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Velominatus: Winelli

Order: Level 4 Velominatus

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@Winelli's activity:

This is possibly the most offensive piece of gear I have encountered on a bike. Do you really need a little orange wand to tell you what gear you’re in? There is only one gear to be in: the hardest one at which you can still make the pedals go around in something resembling a circle.These goofy little things were found on the bike I rented la...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. There exists something other than Campagnolo? I’m confused. »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. @unversio Superb. It is a brand which still retains such mystery for me – you can ‘get’ Trek, Giant, even Colnago, etc., but Cinelli just has a bizarre aspirational mystique about it… »

André Leducq was a complete French Badass, with a capital B. He was third, below Merckx and Hinault for Tour de France stage wins. Nicolas Frantz was an equally Badass Luxembourger. He rode to more victories than Frandy Schleck shall ever attain in a few lifetimes. He did win the Tour de France.The crowd is obviously pleased to have these thin, he...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. Bear in mind that dry eyes may also be a function of poor head positioning relative to direction of travel. Your helmet or cycling cap should disturb the airflow around your eyes and face. I used to get dry stinging eyes when I started out riding, but I d… »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. And nobody mentions CINELLI?! Mine goes on Campy Veloce. Sweet ride. »

Truth be told, how many of us can resist a photo of ourselves Looking Fantastic on the bike? How many of us can resist the temptation of taking our eyes off the road and stealing a glimpse of ourselves in a shop window as we pass by? Not me, but then again a strong case could be made for my being a narcissist and I freely admit that I love looking...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. @farzani @Deakus »

It is less than a week from the longest night of the year for us lucky cyclists in the Northern hemisphere. Articles about lighting systems and losing form are what we cough up. @Strathlubnaig has even shorter days than most of us, works at sea, gets out on the bike and writes about it. Rule #9 or not, when is it ever a bad idea to ride a bike? V...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. Winter cycling when living in London sux. Most motorists seem to have received a lobotomy as an early christmas present, everybody is out for family walks in Regents Park (therefore using the baby pram as an effective way of forcing priority at crossings … »

If you’ve been paying attention, you may have noticed that ‘useful’ things like practicality and functionality can often take a back seat to more basic pursuit of aesthetics and taste. If you haven’t, then your name might just be Paul.You may have also become aware that there is occasional flagrant flouting of certain guidel...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. The best way to get used to riding in the drops is by riding in the drops. »

Economics, in its most simple form, follows the Conservation of Mass as defined in physics. Basically, everything goes according to plan so long as outflow is less than or equal to inflow. Failing that, the balance is upset and things start getting complicated. Before long, the calculus starts revolving around “imaginary numbers” (like...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. Those Guns. Wow. »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. @Dan_R Miche crankset, Veloce rear end. I’m running a compact 50-34. Caught myself looking at it the other week and comparing it to other boy’s cranks and thinking i could do with six more teeth… @DerHoggz Rocking the V-Colours all the way, baby. Vive … »

  2. Can somebody tell me when it is appropriate to upgrade your brakes? I’m currently rocking Miche brakes on my Cinelli Experience, and I’ve been eyeing some Campy brakes. Don’t know why – gear envy? »

There was no need for Rule #74 until the cyclometer showed up on our handlebars. According to the late Sheldon Brown, the cyclometer has been around since the early 1900s.“Star-wheel cyclometers, such as the Lucas unit, suffered two serious problems. They made an annoying “tink-tink-tink” noise. At high speeds, the star wheel would s...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. I have a race computer. It sits somewhere between my ears, It never runs out of battery, And it only measures one thing. The V. »

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I’d need a thousand just to describe the carefully disheveled cap placement. I’d need another grand just to describe the positioning of the cranks or front skewer or downtube shifters. I’d be another mille mot in the hole to discuss the fit of the jersey or the white socks and b...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. For some reason, the past week has gotten me down. It’s partly the weather in the UK, partly a horrendous sore throat which made it difficult to swallow and which only disappeared today, partly some minor failings and stupidities of my fellow human beings… »

During the birth of The Rules, just like the Big Bang, there was a flurry of new activity, too much expanding and not enough contracting; certainly not enough thinking. It’s hard to keep the throttle back when divining the Word of Merckx in real time. The interweb tubes whistled with new Rules shuttling back and forth, beers consumed, genius...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. If somebody is sucking your wheel, you deserve to have your wheel sucked. Go harder or go home. Here endeth the lesson. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YMPAH67f4o   »

The Rules – They were never expected to become this well known. Nor was the list ever going to get this long or be taken this seriously. The Rules were first suggested as a few basic guidelines just to keep some basic civility and decorum on the road. But we took it too far (as we do everything) and now The Rules somehow define the Velominati...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. If any of you haven’t read Pynchon’s “V” and are prepared for a cross-disciplinary, sport/lit, entirely coincidental ne’er-the-twain-shall-meet broadening of the mind-horizon (“this has nothing to do with cycling but on a meta-meta level, sort of everythi… »

