The Cycle of Style
There are two ways in life to be good at something. The first way is the most obvious, which is to actually be good at something. This is harder than it sounds because you need things like skills, talent, fortitude, and light sabers. The other way doesn’t require those things but it has its own challenges; basically, you have to be holistically awful at the sort of levels that make all the suck turn inside out on itself until it becomes awesome. American Flyers did that, and the fashion industry routinely uses this principle to their advantage, regurgitating fads and styles first as kitschy retro cool and then tricking us into thinking it actually looks good.
Cycling has happily been immune to this because our aesthetics were driven by function first through advances in technology; never in our history have we been so advanced that we felt the inclination to revert a step or two simply for the novelty of going backwards. The Velominatus may well be inclined to look to steel frames and three-cross box-section wheelsets for their durability and ride quality, but that is a luxury that we as amateurs enjoy without the demands of racing at the top level of our sport where events are won by fractions of percents gained through marginal advances in technology.
But apparently we’ve reached the stage now where Cycling style is being influenced by kids helmets and skateboard attire. I went for a ride with a good friend a few weeks back who was riding in Giro’s new baggy line of clothing. It flopped around like a sail in the wind generated by our own speed, and basically sent him backwards in the breeze that was blowing in along the coast. It looked good in the café before the ride, I have to admit, but last time I checked, Cycling clothing was supposed to be designed for Looking Fantastic while riding, not while sipping a doppio macchiato. (But let’s not understate the importance of looking good while sipping an espresso. We are not animals.)
And the helmets. There are accounts supported by doctored photographs floating around the internet of me wearing an ugly helmet, something I categorically deny ever happened. Nevertheless, let the record show that the lids the Pros are wearing these days are an abomination of style, culture, aesthetics, and progress. My Aeon is so light that I had to put on a few extra pounds just to make sure it doesn’t carry me off when I go outside. And guess what? It’s actually well-ventilated which means my sweet shades don’t fog up when I climb like the Evade makes them do. (Theoretically, of course. Because those photos are fakes.) And speaking of shades, I’m wearing a pair of Oakleys with photosensitive lenses that go from completely clear to black anodized depending on the light conditions. Also well-ventilated. That’s progress right there.
Riding a bike wearing an ice bucket on your head in baggy shorts and shirts with aviator sunglasses isn’t fashion forward, it’s Cycling – the most aesthetically independent sport in history – taking its cues from kids who think a long skateboard is an effective way to navigate through traffic. There may well be white space in the market for it, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be filled. We are the Velominati and we have standards, for Merckx’s sake.
Oh, and seriously, enough with the fucking beards. Rule #50, people. Sometimes you’ve just got to stand up and say we look like hell and I’m not gonna take it any more!
@Marko
Fair enough. That last part is harsh.
@VeloSix
It has much less to do with whether it helps than it does with the mindset of the person using it; a philosophical thing, if you will. Its a blurred line, like everything else that’s interesting.
@Marko
But fer FUCK’S SAKE, man, do you have to post a fuck’in photo of it! Masturbation Principle and all that.
I understand that you might be trying to not have to worry about the Three Point System by wearing the largest (and most fuckin ugly) helmet EVER invented that looks like a bloated boa constrictor trying to swallow an elephant but you are a KEEPER for FUCK’s SAKE!
“Good Gear” over looking good, what the hell is the world coming to.
Jesus, I think that I will actually have to check to see if the sun actual is rising in the East tomorrow morning.
Alright, proceeding to go fuck myself per Marko’s first post upon coming out of the ugly closet, but man, sometimes you just have to take a stand for what is right, no???
Cue Sobchak meme.
@frank
That I get.
@wiscot
What was that quote in Men in Black – “Rodman, not much of a disguise”
@wiscot
Wait, what? Bill Belicheck follows rules?
@VeloSix
Well, theoretically. I think the NFL rules for coaches’ clothing reads thus: “Any coach may wear whatever they want, no matter how shit it looks, no matter how poorly it fits or has been tailored, so long as it is approved NFL merchandise.”
