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Velominatus: Chris

Order: Keepers Tour: Cobbled Classics 2012 Attendee

Location: The Cambridgeshire Flatlands

Social: Website / /

Errant Velominatus (too many Rule Violations to mention including Rule #33 enforced by @Mrs Chris), lover of the Pavé, Rule #6 and roller sessions. Gruppetto specialist and occasional voiture balai passenger. Firm believer in if not adherent to Rule 12: ° 2011 Cannondale CAAD8 105, ° 2006 Cannondale Prophet, ° ???? Redline Flight Pro - Built up from eBay parts aftet finding that standing around watching the kids ripping up the BMX track gets a bit dull. Scared myself shitless on the track so itgenerally gets used as a run around. Had a 2007 Marin Quake as well but sold that to fund my attendance at KT13 In real life, 43 year old father of three living in Cambridgeshire and working in London.

@Chris's activity:

One of the things that strikes me most about the English is they don’t appear to have developed any sort of “inner dialog”. It seems anything that passes through the brain is parlayed directly to the tongue; if the thought being expressed is an insult to you, it will generally include a query for confirmation: “You’r...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @teleguy57 Hmm. Not something I’ve ever been guilty of. @Haldy In Word Excel etc you can hit CTRL ‘ then e but it doesn’t seem to work here so I tend to copy someone else’s.   »

It doesn’t take a genius to see what’s going on here. Rule #5, Rule #9, Rule #10; every rider in this frame Looks Fantastic (most other Rules). The riders are in short sleeves and shorts while the public apparently has scavenged materials from rubbish bins and the local grain elevator in a very visually unpleasant effort to keep war...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @frank Oh happy days. Productivity went out of the window that week. »

  2. On the bike, yes. Off the bike, caps (or any other cycling kit for that matter) are wrong. »

One of the things that strikes me most about the English is they don’t appear to have developed any sort of “inner dialog”. It seems anything that passes through the brain is parlayed directly to the tongue; if the thought being expressed is an insult to you, it will generally include a query for confirmation: “You’r...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @Haldy These people need to have it explained to them that in this case the green is not a colour but a statement of intent and on the basis that it’s not a colour it can’t possibly clash with their bike. It should also be explained that as this is a … »

  2. @Buck Rogers Perhaps your photos lack an appropriate degree of avvesomeness. »

It doesn’t take a genius to see what’s going on here. Rule #5, Rule #9, Rule #10; every rider in this frame Looks Fantastic (most other Rules). The riders are in short sleeves and shorts while the public apparently has scavenged materials from rubbish bins and the local grain elevator in a very visually unpleasant effort to keep war...

@Chris's posts:

  1. Buck, for you… »

One of the things that strikes me most about the English is they don’t appear to have developed any sort of “inner dialog”. It seems anything that passes through the brain is parlayed directly to the tongue; if the thought being expressed is an insult to you, it will generally include a query for confirmation: “You’r...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @Buck Rogers I’d love to be able to claim them as my own but taking photos whilst riding generally ends in tears or pictures of my thumbs. They’re Brett’s. »

  2. @frank and all done in this accent No self respecting Brit would use the word “sidewalk”. »

  3. @frank And temperature. My Vittorias sound so much sweeter when there’s a bit of frost about. The first time I really noticed how beautiful tubulars sound was on the Sunday after riding PR on KT13. A fucking freezing ride through the silence of dawn b… »

La Vie Velominatus. It is the life we, as Velominati, lead. It is life as a disciple of cycling, of the greater meaning the bike holds and the lessons it teaches us. Along the path, one of our great duties is the wholesale consumption of the great Works related to our sport. From periodicals to books to films, herin lies the list of works conside...

@Chris's posts:

  1. A bit of weirdness involving Wiggo and the Skybots »

I’m not saying I’m Batman; if I was Batman it would be a foolish thing to admit to and if I wasn’t Batman it would be a foolish thing to claim to be. What is true, however, is that Batman is pretty cool and it would probably be pretty cool to be a cool dude like Batman. It bears mentioning, however, that I have never been see...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @Beers Mr Black Jacket is doing a whole load more than having a sex wee, he’s got his hands full and his game face on. @wiscot I doubt you’d go for just one beer with Freddy. »

  2. @frank Apart from the Worlds incident I’d always had Freddy down as the good guy but De Vlaeminck could have been the biggest cunt around and it wouldn’t matter. He had too much style on and off the bike to be anything other than the hero. Just … »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @markb Possibly the rule should be amended to say that of course a bike should be turned upside down if maintenance or cleaning dictates but under no circumstances should it be rest on the ground whilst doing so. A bike can be safely inverted for such … »

April 2015 // Lille, France The Hardmen. They inspire us; we aspire to be one among them. They are the solitary voice among the thousands in our heads that tell us to keep pushing when all the others tell us to stop. Their long shadows look on in approval as we pull on our cold and wet weather gear and head out into the elements to ride. Continue...

