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Velominatus: Tobin

Order: Level 2 Velominatus

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Bike riding, wine guzzling, fat bastard.

@Tobin's activity:

You can only spend so much time with the Schlecks before you start talking like them, and the fabulous Fabs seems to have crossed the threshold. I’ve heard more complaining from him this season than I have talk about pushing harder on the pedals or going steady up with more speed or going full gas like everyone else, but just doing it for ...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Spartacus 2. Gerrans 3. Van Avermaet 4. Sagan 5. Valverde »

This is big. This is the race that decides the arc-en-ciel  jersey for the next year. It is the best looking jersey. It carries the most baggage. It also brings the most respect. The World Championship is a circuit race of attrition. In Ponferrada Spain it’s an 182 km loop done seven times, with a total of 2142 m of climbing. Is it a climber...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Vos 2. Armistead 3. Johansson 4. Prevot 5. Borghini »

It never gets easier, you just go faster. - Greg LeMond Rule #5 looms above the other Rules in terms of sheer relevance to Cycling; it is the fundamental building block upon which this sport is built. The Five is what drives us, it is the force that springs from a well that flows deep within each of us. It must be discovered, and then we learn...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. I dunno…with support like this maybe the ride would be easier? »

Cycling is a sport steeped in the tradition of style. There’s no denying it. From the days of miners and farmers escaping the hardships of a life spent toiling in harsh and filthy conditions either under or above ground, through Coppi and his Cosa Nostra-esque garb and swagger, Merckx and De Vlaeminck’s 70s sideburns, to Cipo and his...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. This is what I will remember him for…jumped the shark right here… »

If Tony gets a flat or two and loses this time trial, bookies will be jumping off bridges into the Thames. It’s a lock, man, it’s a lock. There, it is now jinxed. You are welcome. Picking second through fifth will take some acumen. Will these be Vuelta riders or does that just hold true for the road race? Tony could have a jour sans. Co...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Tony Martin 2. Wiggo 3. Dumoulin 4. Van Garderen 5. Tuft »

All hail, the Worlds are upon us. The time trials should be events where all VSP participants can rack up some decent points. Remove team tactics, national team versus trade team allegiances, using this event to train for another event, bonking and hanging onto team cars from the equation. All one is left with are possible flat tire, possible mecha...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Van Dijk 2. Stevens 3. Worrack 4. Johansson 5. Villumsen »

  2. VSP PICKS: 1. Van Dijk 2. Stevens 3. Worrack 4. Johansson 5. Vilumsen »

I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out. - Bill Hicks That famous quote from the Greatest Comedian Of All Time™ has resonated with me for many years. It became my silent mantra, as I don’t suffer fools gladly and sometimes don’t make much effort to conceal the fact. Lately, I̵...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. Maybe you could leave a copy of “The Rules” in his Bento Box…that might be subtle?  Does he wear the dunce cap for the post ride beer – I may draw a hard line there. »

Stupidity is a powerful force never to be underestimated. Geese are a good example; a more stupid vertebrate one would be most challenged to come across yet should you wander into a flock of them pecking about peacefully in a field, one is likely to erupt from its grazing to grab a billful of your ass and commence beating you savagely with it...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. 11. Beware the Blue Hair….The roads in Arizona may be glassy smooth but the blues hairs in their 80’s Cadillacs that patrol them are frightening! »

Did everyone got tired of seeing a nearly naked Marcel Kittel on the massage table for the Tour’s VSP page? I know I didn’t. Young Kennaugh will be sporting his British road race jersey and his proper shoe/sock pairing in this Vuelta. Get used to it. Ladies and gentleman we have a race. We have some Giro winners, we have some Tour...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Quintana 2. Froome 3. j Rod 4. Uran 5. Malmerde »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. Fack. VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps): 1. Nibbles 2. Porte 3. da Costa 4. Valverde 5. Tejay »

  2. Didn’t see that one coming…commence first rest day mayhem! »

Why are women’s races run concurrently with men’s races? I would get it if it was the women’s Tour de France, but I don’t get it when it is the women’s Giro in July. Since the Tour de Swiss there has been a lack of stage racing (in my TV watching schedule) and seemingly a perfect time to present a women’s stage r...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. Stupid family vacations…another F&^%ing delgado»

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Chickfilador 2. Froome 3. Vince Nibbles 4. Valverde 5. Tejay »