That rule Belicheck does follow. The rest? Not so much.
Just gotta ask? Why the sudden Froome hate. Personally, I like his attitude.
@frank
You know you’re in the shit when a Dutch (Code) Monkey start using words like “meta”.
It would never occurred to me that when I chose the option of “Copy Image” it actually meant “Copy Image along with email passwords, bank details and browsing history”, never.
Speaking of the Dutch, is the Dutch football team coming on KT15?
@frank
Granted, the Italians have arrived in Brazil with much more style the English but compared to the Dutch? I think we’re holding our own…
@Buck Rogers
You have a way with words that I simply cannot emulate.
Give it a few years and all of us will look like we belong on team umizoomi cept for the retro-grouches still wearing lunch lady hair nets. @marko cheers dude for leading the revolution.
@Marko
I actually like the Octal (and considered buying one, but they’re so fucking expensive), but I fear yours is just a tad too large.
Certain helmets don’t work on certain melons – I can’t wear the Specialized Prevail since it makes me look like a mushroom, and Louis Garneau lids don’t fit my oval head. Shame, because the LG Course looks like a very good racing helmet compared to other aero lids.
@Fausto Crapiz
Not sure exactly, but he does look pretty fucking awkward on the bike, his spin is for shit (especially when he’s climbing) and he stares at his stem instead of riding with guts. Outside of that, the dude wins races.
Oh, and he looks like a shaved spider monkey… So shaved spider monkeys with bad spins and no guts will not be forgiven even when they win. (I guess).
@tessar
Glad to see that POC makes an actual size Medium — not Med/Large.
@tessar
Compare the KASK Infinity
@Fausto Crapiz
Froome hate long time!
@unversio
I almost lost my recovery lager on this one, niceley done. God damn Chris rides ugly, I knew this already but holly shit the contrast is crazy and it’s not like Ryder is’t a tall gangly M.F. too, and maybe the only member of Garmin that can pull of that helmet by thee way, aside from that Froome is utterly charmless, regardless of fucking fast he pedal’s, Wiggo might be an arrogent snotty punk, but I like that plus I am kinda of a well mod I guess, and a bike rider so I like him more, and the Froome is lame, thats fandom for you. pretty silly stuff
@anthony Simple dynamics and dynamism.
Okay. Get the idea. But he wins races.
@Fausto Crapiz
No deneying that, still don’t like him
@frank
Yes, Wiggins has style and I like his clothes (and Style Council). And yes, he is whiny and fickle. I was heartbroken when he completely folded on that descent in the rain in Italy in 2013. But aren’t we missing something when comparing him to Merckx, Hinault and LeMond?
Wiggins was a dominating force in track racing for almost 10-years (1998-2008), winning world championships in multiple disciplines, multiple gold medals in two Olympics, while only dabbling in road racing, and takes a place on the podium in the 2009 TdF.
Track racing (and I remain woefully ignorant of track racing) might be under represented on this site, but nonetheless, it is a serious cycling discipline and I can’t find Wiggins track credentials and successes anywhere in Merckx, Hinault and LeMond’s palmarès.
In conclusion, Wiggins has spent 10 years at the top of track racing, has been a top 5 (top 3?) GC grand tour rider for at least the last 5 years, and is now participating (successfully as a contender, so far) in the Spring Classics.
With that kind of career, looks to me like Wiggins is on track (pun intended) to be greatest cyclist of all time (If I didn’t care about the suspension of my posting privileges, this is where I would insert a smiley face emoticon)!
@anthony
And what is with his girlfriend’s snarky Twitter feed during the 2012 TdF and lately? Oh Honey. I understand your modeling career is stalling out, you might be Chris Froome’s girlfriend, but no one cares what you think and your opinions have no relevance.
@Fausto Crapiz
Wiggo and Froome are both assholes. But Wiggo is a funny asshole. Rule 43.
