There Ought to be a Rule…

We all know where I stand in the cycling sock department, white and not too tall, any color sock as long as it’s white. If you have diminished calves and need to somehow hide that by wearing too tall socks, that is sad but not a crime. I always thought I was less flexible on color than height.  Today I’ve changed my mind.

I was in the car when I saw a cyclist in a long sleeve, all white Rock Racing kit. Rock Racing, interesting choice, not a team I would want make believe I rode for but it was tidy. This was matched with a white helmet and white shoes and for an elitist snob like myself it was all fine. It would have been all fine barring the white knee length compression stockings! I don’t even know what compression stockings are or what they supposedly do but for his sake they had better not be just white knee length cycling socks. He had better have a severe medical condition to justify that look.

Doctor: You have a condition known as “Catholic School Girl”. If you don’t wear white knee socks your legs will fall off or you will become wildly promiscuous, but in your case most likely the first.

How can one misstep so quickly change everything? I’ve seen other cyclist in high compression socks but matching them to an all white kit is somehow saying, yes, I still have it going on here, I look Pro. FFS, I now regret not turning the car around so I could have pulled along side and asked what he thought he was doing. Or at least taken a photo for this article. Or issued a V-ticket for visual effrontery. Or nudged him off the road into a ditch.

There ought to be a Rule! Rule #28 needs an addendum with this compression thing out there. Eddy had no idea this was coming. If the Velominati are to keep ahead of these trends we better get on this now, before it is too late.

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104 Replies to “There Ought to be a Rule…”

  1. Even on runners those things look ridiculous. Sartorial affronts such as these should be the sole domain of the “cycling shit sandwich”.

    In the dark confines of one’s own home they possibly have their place as a recovery tool but should otherwise never see the light of day… much like having to mess up your internal clock twice a year.

  2. I am a “originalist” in reference to the rules. They need no addenduming as there is an overarching expectation to avoid being a douchebag.
    Were we to outline all transgressions, then the rules could explode into a gigantic tome resembling the DSM-5 (a huge f’ing thing, originally intended to be a pocket pamphlet).

  3. Anyone who needs a rule to tell them to not visibly wear compression socks in public is beyond our help.

  4. Compression socks are for long haul flights. Period. Maybe post-ride, but then don’t wear them with shorts. And you’d better have just completed double digit hill repeats on the Stelvio.

  5. Medically designed, professionally fitted compression socks do aid in recovery as shown but the Aus Inst of Sport a while back. I have no idea why one would wear them whilst riding however… If you need socks to improve circulation when riding you aren’t riding hard enough! I do wear the knee length variety AFTER a particularly hard ride and ONLY under my work slacks due to the fact I sit on my arse at a desk all day. No one can see them and no one knows they are there.

  6. @Mike

    What is the policy on calf-length aero TT overshoes?

    You have to ask?

    Cover your shoe buckles for a marginal gain but surely a smooth calf is sufficiently aero.

  7. @DeKerr

    In the dark confines of one’s own home they possibly have their place as a recovery tool but should otherwise never see the light of day… much like having to mess up your internal clock twice a year.

    Isn’t that what foam rollers are for.

    @Puffy

    I do wear the knee length variety AFTER a particularly hard ride and ONLY under my work slacks due to the fact I sit on my arse at a desk all day. No one can see them and no one knows they are there.

    It doesn’t matter that no one can tell that I’m wearing panty hose under my suit trousers at the moment, it doesn’t make me feel any less dirty.

    Compression socks are no different. La Vie Velominatus is about pride in ones self that goes beyond mundane notions like “medically proven by the Australian Institute of Sport”

  8. Gianni,

    That’s about the funniest four paragraphs I have read in like forever, especially this:

    “Doctor- You have a condition known as catholic school girl. If you don’t wear white knee socks your legs will fall off or you will become wildly promiscuous, but in your case most likely the first.”

  9. @Chris

    True… No one can see my dirty little secret but that doesn’t make it any less of a dirty little secret.

    I am, justifiably rebuked, and penitent.

  10. Well, that was entertaining. I’ve had a longstanding neurosis about the visibility of my socks above my shoes of any variety while wearing shorts. Even ankle socks are too much for me, despite have nice calves (if I do say so myself). Which is wrong here, I know, but whatever.

    A question though comes to mind, as to leg coverings; Which would be more egregious: compression socks or unshorn legs? Let’s not entertain the combination thereof, because that would be too obvious.

  11. @SamV

    Even ankle socks are too much for me, despite have nice calves (if I do say so myself). Which is wrong here, I know, but whatever.

    Go ahead, put up a photo, make my day.

  12. @Dave

    Gianni,

    That’s about the funniest four paragraphs I have read in like forever, especially this:

    “Doctor- You have a condition known as catholic school girl. If you don’t wear white knee socks your legs will fall off or you will become wildly promiscuous, but in your case most likely the first.”