Maui Velominatus Dave is tapering for this Saturday’s Cycle to the Sun. It is more mass start, time trial to the sun as there is nothing like 3.3 km of continual climbing to sort everyone out by their power to weight ratios. After 2 km of climbing there is no pack and no draft. Everyone climbs as hard as they can and almost everyone is riding alo...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. I finally get my points of contact dialled in so my bike becomes an extension on my body – hands to bars, shoes to pedals, ass to saddle – now you want me to add my brain to the mix?  I ride to unplug that very feature.  I can see the value of having a po… »

The Tour de Suisse can be everyone’s warm-up for the Tour de France, including all you VSP dreamers. The big show seems to be the Critérium de Dauphanié this year, as far as Tour de France contenders go but the Tour de Suisse still has some big guns showing up. Twiggo is here, not for a Tour warm up, unless people are worried about Richie P...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. @piwakawaka crazy…such a difference from the overhead views that really take away the speed of the group.  If they could televise both for sprint finishes that would be amazing. »

I’m not even talking about all the pseudo-asthmatics out there, vaping their way to better breathing. My breathing is just fine. It’s my little citron sized heart that is slowing me down. Is there a street-legal injection or vacuum pump for heart enlargement, or a trip to a doctor in the Congo that would transplant a badass Mandrill heart for m...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. Post Ride Beer… »

  2. Pre – ride coffee… »

The Tour de Suisse can be everyone’s warm-up for the Tour de France, including all you VSP dreamers. The big show seems to be the Critérium de Dauphanié this year, as far as Tour de France contenders go but the Tour de Suisse still has some big guns showing up. Twiggo is here, not for a Tour warm up, unless people are worried about Richie P...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. This is fucking awesome…. »

  2. Yeah – 5 hours to go on the header yet closed? Wiggo Costa Mollema Pozzovivo Pinot »

There was a time when I held down ‘real jobs’. Jobs with (a little) stress, with (some) responsibility, but without soul. And while dealing with the great unwashed public never held much appeal, I always envied the guys who worked at my preferred LBS. They seemingly had it all––an endless supply of cheap bikes and parts, hanging out and s...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. @Al not all bike shops are created equal, we have several in my market but only two that I trust implicitly with my ride and my hard earned cash.  Knowing who the shop belongs to and who wrenches on my bike goes along way, and in my case the owners are th… »

Cycling is a mighty sport with a rich and complex history. Every company, racer, piece of kit, and component has a legend, a story behind it; in many cases it also has a personal and nostalgic connection to our lives.  While this particular sport is steeped in tradition, it is also fiercely modern, a fact that serves only to deepen its complexity...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. @frank logging in on Safari worked, thanks!!  It must have been a sign from the gods when I went to switch Quintana for Cadelephant on the first rest day and I manually had to go in and do it….motherf*cker!!! »

For the simple reason that the Cobbled and Ardennes Classics are behind us, I have not alternative but to get back on my soap box about the Giro being the best of the three Grand Tours. Well, usually, at least. Last year’s race sucked the big one (even if it was supremely Rule #9), but for the most part it is the race that is the most c...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. Swaperoo… VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps): 1. Cadelephant 2. J-Rod 3. Uran 4. Pozzovivo 5. Majka »

  2. VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps): 1. Quintana 2. J-Rod 3. Uran 4. Pozzovivo 5. Majka »

Anecdotal research suggests that people are being let off-leash without adequate training to perform basic activities such as walking on sidewalks or through airports and busy city centers. I’m assuming this expands to shopping malls, but I never go there so I can’t be sure. It’s easy to blame the mobile phones which apparentl...

@Tobin's posts:

  1. I read this just as I came back from a trip to Costco…if this belief elevates one to Grumpy Old man status then its’ ‘You kids get off my lawn!” time for me…that or I start giving everyone throat punches. »

  • Wilkins is right about his role in his bike/car incidents. There’s 2 sides to the equation, always. As cyclists,...

  • One word, old mate … abridge!

    Fuck me that’s a long article. I really should read one someday around here.

  • @DeKerr

    Indeed, great story. What year was it published? I could not find the date. Mentions Pharmstrong’s...

  • @Ron

    YES! Ron, we have a date with DESTINY!!! Or a ride, not sure which? Either way, some of us are going to do...

  • @kixsand best of luck. Have fun and ask lots of questions!

  • Holy fuck! Anyone have any hot deals on GoPros and helmet mounts?

    Or maybe small firearms and bibshort holsters?

  • @PeakInTwoYears hear, hear. I to am fortunate to ride in friendlier climes

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