Did you just Throw out a Style Council reference, WOW! as much as a love the Jam and Paul Weller I can’t handle that shit.
@Minnesota Expat
Did you just throw out a Style Council reference, Wow! I am quite fond of the Jam but would prefere to forget about that particular part of Mr Weller’s career.
oops
@Minnesota Expat Merckx’s successes on the track were not insignificant, and spanned his entire career. 17 six days, 3 European championships, 7 Belgian championships. Oh, and that hour record thing. The number 525 gets bandied about, but that was just road. It’s 625 with the 98 track wins and 2 cyclocross.
@Minnesota Expat
The difference between a rider like Merckx and a rider like Wiggins is Merckx didn’t have to give up on all his other ambitions to be good at just one thing. Same for Hinault and to a lesser extend LeMond.
To suggest Wiggins might be the greatest of all time is perhaps the most laughable thing said here, and that include my articles and anything Minion has ever posted in response to Marcus.
If we’re going to be serious about the subject of a Complete Rider, I have two words: Marianne Vos.
@Teocalli
Being one also with athsma, which mainly impacted by cold weather riding and harder efforts, your above statement was somewhat profound for me.
Taking athsma meds on an already dilated trachea would do nothing, because the fucker is as dilated as can be already.
So a ‘normal’ person taking the meds would see no benefit at all. In laymans theory.
Maybe the Skybots know something we don’t, perhaps the trachea in an unaffected individual actually contract under duress. Lot of stress in the body and changes in blood flow in the various organs while climbing cols at 5W/kg…
The other I can’t help thinking is now every GC competitor and team will watch that little blue piece of plastic like a fucking hawk and attack if Doggy dog pulls it from his jersey…
@frank
Well that settles that one I guess
@pistard
Nicely put , the results speak for themselves.
@frank
Yup, Mary V is surely the boss of palmares.
Regarding the ‘classic’ legends and Wiggo needing to quit one discipline to be good at another, it’s gotta be a generational thing.
Back then those blokes were all strong men rather than grimpeur twig legged spiders, but these days it seems you can’t be that heavy to win a GT. But also these days you can’t be a GT twig and win a classic neither.
So you have to adapt your physiology ala Wiggo because everyone else has maximised the science for their chosen speciality, and to win/place well across various types of road race (Mountains v cobbles etc), you have to beat other specialists. Back then it was who had the strongest legs and the best belgian pot, or something like that?
I’m not a fan of his (AT ALL), but there aren’t many modern riders with Wiggins spread of experience and high level results across disciplines. I stand as having called him a glory hunting wheel sucker for his PR ride, but credit where it is due, he put the balls on the chopblock and went to ride it as a GT winner, and rode to a top 10, wheel suck or not. Respect.
It should be noted, any modern male rider that developed a Vos-esque dominance or Merckxist dominance for wins across said disciplines would be subjected to much dopingtalk.
@Mikael Liddy
From said wiki:
“he was asked if it was counter-aerodynamic to shave his legs but not his face. He said he had “won the team sprint and went 10.14 in Manchester, won the world’s – wasn’t too counter productive!” He said he shaved his legs “because it feels great in bed.””
Awesome!
Also http://www.youtube.com/embed/FkmCLOjk2h8
I dislike small S (refuse to consider them big, their tactics are small minded), but results very interesting as in, not as much of an effect as you would think.
Disclaimer: though I can and have harvested some solid chin fodder in the past, I will save it for when I need to hide a chin keel.
@Marko Please accept my most sincere apologies. I took the piss out of your orange mushroom head without actually seeing it in person but last night at my local club’s town centre night time crit races there was a chap in the elite race wearing the POC and I found myself admiring it somewhat. If the fit was as good for me as the chap last night, I could be in the market for one, although for the price it’s have to be very good.
Now all you have to do is either improve your selfie skills or grow your head a bit for it not to look like a Mario hat on you.
