Velominati Community Profile Archive

Velominatus: the Pressure

Order: Level 1 Velominatus

Location: Niagara Falls, Ontario. Canada

Rabid recreational rider, dedicated Velominatus,and staunch upholder of The Rules. Enjoys serving up healthy helpings of V!

@the Pressure's activity:

It’s no secret that I’m prone to riding in the big ring as much as possible, mostly on account of my not being a giant sissy. In accordance with the ISO Non-Sissy Standard, I also never read instruction manuals or ask for directions when lost. I make sure to only rarely ask my VMH to turn up the radio when Adele comes on, usually follo...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. @frank Is this just another version of ‘Dangler’s Law’ which states: “The Angle of the Dangle is proportional to the Mass of the Ass while the Meat is constant”? »

I had always imagined that de Ronde van Vlaanderen must be hardest race in the world. The way I worked it out – having never ridden the course of either event at the time – was that de Ronde had the same cobbles as Roubaix, but with 20% grades thrown in. It makes enough sense so long as you don’t know what you’re talking abo...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. Spartacus is becoming a crafty veteran indeed.  Did you see Vansummeren’s crash?  Darwin-principle. »

We recently lost our beloved Great Dane, Kirki, who we nicknamed Beene for reasons that elude logic. She was a good dog, more sweet than clever. A sad side effect of big dog breeds and their short lives is that it wasn’t until nearly the end of her life that she made certain key discoveries about the world. Such as that weighing nearly 65 kil...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. Condolences, Frank.  Perhaps  new Lexicon term “All Beene” would be appropriate?  Congrats on landing in the New Colonies.  Post the book tour schedule ASAP. »

I wasn’t anywhere near old enough to hold a driver’s license but my dad had already bought me a motorcycle. It was a late seventies BMW R100 RS, dark blue. I loved that bike; I polished it fortnightly even though it never left the garage. I spent hours sitting on it, twisting the throttle and squeezing the clutch, diving in and out of t...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. @Rob @antihero Gentlemen.  Be smart.  Enjoy your speed.  Acquired taste or not,  ’playing’ with traffic can only end one way.  Cheat it at your peril, but if you try to occupy the same space as your four-wheeled friends, the result isn’t worth the thrill… »

  2. @antihero or Foolish »

Wind is an asshole. I have no patience left for it. It has all of it been used up, gone, finished. It is the only force that I’m aware of (with the possible exception of gravity) that is more stubborn and less willing to listen to reason than I myself am. It blows me around on my bike, it embezzles speed from my Magnificent Stroke. No matter...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. @ped There’s a guy in this photo???Aye Yeah Yeah!!! »

I wasn’t anywhere near old enough to hold a driver’s license but my dad had already bought me a motorcycle. It was a late seventies BMW R100 RS, dark blue. I loved that bike; I polished it fortnightly even though it never left the garage. I spent hours sitting on it, twisting the throttle and squeezing the clutch, diving in and out of t...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. Roundabouts…a new feature in our community.  Traffic-permitting I will give trailing motorists pause as I accelerate through the apices as if chased by the television helicopters at the TDF. »

Fleurieu Peninsula – Velominati Cogal 8th Feb 2014.Notable quotes to sum up the ride that nearly wasn’t. Continue reading...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. For all you wusses whining about 40c… »

The illusion of transparency is perhaps the most important tool the Velominatus has in their toolbox, apart from having some measure of competence, being Casually Deliberate at all times, Looking Fantastic, and being able to dish out and endure heaping helpings of The V.Cycling is suffering, and one of the most crucial lessons we have to learn is t...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. The image of Gianni looking back, while drawing on a cigarette…transparent as it gets. »

Lucky is the cyclist who has a parent cyclist. Early mentoring about the pain cave, guidance gluing on tires, these are worthwhile lessons a parent could lecture a child on. If one has to listen to a parental lecture, better it be about Eddy Merckx and how you are no Eddy Merckx than balancing your checking account. For the rest of us, our parents...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. @gregorio Had the same bike…a green beauty until I turned her into a pretzel lodged into a railway crossing!  Now what follows violates countless rules, but Dad went long to get it for me and I loved her!!! »

Every time we get on our bikes, we are playing a game of Russian Roulette. We take care to maintain our machines, to make sure they are in perfect running order, we look after our bodies to maximise our performance, and we, hopefully, abide by the rules of the road to keep ourselves safe from the dangers of other road users. But ultimately, our liv...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. Sympathies to the Goddaert family. It was the Bath Uni study and since I’m not ready to wear a wig or a YJA that serves only to indicate that I might be cycling to work at a construction site,  I try to exercise as much caution as possible especially in u… »

