The Keepers
Cycling is a mighty sport with a rich and complex history. Every company, racer, piece of kit, and component has a legend, a story behind it; in many cases it also has a personal and nostalgic connection to our lives. While this particular sport is steeped in tradition, it is also fiercely modern, a fact that serves only to deepen its complexity.
All these factors combine to provide an unique atmosphere and breeds devoted and loyal disciples of our great sport. We are of a peculiar nature; we seek out the highest mountains and the roughest roads on which to worship at the altar of the Man with the Hammer. Our legs are what propel us; our minds are what drive us. We refer to our shaved legs in the third person – the legs – and speak of distance in kilometres and measure sizes in centimetres regardless of what country we are in. We adhere strictly to the Canon of Cycling’s Etiquette: The Rules.
A Velominatus is a disciple of the highest order. We spend our days poring over the very essence of what makes ours such a special sport and how that essence fits into Cycling’s colorful fabric. This is the Velominati’s raison d’être. This is where the Velominati can be ourselves. This is our agony – our badge of honor – our sin.
I have a unique way of looking at bicycles. A good bicycle and it’s components are beautiful things to me. I’m not just talking about appearance, but also how the frame and components show the dreams of those who made them.
– Gianni Bugno, Hardman and Italian cycling legend
Perhaps we are too wrapped up in the past, but the Velominati don’t believe that to be the case. After all, the greatest lessons can be learned from the past and those lessons can then be applied to the present and may then allow us to more fully experience the future.
The Keepers:
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The Community:
Velominati.com is less about the articles and more about the conversation. Those of you who read more and poster more, become an integral part of the discussion and help carry the momentum forward. There are several levels of Velominatus*:
Level 4 Velominatus: The casual observer and occasional poster.
Level 3 Velominatus: The regular reader and casual poster.
Level 2 Velominatus: The devoted reader and regular poster.
Level 1 Velominatus: The most committed of reader and poster.
Gray, Black, and Orange Order Velominatus: Once having passed Level 1, the inducted among the Order wear three color badges, based on their rank.
Conduct:
We strive to foster an open, fun, critical, and censure-free environment. Any criticism of our writing, spelling, grammar, or intelligence is welcome and nothing said will ever get you suspended from the site. That said, the code of conduct is governed by Rule #43 and the Piti Principle. Members consistently exhibiting behavior that falls outside these parameters will be warned to check themselves; should warnings go unheeded, we may elect to issue a suspension. The first offense will result in a one-week suspension, the second in a two week suspension, and the third in a three week suspension. A fourth offense will result in a lifetime ban.
Velominati reserves the right to edit posts with the express interest to preserve the spirit of the conversation and the community. Regarding posts that address a grammatical or typographical error, Velominati may elect to take their input, correct the error in the articles where appropriate, and editing posts that point them out. This editorial action is not to serve as a censure entity, but to preserve the spirit of the conversation. That said, we endeavor to only edit those posts that point out a minor issue and only in the event that we make the edit before the post has yielded further discussion. Furthermore, when possible, we will strive to acknowledge said poster for their correction.
Want to contribute a story to the Velominati? Tell us why.
*Levels are calculated based on the previous year’s activity.
@frank
Writers block is like suppressing a sneeze: the harder you try, the less likely you succeed.
Or was it a fart? I’m not sure. Either way, looking forward to it (the article, not the other things I was talking about).
@frank
Of the vast amount of time I have wasted on this site, I would estimate that under 5% has been spent reading any of the articles.
Just make an article with 5 bullet points from the weekend, eg.
1. Sagan is a gun, but he is still probably a cockhead. His wife’s name is Katerina Smolkova, which makes her sound like a Bond girl. All in all, I like him.
2. Boonen was much cooler when he was carrying a bit more weight. Looks a bit wrong these days. So he can’t win again.
3. Those pussies who rode the gutter in Het Volk (not Nieuwsblad) should have been disqualified. Just on principle.
4. Rotor brakes are an insult to the senses. But I still might get some.
5. Starting to like COTHO – his podcasts are quite good, as long as it is his guest, not him, who is doing the talking.
Then let the comments roll.
@wiscot
fuck; i Cant beleive I mist those ones!!1!
