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Velominatus: Chris

Order: Keepers Tour: Cobbled Classics 2012 Attendee

Location: The Cambridgeshire Flatlands

Social: Website / /

Errant Velominatus (too many Rule Violations to mention including Rule #33 enforced by @Mrs Chris), lover of the Pavé, Rule #6 and roller sessions. Gruppetto specialist and occasional voiture balai passenger. Firm believer in if not adherent to Rule 12: ° 2011 Cannondale CAAD8 105, ° 2006 Cannondale Prophet, ° ???? Redline Flight Pro - Built up from eBay parts aftet finding that standing around watching the kids ripping up the BMX track gets a bit dull. Scared myself shitless on the track so itgenerally gets used as a run around. Had a 2007 Marin Quake as well but sold that to fund my attendance at KT13 In real life, 43 year old father of three living in Cambridgeshire and working in London.

@Chris's activity:

I have met @chris on the original Keepers Tour. He seemed like a reasonable person at the time. Then again, @rob passes himself off  as a rational person yet he signed up for the Too Much on 100 ride and completed it. People sign up for these crazy rides because it forces them to get in the best shape possible. It makes these long rides more enjoy...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @Optimiste There will be a follow up guest article describing just how horrible it was and how much I suffered. @cal I’m on holiday in Devon at the moment. Loads of hills (it’s all hills) but I’m afraid there has also been some big nights on the vino. … »

  2. @Optimiste It’s long been a favourite. It’s actually a depiction of Paris Roubaix but seemed to fit the Grim Up North cliché so I trimmed it to lose the Rourbaix sign post. »

  3. @everyone who’ve donated on the just giving page; thank you so much. I’m stunned that people I’ve never met and people whose names I don’t recognise from here have been so generous. Thank You. »

  4. @Teocalli We’re setting of at dawn. Rapha have just posted the following with regards to feed stations but it gives a bit of an indication about timing: Many of you have been asking for information about the feed stations so here is a basic overview for … »

  5. @harminator, @Steve Steveson Those are both great stories and fantastic insight into what it can be like to live with autism/aspergers. It’s so important for people to realise that for a lot of people with it, things that we take for granted are so much m… »

  6. @Bespoke The second weekend in September is going to be epic. Trust me »

  7. @Teocalli As far as I know there are no rules about getting “outside assistance”. The organisers plan is that people will ride in groups but how it will pan out, I’ve no idea. Any support, whether a wheel to follow, cheerleader squads or beer hand ups wo… »

  8. @MangoDave I might be biased but that get the award for best first post ever. Welcome to LVV. »

  9. Somewhere along the line the link to the jersey on ebay seems to have gone missing. That or I didn’t stick it in to start with. It’s here »

  10. @Ccos I’m so way out beyond fucked. Still I’ve got two weeks holiday starting tomorrow, Devon and the coaast by the southern end of the Pyrenees to get stuck into some decent cream teas and gallons of vin roug… …er no, sorry get some serious miles in…. »

I bought a Road ID the day I learned of Jon Lennard’s death on August 12, 2013. Someone in the posts of the original announcement of his passing (below) mentioned he was identified by his Road ID. Of course he had a Road ID. What I knew of him made that perfect. So responsible and sensible.The nature of this community is a strange thing; we d...

@Chris's posts:

  1. Every now and then, surfing through old articles, I come across one of Jon’s posts. Sometimes there’s a kick in the guts followed by a chuckle or wry smile as I realise I’ve come across one of his post before I’ve read it but more often than not the chuck… »

Brett’s fine Nick Cave article got me thinking about music and cycling. We spend lots of time alone on our bikes. The bike is on autopilot, it stays upright from second to second, freeing up our brains to consider anything or nothing. Music might be the only riding companion we have but it has to be the right music. Being as Pro as possible is...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @Dr C Nipple lube you mad Irish fucker. Where have you been? »

@Chris's posts:

  1. An early nomination for the 2014 V-Moment of the Year. I know he’s a dodgy little fucker but riding stage of any race the day after you’ve had this done to your knee is hardman territory. »

@Chris's posts:

  1. @oldensteel Oh I see now! I do apologise for casting aspersions. I need to go and find a steep hill on which to find atonement. »

  2. @oldensteel I’m not entirely sure that the “Facial hair is to be carefully regulated” bit of Rule #50 was intended to include dying one’s beard but surely doing so would be on a level with using fake tan to maintain ones tan lines. Eitherway, it’s a dirty… »

The Whale Shark is the biggest nonmammalian vertebrate* on the planet, rivaling the dinosaurs for size. How do you feed yourself when you’re that huge without loading up on carbs all the time? Easy, you swim around with your mouth wide open for 22 hours a day and hope enough food swims in there to take the edge off the hunger pangs. Cycl...

@Chris's posts:

  1. Ha, fucked that up. Need sleep. »

  2. @wiscot True, but it doesn’t matter how big your ring is if you’re just going to bend over and shag your bars (oh now I understand!). The 2 tooth increase was aimed at the more mortal pros. »

  3. @wiscot The only bits that are the same are the cockpit (fucking daft name for handlebars, shifters and brake levers) and his kit. »

  4. On the subject of aero tucks on the TT, it just seems wrong to me. I wan’t courses on which the pros get in their TT position and stay there for the duration whilst pushing dinner plates at least 2 teeth larger than their road set up. »

  5. @wiscot It’s certainly a different bike to the one in Franks photo above. Whether the two photos are from the same race is questionable. If yes, he also ditched his shades. »

No technology can increase the energy of the willpower of the rider, nor can it lessen the doubts which sometimes overwhelm him. - Bernard HinaultAs I swung off the main road, I was momentarily consumed by the simple thrill of my tires leaving the hard tarmac and hitting the rough gravel of the unpaved forest road. It was a brief distraction of the...

@Chris's posts:

  1. Nice one Frank. Without the Will we are nothing and we have nothing; without it we can’t overcome our strongest adversary, ourselves. »

The Whale Shark is the biggest nonmammalian vertebrate* on the planet, rivaling the dinosaurs for size. How do you feed yourself when you’re that huge without loading up on carbs all the time? Easy, you swim around with your mouth wide open for 22 hours a day and hope enough food swims in there to take the edge off the hunger pangs. Cycl...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @Rom Panzerwagen in full low pressure hover mode »

@Chris's posts:

  1. @frank It should also be noted that no one, apart from the press at the time, would seriously suggest that Merckx’s 1971 Tour win was diminished by the fact that Ocana crashed out whilst in yellow with a 7 minute lead. (Speaking of Ocana, I’ve just pi… »

The Whale Shark is the biggest nonmammalian vertebrate* on the planet, rivaling the dinosaurs for size. How do you feed yourself when you’re that huge without loading up on carbs all the time? Easy, you swim around with your mouth wide open for 22 hours a day and hope enough food swims in there to take the edge off the hunger pangs. Cycl...

@Chris's posts:

  1. I’ve devoted considerable time and effort to developing my whale shark impression. As you so rightly point out it should be reserved for times when you’re actually riding hard which means you’re probably not supply enough oxygen to the brain to analyse it… »

I like definition, to place things in a box and tightly seal the lid. It makes me feel comfortable, like another of life’s little mysteries has been stored away for safe keeping. I also love ambiguity; it is the space wherein all interesting questions are asked; the unknown is life’s greatest beauty. You might say that makes me a hypo...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @Mikael Liddy Nice. I’ve gone down a similar route but silver/grey with orange highlights. Works well with my V-kit but not so much with my red club kit. The whole thing would be a fucking minefield if it wasn’t for such wise words from Frank: Otherwi… »