@Chris's posts:

  1. April 2015 // Lille, France 

    The Hardmen. They inspire us; we aspire to be one among them. They are the solitary voice among the thousands in our heads that tell us to keep pushing when all the others tell us to stop. Their long shadows look on in approval as we pull on our cold and wet weather gear and head out into the elements to ride.

    Every serious Cyclist is a hard man or woman; it comes with the territory. But to be given the title of Hardman, one must be more than just tough. The Hardmen stand out among the rest as the ones who ride over the savage, jagged cobblestones of Northern Europe with a souplesse that is possessed only by those riders who thrive in the most torturous of road cycling’s domains: The Cobbled Classics of Northern Europe.

    Velominati has partnered up with Pavé Cycling Classics, based in Northern France, to offer the chance to walk where Giants tread and pedal through the trench of Arenberg and up the devastating cobbled steeps of the Koppenberg and Kapelmuur. To pedal with the Pros during their reconnaissance of the Paris-Roubaix route.

    As if that isn’t good enough, we offer the opportunity to do all this with Johan Museeuw, the last Lion of Flanders.

    Velominati’s Keepers Tour: Cobbled Classics will be back in 2015 and guided by the Velominati Keepers in partnership with Pavé Cycling Classics over nine days in April during the most sacred time of the season, the week when de Ronde van Vlaanderen and Paris Roubaix are held. Details and booking information will be announced in the coming days.

    Event Details

    Loading Map....

    Date/Time
    Date - April 03, 2015 - April 13, 2015
    12:00 AM - 12:00 AM

    Location
    Gare de Lille Flandres

    Cogal Details
    Route Details


The Ride. It is the cathedral of our sport, where we worship at the altar of the Man with the Hammer. It is the end to our means. Indeed, The Bike may be the central tool to our sport, but to turn the pedals is to experience the sensation of freedom, of flight. It is all for The Ride.The world is overflowing with small, twisty roads that capture ou...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @Teocalli Aah, happy days. It did go wrong at the sign for Cocking but did we not also go wrong earlier on Sandy Lane/Hound House Road when we lost Simon and your Garmin? We should do it again sometime – we just need another rainy day. »

I have a huge capacity for watching bike racing on TV. I’ll watch hours of it even when nothing is really happening. I’m certainly not bragging. So I’m quite certain I could sit in the cramped, possibly smokey, noisy, Gent velodrome and watch an evening of six-day racing. I bet the ratio of men to women (who actually want to be th...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @Gianni Between us, there’s some insane, evil genius going on. If you weren’t so old I’d suspect we’d been separated at birth. Lets make it happen. Does Ghent have city bikes or are we going to have to appropriate them from some other European city a… »

  2. @Gianni Sounds a bit like test cricket (five day matches). Not everyone has the endurance to sit through them either in terms of the mentality or alcohol consumption. As an easily amused simpleton with a proclivity for all day sessions, the Ghent Six has… »

“My dear, Find what you love and let it kill you. Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it kill you and let it devour your remains. For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover. ~ Falsely yours” ― Charles BukowskiIt&#...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @Teocalli Way too highbrow. But if we’re going there, I quite like this @Ambrose Redmoon By all accounts Ambrose was a bit of a hippy so it probably needs a bit of balance from an old school hardman. @Marcus Aurelius »

  2. @brett Love the photo. That truly looks like a no frills establishment for hard drinking. Until you look at the wine glasses. I rarely think about the dangers whilst out on the bike but I’ve found myself thinking about them more off the bike than I used … »

  3. @Owen It’s the off season and we haven’t got round to arguing about helmets or sheep yet. »

Sharing the road with cars is mostly a losing proposition. It’s hard to share when your vehicle weighs 8 kgs and the other guy’s is 800 kgs. If we have to share we have to let go and that is not easy, as @Kevin Wilkins explains. Yours in Cycling, Gianni Continue reading...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @brett The comments that get posted under any cycle related article in the the UK press aren’t any better. Generally, a massive amount of whining about cyclists murdering innocent pedestrians on the footpath or “breaking the law” by riding two abreast. Ap… »

I’ve lost a lot of things that were, at some point or another, dear to me. At times, I’ve even cast them away deliberately, either because of a nurtured indifference or an irrational or impulsive dislike. Regret is an easy emotion to find in reflection, it lays right at the surface and provides us with a quick answer without requiring...