@wiscot
loved this pic that did the rounds of twitter this morning…
@frank I think she deserves one word, Vos!
@Nate Was it the sir bit that made him into a funny bastard?
@Fausto Crapiz
The time when he called the journos “wanker cunts” comes to mind.
@Marko
Yeah, I read what you said. Apparently you meant something else. ;)
I like Wiggins, but one TdF and 10th in PR is further away from LeMond and Hinault than the riders I named.
If it’s adapatabily that counts then do Cadel’s MTB World Cup wins count?
If it is PR plus stage race results then Cancellara’s Tour de Suisse and Tirreno Adriatico gets him in the conversation (don’t forget for a while people thought he’d turn into a stage racer)
Like I said, I like Wiggins too. But people underestimate how well rounded a lot of the top riders are these days.
@Mikael Liddy
Thank you! They say a picture is worth a thousand words. The top four pictures are worth about about 350 lbs each.
@Beers
I’m a huge Vos fan. What’s even crazier about this pic is that the other two walls are likely as full of trophies as the two we can see. Seems to be some very tidy organization going on as well. Love that she puts bidons on the shelf with the big trophies
Can’t see her tweeting a pic of her lying around this room “just chillin'” Too modest and too cool.
@wiscot
This pic accompanied an interview with one of the cycling websites, though I can’t be bothered to try and remember which one.
If I recall correctly, this room is actually at her parents’ house, and her dad arranges and rearranges everything whenever she brings home a new trophy!
@KW
Usually Bicycling is a load of pish aimed at newbies. However, there was a very nice article on Ms Vos in the latest issue. Seems very level-headed and normal. Love that she keeps all her “stuff” at her parent’s house. (Actually, if I remember rightly, she still lives with her parents and brother.) Reminds me that F1 champ Niki Lauda used to allow a local gas station to display his trophies! I saw a pic of Kelly’s trophy room once too – seemed to be all crammed in there!
What’s not to love about MV? No need to apply Rule #5 here – it seems to be in her DNA.
B: How do you talk yourself into continuing when you blow up so badly?
MV: Never give up. I’ve never stepped out of a race, and I want to keep it that way””
B: Really? You’ve never abandoned a race?
MV: I’ve done it after a stage when I got ill. I’ve not stopped during. And I want to keep it like that. If I’m at a point where I really don’t feel good and I got dropped, is there any use to go on? Yes. Because if I stop in this race, the next race it will be easier to stop again. Keep on going, there’s people with way more problems with different things than riding a bike and having to go to the finish.
That photo of Vos with (some of) her haul is awesome. That must be thrilling for her parents to have all those trophies in their place.
Damn, never seen that photo of fat fucking American football coaches vs. futbol coaches. That is truly crazy. Imagine being a huge fucking fat ass and telling your players to show discipline? Then again, many of the players are obese. American football is so fucking bizarre to me at this point. College is insanely corrupt and yet, aligned with some of the best universities in the nation?! How fucked up is that? Pro is a corporate hoax to get people to waste 20 Sundays each year, eat environmentally and physically polluting fast food, and drink Coors fucking Light. Fuck that sport.
@Ron The “fuck” to word ratio was rather high but entirely on target. Not quite Scarface territory, but in the neighborhood.
@Ron
So I’m guessing that football, in any shape or form, isn’t your favorite sport? (insert emoticon here) It’s funny, I read something the other day that suggested the NFL need a development league like MLB has with the minor leagues. I thought, NFL development league? Isn’t that what college football is? Maybe the writer had suffered a concussion when he wrote that . . .
@wiscot
Link to the interview; I don’t read Bicycling but this is excellent.
http://www.bicycling.com/news/featured-stories/i-am-marianne-vos
@wiscot
as for soccer or football as we properly call it here – I mean how Merican call it football when they hardly ever put a foot to the ball – anyway this and other similar comparisons are doing the round and pretty much reflect the state of soccer………….