Velominati Community Profile Archive

Velominatus: roadslave525

Order: Level 2 Velominatus

Location: London

roadslave believes that we don't choose cycling... it chooses us. He tried for 35 years to hide from his destiny, playing front-row rugby, and being too stubborn to admit he was too small to row, until he was dragged, kicking and screaming to the prologue of the 2007 Tour de France in London. From that moment on, he was hooked. He lives in London, has two children and a long-suffering wife, and believes that somewhere, deep inside of him is a perfectly competent cyclist waiting to get out. It's a work in progress... XXL in 2009, XL in 2010 and L in 2011... eventually he'll be wearing a jersey that doesn't cover his (by that stage, bony) arse. However, at that point he'll probably have to stop drinking bottles and bottles of red wine, his other great passion. His favourite rules are Rule 9 and Rule 12... Rule V is, obviously, compulsory. He never rides alone, because inside his head he hears voices: Jorgen Leth's voiceover man, Paul Sherwen, Phil Liggett. He secretly believes that 'Breaking Away' is a documentary, and that 'The Rider' is only a work of fiction.

@roadslave525's activity:

The Way of the Cycling Disciple: Publication & e-Book Sampler

Every once in a while, you stumble across a quote that changes your outlook on how you approach life. Of course, this requires that one does a good deal of “reading”, which is a problem for me, as reading anything that isn’t Cycling-related feels the same as doing “work”. I do the odd bit of it nevertheless, and in a r...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. I’m breaking my self-imposed Internet embargo to say good job.  Really good job. Am SO stoked »

Training: The Fourth Bridge

Before the New Year, it was my ride up Haleakala. At present, it’s Keepers Tour: Cobbled Classics 2013. Before Haleakala, it was one of the various Cyclocross races and before that the Zoo Hill Time Trial. The targets change, but throughout my life as a Velominatus, there always seems to be a goal looming over the horizon which spurs me on. T...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. AMerckx to that.   Le métier.  It’s a noble calling… Even if you lack the genes , fitness and physiology of the pros.  Training for the sake of training.  I’ll paint that bridge.  Whatever colour you want. »

Reverence: Campagnolo Tools

Exposure to religion in my youth was by way of a brief dose of sunday school at the local Unitarian church. The point there, evidently, was to learn about other religions and turtles. If a point was being made, I missed it. When Catholic friends of mine came over for the weekend I would accompany them to the closest Catholic church and we would end...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. Love this piece.  A lot.  You’ve put into words much of how felled.  I’m too invested – emotionally,financially, and physically – in Campag to ever change…. Their stuff is just so beautiful.  I haven’t seen a complete Campy toolset, but boy, I’d love to… »

Frank vs. The Volcano: Part Trois

At some point, I reckon the idea may dawn on me that I’m not a climber. Eighty kilos and standing something just shy of two meters, I’m not clear on why climbing is what speaks to me most about Cycling; I’m certainly not built like a grimpeur. But there is no question about it; I love riding in the mountains. I only have to catch...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. @frank  Chapeau.  Strong riding – impressive sustained effort comes across on video.  Lose the hat.  That’s got to be worth some weight off… and may give you the kick up the backside you need to add a Velominati cap to the kit list.  Nice wheels, strong… »

V And V Makes VV: Haleakala Round IIV

I can’t really call it an obsession. If it was an obsession, I would have commissioned a bloke I’ve never met to build me a set of ultra-light wheels and I would have spent an outrageous amount of money to upgrade my handlebars in an identical shape from aluminum to carbon in an effort to shave a few grams off the top end of my machine...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. Make that mountain your bitch. 3:45.6 (if only for the ease of typing) btw… If it was Christian VdV you saw… See if he’ll give you a lead out on Haleakela like he gave Hesjedal on Stelvio… That could shave off a few minutes. »

2012 V-Moment of the Year: Boonen Goes Long

Yes, I know, I have a major thing for Boonen. But come on, wouldn’t you? Look at those guns. Look at that position on the bike. He even makes that ugly Specialized helmet look good. He even makes that ugly Specialized Roubaix look good, come to think of it. And those White Ladies? Kill me now.Picking The V-Moment of the year is always a tough...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. Not wanting to be a) starstruck, or b) nervous about making anti-Boonen comments, bout take it y’all saw him retweet the link to this article last night at 7pm CET? »

