Accessories and Gear

Goldilocks Principle: The Golden Ratio

There is a disturbance in the V. I have felt it for some time, and I suspect many of you have as well. The matter has to do with the ever increasing length of bibshorts and socks, approaching the knee like two lionesses stalking their prey in the savanna.

Tracing back to the origin of this trend, we find ourselves irrevocably wagging our judging finger at none other than Lance Armstrong. Personally, I find his foray into tall, black socks and long bibshorts far more offensive than his doping; at least his doping respected the history of the sport whereas his choice of sock and bib length was an affront to taste and style with long lasting effect.

Sock lengths have been heading steadily upwards over the past decade; once the only sock available was a white 3/4 sock but today we have socks of all lengths, shapes, and sizes. Bibshorts used to be mid-thigh or less, whereas now they fall just shy of the knee. It is outrageous and the Pros, to whom we look to for cues on style, are setting the trend. It is a disgrace.

I say enough is enough. This foul trend must come to an end. We cultivate our massive guns with great pride, yet these cover their magnificence with long shorts and socks.

  1. Reveal the V in order to Feel the V. Bibshorts must not migrate below the uppermost point of the inverted V created by our quadriceps.
  2. Avoid the chokehold. As much as we want to Reveal The V, we don’t want to go around choking the flow off by wearing our bibs too high. Bibshorts should come at least to the midpoint of the thigh.
  3. Sockless is about as bad as riding in a speedo (I’m looking at you, triathletes.) A fellow joined a group ride not too long ago wearing ankle socks and I made him go sort that shit out before we started the ride. Some things just aren’t done.
  4. Compression socks are for recovery only. Maybe not even that. And knee-high socks or only for sassy women Cyclocrossers. Maybe. But they absolutely, unequivocally are not for riding on the road. Seriously.
  5. Settle into Zone 3. Just like training in zones, we want to keep our socks in the right zones as well. The optimum sock length rests at a point of your choosing within a range of 2cm above or below the narrowest point of your shin.

Help stave off the apocalypse and bring balance back to the V. Friends don’t let friends violation the Goldilocks Principle.

Study this. Absorb it. Courtesy of @CycleChick

Sock length as decreed by our friend @winnipegcyclechick

  • The Goldilocks Principle in its purest form.

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127 Replies to “Goldilocks Principle: The Golden Ratio”

  1. @Buck Rogers

    Sagan doing the WC jersey justice wearing the black bibs over the weekend. He and Lizzie must use the same tailor.

    Yup, hairy legs aside, you can’t fault Pinchy’s kit. (ok, the toe covers are a bit naff) but other than that, a welcome return to WC kit sanity.

  2. @chuckp

    I kinda like “clashing” and making a “statement” with my socks. And honestly don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks about it.

    I think we can all agree that no one would “give a shit” about your particular socks anyway.

  3. @Sparty

    I’ll be the first to post in defense of the pros. The professional teams are all sponsored, from head-to-toe, by some very major cycling apparel brands. These misguided apparel designers obviously are oblivious of the Rules. I have listened to their argument that a longer set of bibs provide muscle compression which, in theory, can help reduce gun fatigue. They also argue that a longer length bib short can have a marginal aero advantage when the right materials are used. Regardless of their rationale, the pros must wear what the team sponsors provide. I would like to see a pro, any pro, eschew the long bib shorts by rolling under the bottom third of the leg and thus showing the apparel sponsors and other self-respecting pros how a kit is to be worn.

    Just because the bibs are long doesn’t mean they have to be worn long. Lycra compresses just fine, just put the gripper where it needs to be and even a little bunching at the hip is no big deal.

    And all teams get a variety of sock lengths and the tall one’s don’t have more branding than the shorter ones. It is one thing and one thing only: savagery!

    I can not argue in defense of the non-pro who purchases these “fashionable” long legged shorts or too tall/too small sock. That is on you brothers and sisters and your tan lines are going to suck!

    Some sense.

