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Velominatus: frank

Order: Keeper of the Cog

Social: Website / / /

A lifelong Velominatus, the history and culture within cycling fascinates Frank and, if given even the vaguest of excuses, will discuss it to exhuastion. A devoted cycling aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. Email him directly at rouleur at velominati dot com.

@frank's activity:

Brad Wiggins is sitting at home, watching his team implode at a Tour de France he was not invited to.What’s on his mind? An attempt at the Hour Record, that’s what. Now that the UCI has allowed riders to mount a conventional (track) time trial machine in their efforts and the likes of Boardman, Obree, Moser, Rominger, and Indurain all...

@frank's posts:

  1. @thefringthing The official record is Sosenka’s, but their records are back on the list. Fubar to be sure, but they do have credit for them in the books again. Those records, peaking with Boardman’s 56.374km record attained in the “superman” positio… »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@frank's posts:

  1. @wiscot Absolutely! And he’s not even wearing a yellow helmet or sunglasses. Very very classy indeed. Aside from him being on the douchebag Astana team. I’m also happy that he’s riding to take time but he’s also not taking so much time at any of thes… »

I like definition, to place things in a box and tightly seal the lid. It makes me feel comfortable, like another of life’s little mysteries has been stored away for safe keeping. I also love ambiguity; it is the space wherein all interesting questions are asked; the unknown is life’s greatest beauty. You might say that makes me a hypo...

@frank's posts:

  1. @Ccos In fairness, that ice cream cone looks mighty tasty. »

  2. @frank Absolutely! He was an early idol of mine, and in fact it took me until about 5 years ago to get rid of the body flop in my style which I had adopted early on because he looked so cool doing that. »

  3. @PBo Yes, I loves me a white sock but I like black ones too and wear them quite a bit. »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@frank's posts:

  1. Boy am I glad I spent the day fixing the server and not making a ill-fated swap for Porte! Provisional Race Results 1. NIBALI Vincenzo 2. VALVERDE Alejandro 3. BARDET Romain 4. PINOT Thibaut 5. VAN GARDEREN Tejay Provisional VSP Standings 1. Bill Chri… »

I like definition, to place things in a box and tightly seal the lid. It makes me feel comfortable, like another of life’s little mysteries has been stored away for safe keeping. I also love ambiguity; it is the space wherein all interesting questions are asked; the unknown is life’s greatest beauty. You might say that makes me a hypo...

@frank's posts:

  1. @RedRanger Did you read the footnote? @wiscot Sounds a bit like an English George Hincapie? Or Welsh? No matter, I wish I had his accent. @unversio,  @mpalazzi92 Spot the fuck on. »

  2. @VeloVita Yes, we all must stray from the path to reinforce our commitment to it. @freddy Thanks mate, I can never be sure if I’m crazy, drunk, or brilliant. Or all, or none. Also note you can be very confident and still wrong. It is often referred… »

  3. @wiscot CHARLEY’S SHADES WERE THE COOLEST!!!! I too spent my money first on cheap knockoffs and then I saved all my money to buy Oakleys; Eyeshades first, then Razor Blades…the addiction had not let up even now, although I’m currently going through a … »

  4. @Ron We might be twins. Overcast Oranges! Black Thunders! White Lightenings! All these need to go into the Lexi! Ooooooh, there was some serious cursing going on! 72 hours of nonstop hacking, when the answer was so simple: upgrade the servers! »

  5. @Mikael Liddy The VMH is all about the black frames, too. Its wrong, but its not that wrong when you have the orange details rolling. @RossArmstrong2014 Strong work, Pedalwan. I agree that Oakleys are the bomb-diggity; nothing else comes close to … »

  6. @Mikael Liddy Did you mean exception to prove the rule or did you mean “here is a picture of a cool dude wearing white lightening shades just like you are pointing out they should”? »

Yes, this makes three Guest Articles in three weeks, but we run the show around here and we do what we want. Especially when it comes to solid, 24-karat gold Cyclist/Rock star comparisons. Especiallier when it comes from none other than Keeper Jim’s lovely wife and food-writer celebrity, Jess Thomson. Its cute seeing the family come togethe...

@frank's posts:

  1. @ChrisO I thought a Lazaretto was a prison island, but upon Wiki’ing it to show off how smart I am, I discovered that I am in fact a moron, and a Lazaretto is a quarantine island for sailors. Almost the same thing, based on what I know of sailors. »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@frank's posts:

  1. @andrew And this from Nibali: »

  2. Tony Martin made a strong case for the Rule V award this year, holy fuckballs. Massive bummer about Contador, but Nibbles put on a show and a half. Provisional Race Results 1. NIBALI Vincenzo 2. PORTE Richie 3. VALVERDE Alejandro 4. BARDET Romain 5. GA… »

Why are women’s races run concurrently with men’s races? I would get it if it was the women’s Tour de France, but I don’t get it when it is the women’s Giro in July. Since the Tour de Swiss there has been a lack of stage racing (in my TV watching schedule) and seemingly a perfect time to present a women’s stage r...

@frank's posts:

  1. Vos takes a monster second win in the Giro Rossa and @blue takes the overall. I’ll make up a little Giro Rossa winners badge a little later today. Nice work! Final Race Results 1. VOS Marianne 2. FERRAND PREVOT Pauline 3. VAN DER BREGGEN Anna 4. ABBOTT … »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@frank's posts:

  1. New standings after a cracking stage. @Deakus takes the lead. Provisional Race Results 1. GALLOPIN Tony 2. NIBALI Vincenzo 3. MACHADO Tiago 4. FUGLSANG Jakob 5. PORTE Richie Provisional VSP Standings 1. Deakus (15 points) 2. MPL (15 points) 3. Mikael … »

Yes, this makes three Guest Articles in three weeks, but we run the show around here and we do what we want. Especially when it comes to solid, 24-karat gold Cyclist/Rock star comparisons. Especiallier when it comes from none other than Keeper Jim’s lovely wife and food-writer celebrity, Jess Thomson. Its cute seeing the family come togethe...