Merckxy Christmas, and a Coppi New Year

It has been a crazy year, this, with our first annual Keepers Tour sorted, partnerships with the industry’s leading icons including Johan Museeuw, Pavé Cycling Classics, DeFeet, fi'zi:k, and Lezyne – and a book deal to boot (deadline looming large on January 1st). We couldn’t have asked for a better year, and would like to remind...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. @scaler911 too many rules violations to count. Happy Crimble Keepers, and thank you »

Velominati Photo Contest: Season 2012

Truth be told, how many of us can resist a photo of ourselves Looking Fantastic on the bike? How many of us can resist the temptation of taking our eyes off the road and stealing a glimpse of ourselves in a shop window as we pass by? Not me, but then again a strong case could be made for my being a narcissist and I freely admit that I love looking...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. Hasn’t worked, sadly… Happy Crimble everyone.  All the best for 2013.  Ride strong, ride safe. VLVV »

  2. Jesus, Frank… Asking me to choose my best photo of 2012 is like asking which of my children do I love the most… Impossible.  Unlike you, I loathe any photos with me in them (apart from Jessie’s one, which you’ve already posted) as how cameras generall… »

Gelukkig Sinterklaas

December 6th is possibly the biggest holiday of the year for the Dutch. We put out our shoe, we write gedichten, we play pranks on each other, and we exchange gifts. As luck would have it, the good old Sint made a stop by the Velominati Headquarters in Seattle and left me an absurdly large bottle of dry lube; the the point where I felt like I need...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. @the Engine 8 words, and I need a new keyboard – have just spat diet coke all over it was laughing so hard.  Please stop. »

  2. Yeah, yeah, happy christmas, seasons greetings and all that stuff.  Whatever.  I like December for another reason:  it’s review of the year time.  Come on Frank, Brett, Marco, Gianni… it’s been a cracking year.  When is the ‘ride of the year’ coming out… »

Guest Article: Racing, Not Riding

Is anyone else in need of some bike racing? I’m strung out and need a fix. @chrisO has come to the rescue by actually racing his bike and filing a proper report. He didn’t just jump into some Sunday Cat IV event either. He raced a stage race, the Tour of Sharjah, which might be part of Abu-Dhabi, no embrocation and Belgian booties for t...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. T’riffic article, thanks for sharing.  Sounds like hell, you lucky thing, you.  Love the concept of ‘racing not riding’… and I try not to think too much about what it is like to be part of a peloton of 90+ riders going flat out when it’s hard enough on … »

Return Of The Gumwall

If you’ve been paying attention, you may have noticed that ‘useful’ things like practicality and functionality can often take a back seat to more basic pursuit of aesthetics and taste. If you haven’t, then your name might just be Paul.You may have also become aware that there is occasional flagrant flouting of certain guidel...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. @ron calipers are Ciamillo Negative G.  I’ve since swapped them out for some white TRPs as the Negative Gs stopped working once they got a bit old (3 years) – quite unnerving (the paint starts to ‘ruck up’ where the cam is, and the springs go).  The guy f… »

  2. Nothing beats tan sidewalls on a bike.  Nothing.  Particularly if you love bikes from a certain age.  I see your rule, and I understand it, but it gives me a certain frisson to deliberately disobey. »

In Memoriam: The Proper Head Badge

The days of the proper head badge, I’m afraid, are numbered. It seems it used to be that any road bike with a pedigree that was really worth riding was festooned with an artful adornment on the head tube. By that I mean something made with a bit of heft, stamped or cast of alloy and riveted front and center. More and more though we’re s...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. I’m late to the party, so have little to add, except to say what a FUCKING GREAT article and thread…. LOVE seeing all these head badges… e.g. the Pegoretti… and @Gianni – that Merlin head badge is fucken awesome.  @marko… your Serotta:  is it carb… »

Anatomy of a Photo: V-Bank Line of Credit

Economics, in its most simple form, follows the Conservation of Mass as defined in physics. Basically, everything goes according to plan so long as outflow is less than or equal to inflow. Failing that, the balance is upset and things start getting complicated. Before long, the calculus starts revolving around “imaginary numbers” (like...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. @frank Off topic, mate, but I’m kind of getting bored of the blatant commercialism of you folk at Velominati… every time I open bike porn, there you are, ahem, knocking me off my stride:  first, the column and then ‘agony aunt Q&A’ in Cyclist #1 and… »