  4. @litvi

    You guys comin or what?

     

    I would have thought you’d have been more stylish than to use a windows machine. I literally have no idea whether Velominati even works on a PC.

  5. @RobSandy

    @Harminator

    And can someone tell me who the very first picture in the slideshow is? It’s driving me nuts.

    Its Hinault. TDF Prologue 1981. Stud.

    (yep, I looked it up).

    Thought it must be but doesn’t really look like him. He’s got the right grimace though.

    Doesn’t look like Hinault? Rubbish.

    Is this more familiar?

    Or this?

    Or this?

    Or this?

  6. @Oli

    I’m happy to see the Paris-Roubaix tubs on that Bianchi of yours.

    Friends don’t let friends ride clinchers. Put some sensible wheels on that gorgeous bike!

  7. @hudson

    question- This is possibly one of the first articles I’ve read in recent history (the past 3ish years) where Armstrong wasn’t referred to as Pharmstrong, COTHO, or some other name. Has he served his suspension in the eyes of the Velominati?

    Nope. Still a cunzor.

    @Buck Rogers

    God DAMN! My day is complete now after viewing this picture.

    (suppose I should read the article at some point but not until after a ride inspired by the one and only Tommeke)

    It is so good to have your ADD back in the bunch, dude.

    @Buck Rogers

    @EBruner

    LOVE the bike. Is it yours???

    As for the lengths: Shorts too long and socks too short, no? Maybe the socks are just cutting it.

    Ding ding! We have a winner!

  8. @teleguy57

    Met Steve this weekend at NAHBS. Such a great guy. Beautiful bike, one of their Maglia Rosa’s is definitely in the Want Queue.

    @Buck Rogers

    Sagan doing the WC jersey justice wearing the black bibs over the weekend. He and Lizzie must use the same tailor.

    Has he finally shaved his legs? I’ve been looking and I can’t tell.

  10. @frank

    Ya, sorry about the gazillion posts today, Frahnk.  The VMH let me have three espressos this morning and I forgot to take the meds as well.

    Fuck, what are you going to do, eh?

  11. @frank

    @RobSandy

    @Harminator

    And can someone tell me who the very first picture in the slideshow is? It’s driving me nuts.

    Its Hinault. TDF Prologue 1981. Stud.

    (yep, I looked it up).

    Thought it must be but doesn’t really look like him. He’s got the right grimace though.

    Doesn’t look like Hinault? Rubbish.

    Is this more familiar?

    My brother used to tell me that there’s a lot of tough looking guys at the pub but very few are tough enough to throw the first punch. The pro peloton has many puncheurs but very few punchers. Hinault was/is both.

    I love Phil Anderson’s “this was not in the brochure” expression.

  12. @frank

    @litvi

    You guys comin or what?

     

    I would have thought you’d have been more stylish than to use a windows machine. I literally have no idea whether Velominati even works on a PC.

    That’s a grab from the slideshow in the article.  I did seriously consider cropping all that stuff out, (or at least correcting the clock to 5:05) but I got lazy.

    Hill repeats?

  13. @frank

    @RobSandy

    @Harminator

    And can someone tell me who the very first picture in the slideshow is? It’s driving me nuts.

    Its Hinault. TDF Prologue 1981. Stud.

    (yep, I looked it up).

    Thought it must be but doesn’t really look like him. He’s got the right grimace though.

    Doesn’t look like Hinault? Rubbish.

    Is this more familiar?

     

    Or this?

     

    Or this?

     

    Or this?

    Yeah, yeah, ok. It’s obviously him, just must be a strange angle on his face.

    Perhaps I didn’t recognise him because he’s not punching someone or blatantly crushing their soul.

    I say this a lot, but Hinault is a fucking legend.

     

  14. Has anyone else noticed the common theme between the current World Champs? I’m not talking about black shorts.

    Deep drops, baby.

  15. @litvi

    @frank

    @litvi

    You guys comin or what?

