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Velominatus: DeKerr

Order: Level 1 Velominatus

Fond memories of canti's and rigid forks from the early mountain bike days. Now training in earnest as a Pedalwan.

@DeKerr's activity:

The Whale Shark is the biggest nonmammalian vertebrate* on the planet, rivaling the dinosaurs for size. How do you feed yourself when you’re that huge without loading up on carbs all the time? Easy, you swim around with your mouth wide open for 22 hours a day and hope enough food swims in there to take the edge off the hunger pangs. Cycl...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. @frank Yes, waaaaaaaaay less subtle. Fortunately I don’t think there’s any chance of Her Panzerwagen turning into the Rainbow Turd. And how the fuck does he do that with his neck?!? The wattage coming out of that photo is making my eyes water. »

The only reason I bring that up is because if 1) you live in the Pacific Northwest and 2) you are a Cyclist and 3) you have not ridden Hurricane Ridge, well, you should, while you can. Here’s why: it’s an HC climb that begins at the salt water of the Strait of Juan de Fuca and climbs, without relent, to 1600 meters. ‘Muricans, do...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. When someone uses the phrase “bucket list” within my hearing, I want to give them a snot-laden cycling glove across the chops. Because when you use a dead metaphor like that one in connection with the topic of mortality, it means that you don’t adequately appreciate the finality of mortality. “Dead metaphor,” get it? Death deserves his due, as they say, whatever the hell they think they mean by that. I’m saying that dead metaphors do not serve the vital function of warding off death.

    The only reason I bring that up is because if 1) you live in the Pacific Northwest and 2) you are a Cyclist and 3) you have not ridden Hurricane Ridge, well, you should, while you can. Here’s why: it’s an HC climb that begins at the salt water of the Strait of Juan de Fuca and climbs, without relent, to 1600 meters. ‘Muricans, do the math. (Hint: it’s 5242 feet.) It’s not a steep climb, but it’s a damned long one that doesn’t give you a break, and it’s entirely up to you how you let it treat you. That’s freedom. That’s life, which we all understand to be the opposite of death.

    This ride also offers the strange and exotic opportunity to stay at El Rancho del Stumpo del Norte, free of charge. El Rancho–the beginning and end of the route–is a demi-funky log home with an outbuilding and lots of covered porch area on five secluded acres about ten miles east of Sequim. (That’s right; it’s nowhere.) There is effectively unlimited camping space, whether that means pitching a tent or throwing a sleeping bag on the porch or passing out “dead” drunk on the rocked-in fire pit in the back yard. There will be unlimited supplies of ale; there will be music indoors and out; there will be fire and food cooked over fire. There will be The Most Interesting Dog in the World.

    More importantly, there will be Velominati. And their bikes. And a big fucking climb. And, as should follow, one of the funnest descents ever: smooth pavement, light traffic, and views that tempt you to divert your gaze from your line at high rates of speed.

    The details of the route are to be determined; ongoing work on Hwy 101 will determine some details. But this is the general idea: http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/387985892. Basically, we’re talking 150km, roughly, with a 1600-meter climb in the middle of it, with maybe 2400 meters of total elevation gain. Have a look at the route, and you’ll see a very symmetrical pattern: a flat, a climb, a flat. You could, I suppose, use an internal combustion device to avoid the flat bits. I don’t know why you would, but you could. There are ample opportunities to water up or refuel in Sequim and in Port Angeles, which is at the beginning of the business. At the top of Hurricane Ridge, there’s a lodge with basic services (water, bathrooms, and crap food). For detailed info, email me at davidbrande(aht)gmail(dawt)com.

    Event Details

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    Date/Time
    Date - August 23, 2014
    9:05 AM - 8:00 PM

    Location
    Peakintwoyears HQ

    Cogal Details
    Route Details

    Ride Classification

No technology can increase the energy of the willpower of the rider, nor can it lessen the doubts which sometimes overwhelm him. - Bernard HinaultAs I swung off the main road, I was momentarily consumed by the simple thrill of my tires leaving the hard tarmac and hitting the rough gravel of the unpaved forest road. It was a brief distraction of the...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. @KW Wow man… just… wow. Hard man this one. The VMH has a Sora set on her commuter. It gets the job done, but it ain’t pretty. »