The Velominati have our own set of nicknames and terms which have developed over time through posts and correspondence. Some of these are names of landmarks or terms in cycling; others are nicknames for some of the riders in the pro peloton. While not intended to be offensive or derogatory, the nicknames in the list represent the riders’ p...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. Velominate – to talk about cycling in the way only a true Velominati can. LeWorld – the realm of V which begins at the cranks, extends up to your forehead and forwards about six inches beyond your handlebars. Bitch Ring – the little ring. »

The Velominati mourn today the passing of Fiorenzo Magni, perhaps one of the Cycling world’s greatest living example of the spirit of The V and all that surrounds it.Magni was the original Lion of Flanders, a feat heightened somewhat by his being Italian, not Flemish – though the Flemish had little to argue with after he won de Ronde th...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. Today we mourn. Tomorrow we ride. »

With the writing of our first book supposedly well underway (but in reality being discussed ad-nauseum in the Boardroom rather than actually committed to text), The Rules have at least been getting some form of attention from The Keepers. When deciding which Rules each of us were to curate, no-one really had much idea what exactly was in there; ask...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. @unversio I only ride one speed. Fast. »

  2. I roll with Lezyne Flow. Happy customer. »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. @Blah Sorry – where are the pedals? »

A lot of things taken for granted in Cycling go swiftly out the window when cobblestones are introduced to bicycle and rider. The notion that your wheels should both be pointed in the same direction at any given moment, for instance, or that that they should in some way be in alignment with the direction of travel of the rider/bicycle unit, such as...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. @TBONE My God. Can we just stop the thread here. That video is everything. »

  2. @mxlmax YES. »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. Want want want want want. »

We interrupt the current programming for the following announcement:The more clever among you might have noticed slight shiftings of the sands, a new scent on the breeze. Indeed, the Velominati Boardroom has been bristling with activity of late; the meetings longer and more regular, the pints downed in quicker succession, the views shouted in loud...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. @the Engine Apologies, I don’t know what came over me there with the little face! »

  2. We can see what will happen. There will be people out there who speak the Velotongue but do not truly appreciate the silent core of humility which lies at the heart of every Velominatus. They will go out on the roads and sully the image by being bastards… »

Attention all hands, attention all hands. The first Scottish Cogal has been scheduled. It sounds endlessly fun, punishing and exciting. The malted beverage recovery fluid will be outstanding. It has to be, it’s Scotland.  Please note, post-cogal reports have to include photos and description of said malted beverage environs. -gianni Continue...

@Winelli's posts:

  1. Attention all hands, attention all hands. The first Scottish Cogal has been scheduled. It sounds endlessly fun, punishing and exciting. The malted beverage recovery fluid will be outstanding. It has to be, it’s Scotland.  Please note, post-cogal reports have to include photos and description of said malted beverage environs. -gianni

    Route will be Callander south on the A81 over the Braes of Greenock to Aberfoyle, back north over the Duke’s Pass A821 (10% in places) then left at Loch Achray and along the banks of Loch Katrine, on a road that is only open to local motorised traffic, to Stonachlachar and then south along the B829 back to Aberfoyle. Through Aberfoyle along the A81 to Strathblane (this road can sometimes be busy in places), then left (east) along the A891 to Lennoxtown and then sharp left back north along the B822 Crow Road (proper torture). At Fintry take the right to continue along the B822 to Kippen, then straight through Kippen across the roundabout on the main road continuing along the B822 to Thornhill. At Thornhill continue north to pick up the A81 to Callander and Malted Recovery Beverage.

    The back of my cigarette packet suggests that this is around 160kms – but I might be wrong. In case of apocalyptic weather beyond Rule #10 (we had hurricane force winds here twice last year and our roads have a tendency to flood in places) there are a number of points where the route can be cut short with some logic.

    This being Scotland it will be Casually Deliberate and a short period of Waiting Properly is expected at the off as well. We have some PMU rubber hands at the ready so some junior Engines may be employed to make a proper crowd scene and set the tone. Pictures will be taken and posted on the site so Looking Pro and Fantastic is the only way to roll.

    Mrs Engine will supply ribald remarks and (more usefully) a sag wagon if any Velominatus actually shows imminent signs of expiring. There is also the possibility of food being thrown at us en route by the said Mrs Engine.

    We can accommodate two Velominati (or possibly four if they are very friendly with each other) should the consumption of Malted Recovery Beverage mean that driving home afterwards isn’t possible. There’s also places to lay your head in town that we can provide info on should the need arise. Post ride food is also available chez Engine provided numbers are sub 10 if not then, given ample warning of numbers, we’ll think of something.

    As always – this is guys and gals meeting on the road for a bike ride – if you come to grief please refer to Rule #5.

    If you’re doing anything other than turning up and going home please drop me a text on 07799 690390 or send an email on ivor@sneddencampbell.co.uk and make your needs known so that we have a fighting chance of making the Scottish Cogal a day to remember for all the right reasons.

    Event Details

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    Date/Time
    Date - October 13, 2012
    9:05 AM - 5:00 PM

    Location
    Ancaster Square

    Cogal Details
    Route Details

    Ride Classification