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Velominatus: Ccos

Order: Gray Order Velominatus

Location: Little Rhody

Southern expatriate living in New England (happy to be able to buy grits, a bit bummed that can't get decent pork rinds), former collegiate racer in the late 1980's who came back to cycling after a long period of darkness when the diversions of life were all consuming. The ability to brew beer compensates nicely for any character flaws.

@Ccos's activity:

I think it would be hard for anyone to make the case that Eddy Merckx was Roger de Vlaeminck’s Cycling Sensei, but I think we can all agree that De Vlaeminck was a student of Merckx, if only a student of his domination. But every student at some point becomes the master, and the driven student will always challenge the Order of Things.Eve...

@Ccos's posts:

  1. True right, soul crushing has its place and time. I do like the pre and post race bantor. »

I’m trying my best to stay thin this winter, but I’m nowhere near where I was when it was warm and the days were long. I keep flashing back to the last time I felt genuinely skinny and declared to myself, “This time, I’ll keep it off!”This photo is a metaphor. Winter me is on the right, Summer me is on the left. Mi...

@Ccos's posts:

  1. @gilly I’m suprised all those melenomas haven’t killed him yet (unless they’re supernumeray nipples). »

  2. The Prophet looks none too thrilled to be suffering this indignity. »

The darker months bring out the macabre in each of us; for Gianni it was the extinction of his beloved Park Tool adjustable clamp. For me, I found myself mourning the fact that I recently purchased a headset press. Ignoring the fact that a Velominatus of my stature didn’t already own one, the mourn behind the mourn is where the interest lies...

@Ccos's posts:

  1. Frank, there is something comforting in the rituals we maintain as cyclists, especially when it comes to the maintenance of our machines. Repacking bearings perfectly is certainly one; like applying oil to the chain, link by link. They can bring us sereni… »

There are certain bicycle tools that once owned, signify much more than just ownership. For me, it was this Park clamp. No one starts out with a proper bike stand. For any cyclist, I see the early years of working on the bike as it leans up against the end of the bed. I also see no live-in girlfriend or second room to do this in. This era includes...

@Ccos's posts:

  1. @Rob When was that taken-recently? The joker on the right in the Wheelworks kit looks super familiar (as does MIT dude), singing guy in middle – not so much. The CCB kit is current, but the Wheelworks one is quite different now from what I’ve seen. »

White is a troublesome color; hard to keep clean. I have a white dress shirt that I never wear because even if I manage not to spill on the front of it, the cuffs and collar will look crap by the end of the day regardless. I mean, I can keep from eating something all day, but I can’t keep from drinking coffee or wine, and before very long som...

@Ccos's posts:

  1. I have always gone with white bar tape because it allows me to display my compulsiveness. fi'zi:k’s microtech tape however could be used by the most slovenly rube and still look fantastic. You could rub a Fred’s leg on it and it just wipes clean. I do love… »

Waiting has never been my strong point. I’m anxious, but don’t really suffer from anxiety. Good things come to those who wait isn’t at the top of my list of proverbs to live by. Do What Thou Wilt always has been, though; kind of a Just Do It for early 20th century Satanists, and me.It was with this mantra in the back of my mind th...

@Ccos's posts:

  1. This weekend I was thinking about golf. Not in the “it’s not a sport because you can drink booze and smoke while doing it” way but whether or not anyone gets custom, handmade things of beauty like this. »

Going fast and looking good while doing it is our Velominati creed. Riding on the tops is the domaine of going uphill, where braking and aerodynamics are unimportant. In most other situations that position is too slow. The pros are usually flattened down in the drops or flattened down on the brake hoods. When us non-pros are not climbing, riding on...

@Ccos's posts:

  1. Agreed, certainly your steering is more stable from said position and it can be much more comfortable. However, I always keep a finger on the brake lever in a race. There are just too numbskulls in the world with sketchiness woven into their DNA. »

We want to look like Pros, sure, but what we’re really after is feeling Pro. All the aesthetics are just a tool we use to fuel the fickle internal combustion engine of Morale. In the end, there is little that will make you feel Pro more than clattering along a stretch of cobbles in a small group; instant “select breakaway”. One...

@Ccos's posts:

  1. Reading about the Keepers Tour makes me think I’m Ulysses and the Keepers are the sirens. Not too sure who’s tied me to the mast though… »

It doesn’t take a genius to see what’s going on here. Rule #5, Rule #9, Rule #10; every rider in this frame Looks Fantastic (most other Rules). The riders are in short sleeves and shorts while the public apparently has scavenged materials from rubbish bins and the local grain elevator in a very visually unpleasant effort to keep war...

@Ccos's posts:

  1. @markb Tis best to wear the cap for brief periods post ride lest mussed hair spoil attempts at looking fantastic (post race or post group ride away from home). Wearing one elsewhere certainly runs the risk of moving the needle on the Douche meter, but… »

One of the things that strikes me most about the English is they don’t appear to have developed any sort of “inner dialog”. It seems anything that passes through the brain is parlayed directly to the tongue; if the thought being expressed is an insult to you, it will generally include a query for confirmation: “You’r...

