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Velominatus: Beers

Order: Level 1 Velominatus

Location: Waitakere

Tortoise extraordinaire

@Beers's activity:

You can only spend so much time with the Schlecks before you start talking like them, and the fabulous Fabs seems to have crossed the threshold. I’ve heard more complaining from him this season than I have talk about pushing harder on the pedals or going steady up with more speed or going full gas like everyone else, but just doing it for ...

@Beers's posts:

  1. @wiscot With a Ferrari painted with dolphins, I fear it is already too late… »

  2. He was worthy because he threw the dice and the others were too busy thinking they would get him, rather than working together to actually get it back for a bunch sprint. Say what you want, in an era when all the teams are against releasing top secret ri… »

I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out. - Bill Hicks That famous quote from the Greatest Comedian Of All Time™ has resonated with me for many years. It became my silent mantra, as I don’t suffer fools gladly and sometimes don’t make much effort to conceal the fact. Lately, I̵...

@Beers's posts:

  1. @unversio Nah, just saying tis better to not be a judgemental dick and to help people, show them the way rather than shun them away. And my little story was to illustrate that I would have given up if it were not for my own stubbornness at ignoring the… »

  2. When I started, I had one bike that doubled as my commuter. I stumped up some cash for some cheap light wheels and GP4000’s, switched them in at weekends and started turning up to bunch rides. I tried hard to find an accepting bunch. I had poor fitting, … »

Stupidity is a powerful force never to be underestimated. Geese are a good example; a more stupid vertebrate one would be most challenged to come across yet should you wander into a flock of them pecking about peacefully in a field, one is likely to erupt from its grazing to grab a billful of your ass and commence beating you savagely with it...

@Beers's posts:

  1. @frank Road ID actually have a smartphone app, you add a couple emergency contacts and your own details, then take a screenshot and set it as your lock screen. One more urban riding rule – Don’t undertake! Cars are very unpredictable and one time I… »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@Beers's posts:

  1. @ChrissyOne Wo, I thought that shot was from a catalogue, nice! @DeKerr Mate, you got permission, you should do it. I was in the same position, we’d just had another kid, busting our asses, tight finances with a little left, and the VMH said I should get… »

A friend recently asked my advice for how to prepare for the longest ride he’d ever done. My approach is somewhat unorthodox when it comes to this sort of thing; I like to train to ride a lot farther than the event itself, and whenever possible, throw in a handful of sessions with my old friend, The Man with the Hammer. I suggested he do the...

@Beers's posts:

  1. @Simon I’m not sure the dietician would have been talking of choc milk during the event. During a game they definitely drink electro/carb drinks. The science says choc milk is one of the best recovery drinks you can have. Research says protein is almost p… »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@Beers's posts:

  1. @frank Easy on the past tense mate, they’re not in Paris yet! What with all the talk on it being Spider and Bertie show before it had even begun, all we need is some over zealous selfie taker numpty to step into Vince, going down and breaking a collar, … »

  2. I’m going to keep my eyes open for this Bauer guy, rode like a stud, heart on his sleeve. One of the rides of the tour IMO… Just would have loved for it to have come off for the romance of the tour, but that’s racing. »

Rule #33- Legs are to be carefully shaved at all times.This is one of the Rules that really defines the term Cyclist to the Velominati. Discussions about Rule #33 flare up on the site occasionally, burn brightly then smolder out. Between faces and legs, it is a lot of man-scraping. Rule #33 is a task master. Compliance is one thing, defending i...

@Beers's posts:

  1. @Gianni Additionally, shorn legs look fitter than unshorn! The definition improvement you get is impressive even on the ahem, heaviest of the bunch. »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@Beers's posts:

  1. Fuckity fuck fuck… VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps): 1. vincenzo nibali 2. Richie Porte 3. Alejandro Valverde 4. T Van Garderen 5. Thibaut Pinot »

Rule #33- Legs are to be carefully shaved at all times.This is one of the Rules that really defines the term Cyclist to the Velominati. Discussions about Rule #33 flare up on the site occasionally, burn brightly then smolder out. Between faces and legs, it is a lot of man-scraping. Rule #33 is a task master. Compliance is one thing, defending i...

