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Velominatus: Chris

Order: Keepers Tour: Cobbled Classics 2012 Attendee

Location: The Cambridgeshire Flatlands

Social: Website / /

Errant Velominatus (too many Rule Violations to mention including Rule #33 enforced by @Mrs Chris), lover of the Pavé, Rule #6 and roller sessions. Gruppetto specialist and occasional voiture balai passenger. Firm believer in if not adherent to Rule 12: ° 2011 Cannondale CAAD8 105, ° 2006 Cannondale Prophet, ° ???? Redline Flight Pro - Built up from eBay parts aftet finding that standing around watching the kids ripping up the BMX track gets a bit dull. Scared myself shitless on the track so itgenerally gets used as a run around. Had a 2007 Marin Quake as well but sold that to fund my attendance at KT13 In real life, 43 year old father of three living in Cambridgeshire and working in London.

@Chris's activity:

It’s no coincidence that Stage Five of the Tour was not only the best one to watch, or that it helped decide the race before nary a hill was crested, but that it was just, well, Stage Five. Only last minute copyright clearances prevented the organisers actually dubbing it Stage V, though they managed to get the rain delivered on time, an ess...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @oldensteel I’m not entirely sure that the “Facial hair is to be carefully regulated” bit of Rule 50 was intended to include dying one’s beard but surely doing so would be on a level with using fake tan to maintain ones tan lines. Eitherway, it’s a dirty… »

The Whale Shark is the biggest nonmammalian vertebrate* on the planet, rivaling the dinosaurs for size. How do you feed yourself when you’re that huge without loading up on carbs all the time? Easy, you swim around with your mouth wide open for 22 hours a day and hope enough food swims in there to take the edge off the hunger pangs. Cycl...

@Chris's posts:

  1. Ha, fucked that up. Need sleep. »

  2. @wiscot True, but it doesn’t matter how big your ring is if you’re just going to bend over and shag your bars (oh now I understand!). The 2 tooth increase was aimed at the more mortal pros. »

  3. @wiscot The only bits that are the same are the cockpit (fucking daft name for handlebars, shifters and brake levers) and his kit. »

  4. On the subject of aero tucks on the TT, it just seems wrong to me. I wan’t courses on which the pros get in their TT position and stay there for the duration whilst pushing dinner plates at least 2 teeth larger than their road set up. »

  5. @wiscot It’s certainly a different bike to the one in Franks photo above. Whether the two photos are from the same race is questionable. If yes, he also ditched his shades. »

No technology can increase the energy of the willpower of the rider, nor can it lessen the doubts which sometimes overwhelm him. - Bernard HinaultAs I swung off the main road, I was momentarily consumed by the simple thrill of my tires leaving the hard tarmac and hitting the rough gravel of the unpaved forest road. It was a brief distraction of the...

@Chris's posts:

  1. Nice one Frank. Without the Will we are nothing and we have nothing; without it we can’t overcome our strongest adversary, ourselves. »

The Whale Shark is the biggest nonmammalian vertebrate* on the planet, rivaling the dinosaurs for size. How do you feed yourself when you’re that huge without loading up on carbs all the time? Easy, you swim around with your mouth wide open for 22 hours a day and hope enough food swims in there to take the edge off the hunger pangs. Cycl...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @Rom Panzerwagen in full low pressure hover mode »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @frank It should also be noted that no one, apart from the press at the time, would seriously suggest that Merckx’s 1971 Tour win was diminished by the fact that Ocana crashed out whilst in yellow with a 7 minute lead. (Speaking of Ocana, I’ve just pi… »

The Whale Shark is the biggest nonmammalian vertebrate* on the planet, rivaling the dinosaurs for size. How do you feed yourself when you’re that huge without loading up on carbs all the time? Easy, you swim around with your mouth wide open for 22 hours a day and hope enough food swims in there to take the edge off the hunger pangs. Cycl...

@Chris's posts:

  1. I’ve devoted considerable time and effort to developing my whale shark impression. As you so rightly point out it should be reserved for times when you’re actually riding hard which means you’re probably not supply enough oxygen to the brain to analyse it… »

I like definition, to place things in a box and tightly seal the lid. It makes me feel comfortable, like another of life’s little mysteries has been stored away for safe keeping. I also love ambiguity; it is the space wherein all interesting questions are asked; the unknown is life’s greatest beauty. You might say that makes me a hypo...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @Mikael Liddy Nice. I’ve gone down a similar route but silver/grey with orange highlights. Works well with my v-kit but not so much with my red club kit. The whole thing would be a fucking minefield if it wasn’t for such wise words from Frank: Otherwi… »

  2. @RedRanger There are many cyclist who can pull it off either Win Fail »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @wiscot No asterisk for me. Nibbles wasn’t just good on Stage 5 but he stated his intention from Stage 2. Everyone else has been chasing since then. That might have cause them to crash, it might not but Froome and Contrador’s departure doesn’t affect t… »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@Chris's posts:

  1. Classic example of why fenders/mud guards shouldn’t be allowed yesterday. Apart from the fact that they look shit, obviously. I was on a group ride with a bunch I don’t usually ride with, a real mix from Rapha clad whippets on Dogma F8′s to guys on steel… »

  2. @Teocalli Whether or not the analogy is flawed is completely irrelevant. We’ve little choice in the matter. »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @wiscot Dunnae forget twenny benny hedhogs or a packie o ten regal, pal »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @G’rilla Whilst we’re at it, the taping job looks a bit loose in the bend on the tops and around the bar plugs. »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @VeloJello No. I hadn’t. Is it legal? »

  2. @Mike_P Not sure about Edinburgh, it’d certainly be a great location but unless they’ve miraculously finished the tram system which as had Princess Street dug up since the last century it’s not a goer; they’d want a sprint finish along there with the c… »

  3. @VeloJello +1 on that count. The guy has revealed himself to be an evil genius. Contender for the V-Award without having been on a bike. »

When it comes to Rule Compliance, we have at our disposal three viable options. The first is to Obey the Rules. That one is pretty straight-forward because we wrote them down for you and also went to the great length of writing a book on the subject, partly as a public service to those suffering from insomnia. But The Rules are full of apparent...

@Chris's posts:

  1. »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @Teocalli Bollocks. I really to sleep not stay up all night watching it. I’ve got in on record but I’ve missed the first eight minutes. Does 4 have a +1? »

  2. Wiggo’s son. A clue for next year? Makes some sense if he’s got PR aspirations. »

When it comes to Rule Compliance, we have at our disposal three viable options. The first is to Obey the Rules. That one is pretty straight-forward because we wrote them down for you and also went to the great length of writing a book on the subject, partly as a public service to those suffering from insomnia. But The Rules are full of apparent...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @ron er, I’m going to have to hold my hand up for this one.  I think I might have broken it last night posting a gif thingy. Sorry Frank – I’ll go and do something very painful on the rollers in the morning to atone for it. »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@Chris's posts:

  1. My VSP pretty much got in the car with Froome yesterday. I can only console myself with the awesomeness of the stage and the photos coming out of it. If you aren’t already aware of the Grubers check out their tumblr and flickr accounts for gems like this… »