@Ccos's posts:

  1. While we’re at it: old people can’t whisper. That must be especially fun when they’re English. Just today at a lecture my mentor leaned over and discretely shouted in my ear “THIS GUY’S DATA IS CRAP…” »

I’m not saying I’m Batman; if I was Batman it would be a foolish thing to admit to and if I wasn’t Batman it would be a foolish thing to claim to be. What is true, however, is that Batman is pretty cool and it would probably be pretty cool to be a cool dude like Batman. It bears mentioning, however, that I have never been see...

@Ccos's posts:

  1. @VeloVita  I’m with you on that. My opinions have vacillated with other riders too. I used to be completely annoyed by Jensie before developing an appreciation of his habit of attacking out of a break away with. 50 km to go. »

  2. @VeloVita I dunno, Horner was always good for doing something like this »

I have a huge capacity for watching bike racing on TV. I’ll watch hours of it even when nothing is really happening. I’m certainly not bragging. So I’m quite certain I could sit in the cramped, possibly smokey, noisy, Gent velodrome and watch an evening of six-day racing. I bet the ratio of men to women (who actually want to be th...

@Ccos's posts:

  1. Gianni, I agree completely. I could stare at cycling all day, even if was recorded earlier, which I can’t do for the ball sports. However, thank Merckx I know a little bit about what a 6 day race is, that piece was quasi-worthless. My take away from the v… »

“My dear, Find what you love and let it kill you. Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it kill you and let it devour your remains. For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover. ~ Falsely yours” ― Charles BukowskiIt&#...

@Ccos's posts:

  1. @Teocalli 19th century’s version of HTFU. Can’t imagine Nietzsche using the word “Fucktard” though. »

  2. @Ccos Or MRI as the case may be (my reading comprehension at this time of day can be dicey). »

  3. Thank Merckx we die. The world would be WAY more fucked up if we didn’t. Glad to hear the CT was ok. »

I’ve never been to Africa before, although I’m not sure Cape Town counts as “Africa”. One thing I noticed is that everyone here is very skinny. I also noticed that the meal proportions served at restaurants are very modest. That shows the difference between prevention and treatment when dealing with obesity; whereas in the U...

@Ccos's posts:

  1. Traveling without kit or bike, not the skinniest guy in the area…are you involved in some witness protection program or something? »

Sharing the road with cars is mostly a losing proposition. It’s hard to share when your vehicle weighs 8 kgs and the other guy’s is 800 kgs. If we have to share we have to let go and that is not easy, as @Kevin Wilkins explains. Yours in Cycling, Gianni Continue reading...

@Ccos's posts:

  1. @Ken Ho I don’t think it had anything to do with any of that. It’s more a simple issue: someone on a bike is an obstacle to the driver in a car and nothing more. It has stopped being surprising to see someone pass me while risking a sideswipe with an on… »

  2. Keeping to this has kept me out of trouble. »

What does the layman observe when he sees a cyclist in the wild? While we do our utmost to Look Fantastic, in our own eyes and minds at least, outside observers may as well be witnessing little green aliens who’ve just stepped off their spacecraft and are heading to their very first fancy dress/drag party on this weird and wonderful planet...

@Ccos's posts:

  1. @Teocalli I had a nearly similar experience here in New England: during a brief end of ride stop, two monstrously huge, tatted-up biker types checked out our machines parked outside then made a beline straight towards me and my equaly lithe riding budd… »

  2. Great treatise and sadly quite true in as far as the public’s perspective of us. The contrary argument though: what the fuck do they know? I will happily comply with your requests when the general public is looking equally fantastic when out and about. U… »

There is nothing more disappointing than discovering the truth behind a myth or spotting the mortal behind a legend. This is why I make a point never to do any research or in any other way attempt to validate my assumptions when evaluating a situation; mystery that feels like a fact and sounds like a fact is better than an actual fact. Tr...

@Ccos's posts:

  1. @starclimber Ah, you are correct sir, more falsehood than myth. The coverage of the Coors Classic (’85 or ’86?) was not kind. However the remainder of your listings are facts about the man. We certainly can mold them into legend though. The bad myth bit… »

  2. I completely agree but some myths like Hinault is a complete jerk as professed by American fans in the 80’s couldn’t be further from the truth when you meet the dude in person. He’s an approachable, very nice guy. On the other hand I’ve been able to supp… »

I’m not sure where this ride falls on the graph of fitness but down towards the bottom, somewhere.There can be a point in every rider’s season where each ride ends the same. FFS, I suck. The unabridged volume of self-loathing is reviewed, cogent chapters reread, aloud, in the bathroom. I’m Too Fat To Climb is a chapter I like to q...

@Ccos's posts:

  1. @antihero There’s a great quote: “no matter how you feel, be it good or bad, it won’t last.” Reference to follow. »