@Chris's posts:

  1. @frank Perfect. »

  2. @unversio Strong work, one to remember for a long time. I love the idea of a straight block but baulk at paying Dura Ace prices. One for the next bike. »

April 2015 // Lille, France The Hardmen. They inspire us; we aspire to be one among them. They are the solitary voice among the thousands in our heads that tell us to keep pushing when all the others tell us to stop. Their long shadows look on in approval as we pull on our cold and wet weather gear and head out into the elements to ride. Continue...

@Chris's posts:

  1. April 2015 // Lille, France 

    The Hardmen. They inspire us; we aspire to be one among them. They are the solitary voice among the thousands in our heads that tell us to keep pushing when all the others tell us to stop. Their long shadows look on in approval as we pull on our cold and wet weather gear and head out into the elements to ride.

    Every serious Cyclist is a hard man or woman; it comes with the territory. But to be given the title of Hardman, one must be more than just tough. The Hardmen stand out among the rest as the ones who ride over the savage, jagged cobblestones of Northern Europe with a souplesse that is possessed only by those riders who thrive in the most torturous of road cycling’s domains: The Cobbled Classics of Northern Europe.

    Velominati has partnered up with Pavé Cycling Classics, based in Northern France, to offer the chance to walk where Giants tread and pedal through the trench of Arenberg and up the devastating cobbled steeps of the Koppenberg and Kapelmuur. To pedal with the Pros during their reconnaissance of the Paris-Roubaix route.

    As if that isn’t good enough, we offer the opportunity to do all this with Johan Museeuw, the last Lion of Flanders.

    Velominati’s Keepers Tour: Cobbled Classics will be back in 2015 and guided by the Velominati Keepers in partnership with Pavé Cycling Classics over nine days in April during the most sacred time of the season, the week when de Ronde van Vlaanderen and Paris Roubaix are held. Details and booking information will be announced in the coming days.

    Event Details

    Loading Map....

    Date/Time
    Date - April 03, 2015 - April 13, 2015
    12:00 AM - 12:00 AM

    Location
    Gare de Lille Flandres

    Cogal Details
    Route Details


  2. April 2015 // Lille, France 

    The Hardmen. They inspire us; we aspire to be one among them. They are the solitary voice among the thousands in our heads that tell us to keep pushing when all the others tell us to stop. Their long shadows look on in approval as we pull on our cold and wet weather gear and head out into the elements to ride.

    Every serious Cyclist is a hard man or woman; it comes with the territory. But to be given the title of Hardman, one must be more than just tough. The Hardmen stand out among the rest as the ones who ride over the savage, jagged cobblestones of Northern Europe with a souplesse that is possessed only by those riders who thrive in the most torturous of road cycling’s domains: The Cobbled Classics of Northern Europe.

    Velominati has partnered up with Pavé Cycling Classics, based in Northern France, to offer the chance to walk where Giants tread and pedal through the trench of Arenberg and up the devastating cobbled steeps of the Koppenberg and Kapelmuur. To pedal with the Pros during their reconnaissance of the Paris-Roubaix route.

    As if that isn’t good enough, we offer the opportunity to do all this with Johan Museeuw, the last Lion of Flanders.

    Velominati’s Keepers Tour: Cobbled Classics will be back in 2015 and guided by the Velominati Keepers in partnership with Pavé Cycling Classics over nine days in April during the most sacred time of the season, the week when de Ronde van Vlaanderen and Paris Roubaix are held. Details and booking information will be announced in the coming days.

    Event Details

    Loading Map....

    Date/Time
    Date - April 03, 2015 - April 13, 2015
    12:00 AM - 12:00 AM

    Location
    Gare de Lille Flandres

    Cogal Details
    Route Details