Awesome Almost Belgian Guys: Alex and William

Recently we had a photo of Yates on the stones. Two days later, it was the killer photo of Boonen getting down to business. Until then, Frank’s photo from that day was the best photo ever but @Harminator’s shot is better. Tom tosses the squeezed bidon. The glove-less Belgian is already on his own- it’s business time. I’ll be...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. OK, with photo this time »

  2. @Rigid if we are comparing our Carrefour de l’Arbre porn stashes, here’s take memory of Boonen rockin’ the pavé… And O’Grady in pre-race recon… And let’s not forget this guy… It is such a good shot (by that pro photographer who followed … »

Anatomy of a Photo: Casually Deliberate Masterclass

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I’d need a thousand just to describe the carefully disheveled cap placement. I’d need another grand just to describe the positioning of the cranks or front skewer or downtube shifters. I’d be another mille mot in the hole to discuss the fit of the jersey or the white socks and b...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. This is my favourite photo of ‘The Prophet, at repose, with bike’ ever.  I’d like to think that heard the photographer spent hours on the set up, making sure everything was just so, and perfect, before shooting two or three rolls of film (for you kids out… »

Awesome Almost Belgian Guys: Alex and William

Recently we had a photo of Yates on the stones. Two days later, it was the killer photo of Boonen getting down to business. Until then, Frank’s photo from that day was the best photo ever but @Harminator’s shot is better. Tom tosses the squeezed bidon. The glove-less Belgian is already on his own- it’s business time. I’ll be...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. @William I don’t know who you are, but stop impersonating William.  This email is far too polite, there is no swearing, and it isn’t ALL IN CAPITALS to signify how fucken LOUD his voice is for this to be truly from our William.  It also isn’t interspers… »

Come the Rain

The northwest has just experienced a spell of dry weather over two months long. It’s been enough to make a man sick.That’s all over now, thank Merckx. Commuting home today, I was caught off guard. No jacket, no gloves– nothing. A few drops hit, heavy and plump like ripe fruit. Then the drops became steady. By my half-way point, I...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. Spot on, Jim.  Well written.  I love riding in the rain.  It awakens something in me.  I feel more alive, stronger, alpha.  I actually descend faster, as I was taught to descend in wet thundery conditions, and it is where my US Cycling Sensei forced me to… »

Anatomy of a Photo: Cornering on Cobbles

A lot of things taken for granted in Cycling go swiftly out the window when cobblestones are introduced to bicycle and rider. The notion that your wheels should both be pointed in the same direction at any given moment, for instance, or that that they should in some way be in alignment with the direction of travel of the rider/bicycle unit, such as...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. This article is an anomaly It is impossible to corner on cobbles Unless you invoke the help of pixies »

V-Announcements: The Way of the Cycling Disciple

We interrupt the current programming for the following announcement:The more clever among you might have noticed slight shiftings of the sands, a new scent on the breeze. Indeed, the Velominati Boardroom has been bristling with activity of late; the meetings longer and more regular, the pints downed in quicker succession, the views shouted in loud...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. I’d heard rumours…. but now it’s official:  chapeau! or – to blatantly rip-off @NedBoulting from the telly – Hat! if you don’t speak french. Frank – I assume this means book signings, launch parties, and as many podium girls as your tongue can handle, … »

Belgian Affirmations: Beer And Bloating On The Koppenberg

The memories still foment in my mind. They don’t keep me up at night, but they are there, hidden in the recesses of my recall mechanism or whatever it is called, sitting there waiting, waiting to remind me of the darkest day of Keepers Tour ’12. The day of the Ronde, and the horrors that befell me and a half dozen other wretched souls,...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. Brett, you are a bastid.  I’ve been telling all who would listen (and, to be honest, telling those who wouldn’t many, many times over, just to be irritating and educational) how I crushed the Koppenberg and made it my bitch, and now here you go blabbing a… »

La Vie Velominatus: Ritual

Along the lines of what Bruce Dickinson famously decreed while espousing the medical benefits of cowbell in the remedy of rare types of influenza, I put my shoes on one at a time – just like you. But after I’ve got my shoes on, I ooze Fluidly Harmonic Articulation.As Cyclists, we wield the mighty power of The V, yet lay victim to the na...

@roadslave525's posts:

  1. Focus on what you can control.  Mise-en-place.  Pre-flight.  Whatever you call it, these things are important.  I’ve never been out for a ride without doing these things, and the thought of what could happen if I did terrify me.  With every ride completed… »

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