Velominati Community Profile Archive

Velominatus: Marcus

Order: Gray Order Velominatus

Location: Melbourne

Social: Website /

Likes (in no particular order) riding his bike, racing his bike and arguing about cycling on the web. Has been known to adopt a contrary stance to his own just to start or continue an argument. When racing, has been described as looking like 6 million dollars - in that he appears to ride in slow motion, like Steve Austin. Most significant item in his palmares is overtaking Phil Anderson on Beach Road.

@Marcus's activity:

The grade is long and I am climbing away. I’m not going to Pantani this: I am not out of the saddle, not in the drops and not leaving everyone in my wake. The climbing gear was engaged a long time ago. There is progress, but I am not dancing up this climb. A little more cadence would really help here. If I could just get this mother-lover spinnin...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @Bespoke Not just Shimano – Campy also had the ergobrain which told you what gear you were in – which it then used to calculate cadence based on speed. This was a pretty cool feature as it allowed for the removal of the unsightly pedal magnet-sensor co… »

Gravity is the most unavoidable force on Earth, with the possible exception of Stupidity. And like with Stupidity, you can take measures to reduce its influence on you, but you won’t get rid of it completely, assuming you’re staying on this planet. From the very moment we’re born, Gravity takes its unrelenting hold on us –...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. Frank, I think you forgot to mention that if you believe you can defy g-r-a-v-i-t-y, your hair turns awesome »

My favorite feeling is perhaps the empty hollowness of hunger. That statement, in itself, is a declaration of the privileged life I’ve led; it is borderline obscene to boast of such a thing in a world where 842 million people don’t have enough to eat. Nevertheless, being lucky enough to have been raised in America and just competent eno...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @meursault Ah, the old “Borderline Obscene”. Brings back memories. The best Tex-Mex porno film I ever saw. »

Lucky is the cyclist who has a parent cyclist. Early mentoring about the pain cave, guidance gluing on tires, these are worthwhile lessons a parent could lecture a child on. If one has to listen to a parental lecture, better it be about Eddy Merckx and how you are no Eddy Merckx than balancing your checking account. For the rest of us, our parents...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @sthilzy my first “racing” bike was that same Raleigh (have we discussed this before?), except instead of coming from Dad, it was a handmedown from my eldest brother which then passed down through 4 other brothers before it got to me. I bet yours ran smo… »

Every time we get on our bikes, we are playing a game of Russian Roulette. We take care to maintain our machines, to make sure they are in perfect running order, we look after our bodies to maximise our performance, and we, hopefully, abide by the rules of the road to keep ourselves safe from the dangers of other road users. But ultimately, our liv...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @Mikael Liddy Wasn’t a drunk driver, just a newly-qualified one who lost control of her car. Visibility wasnt an issue because the driver lost it going over a hill on a bend. »

The most important moment in a man’s life is the first time they have a beer. I place it on the list above sex and having a child because sex usually only happens as a direct result of drinking beer. As for having children, I’m given to understand they are poop factories at first, then promptly become loud, and then obnoxious before the...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @sthilzy that pic tells 10,000 words »

  2. @frank your use of bogan makes me think you are learning. And – alcoholics go to meetings. Drunks go to parties. »

  3. @ChrissyOne Sure sure – once I take one of my little blue pills, I reckon  could easily lift that amount. With no hands. »

  4. @Chris ah yes, I have been racing bikes over many years, yet do one ironman and now I am a dirty triathlete. Reminds me of the story of Henri the Famous French Fighter Pilot. “I shoot down 12 German planes. Do they call me Henri the Famous French Fighter… »

  5. And look – this guy just got engaged – to a 21yo porn star no less. See! You can have it all! »

  6. @frank How the fuck does a good-natured article about beer lead onto some daisy chain of faux-alcoholics making quasi-confessionals whilst giving each other mutual handspanks?  From the sounds of it, you fuckers wouldn’t know hard drinking from a hard ga… »

