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Velominatus: BatDan

Order: Level 4 Velominatus

Location: Northumberland

Born, still going.

@BatDan's activity:

I’m not sure where this ride falls on the graph of fitness but down towards the bottom, somewhere.There can be a point in every rider’s season where each ride ends the same. FFS, I suck. The unabridged volume of self-loathing is reviewed, cogent chapters reread, aloud, in the bathroom. I’m Too Fat To Climb is a chapter I like to q...

@BatDan's posts:

  1. I can’t see it but someone must have pointed out that that seat needs to be half an inch higher. »

There is nothing more disappointing than discovering the truth behind a myth or spotting the mortal behind a legend. This is why I make a point never to do any research or in any other way attempt to validate my assumptions when evaluating a situation; mystery that feels like a fact and sounds like a fact is better than an actual fact. Tr...

@BatDan's posts:

  1. @Teocalli Yep, also some pretty good insights into spending the best part of 24 hours sitting in a recumbent gently pickling in your and your companions piss. »

I’m getting too old and cranky for all this race schedule changing. I know they already did this last year and presumably I had the same gripings then, but Lombardia is supposed to close out the season and I’m downright angry that Paris-Tours is closing out the books now; it only seems right that one of the most beautiful races should...

@BatDan's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Wee Danny Martin 2. Caruso 3. Aru 4. Gallopin 5. Gilbert »

You can only spend so much time with the Schlecks before you start talking like them, and the fabulous Fabs seems to have crossed the threshold. I’ve heard more complaining from him this season than I have talk about pushing harder on the pedals or going steady up with more speed or going full gas like everyone else, but just doing it for ...

@BatDan's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Degenkolb 2. Matthews 3. Sagan 4. Cancellara 5. Swift »

This is big. This is the race that decides the arc-en-ciel  jersey for the next year. It is the best looking jersey. It carries the most baggage. It also brings the most respect. The World Championship is a circuit race of attrition. In Ponferrada Spain it’s an 182 km loop done seven times, with a total of 2142 m of climbing. Is it a climber...

@BatDan's posts:

  1. Cos I’m on top of the world looking down on Croatia. VSP PICKS: 1. Vos 2. Johansson 3. Armistead 4. Cromwell 5. Ferencic »

If Tony gets a flat or two and loses this time trial, bookies will be jumping off bridges into the Thames. It’s a lock, man, it’s a lock. There, it is now jinxed. You are welcome. Picking second through fifth will take some acumen. Will these be Vuelta riders or does that just hold true for the road race? Tony could have a jour sans. Co...

@BatDan's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Wiggins 2. T Martin 3. Dumoulin 4. Kiryienka 5. Tuft »

Cycling is a sport steeped in the tradition of style. There’s no denying it. From the days of miners and farmers escaping the hardships of a life spent toiling in harsh and filthy conditions either under or above ground, through Coppi and his Cosa Nostra-esque garb and swagger, Merckx and De Vlaeminck’s 70s sideburns, to Cipo and his...

@BatDan's posts:

  1. You know you can just tell he likes nothing better than to slip into a nice woolly cardigan when no-one is looking. I, on the other hand, look like nothing so much as 10 pounds of shite in a 5 pound bag. »

After a night of sinning, the body must be cleansed. -The Prophet, Eddy Merckx After a week away in Atlanta for business, I feel thick and heavy. These trips away are killers; the shift in time zones means the already-too long work day is extended by a further three hours. I try my best to watch my diet, but in a town like Atlanta where even sush...

@BatDan's posts:

  1. On the other hand a good shit and a quick bash of the bishop can have the same effect in a fraction of the time. »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@BatDan's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Contador 2. Talansky 3. Van Den Broeck 4. Valverde 5. Mollema »

The 100th running of Liège-Bastogne-Liège takes place this Sunday. Danny-boy Martin will be marked heavily as the defending champion. Malmerde, and Phil Gil have shown they are peaking too. Froomy has thrown his hat into the ring, as he did last year but after last years 26th place, maybe it’s training. 263 kms, past winners include a long...

