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Velominatus: Andre the Fish

Order: Level 3 Velominatus

Location: UK

Social: Website

Riding a bike for 40 years, raced MTB XC, now a padwan of the V. 2013 is the year that I learn to climb on a road bike and there is no stopping me now.

@Andre the Fish's activity:

Last year we read that Philippe Gilbert is riding a 50cm (top tube of 535mm) BMC frame and he is 1.79m (5’10”) tall. Now it’s reported in Cyclingnews that Ritchie Porte’s Pinarello is a 46.5cm frame (top tube of 515mm) and Porte is 1.72m (5’8”) tall. He is no Nairo Quintana but somehow he is on Quintana’s old bike. Porte is just one i...

@Andre the Fish's posts:

  1. Its weight right?  Smaller frames are lighter despite longer stems. My thought for the night. »

I have no dog in this fight but @Henrik does. I can’t swim in the serious ‘stache growing gene pool. And yes, it’s already Vajanuary, we left Mo’vember with nary a nod, why, because it’s stupid. Rule #50 could have included having the last name Freuler and wearing the prison stripped Atala kit as the second exception...

@Andre the Fish's posts:

  1. @RondeVan Shattered it in fact. »

Guido went to extraordinary lengths to shield young Joshua from the horrors of the war. On the way to the camp, a bicycle race passed their truck. As the riders, themselves escaping a life of grim toil, dirty and sweaty from the effort of heaving their heavy steel bikes up the col, rode by, Guido lifted his son from the truck and placed him onto th...

@Andre the Fish's posts:

  1. @scaler911 +1 to that I look at these old photos and am struck by the hardness in body and spirit of these men.  They remind me of the fishermen I work with and the ex-miners in my community. We glorify the pain and suffering in service of the bike. W… »

While the shortest distance between two points is a straight line,  for us road cyclists it is usually not the fastest. @RobsMuir ponders this while riding and retains such complex thinking when done with his ride. That is an enviable skill in itself. VLVV, Gianni    Continue reading...

@Andre the Fish's posts:

  1. Nice writing @RobsMuir.  Now that you have giving this part of my subconsious a name I realise that finding The Line is an important tool in climbing well – along with the legs, lungs and not being too fat to climb. Thanks. »

He didn’t really want to be awake at this hour, but it was the only way. Or one of them, at least. Because he wanted to spend more time with her, he would rise before the sun, making use of the small window between their entwined slumber and the dirge of another day at the office. But still she saw those stolen hours as time he could be spend...

@Andre the Fish's posts:

  1. @Buck Rogers +1 to this, I am the same.  My missus is often quite happy to get rid of me for a few hours. She admitted to me that she likes me riding my bike as it keeps me slim, fit and healthy unlike some of the fat slobs around town. Nice to have … »

The first tire patch kit I ever owned came in a big green box, had several patches of various sizes which were possibly made of old truck tires. It also came with a sheet of 60 grit sandpaper. The mild high offered from sniffing the glue while applying the patch almost made you stop caring you’d gotten a flat in the first place. Stoned on glu...

@Andre the Fish's posts:

  1. Good scars, bad scars….like a lot of what we do, its nuanced @Frank.  Nice writing by the way, sums it up perfectly. @Norms use of the word patina is spot on; both good and bad come with age and use – its a time thing. »

  2. @norm I agree, up to a point; I was just servicing my well used CX and noticed that there was some cable rub around the head tube – the metal shining through the dark gray paint adds character, likewise the scrapes from stacking it.  If this was on the #1… »

  3. Very timely @frank Did a ride around the Breacon Beacons this morning in the best part of a gale – crap all over the roads and falling from the trees; sure enough I picked up a couple of punctures.  1st one – new tube, second one I used some crappy Zefal… »

Merckx famously professed that after a night of sinning, the body must be cleansed. He obviously meant this figuratively, not literally, because those mud guards on his bike aren’t going to take a big bite out of whatever that lorry has to offer him by way of a Flandrian facial.Winter is a tough time for those of us pawing about in search of...

@Andre the Fish's posts:

  1. @dissolved Oh now you’ve done it.  Think that you have just solved my problem of maintaining motivation this winter. Do or die I guess. Andy »

A Velominatus maintains their machine with meticulous care, doting over it daily. A bicycle is a tool, but it is also a work of art, and serves us loyally in pursuit of our craft. We love them as though they were alive; as we grow together, the cracks and lines formed upon both our skins signifies the journey that has passed beneath our wheels.A cl...

@Andre the Fish's posts:

  1. @Marcus Off to tell my missus that I have discovered her secret – its not me at all! @Frank another great piece of writing revealing yet another fundamental truth about how our brains work.  I have similar experiences with smeared and stained kit that … »

My trouble isn’t with being a good descender; it is with cornering and stopping – and sometimes both. Or, as G’rilla puts it, “Descending is like sex; how good I am at it has nothing to do with how much I enjoy it.”Descending is demanding and requires great skill. It is not a time for resting or taking it easy; getting...