     

    I would have thought you’d have been more stylish than to use a windows machine. I literally have no idea whether Velominati even works on a PC.

     

    This is my rig.  Feel better now, @frank?

  16. @Harminator

    They’re actually yellow and blue irl!

    @fignons barber

    I don’t wear them because I think they’re funny wtf. But even though I wear them (including the zany pink repeating pattern) for my own “style” reasons I agree in principle.

    @The Pressure

    Again, definitely NOT Aussie colours!

    @frank

    FMB tubulars on my daily ride? Do I fucking LOOK like a millionaire? Clinchers ftw on this bike, fo sho.

  17. @fignons barber I don’t need much excuse at all for that, haha! Please note the photo was taken when I was completely buckled so I had temporarily forgot such important protocols as chain on big ring, crank placement, valve location, etc., etc…

  18. @harminator

    @frank

    @RobSandy

    @Harminator

    And can someone tell me who the very first picture in the slideshow is? It’s driving me nuts.

    Its Hinault. TDF Prologue 1981. Stud.

    (yep, I looked it up).

    Thought it must be but doesn’t really look like him. He’s got the right grimace though.

    Doesn’t look like Hinault? Rubbish.

    Is this more familiar?

    My brother used to tell me that there’s a lot of tough looking guys at the pub but very few are tough enough to throw the first punch. The pro peloton has many puncheurs but very few punchers. Hinault was/is both.

    I love Phil Anderson’s “this was not in the brochure” expression.

    Phil’s “punch” would knock the shin off a rice pudding. Hinault’s, on the other hand, would break the container holding said rice pudding to smithereens. Notice how the Badger had a hold of his victim with the left hand while readying the haymaker.

    One also had to admire M. Hinault’s torso: trim waist and nice, solid rib cage containing the lungs and a heart of a legend.

  20. I’m struggling with bib placement at the moment, there’s no inverted V being created by any quadriceps in my sausage legs. In my defence, I’d say my socks are usually pretty much spot on. That could be at risk unless @frank gets some more of the awesome defeet V-socks back on the gear page.

    In the meantime, more classic Badger courtesy of Big Ring Riding

    OK LADS, I READ THE NEWS AND THE MAIN STORY IS YOU’RE ALL FUCKING SLOW AND I’M THE BOSS

  22. @chuckp

    Quite frankly, Lizzie can wear whatever the hell she wants to wear and she would still look fabulous!

    For me, the “perfect” sock height is 5 inches but I do have a few 6 inch socks. And I’m one who goes against the V and incurs the wrath of @frank because I prefer “loud” socks over plain black or white (although I have those too). I kinda like “clashing” and making a “statement” with my socks. And honestly don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks about it.

    Rule #28. I have some loud socks. Some of them even match with kits. Frank can go pound sand if he doesn’t like it.

  23. @chris

    I’m struggling with bib placement at the moment, there’s no inverted V being created by any quadriceps in my sausage legs. In my defence, I’d say my socks are usually pretty much spot on. That could be at risk unless @frank gets some more of the awesome DeFeet V-socks back on the gear page.

    In the meantime, more classic Badger courtesy of Big Ring Riding

    OK LADS, I READ THE NEWS AND THE MAIN STORY IS YOU’RE ALL FUCKING SLOW AND I’M THE BOSS

    It also says “I’m way ahead of you luddites with my sweet Look pedals and my blue Patrick shoes. Black shoes are so old school. Get with it FFS!”

    That being said, there are a lot of iconic jerseys in that picture: Skil, Peugeot, Renault, Kwantum and Verandalux.

  25. @chris

    In the meantime, more classic Badger courtesy of Big Ring Riding

    OK LADS, I READ THE NEWS AND THE MAIN STORY IS YOU’RE ALL FUCKING SLOW AND I’M THE BOSS

    I got rid of your drivel and focussed on what matters!

  26. @Owen

    @Oli

    Bonus points for matching shoes and socks. A natural extension of Rule #8, I feel.