    Thank you, am I the only one who has a long history with catholic girls, (from Ohio?!), no less?

  13. @Nate

    Anyone who needs a rule to tell them to not visibly wear compression socks in public is beyond our help.

    Fits in there right alongside reflectors, dork discs, and kickstands.

  14. @Puffy

    Medically designed, professionally fitted compression socks do aid in recovery as shown but the Aus Inst of Sport a while back. I have no idea why one would wear them whilst riding however… If you need socks to improve circulation when riding you aren’t riding hard enough! I do wear the knee length variety AFTER a particularly hard ride and ONLY under my work slacks due to the fact I sit on my arse at a desk all day. No one can see them and no one knows they are there.

    I’m wearing some right now after fucking myself on the ride home from work. Under my jeans.

    And I don’t think they do anything other than raise my blood pressure while trying to get the tight little fuckers on.

  15. @Mike

    What is the policy on calf-length aero TT overshoes?

    Death by mini-pump. Alternatively, the execution can be performed by having the offender bite down hard on a CO2 cartridge.

  16. @SamV

    A question though comes to mind, as to leg coverings; Which would be more egregious: compression socks or unshorn legs? Let’s not entertain the combination thereof, because that would be too obvious.

    “Judge, which kind of murder is worse? Shooting someone with a gun or shooting someone with a crossbow?”

  17. @JohnB

    What about where my monster calf muscles bulge during the down stroke?  That can’t be very aero!

  18. After moving up to the Olympic Peninsula of WA state, I noticed that the compression sock thing is big in the Bellingham area. Some of the “socks” aren’t even socks; they’re like Olivia Newton-John leg warmers.

    WTF is up with that, Seattle people? Are they raised by wolves up there?

  19. @frank

    @SamV

    A question though comes to mind, as to leg coverings; Which would be more egregious: compression socks or unshorn legs? Let’s not entertain the combination thereof, because that would be too obvious.

    “Judge, which kind of murder is worse? Shooting someone with a gun or shooting someone with a crossbow?”

    Looking at the arrow protruding from your chest — that’s gotta be — not good.

  20. @Nate

    Anyone who needs a rule to tell them to not visibly wear compression socks in public is beyond our help.

    Ah yes, the rule might effectively label the offender — a heretic!

  21. The lead photo leads me to another rule issue.

    Rule #7 guides us in the maintenance of razor sharp tan lines, but do we really want the googles effect and the tide line across the forehead?

    Having enjoyed a southern summer and following a recent haircut there is a line across my forehead as well defined as the Plimsoll Line.

    We however, do not have the option to go sans helmet so I guess it’s there to stay.

  22. Oh dear, I just googled ‘catholic school girls socks’ just as the missus walked in. Thanks a lot guys, I expect to find ground-glass, razor blades and itching powder secreted in my cycling shorts for the next few months.

    Oh, and @frank:

    I’m wearing some right now after fucking myself on the ride home from work. Under my jeans.

    This line didn’t help my explanation much.

  23. @markb

    Oh dear, I just googled ‘catholic school girls socks’ just as the missus walked in. Thanks a lot guys, I expect to find ground-glass, razor blades and itching powder secreted in my cycling shorts for the next few months.

    Oh, and @frank:

    I’m wearing some right now after fucking myself on the ride home from work. Under my jeans.

    This line didn’t help my explanation much.

    Coffee all over my computer screen !   firstly your post, then re-reading @frank ‘s post.   The man is talented if he’s doing that on a bike on the way home from work !

  24. many people have to wear compression socks as treatment for varicose veins . So what’s your view about that then

  25. I was given some to wear after the operation I had last year, presumably to prevent DVT and me dropping dead.

    They made me feeling a cross between Norah Batty and…well…a pervert. The thought of wearing them in public is horrifying.

  26. @frank

    @SamV

    A question though comes to mind, as to leg coverings; Which would be more egregious: compression socks or unshorn legs? Let’s not entertain the combination thereof, because that would be too obvious.

    “Judge, which kind of murder is worse? Shooting someone with a gun or shooting someone with a crossbow?”

    Hear hear. What’s worse: EPMS, or frame mounted pump, or washer nut or valve stem cap, unshaven legs or or…

    Page 10: The Rules are numbered chronologically as they were added to the canon – not by order or importance. Page 9: ….chief among The Rules is Rule #5. ‘Nuff said.

  27. @DeKerr

    Even on runners those things look ridiculous. Sartorial affronts such as these should be the sole domain of the “cycling shit sandwich”.

    Pfft.

    The runner’s equivalent of “Looking Pro” is “Looking Kenyan”. Even if you’re the first American in god-knows-how-long to win the Boston Marathon.

  28. Funny thing, @Gianni. The Velominati might consider this unnecessary and obvious, but there is a rule about compression socks right in the UCI rulebook: Socks are not allowed to be longer than half the calf, and there’s a limit on how compressive any fabric is allowed to be.

