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Velominatus: Joe

Order: Level 4 Velominatus

Location: Now in Los Angeles...

@Joe's activity:

This needs no introduction. The Spring Classics are truly upon us. The course has been modified yet again, it is tougher? The riders make the race and the 2014 Ronde van Vlaanderen is loaded with racers who could win or make the Velominati VSP placings. Just to pick the winner will not be nearly as easy as it has been recently. There are small clo...

@Joe's posts:

  1. Gaaaah so tough I’m forced into some brilliantly unoriginal picks. Got some belgian brews lined up but might need to swap out the real chips for an onion ring stack…. VSP PICKS: 1. Cancellara 2. Boonen 3. Sagan 4. Thomas 5. Devolder »

The Kemmelberg is a brute. In my opinion, its the hardest of the cobbled climbs in the Spring Classics; it has a high speed tarmac approach that saps the guns of their snap. The transition from tarmac to cobbles is awful, the stones are very badly laid throughout and if you don’t hit it just right, you’ll come to a standstill. The cobbl...

@Joe's posts:

  1. Looking forward to a bit more easy on up with more speed from Le Grand Faboo. VSP PICKS: 1. Cancellara 2. Sagan 3. Boonen 4. Thomas 5. Degenkolb »

I came strongly into the Fall, stronger than in other years thanks to a late-season objective to do well at my first Heck of the North gravel classic in Minnesota. I was light and I had built good power and endurance by riding the steep gravel roads that pepper the North Cascades and suffering through brutal interval sessions on the windswept stre...

@Joe's posts:

  1. @paolo – very debatable my friend. Decker, Flores or Deer Creek, mebbe. Where I have newtons finest on my side….:) @Frank – gravity training is one thing, the top of that hill felt like a big wet vinegary sponge was being squeezed out in both thighs. T… »

  2. @Mike_P – sounds like serious work, chapeau! »

  3. I’m entering the spring season in the form of my life. The worst form of my life. Fat, indolent hours passed on the sofa, comfort staples of onion rings and tacos and an over-reliance on fizzy, amber-hopped recovery beverages without the justification of … »

It’s the ride you’ll do the most. The hardest ride you’ll ever do, too. You’ll do it so often that it should be easy, but it never is. Its frequency is such that it really should morph into all the other rides of its ilk, therefore negating the actual nexus of this necessary, evil ride. But it never does, it’s always s...

@Joe's posts:

  1. Grim…despite the weather being bloody marvelous, I’ve managed only sporadic sorties into the hills in the last couple of months. Dark evenings and psychotic drivers have killed my commuter miles and hi-test IPA has given birth to a Kaiser-gut. This Sat… »

The early eighties saw the tide change in the European Peloton. Components were taking on a new, curvy shape as they left their boxy forms behind. The glint of toe clips in the sun would become a rarer sight as the move towards clipless pedals would take hold in 1985. English speakers were winning the big races classically won by continental Pros.T...

@Joe's posts:

  1. better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all etc. I’m pretty sure Bon Scott was saying that in Whole Lotta Rosie. Got to say, the combo of watching it 9 hrs delayed and the apocryphal toads dominance after Ax has made it more challenging … »

  2. @buck rogers – steakador managed it in 09 beating le grand faboo in the ITT and smearing the schleckles all over the St Bernard. »

  3. Late to the party on the Cav front but consider me a +n on Steampunk’s comments. Froome an animal in the TT, reminds me of the year Steak-a-dor beat le Grand Faboo around Lac Annecy. He’s making everyone else look very normal. Once in a generation talent… »

How can we not talk about the Tour? After Sunday’s stage it’s hard not to be a little excited. Until yesterday the most thrilling thing I had seen was Mark Cavendish’s mad man chase back to the peloton after a late-in-the-race crash. He needed to get back quickly as the race was hurtling toward a sprint finish he was supposed to w...

@Joe's posts:

  1. Europcar Colnagos are awesome.   I love that Colnago went back to lugged carbon with the C59. My C50 is still the nicest riding bike I’ve ever ridden, I’d love to have a spin on the new… »

Three things can send me from a deep sleep to sitting bolt upright in bed, gasping in terror. First is the most obvious, which is any dream involving visions of spiders. Second is dreaming of being dragged off or otherwise being aware of impending doom and opening my mouth to scream but having no sound come out. An alternate of this dream is one re...

@Joe's posts:

  1. To be honest, number 2 bike is that unstable that above 80k my harris is twittering so violently, a Lemond moment is a distinct possibility. Before number 1 bike gave up on me, I’m not sure I ever cracked 100, but I must have got close. It was a consider… »

The early eighties saw the tide change in the European Peloton. Components were taking on a new, curvy shape as they left their boxy forms behind. The glint of toe clips in the sun would become a rarer sight as the move towards clipless pedals would take hold in 1985. English speakers were winning the big races classically won by continental Pros.T...

@Joe's posts:

  1. Clearly some paparazzo snapping me and Paulo in the colle di Malibu last weekend. Didn’t spot them at the time. Lovely job by Gerrans today. Wasn’t expecting that at all. With froome dog suffering sky train malfunction all we need is a bovine tb out brea… »

Three things can send me from a deep sleep to sitting bolt upright in bed, gasping in terror. First is the most obvious, which is any dream involving visions of spiders. Second is dreaming of being dragged off or otherwise being aware of impending doom and opening my mouth to scream but having no sound come out. An alternate of this dream is one re...