@frank's posts:

  1. @ChrisO Two questions: Did you meet him in a hospital? And does your cap say Lazaretto? If so (and I won’t give you the chance to answer), chapeau to the prison reference and also the best song of 2014 so far. »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@frank's posts:

  1. That was a cracker! Provisional Race Results 1. NIBALI Vincenzo 2. FUGLSANG Jakob 3. PORTE Richie 4. KWIATKOWSKI Michal 5. VALVERDE Alejandro Provisional VSP Standings 1. Two Ball Billy (23 points) 2. Dave R (23 points) 3. oldensteel (23 points) 4. fr… »

Yes, this makes three Guest Articles in three weeks, but we run the show around here and we do what we want. Especially when it comes to solid, 24-karat gold Cyclist/Rock star comparisons. Especiallier when it comes from none other than Keeper Jim’s lovely wife and food-writer celebrity, Jess Thomson. Its cute seeing the family come togethe...

@frank's posts:

  1. Back to Marcel, the bike throw is a classic, but I love his recovery from it. Totally a moment of weakness and then he realized he had to correct himself for his sponsors. I understand from his team that the apology was his own idea and he took the initia… »

  2. @VeloJello Jesus, between @steamey’s face and that bellie, we have just fucked this site the last week, haven’t we. »

  3. @wiscot The guy is a class act, and didn’t need 5 years to mature into not being a douchebag like Cav. I’ll admit, though, I’m 180 on Cav these days, he’s become a class act as well. But to compare them is a little off; there’s nothing flamboyant and out… »

The only reason I bring that up is because if 1) you live in the Pacific Northwest and 2) you are a Cyclist and 3) you have not ridden Hurricane Ridge, well, you should, while you can. Here’s why: it’s an HC climb that begins at the salt water of the Strait of Juan de Fuca and climbs, without relent, to 1600 meters. ‘Muricans, do...

@frank's posts:

  1. When someone uses the phrase “bucket list” within my hearing, I want to give them a snot-laden cycling glove across the chops. Because when you use a dead metaphor like that one in connection with the topic of mortality, it means that you don’t adequately appreciate the finality of mortality. “Dead metaphor,” get it? Death deserves his due, as they say, whatever the hell they think they mean by that. I’m saying that dead metaphors do not serve the vital function of warding off death.

    The only reason I bring that up is because if 1) you live in the Pacific Northwest and 2) you are a Cyclist and 3) you have not ridden Hurricane Ridge, well, you should, while you can. Here’s why: it’s an HC climb that begins at the salt water of the Strait of Juan de Fuca and climbs, without relent, to 1600 meters. ‘Muricans, do the math. (Hint: it’s 5242 feet.) It’s not a steep climb, but it’s a damned long one that doesn’t give you a break, and it’s entirely up to you how you let it treat you. That’s freedom. That’s life, which we all understand to be the opposite of death.

    This ride also offers the strange and exotic opportunity to stay at El Rancho del Stumpo del Norte, free of charge. El Rancho–the beginning and end of the route–is a demi-funky log home with an outbuilding and lots of covered porch area on five secluded acres about ten miles east of Sequim. (That’s right; it’s nowhere.) There is effectively unlimited camping space, whether that means pitching a tent or throwing a sleeping bag on the porch or passing out “dead” drunk on the rocked-in fire pit in the back yard. There will be unlimited supplies of ale; there will be music indoors and out; there will be fire and food cooked over fire. There will be The Most Interesting Dog in the World.

    More importantly, there will be Velominati. And their bikes. And a big fucking climb. And, as should follow, one of the funnest descents ever: smooth pavement, light traffic, and views that tempt you to divert your gaze from your line at high rates of speed.

    The details of the route are to be determined; ongoing work on Hwy 101 will determine some details. But this is the general idea: http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/387985892. Basically, we’re talking 150km, roughly, with a 1600-meter climb in the middle of it, with maybe 2400 meters of total elevation gain. Have a look at the route, and you’ll see a very symmetrical pattern: a flat, a climb, a flat. You could, I suppose, use an internal combustion device to avoid the flat bits. I don’t know why you would, but you could. There are ample opportunities to water up or refuel in Sequim and in Port Angeles, which is at the beginning of the business. At the top of Hurricane Ridge, there’s a lodge with basic services (water, bathrooms, and crap food). For detailed info, email me at davidbrande(aht)gmail(dawt)com.

    Event Details

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    Date/Time
    Date - August 23, 2014
    9:05 AM - 8:00 PM

    Location
    Peakintwoyears HQ

    Cogal Details
    Route Details

    Ride Classification

When it comes to Rule Compliance, we have at our disposal three viable options. The first is to Obey the Rules. That one is pretty straight-forward because we wrote them down for you and also went to the great length of writing a book on the subject, partly as a public service to those suffering from insomnia. But The Rules are full of apparent...

@frank's posts:

  1. Chris, you wanker. I hope you’re satisfied that your gif of Phinney looking like a twat broke the internet. On the plus side, you did keep people from seeing that picture of Steamie’s fucking twat mustache. @Steampunk Jesus man. You fall under the summ… »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@frank's posts:

  1. @Chris I felt the same way and I wanted him to lose but I didn’t want him to quite without putting up a fight. As the day has passed and I’m now also embittered by a cheap Dutch loss in the World Cup, I have realized that Merckx would have finished the… »