@Andre the Fish's posts:

  1. @PaulD Just looked up counter steering.  Interesting.  I realised that t I do this subconsiously on my mtb in the woods or at low speeds in traffic. So this works at speed on descents then does it?  Will try this tomorrow. Great thread @Frank »

Every other Tuesday night, I put on my tweed jacket with the leather elbow patches, fill a Thermos with Earl Grey and drive the Rover 3500 to the designated home of one of my fellow members of our esteemed Book Group.As a big fan of the brilliant British television show of the same name, I was hoping that the participants and scenarios would be...

@Andre the Fish's posts:

  1. @DCR +1 We’ve been missing a trick. »

Think back to the early days of mountain biking. A bunch of friends, getting to the top of the hill any way they could, not needing to ride up at any great pace, saving themselves for the real buzz, the ride back down. It didn’t matter who got tot the top first, as long as everyone made it and then could share a chat, maybe a beer and a toke,...

@Andre the Fish's posts:

  1. @936adl I know, I know, look I live in Wales and it fucking rains fucking constantly.  Its a 90’s Crud Catcher thing that were the in thing when I built the bike. There is no excuse.  It comes off tomorrow. Fuck, I have really let myself down. »

  2. @El Mateo Sweet Bontrager.  I have just gone back to fully rigid on my Race Lite from the mid-90s with a pair of Project Twos. Its a real gem and fun to whip around after bouncing around on a modern bike. Not better, just different. »

I’m fluent in three languages: Dutch, English, and Hyperbole. The third is an acquired talent developed by creative and narcissistic tendencies; the narcissism feeds a belief that normal words can’t properly describe the magnitude of my experiences, and the creativity struggles to cope with restrictive paradigms like “facts”...

@Andre the Fish's posts:

  1. @SloKenny I run some solder 5mm up the cut tip – same solution.  Neat. »

An ancient Velominati legend states that when the The Prophet created the common fly, he gave it a maximum air speed of exactly 12 kilometers per hour. When he created the common Cyclist, on the other hand, he gave us a maximum climbing speed of 11.9 kilometers per hour.The worst flies on the planet live in the Pyrenees, where it is hot and humid...

@Andre the Fish's posts:

  1. @Graeme I have and I defy anthing to be worse in Europe »

  2. “Luz Ardiden is the cruelest kind of climb, the sort that is always one hour from ending…..” Oh I hear you brother, I hear you. »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@Andre the Fish's posts:

  1. @RedRanger @scaler911 So true. In my book anyway. »

Pineapple Bob? @cyclops goes deep with this reference. Pineapple Bob was a mystical figure in American cycling. He was not known as a racer, more a California bike guru of unknown qualifications and ethnic origins. Bridgestone was a unique brand also of unknown ethnic origins, at least to me. It was not European, it didn’t sound Japanese or...

@Andre the Fish's posts:

  1. @brett +1 Sweeet! »

  2. That was a great story.  How many of us have sold bike only to wish they hadn’t years after the event? I have recently put my Bontager Race Lite mountain bike from the mid-90s back together using a mis-mash of parts in the workshop.  Its nice, and rides … »

Yes, we got piss drunk after the 2012 Seattle Summer Cogal and dreamed up the V-to-V Stage Cogal: epic riding, vertical, a real challenge. It was indeed all that.Sadly, there was one element missing: @eightzero on the road. Turns out I had made all kinds of plans for individuals to serve a Director Sportif. And each and every one of them fell throu...

@Andre the Fish's posts:

  1. @PeakInTwoYears +1 to that. »

  2. @Cyclops Ha! reminds me tangentally of a saying that fishermen around here have – “the best bilge pump is a frightened man and a bucket” I am totally sold by the way – where is Yellowstone? »

  3. @PeakInTwoYears ++1 What a great idea! Are Brits allowed? Will there be bears? »

Each of us throw a leg over our top tubes and submit ourselves to the open road in recognition of the risks involved. These risks include those of a puncture, crash, damaged equipment, disability, and – ultimately – death. We try to be vigilant, we ride assertively yet defensively, and we hope for the best. We take every reasonable precaution t...

@Andre the Fish's posts:

  1. Terribly sad news. It could so easily happen to any one of us on any given ride. Tomorrow I plan on laying down the V in Jon’s honour. We never met, but I guess we didn’t have to, to be brothers. VLVV »

Cycling has been suffering a crisis every since the use of a helmet became compulsory. This crisis is rooted in the simple fact that cycling peaked aesthetically with the cycling cap perched casually deliberate atop a sweaty cranium. It was only after mandatory helmet dictum spread its tentacles into all UCI-sanctioned races in 2003 that helmet man...

@Andre the Fish's posts:

  1. @scaler911 Ah I see my misunderstanding – its Race Leader or Race Winner jersey (and therefore cap) where I was thinking about a team cap.  Thanks @scaler911 Note to self. Learn the rules properly fucktard »