The Whale Shark is the biggest nonmammalian vertebrate* on the planet, rivaling the dinosaurs for size. How do you feed yourself when you’re that huge without loading up on carbs all the time? Easy, you swim around with your mouth wide open for 22 hours a day and hope enough food swims in there to take the edge off the hunger pangs. Cycl...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. Loving the subtle bands on the seat tube (can that thing even be called a seat tube?) and I realize he’s going FSA but that just looks wrong. Kinda like Peter Sagan’s escape velocity tuck…. no… …exactly like Peter Sagan’s tuck. »

La Vie Velominatus. It is the life we, as Velominati, lead. It is life as a disciple of cycling, of the greater meaning the bike holds and the lessons it teaches us. Along the path, one of our great duties is the wholesale consumption of the great Works related to our sport. From periodicals to books to films, herin lies the list of works conside...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. ESPN film involving an American sticking it to the French. Of course there will be hyperbole. »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. 4 of my 5 picks abandoned. Missed both rest day swaps. In Canada with no cable so didn’t watch a single stage. I feel like I should be scoring negative points on this one, not just the naught. »

The Whale Shark is the biggest nonmammalian vertebrate* on the planet, rivaling the dinosaurs for size. How do you feed yourself when you’re that huge without loading up on carbs all the time? Easy, you swim around with your mouth wide open for 22 hours a day and hope enough food swims in there to take the edge off the hunger pangs. Cycl...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. @Rom just switch your right pedal to one of those “track-style” pedals that are all the rage with the hipster fixie-riding crowd. You’ll be fine… And may I suggest this from your countrymen (you are an Aussie, right?) to address your wallet issue. But… »

It has been many years (25!) since professional female cyclists have raced on the cobbles of the Champs Elysées. While running the Giro Donne concurrently with the Tour de France makes no sense to me, this Sunday’s women’s race does make sense. It should be the model for a Women’s Tour de France: the route, infrastructure, roadsi...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. Because Le Tour totally fucked my VSP and there are 3 Canadians in the mix I’m going for a Hail Mary (pardon the gridiron analogy) VSP PICKS: 1. The Divine Ms. V 2. Elizabeth Armistead 3. Emma Johannson 4. Cari Higgins 5. Leah Kirkman »

The Whale Shark is the biggest nonmammalian vertebrate* on the planet, rivaling the dinosaurs for size. How do you feed yourself when you’re that huge without loading up on carbs all the time? Easy, you swim around with your mouth wide open for 22 hours a day and hope enough food swims in there to take the edge off the hunger pangs. Cycl...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. Oh yeah, @Rom - shave your fucking legs. »

  2. @The Oracle Requin Baleine, pronounced “Rakan Balen” Although I imagine the French would go for more of a phrase like  “Le Vide de Plein Aire” »

Yes, this makes three Guest Articles in three weeks, but we run the show around here and we do what we want. Especially when it comes to solid, 24-karat gold Cyclist/Rock star comparisons. Especiallier when it comes from none other than Keeper Jim’s lovely wife and food-writer celebrity, Jess Thomson. Its cute seeing the family come togethe...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. I’ll admit it… I’ve seen Vanilla Ice in concert… sandwiched between The Barenaked Ladies, Spirit of the West, and Sarah Mclachlan at a festival concert at UBC Thunderbird in the 90′s. A little known band called Moist was playing on the second stage. A… »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. I hereby nominate for the Anti-V moment of the year every single rider who says the cobbles have no place on a Grand Tour (and it is with a heavy heart because I realize this includes Spartacus, but we all have our off days). And please everyone, stop fe… »

  2. @wiscot Here, here! On a 3 week race throw everything at the teams and may the best (and luckiest) rider enjoy his toast on the Champs-Élysées… it will be all the sweeter. Tours should be about the best rider, not the specialist. And my picks are now… »

  3. No Nairo… dammit (I should have checked the race list first) now I have no Columbian to root for so I’ll have to put in a yankee. VSP PICKS: 1. Albuterol Clentador 2. The Spider 3. All Kittel’d up 4. Rui Costa 5. Talansky »

  4. Fuck me, i don’t actually want either 1 or 2 to win… and I’d love to be wrong about Nairo and see him stand on a step. VSP PICKS: 1. Albuterol Clentador 2. The Spider 3. All Kittel’d up 4. Nairo Quintana 5. Nibbles »