  7. @ChrisO cmon mate – even though you are in a muzzy country, I am pretty sure you would have plenty of people around you drinking lots. How else are they going to deal with you? »

I don’t know if its because I see something of myself in them or if it awakens some kind of nurturing instinct, but I always seem to find myself drawn to tragically flawed figures.Layne Staley and Marco Pantani strike me as two halves of the same whole; incredibly talented yet tortured with mortally addictive personalities, both set loose in...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @frank I remember talking to my brother (who doesn’t follow cycling but is a doctor) about Landis, describing that effort and finishing with, “and you know what, he did it all on a hip bone that is dying which he is getting replaced straight after the Tou… »

  2. Panache is in the eye of the beholder. The panachyest (look it up) thing I have ever seen in a race was Landis’ comeback stage win in 06. That doesn’t seem to get mentioned too often these days – interestingly, O’Grady was in the break that day and Landis… »

I’m a non-climber who enjoys climbing. I’d enjoy it more if I was good at it. And “enjoy” might be too strong a word, “tolerate” might be better. But dragging 89 kilos up a volcano gives one time to contemplate the cycling life .Let us define non-climber. It’s someone either too fat, too big (gravitationally challenged) or a fast- twi...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @frank @Barracuda @Nate  Clue: The guy in the photo does triathlons, wears Bonts and most certainly isn’t me. »

  2. @frank @Gianni Thought you might appreciate this photo »

To look good is already to go fast. -Paul Fournel, VéloMy approach to research is pretty straight forward. First, I develop an opinion – usually in a cognitively compromised state. This is the first step in the process for the simple reason that it avoids the bulk of the hard work involving things like reading and thinking. Next, I cherry-pi...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @frank And if her first response is no, try adding in the following to assist, “It’s ok, I don’t mind if you keep reading your book.” »

Not only do most of us have a tale of our Cycling Sensei, but we also generally have a story for how we came into our current Bike Number 1. Those of us who were online last week probably noticed Jeff’s manic posts regarding a Look that he spotted at a big-box retailer, for a price that should have him constantly looking over his shoulder for...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @Tom in California If, during any sort of turn at speed, you ever have your front wheel turned at an angle where there might be a problem with toe overlap, you are fucked and about to go down hard! Toe overlap or not. It aint an issue on a hill. I guaran… »

  2. @Tom in California just saw your post – Jeff hasn’t been round for ages. I miss him. But I think he is a tall fucker so would be of no use to you. I have a medium 595 with 172.5 cranks - never had an issue with toe rub. I have had bikes before that have h… »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @Kevin $8k bikes are for peasants »

  2. @frank Gianni wouldn’t be far short of being able to make a legitimate attempt would he? »

I recently overheard someone say that there is no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing. This is the kind of statement that makes me want to hate people as a species a little bit. Of course there such a thing as bad weather. There are also bad people (loads of them), bad ideas (even bigger loads of them), bad advice (especially on the inter...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @PeakInTwoYears A plane ticket for the next flight to somewhere nicer »

  2. @unversio such a good movie. I remember being so upset at the time that the cute blonde got iced. Now, having seen Gwyneth in other things, the impact is lessened. »

  3. Isnt there a cycling aphorism along the lines of “train in as much as you can bear, race in as little”? Or something like that. Oh and if anyone trots out the line about no bad clothing, just bad weather, send them a photo of some mofo wearing the rainbo… »

One of the finest things about Velominati is it attracts the crazy bastards. Cyclists are slightly unhinged anyway but there are more than a few out there who have no fear. Crazy is not constrained by nationality. Crazy knows no borders. Sure the Randonneurs would do this just to make sure they were happy with their choice of headlamp strap but @ba...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @antihero it’s called the Masturbation Principle. Look it up in the Lexicon and may I suggest you drop the faux attitude on following rules. Makes you sound like a wanker, which I am sure you are not. »