    The formula is just as complex; match them to the shoes or match them to another bit of your kit. White socks are for leaders, and otherwise match them to black.

  27. @frank

    @chris

    In the meantime, more classic Badger courtesy of Big Ring Riding

    OK LADS, I READ THE NEWS AND THE MAIN STORY IS YOU’RE ALL FUCKING SLOW AND I’M THE BOSS

    I got rid of your drivel and focussed on what matters!

    In what sense is a request for more V-socks drivel?

  28. @wiscot

    @chris

    I’m struggling with bib placement at the moment, there’s no inverted V being created by any quadriceps in my sausage legs. In my defence, I’d say my socks are usually pretty much spot on. That could be at risk unless @frank gets some more of the awesome DeFeet V-socks back on the gear page.

    In the meantime, more classic Badger courtesy of Big Ring Riding

    OK LADS, I READ THE NEWS AND THE MAIN STORY IS YOU’RE ALL FUCKING SLOW AND I’M THE BOSS

    It also says “I’m way ahead of you luddites with my sweet Look pedals and my blue Patrick shoes. Black shoes are so old school. Get with it FFS!”

    That being said, there are a lot of iconic jerseys in that picture: Skil, Peugeot, Renault, Kwantum and Verandalux.

    Meanwhile the lad on the right is of into the woods to cry as he’s just realised he’ll never cut it…

  31. @chuckp

     

    Those sox… you couldn’t shoot me dead and get ’em on my feet. They’re perfectly horrible. Where do you even find such things? Never mind, I don’t wanna know… But I do dig ’em. Cheers!

    And agree on Lizzie btw. So, so much class.

  35. @Matt

    Has anyone else noticed the common theme between the current World Champs? I’m not talking about black shorts.

    Deep drops, baby.

    All the cool bastards ride huge deep drops.

  36. It’s very difficult not to wear your bib shorts long when you’re only 5’4″. I wish the manufacturers would realise small doesn’t just mean mountain goat skinny but that some of us are just plain short. I mean I use a pair of knee warmers and some overshoes and I have full length leg warmers.

  40. @frank

    @chris

    I was referring to all that other rubbish.

    But to go back to the other point:  Any chance of DeFeet V socks in the gear page anytime soon???

  41. @Buck Rogers

    @frank

    Ya, sorry about the gazillion posts today, Frahnk. The VMH let me have three espressos this morning and I forgot to take the meds as well.

    Fuck, what are you going to do, eh?

    Three espressos is a normal start to my day.

  42. @wilburrox

    Those sox… you couldn’t shoot me dead and get ’em on my feet. They’re perfectly horrible. Where do you even find such things? Never mind, I don’t wanna know… But I do dig ’em. Cheers!

    And agree on Lizzie btw. So, so much class.

    They are Sock Guy 6″ Tartan Crew socks. Not a current model, but can be found if you hunt around.

  43. @wiscot

    @harminator

    @frank

    @RobSandy

    @Harminator

    And can someone tell me who the very first picture in the slideshow is? It’s driving me nuts.

    Its Hinault. TDF Prologue 1981. Stud.

    (yep, I looked it up).

    Thought it must be but doesn’t really look like him. He’s got the right grimace though.

    Doesn’t look like Hinault? Rubbish.

    Is this more familiar?

    My brother used to tell me that there’s a lot of tough looking guys at the pub but very few are tough enough to throw the first punch. The pro peloton has many puncheurs but very few punchers. Hinault was/is both.

    I love Phil Anderson’s “this was not in the brochure” expression.

    Phil’s “punch” would knock the shin off a rice pudding. Hinault’s, on the other hand, would break the container holding said rice pudding to smithereens. Notice how the Badger had a hold of his victim with the left hand while readying the haymaker.

    One also had to admire M. Hinault’s torso: trim waist and nice, solid rib cage containing the lungs and a heart of a legend.