@BatDan's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Holy God it’s Dan Martin 2. Moreno 3. Mollema 4. Nibali 5. Kwiatkowsli »

Midweek in Belgium in Spring is a wonderful thing. Hordes of people come from seemingly nowhere to fill the bars and line the roadsides when presumably they’d usually be working, or at school, or some such. That the only ones who appear to be working are the bartenders and frites dispensers reinforces my belief that Belgium is the greatest co...

@BatDan's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Nibali 2. Valverde 3. Gilbert 4. Kwiatkowski 5. Moreno »

The Amstel Gold Race, 251 km from Maastricht to Valkenburg, the hard way. There appears to be no flat sections longer than ten meters. There are thirty-four mean little climbs to ruin the legs. We have moved on from the real Spring Classics. There is no rest in this VSP; The Ronde and Roubaix were amazing but we must continue. Legs that are smoked...

@BatDan's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Van Den Broeck 2. Valverde 3. Kwiatkowski 4. Kreuziger 5. Nibali »

It has been a brutal week for us Keepers, having decided not to hold a Keepers Tour this year. Watching the action from half a world away has been almost too much for us to bear, and I know most of the participants from last year must be feeling similarly. On Sunday, we would be escorted by our friends and guides, William and Alex of Pavé Cycling...

@BatDan's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Cancellara 2. Stybar 3. Gaudin 4. Thomas 5. Vanmarcke »

This needs no introduction. The Spring Classics are truly upon us. The course has been modified yet again, it is tougher? The riders make the race and the 2014 Ronde van Vlaanderen is loaded with racers who could win or make the Velominati VSP placings. Just to pick the winner will not be nearly as easy as it has been recently. There are small clo...

@BatDan's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Vanmarcke 2. Roelandts 3. Sagan 4. Terpstra 5. Cancellara »

Het Volk (it will always be Het Volk to me) and now the Strade Bianche may well mark the sentimental beginning to the season, but those are specialized, pre-season races that appeal mostly to riders who are preparing for bigger objectives later in the year, such as the Cobbled or Ardennes Classics. Same goes for Tirreno Adriatico and Paris-Nice; t...

@BatDan's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Pozzato 2. Denkelknob 3. Boasson Hagen 4. Bauer 5. Pozzato again »

Oh brothers and sisters, we find ourselves here again. It was but a few moments ago when the Milan-Sanremo VSP went up. Racers fought the sleet, producing an unforgettable start to the Velominati VSP season. Cancellara, Nibali, Froome and, and Horner were all big points winners for our astute and well informed audience. But now it has come to Paris...

@BatDan's posts:

  1. In a pleasing act of symmetry the German closes the curtain he opened in March. Was it March, or April, anyway he’s bound to do it. VSP PICKS: 1. Ciolek 2. Danny Van Poppel 3. Degenkolb 4. Dehaes 5. Belkov »

Il Lombardia, this is the race of the fallen leaves. This fall classic is a beautiful race in a beautiful region of Italy. The arduous route may change year to year but what does not change is the Italian need to win this thing. There is some national pride at stake here after the Italian men finished off the podium in Firenze. Bergamo to Lecco, 24...

@BatDan's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Dan Martin 2. Uran 3. Pozzovivo 4. Kwiatkowski 5. Gilbert »

  2. VSP PICKS: 1. Dan Martin 2. Uran 3. Pozzovivo 4. Kwiatkowski 5. Froome »

The early eighties saw the tide change in the European Peloton. Components were taking on a new, curvy shape as they left their boxy forms behind. The glint of toe clips in the sun would become a rarer sight as the move towards clipless pedals would take hold in 1985. English speakers were winning the big races classically won by continental Pros.T...

@BatDan's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Richie Porte 2. Ryder Hesjedal 3. Nairo Quintana 4. Alberto Contador 5. Joaquim Rodriguez »