For the life of me I’ve never understood why it is that possessive in all instances are ‘s except for its vs it’s. I’ve missed that a hundred times on papers way back in college. There is not a possessive form of it? Well… there is but it’s its and not it’s? Whatev… that’s why I’m an engineer by training. Ain’t (couldn’t resist) something I’d really give a hoot about.
And we get some commentary from the peanut gallery.
Rotor brakes? Rim brakes? you wouldn’t buy a car nowadays with drum brakes yes? Even though they work just fine. Kinda. Just a thought.
cheers all
@Randy C
There’s at least one other example but it doesn’t readily spring to mind.
@Oli
Good catch. I am glad that you were paying attention. Mission accomplished.
@Marcus
1. F off. By the way, the first “Yeah” should have been capitalized, it is the first word in the sentence. And that’s capitalized with a “z” and not an “s.” Get over it.
2. The reference to wanting to be pedantic is irony, or sarcasm–at my own expense. Bless your heart!
3. “Off to go riding,” is a colloquialism or idiomatic phrase, as in “I am off to the races.”
4. Your third point makes no sense at all.
Thanks for the warm welcome. Still, no matter how you turn it, the Bugno quote still contains a glaring error. It’s “its” and it will never be “it’s.” Put that in your spotted dick and wash it down with weak, cold tea. Whether it’s corrected or not, at this point I just couldn’t care less.
@EJ Acosta
Just to help you out – when you quote text that forms part of your sentence and finishes the sentence, the quotation mark is inserted before the full stop.
The only spotted dick I will ever eat is if I blow a leopard.
@EJ Acosta
@Marcus
Get a fucking room, you two.
@EJ Acosta
wateva
@Marcus
Whose?
@KogaLover
I believe the underlying issue is resolved now.
@Barracuda
@KogaLover
@Teocalli
No, it was very legit.
Frahnk ended up, through no known fault of his own, coming up multiple $1,000’s short on the kit order.
When I first tried to post it a week prior to Christmas, the post was “lost in limbo” for quite a while. I figured that Frahnk did not want me asking anyone to help raise some funds but then it suddenly showed up after New Years’.
Unfortunately nothing ever came of it but Frahnk has, as Teocalli said, resolved the issue now.
@Buck Rogers
Post #1032. Whhaaaatt ??
@Barracuda
I saw this post back then and all stayed quiet, although I would have expected someone to confirm what @Duck Rogers said. (One needs to be careful with Muricans and news these days). Who’s “The Man” btw?
@Bespoke
While I love the Velominati, and I love Holland having been there a few times. Man do I dislike that word bespoke, it makes me think of Rule #5 and Stefan. Of course I’d love a custom bike when i can afford one.
Keep up the great work and spirit.
Hey Gianni,
How are things in Hawaii? Snowing like buggery here in Wisconsin. Send me an e-mail will ya please? I have a fresh bit of writing ready to go but I can’t find your e-mail address!
Thanks!
@KogaLover
Yep, crickets ?
Bueller, anyone, anyone ……
@KogaLover
Buon giorno, appasionato di Koga,
Another none-native speaker here (re English), as you know – but I think I may have an idea who ‘The Man’ is that Buck was referring to. I saw an episode of ‘Mythbusters’ at some point in which Jamie and Adam tried out all sorts of urban myths about making cars run without the use of petrol or other combustibles, and generating electricity without having to use the grid, etc – and in that context, Adam kept using the expression “Sticking it to The Man”.
You can look up the expression: it seemed to indicate something like “Getting the better of or Outsmarting… the ‘System'” or similar, I suppose. The establishment. The Big Bucks. Wall Street. The Military-Industrial Complex. Specialized when they act their worst. Something along those lines. ‘The Man’ is or are the one(s) in charge, who sometimes seem(s) to grab every opportunity to screw us ‘regular guys’ over.
On a general note: spring is almost, almost here in the high north – and my bikes are snorting impatiently and literally champing at their bits. Happy spring riding, all (or at least those of you on the Northern hemisphere; autumn is probably nearing for the antipodes? Looking at you, Stralya and Noo Zulland).
Oops – sorry, Italians. I misspelled ‘appassionato’ there (should have been with double ‘s’)
@Buck Rogers
Good things turn up in the end. Thanks @Frank.
