and the 2014 Ronde van Vlaanderen is loaded with racers who could win or make the Velominati VSP placings. Just to pick the winner will not be nearly as easy…

Ellen van Dijk scales the Oude Kwaremont

Velominati Super Prestige: VVomen’s Ronde van Vlaanderen 2014

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Vlaanderen. Its no accident the Flemish word for Flanders starts with a V; there is nothing simple or easy about riding a bike here. If it isn’t wind, its steep bergs. If it isn’t tarmac, its cobbles. Most of the time, its all three. Oh, and the weather there sucks. In fact, Flanders doesn’t have…

In defiance of Gravity


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Gravity is the most unavoidable force on Earth, with the possible exception of Stupidity. And like with Stupidity, you can take measures to reduce its influence on you, but you won’t get rid of it completely, assuming you’re staying on this planet. From the very moment we’re born, Gravity takes its unrelenting hold on us – which…

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