The most important moment in a man’s life is the first time they have a beer. I place it on the list above sex and having a child because sex usually only happens as a direct result of drinking beer. As for having children, I’m given to understand they are poop factories at first, then promptly become loud, and then obnoxious before the...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. @Marcus …except all of your own teeth!!! »

I don’t know if its because I see something of myself in them or if it awakens some kind of nurturing instinct, but I always seem to find myself drawn to tragically flawed figures.Layne Staley and Marco Pantani strike me as two halves of the same whole; incredibly talented yet tortured with mortally addictive personalities, both set loose in...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. @ChrisO Agreed.  A tragic figure to be sure.  To be pitied, absolutely.  But to achieve some whitewashed innocence in death I can’t extend it.  I too watched in amazement as Pantani sprinted up those beautiful slopes at an impossible rate.  Panache…n… »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. @VeloSix Got to love ‘Dexter’ checking his Facebook while the rider faces a monsoon. »

I’m a non-climber who enjoys climbing. I’d enjoy it more if I was good at it. And “enjoy” might be too strong a word, “tolerate” might be better. But dragging 89 kilos up a volcano gives one time to contemplate the cycling life .Let us define non-climber. It’s someone either too fat, too big (gravitationally challenged) or a fast- twi...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. @Chris Ah the soggy plain.  Tell me, is Friar Tuck a good climber?? »

To look good is already to go fast. -Paul Fournel, VéloMy approach to research is pretty straight forward. First, I develop an opinion – usually in a cognitively compromised state. This is the first step in the process for the simple reason that it avoids the bulk of the hard work involving things like reading and thinking. Next, I cherry-pi...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. @Weldertron I think POC doesn’t like cyclists.  Their helmets for skiing and motocross look pretty slick but their cycle helmets look like brain-injury protection. »

I’m a non-climber who enjoys climbing. I’d enjoy it more if I was good at it. And “enjoy” might be too strong a word, “tolerate” might be better. But dragging 89 kilos up a volcano gives one time to contemplate the cycling life .Let us define non-climber. It’s someone either too fat, too big (gravitationally challenged) or a fast- twi...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. @Chris WTF? Where are you guys? BTW. In Hertford, Hereford, and Hampshire, hurricanes hardly ever happen! »

To look good is already to go fast. -Paul Fournel, VéloMy approach to research is pretty straight forward. First, I develop an opinion – usually in a cognitively compromised state. This is the first step in the process for the simple reason that it avoids the bulk of the hard work involving things like reading and thinking. Next, I cherry-pi...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. @frank For shame Frank!  To plagiarize Ricardo Montoban, “It is better to look good than to feel good”!  Not marvellous. »

Welcome to the Kermis. It’s not a recycling, it’s a reintroduction. The idea is to repost an old article that still resonates today and see where it goes. We will endeavor not to abuse this feature.I’ve referred to Frank’s fantastic Perfect Amount of Dumb article at least five times in my own posts. My reference is usually that I’m dumb b...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. Just what level of dumb do luge riders possess?  140 kph on a glorified children’s sled?  I’m surprised their ten-tonne balls can fit down the track. »

I recently overheard someone say that there is no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing. This is the kind of statement that makes me want to hate people as a species a little bit. Of course there such a thing as bad weather. There are also bad people (loads of them), bad ideas (even bigger loads of them), bad advice (especially on the inter...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. Ahhh…Let the slathering begin!! »

Strength can be a fickle thing this time of year, when the training isn’t as consistent as it should be; it comes and goes, sometimes several times in the span of a single ride or even a climb. Like a rosy-eyed dreamer I keep awakening as I train, thrown like a rag doll between a state nearing euphoria and one resembling purgatory.My mind is...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. “To crush my enemies, have them run before me and hear the lamentation of their women.” Conan the Barbarian »

  2. Funny the mind/body thing.  One hot summer day my friend and I hooked up with some new ‘acquaintances’ for a ride on totally unfamiliar terrain.  The road turned upward and I was suffering more than usual.  So much so that my friend was quite concerned.  … »

Last year we read that Philippe Gilbert is riding a 50cm (top tube of 535mm) BMC frame and he is 1.79m (5’10”) tall. Now it’s reported in Cyclingnews that Ritchie Porte’s Pinarello is a 46.5cm frame (top tube of 515mm) and Porte is 1.72m (5’8”) tall. He is no Nairo Quintana but somehow he is on Quintana’s old bike. Porte is just one i...

@the Pressure's posts:

  1. @marko @wiscot Just teasing gents!!  Sure and she is one fine whip.  (of which i’m envious…my size too in case you’re tired of her awesomeness!!) »

  2. @wiscot That’s just what the owner of a Ferrari wants to hear…that his mirrors are cheap! »

  3. @Marko Guess I’m jealous… »