@ErikdR
Thanks for explanation! Now I only need @Barracuda to tell me what crickets and Bueller are…
@KogaLover
Ha! Same here – I have no clue what that was all about, to be honest.
But on the great, wide Interwebs, I came across this:
“Bueller – a reference to the movie “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” (which I haven’t seen, I must admit)
“Can be used as filler when nobody responds to a question or statement, e.g.: Person 1: “Has anybody seen my hat?”; Person 2: “… (silence)…”; Person 1: “Bueller?”.
But as for ‘crickets’? No idea… Same principle, perhaps? “Barracuda?”
@Barracuda
@ErikdR
Damn! Sorry guys, I thought that you were not serious in not understanding “The Man” reference.
“The Man” is anything that general fuck’s us up and is beyond our control and usually is used in a case where it is impossible to put your finger on the exact cause.
@ErikdR
“Crickets” i’s referring to when no won rezponds, so awl you here our the sound of the crickets in the background. The sound of crickets is when a googley brakes a wicket and the Windies are 117 all out.
@xyxax
Will this ever stop? So now I get Bueller and cricktes, but “googley brakes a wicket and the windies are 117 all out”?
@KogaLover
This is Cricket with a capital C. A West Indies vs England game actually produced the commentary “The batsman’s Holding the bowler’s Willey”.
And also about the funniest piece of end of day commentary summary here.
@Teocallii
There’s a fairly important comma missing from somewhere in all of that.
@Buck Rogers
Cheers, Buck! And no worries…
@Barracuda, @Teocalli, @xyxax, @chris Thank you, too, gentleman, for the laughs. Brilliant stuff. (Not necessarily understanding all of it – but the parts that I did get, had me in stitches…)
@ErikdR
Correct on all accounts Gentlemen, ” Crickets” i.e. when no-one responds, thats the sound you hear. And ” Bueller ” – as in Ferris Buellers Day off – the movie. The scene when the teacher is doing the roll call.
Well played all !
Oi! There are little “thumbs up” icons on all of the posts now! Must say I’m surprised with all the give and take around ere that there are not thumbs down ones as well!
Maybe instead of thumbs we could have little Merckx faces for thumbs up and COTHO faces for the thumbs down???
@Buck Rogers
Isn’t it a bit of a slippery slope from wee “thumbs-up” icons to emoticons?
@wiscot
;)
@Buck Rogers
I think @frank added that feature because he likes to see the little “0” included at the end of every quote.
(^.^)
As a newbie to the Velominati site I would love to find out if I can order a ‘Rules’ poster either on this or another site. Thanks! Rabbit.
Frank,
any chance you could take a look at my email sent to pre-orders @ velom…… ?
Thanks,
David
@Rabbit
yes
https://rouleur.cc/velominati-the-rules-art-print.html
@Rabbit
and yes
http://www.velominati.com/the-gear/the-rules-bookazine/
please forgive my ignorance, what does the belgium symbol next to my name mean?
@Cary
You won Ronde van Vlaanderen on the VSP
awesome!
@Frank
anyone can fuck up. It’s how one deals with fuck-ups that’s the real measure of a person. Whatever else is happening in your life the current fuck-up that I know about is going on for far too long without an attempt to resolve it.
David
@davidlhill
And in my case resolution would be for you to write a 1 line email to the suppliers saying “Let David Hill buy a Velominati shirt direct from you”.
Simple as.
However, since I’ve been asking for this since the spring it seems even that can’t be done.
Anyone else having problems getting gear? am waiting since December 2016 for my delivery and no response from the Dispatch Monkey with the Long Arms.
@KogaLover
There has been an almighty cock-up to end all cock-ups and sadly Frank appears to be burying his head in the sand. I’ve been waiting since July 2016 and he won’t respond to emails (or messages here – see above).
Seems that @Frank‘s balance may be better on a bike than a ladder! Take it easy and heal well @Frank. Apparently he is laid up with a broken shoulder.
@Teocalli
Isn’t he supposed to be holding court at the Rouleur Classic this weekend?
@Steve Trice
Yes but he’s had to cancel.
@Teocalli
Ah, shite luck. Get well soon Frank you twat.
Get well soon Frank. Look on the bright side, this happened in November, not June or July. Get thee on the turbo trainer and you’ll be raring to go for 2018.