    @JohnB

    @Mike

    What is the policy on calf-length aero TT overshoes?

    You have to ask?

    Cover your shoe buckles for a marginal gain but surely a smooth calf is sufficiently aero.

    Ding-ding! Accurate. Turns out most shoe covers are actually less aero than uncovered shoes and shaved guns. There are a few – Pearl Izumi’s Barrier Pro, and one of the Castelli latexy things – but most are, at best, even with an uncovered shoe. If you don’t have a wind-tunnel to test, better not rock any shoe-covers (unless it’s freezing).

  29. @Gianni

    @SamV

    Even ankle socks are too much for me, despite have nice calves (if I do say so myself). Which is wrong here, I know, but whatever.

    Go ahead, put up a photo, make my day.

    I said I was saying so myself. I don’t need the entire community disagreeing. And after last week’s abdominal debacle (adominacle?) I won’t be fanning that fire.

    @frank

    @SamV

    A question though comes to mind, as to leg coverings; Which would be more egregious: compression socks or unshorn legs? Let’s not entertain the combination thereof, because that would be too obvious.

    “Judge, which kind of murder is worse? Shooting someone with a gun or shooting someone with a crossbow?”

    I’d say a gun. The crossbow at least gets points for novelty. Point made, though.

  30. @Gianni

    @Ccos

    @Nate

    Yes, we can’t help everyone. What is the DSM-5. It sounds familiar.

    It’s the diagnostic manual for Psychiatric illnesses, originally intended to be a pocket pamphlet, but now a thing thicker than a New York phone book. Now I a’int no Psychiatrist (due in part to my aversion to turtle necks) but I’m pretty sure all of those “personality disorders” can be streamlined to just “asshole” for adults and “brat” for kids.

  31. @tessar

    @DeKerr

    Even on runners those things look ridiculous. Sartorial affronts such as these should be the sole domain of the “cycling shit sandwich”.

    Pfft.

    The runner’s equivalent of “Looking Pro” is “Looking Kenyan”. Even if you’re the first American in god-knows-how-long to win the Boston Marathon.

    This is what a real Kenyan looks like

    No socks in sight.

  32. I happen to like black sox too. White and black. But that’s not why I’m posting this am. Sorry if I’m hijacking a good thread.

    The CIRC report. Is it even worth discussing? Does anyone really give a rat’s a** about this? I was reading a Velosnooze article this am and they quoted one pro, “it was just all political bullshit, anyway”. Amen to that. I can’t help but think that “doping”, “PEDs” or whatever we want to call it, is so much more prevalent in HS and college sports and BIG money football and baseball, etc that cycling is WAY overdoing the falling on the sword kinda sentiment.And this business now of thinking that maybe the athletes need to be available for testing in the wee hours? WTF… 24/7 365 if you wanna make a living in this sport. And for what?? For 99.9% of participants the financial part of the equation is not gonna have ’em retiring comfortably early. I swear, if the folks responsible for this part of the business would just quietly go about doing what they do, and getting better about it, progress will continue to be made and attn can be focused on the events, the competition and the cyclists. I don’t know, maybe all this introspection and political BS is necessary part of getting better? But if so, let’s say it WAS necessary and now it’s time to move on… just a thought, cheers all.

  33. @The Grande Fondue

    This is what a real Kenyan looks like

    No socks in sight.

    Real runners wear splits.

    At least distance runners. Just saying, Meb wore compression socks and looked fantastic doing so.

  34. @wilburrox

    The most interesting part of it for me was about the levels of doping at amateur and lower-pro status.

    It’s been my view for quite a while that this is now the major issue for cycling – a whole load of people are learning either that they can get away with it, or that it is the way to rise up the ranks. And it explains some of the riders who come up and then don’t achieve, Tiernan-Locke for example.

    On compression gear, one of the things I loved about doing the Sharjah tours and staying in a hotel with all the other teams was that you could walk around wearing compression tights under your casual shorts without feeling in the least bit out of place.

    But strictly for recovery. While riding is Very Bad, verging on triathlonesque.

  35. @ChrisO

    …one of the things I loved about doing the Sharjah tours… …was that you could walk around wearing compression tights under your casual shorts… …feeling… …Very… …triathlonesque.

    Is there a -1 badge?

  36. @Geoff Mochrie

    many people have to wear compression socks as treatment for varicose veins . So what’s your view about that then

    If I HAD to wear them on medical advice, and HAD to wear them whilst riding, I would HAVE to wear them under biblongs, or 3/4 bib knicks and pretend they were leg warmers. No way on earth would I want my fellow Velominati knowing I had a weakness they could exploit…

  37. Had an idea a few years ago to make a compression neck sleeve. Very tight and hard to put on but completely cured triathletitis.

    That and the compression skullcap for finals week or chess tournaments.

    The benefits of compression are limitless. Malnutrition, erectile disfunction, you name it!

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