@Joe's posts:

  1. Damn, Yates is showing admirable form there. The merest hint of highest order pro-tanlines.   Suspect bar angle though n’est-ce pas? »

The early eighties saw the tide change in the European Peloton. Components were taking on a new, curvy shape as they left their boxy forms behind. The glint of toe clips in the sun would become a rarer sight as the move towards clipless pedals would take hold in 1985. English speakers were winning the big races classically won by continental Pros.T...

@Joe's posts:

  1. What the hell are Tony Martin and Geraint Thomas made of? I’d be in bed for the duration with the chicken soup and the prescription painkillers after that sort of battering. Aliens. Oh and cycling in 110f out here at the weekend? Not such a great idea. T… »

What does Selle SMP have in common with the lead up to the 2013 Tour de France? Absolutely nothing, seeing as possibly no riders are on them in the Tour. It’s a long three weeks of Tour ahead, let’s think about our own asses for a brief moment. As a disclaimer: this is not a Reverence article, yet, maybe after a few centuries and pavé...

@Joe's posts:

  1. @scaler911 – I too fell victim to the Campy 7.5mm mumbleswerve. What sick deluded maniac uses a 7.5mm allen key? Took me bloody ages to find one. That said, I don’t think mine ever self extracted. »

  2. I had one of those razor edge SMPs. I used it for about 3 weeks and proselytised vociferously on its merits. Then I trapped a nut between the rails while trying a Faboo-style easy on up with more speed number which left me a sad rumpled heap by the side … »

The early eighties saw the tide change in the European Peloton. Components were taking on a new, curvy shape as they left their boxy forms behind. The glint of toe clips in the sun would become a rarer sight as the move towards clipless pedals would take hold in 1985. English speakers were winning the big races classically won by continental Pros.T...

@Joe's posts:

  1. Just marker really, making sure I don’t DG the big show… VSP PICKS: 1. Conty 2. Froome 3. Purito 4. Cuddles 5. Porte »

This photo is perhaps the greatest of all time; it shows The Prophet riding in the 1969 Ronde van Vlaanderen, kit and machine perfect. Rule #9 conditions in abundance. He’s gone off the front with some 80km left to race, which predictably sent his directeur into a rage. Ordered to return to the bunch, Merckx calmly suggested he go screw hi...

@Joe's posts:

  1. Fast Eddy, what a lord. Definitely in league with the devil. I rode the long way home from work as fast as possible. 40k, 750m. Now sat it the garden with a 12 pack of Dales Pale Ale. Not that I’ll drink them all mind, but in this climate it pays to stay … »

Every once in a while, you stumble across a quote that changes your outlook on how you approach life. Of course, this requires that one does a good deal of “reading”, which is a problem for me, as reading anything that isn’t Cycling-related feels the same as doing “work”. I do the odd bit of it nevertheless, and in a r...

@Joe's posts:

  1. Congratulations gents. So many magnificent articles over the years – the keepers deserve some printed immortality. Cheers! »

We have the kind of poor judgement that allows us to have a puppy. She’s half pit, half something, and half something else and boasts a lilliputian-sized head. As her Life Coach, I’ve instructed her to focus on growing her head because, as her Uncle Gianni says, no one gets anywhere in this world with a tiny head. But she’s a g...

@Joe's posts:

  1. @Ron – that is the absolute cold word. Bloody well said. »

  2. I had a fabulous ride on Sunday. Only 62k, but 1900 metres of upwardly mobile V, which for me is a little like V-squared. Resplendent in V-kit, with a bidon of water, spare tube, pump and two small, foam-like snack products acquired in a last minute gas … »

My wife and I live in subtropical Maui. We moved here partly to break the horrible cycle of fall fitness followed by winters of undersubscribed gym memberships, eleven minute turbotrainer sessions, weight gain followed by depression and a complete loss of cycling fitness every f’ing spring. Bib knickers worn until May to ride exhausting littl...

@Joe's posts:

  1. @gianni – spot on mate. After 3 months of finding reasons not to, I got out into the Santa Monicas today and it was just magnificent. So excited to have roads like that on the doorstep and be able to ride them all year around. Oh Las Flores canyon on 39/… »

Twiggo is dreaming of a Giro-Tour double. He has sent out mixed messages about his Tour ambitions. Will he use the Giro as the ultimate Tour preparation or will be burn all his matches in May and hope he can find another pack for July? He has abandoned his successful 2012 Tour run-up strategy of winning every stage race he entered the previous spri...

@Joe's posts:

  1. Booo! Was really looking forward to watching them duke it out up the Gavia. »

  2. So Visconti bridged the break before sharting them out the back!? Effervescent! »

In most situations, silence is an ominous thing that signals impending doom. Having never been in any danger myself, I base this largely on my experience watching box-office movies. As a general rule, I use Hollywood as the principal source of information on all subjects as they relate to doom and politics, principally because I’m loath t...

@Joe's posts:

  1. @McSqueak. Could be the harbinger of doom. The rear bearings in my blingest set of Fulcrum racing zeros pooped themselves after a mere 9 months of light use and conveniently just out of warranty. Still haven’t fixed them. Two months later, the rear drop … »