@Beers's posts:

  1. From what I understand those bastions of machismo the rugby players are also fond of shorn pistons. No one asks them though, nor questions their masculinity. Probably because they are twice our size. As for me, I just turn turn to them and say “Why do I s… »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@Beers's posts:

  1. @fignons barber Glad to hear you are ok mate. After my own off I found it poignant to realise bike shit can be replaced, health and lives cannot, so as far as that goes, sacrificing the Canyon to the road gods was a win.. Hope you get back soon. »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@Beers's posts:

  1. It was awesome to watch. A large number of crashes on corners on tarmac, I’m wondering if the slipperiness/rolliness of a tub at 60psi is easily handled in the dry, but makes for even more breakaway risk in the wet on the smooth stuff? »

  2. @Geraint It seems Porte also hit the deck, looking at his left shoulder here »

  3. VSP PICKS: 1. christopher froome 2. alberto contador 3. jurgen van den broek 4. Andrew Talansky 5. vincenzo nibali »

Why are women’s races run concurrently with men’s races? I would get it if it was the women’s Tour de France, but I don’t get it when it is the women’s Giro in July. Since the Tour de Swiss there has been a lack of stage racing (in my TV watching schedule) and seemingly a perfect time to present a women’s stage r...

@Beers's posts:

  1. “take me doooowwwn in a blaze of gloorrraaaaayyyy…” »

  2. “take me doooowwwn in a blaze of gloorrraaaaayyyy…” VSP PICKS: 1. ferrand prevot 2. gillow 3. claudia lichtenberg 4. pooley 5. vos »

Cyclocross could be the most perplexing of all the cycling disciplines. To me it’s  at once the most beautiful and the most unappealing. The beauty comes from the great European races, and of course by ‘European’ I mean ‘Belgian’. The lack of appeal stems from the fact that I just don’t want to do it. It looks...

@Beers's posts:

  1. I have the possibility of riding MTB or tweaking my franken bike and chucking on some cheap CX clinchers to run the race I’m aiming at. Which would you cx-sensei suggest to a cx-pedalwan?  I was just going to get the gruntiest tread I could find for the … »

Chamois leather used in cycling shorts looked like this only once, before the first washing. After that one had to slather cream onto it to attempt to restore it to its former soft smoothness, which was impossible. I have written a reverence article on chamois cream and I vowed then to never google “saddle sore images” again, hence a b...

@Beers's posts:

  1. For treatment I have been using Bepanthen because we have it around the house thanks to the Velomigrommie, and it has been working well. Not the Antiseptic version either, which may prove even better. For prevention, I use a lanolin medicated cream Lanis… »

Cyclocross could be the most perplexing of all the cycling disciplines. To me it’s  at once the most beautiful and the most unappealing. The beauty comes from the great European races, and of course by ‘European’ I mean ‘Belgian’. The lack of appeal stems from the fact that I just don’t want to do it. It looks...

@Beers's posts:

  1. Alex’s story is a real inspiration, I hung on every word of his first season blogs and over at Spoke. That happy go lucky, I’m gonna give this a try every week even though I get pulled every race, but becoming the peoples champion development is really qu… »

The Ride. It is the cathedral of our sport, where we worship at the altar of the Man with the Hammer. It is the end to our means. Indeed, The Bike may be the central tool to our sport, but to turn the pedals is to experience the sensation of freedom, of flight. It is all for The Ride.The world is overflowing with small, twisty roads that capture ou...

@Beers's posts:

  1. Who’s entered Ride of 6 this Sunday, and named their team after the site? Owing to your start time, I expect you will be at the pointy end, whilst we shall be at the other. Will keep an eye out anyway. VLVV, lets enjoy the gravel… »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@Beers's posts:

  1. @Teocalli So rad! Would love to attend the Italian event.. Maybe someone could help this chap. Ghanaian entering the Comm games in track, and needs some wheels.. @iamjeddie . Dan R?? If I had twit I would tweet all the brands I could think of, alas.. »

There are two ways in life to be good at something. The first way is the most obvious, which is to actually be good at something. This is harder than it sounds because you need things like skills, talent, fortitude, and light sabers. The other way doesn’t require those things but it has its own challenges; basically, you have to be holistical...

@Beers's posts:

  1. @ChrisO I learnt everything I needed to from Rise of the Foot Soldier?? (JK, lifetime player here, knee issues led to the bike. And for what it is worth, the theatrics suck ass, but the reasoning is obviously a tactical play to retain/regain possessio… »

The Tour de Suisse can be everyone’s warm-up for the Tour de France, including all you VSP dreamers. The big show seems to be the Critérium de Dauphanié this year, as far as Tour de France contenders go but the Tour de Suisse still has some big guns showing up. Twiggo is here, not for a Tour warm up, unless people are worried about Richie P...

@Beers's posts:

  1. @Fausto Mine the same even if I refresh? Wiggins Mollema Costa Dennis Kreuziger »