    Oh man, the tie eye prior to the haymaker is KEY for smashing your opponent. For anyone who has been in a hockey fight, you know this. Boxers are so good, they don’t need to. I’m always surprised when athletes in other sports have fights and the dudes look like they’ve never thrown a punch. Weird for a pro athlete to look so uncoordinated.

    Hinault clearly was an undersized power forward before he got into cycling. Tie them up, immobilize their throwing arm AND be able to line them up for a haymaker. Basics.

  44. @Ron

    @wiscot

    @harminator

    @frank

    @RobSandy

    @Harminator

    And can someone tell me who the very first picture in the slideshow is? It’s driving me nuts.

    Its Hinault. TDF Prologue 1981. Stud.

    (yep, I looked it up).

    Thought it must be but doesn’t really look like him. He’s got the right grimace though.

    Doesn’t look like Hinault? Rubbish.

    Is this more familiar?

    My brother used to tell me that there’s a lot of tough looking guys at the pub but very few are tough enough to throw the first punch. The pro peloton has many puncheurs but very few punchers. Hinault was/is both.

    I love Phil Anderson’s “this was not in the brochure” expression.

    Phil’s “punch” would knock the shin off a rice pudding. Hinault’s, on the other hand, would break the container holding said rice pudding to smithereens. Notice how the Badger had a hold of his victim with the left hand while readying the haymaker.

    One also had to admire M. Hinault’s torso: trim waist and nice, solid rib cage containing the lungs and a heart of a legend.

    Oh man, the tie eye prior to the haymaker is KEY for smashing your opponent. For anyone who has been in a hockey fight, you know this. Boxers are so good, they don’t need to. I’m always surprised when athletes in other sports have fights and the dudes look like they’ve never thrown a punch. Weird for a pro athlete to look so uncoordinated.

    Hinault clearly was an undersized power forward before he got into cycling. Tie them up, immobilize their throwing arm AND be able to line them up for a haymaker. Basics.

    Also, this photo can be used as a metaphor for Hinault’s whole cycling persona – grab your opponents by the throat, knock them out, then ride off to victory. Beat them by beating them up, psychologically and physically.

  45. Here is what you used to need to go for a jog: running shoes. Here is what some Ad “Man” has convinced modern joggers they need: arm sleeves, leg sleeves, bottle belts, special hats, special shades. I’m convinced some joggers spend more time getting dressed than they do ambling around for a few KMs.

  46. @Buck Rogers

    @frank

    @chris

    I was referring to all that other rubbish.

    But to go back to the other point: Any chance of DeFeet V socks in the gear page anytime soon???

    It was the only real point, but one worth repeating: Any chance of DeFeet V socks in the gear page anytime soon????

  48. @Ron

    Oh man, the tie eye prior to the haymaker is KEY for smashing your opponent. For anyone who has been in a hockey fight, you know this. Boxers are so good, they don’t need to. I’m always surprised when athletes in other sports have fights and the dudes look like they’ve never thrown a punch. Weird for a pro athlete to look so uncoordinated.

    Hinault clearly was an undersized power forward before he got into cycling. Tie them up, immobilize their throwing arm AND be able to line them up for a haymaker. Basics.

    …and the recipient has made the mistake of moving away thereby giving Hinault maximum swing power vs moving inside the swing to defuse it.

  49. @RobSandy

    @frank

    @RobSandy

    @Harminator

    And can someone tell me who the very first picture in the slideshow is? It’s driving me nuts.

    Its Hinault. TDF Prologue 1981. Stud.

    (yep, I looked it up).

    Thought it must be but doesn’t really look like him. He’s got the right grimace though.

    Doesn’t look like Hinault? Rubbish.

    Is this more familiar?

    Or this?

    Or this?

    Or this?

    Yeah, yeah, ok. It’s obviously him, just must be a strange angle on his face.

    Perhaps I didn’t recognise him because he’s not punching someone or blatantly crushing their soul.

    I say this a lot, but Hinault is a fucking legend.

    You may be forgiven if you could say you’re better acquainted with his knuckles than his face.

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