Why are women’s races run concurrently with men’s races? I would get it if it was the women’s Tour de France, but I don’t get it when it is the women’s Giro in July. Since the Tour de Swiss there has been a lack of stage racing (in my TV watching schedule) and seemingly a perfect time to present a women’s stage r...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. My graphite ball reveals nothing… but at least there is no Delgado, and I like the name Emma. VSP PICKS: 1. Mara Abbott 2. Marianne Vos 3. Emma Pooley 4. Emma Johansson 5. Elisa Longo Borghini »

Maui Velominatus Dave is tapering for this Saturday’s Cycle to the Sun. It is more mass start, time trial to the sun as there is nothing like 3.3 km of continual climbing to sort everyone out by their power to weight ratios. After 2 km of climbing there is no pack and no draft. Everyone climbs as hard as they can and almost everyone is riding alo...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. @kixsand And this is why the use of a power meter should be cautious. So to quote @frank (who gets more and more eloquent with each passing post) @frank »

  2. And herein lays another clear example of the contradictions of this sport. The courting of technology (power meters which can result in riding like a certain maillot jaune wearing bike-humping spider) and the romanticism of the classic ways (sans casque a… »

Climbing is something I enjoy more than I am good at it; any time I see a new road pointing up to the heavens, I find myself irresistibly drawn to explore where it leads. Every season I come to the conclusion that my training routes are all very hilly and I arrive at the brilliant idea that I should plot out a new course which seeks out the flatt...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. Saturday morning, in foreign territory on unknown paths, I found myself doing just that… “Hey, that road points up… I wonder how far it goes?” A while later, while the Man with the hammer whispered in my ear, I found myself tempted by le toute petit… »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. @KW Giro has some gloves to go with those boots »

Jeff in PetroMetro submitted this piece to us quite some time back, and we decided to hold off on publishing it until we got a little closer to the Giro, due to the story’s relation to the Giro. We knew it wouldn’t be the first time someone has written about it, but that’s never stopped us before so why should it now? As it turns...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. @Deakus there is nothing… NOTHING!… that is not absolutely fantastic about that photo. »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. @frank Seconded. However, should you continue to hold a counter opinion please refer to the masturbation principle. »

Before Tomac and Ned, before LeMond and Big Mig, there was Bob Hannah. For a young lad obsessed with motorcycles as well as bicycles, the ‘Hurricane’ was the epitome of style on a bike. His bright yellow Yamaha YZs and matching head-to-toe kit set the bar and inspired me to emulate not only his style on the bike, but off it too. If onl...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. @frank I started into this article by thinking – “oh fuck. Another non-cycling, but akin-to-cycling article” and then @ChrissyOne shows up. I hope that photo is blown up 5′x7′ (that’s feet, not inches) and framed over your headboard because that is so… »

Those of you in the PacNW have likely heard of the (in)famous “Seattle to Portland” ride, or “STP.” It is produced by a large local bike club and sponsored by a large corporate health care entity. I’ve ridden it several times over the years, and it has its charms. But going for a bike ride with 10,000 of my closest fri...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. Ride the Cascades with the Velominati

    Those of you in the PacNW have likely heard of the (in)famous “Seattle to Portland” ride, or “STP.” It is produced by a large local bike club and sponsored by a large corporate health care entity. I’ve ridden it several times over the years, and it has its charms. But going for a bike ride with 10,000 of my closest friends has gotten…tiresome and cloying. When I first starting riding bikes a few years ago, STP was something of a challenge. A double century over two days seemed to be something epic, something life changing. At the time, it was something to aim for, and I’m glad I did it a few times with Mrs/Dr Eightzero.

    Last year was the last time I’m doing that ride. Oh, it was fun. Nothing Bad happened. The weather was perfect. We had a good time. But…if I hear “on your left” or “CAR BACK!” one more time, I’m gonna frame pump someone. Yes, I ride casually deliberately. Yes, I know there are cars on the road. But just stop it. I Obey Rule #59, so I don’t give a shit if you’re on my left. And actually, I do own the road. I ride as far to the right as is safe, and always actually look over my shoulder if I change lines. Thus, I am obeying not only the Rules, but the law in this state as well.

    The bike club wants $100 for this “fun” and while I understand it is a fund raiser for their various advocacy efforts, for $100 I get little in return. Some cheap-ass Costco snacks and bag transport. 10,000 people at a finish line “festival” means I wait in line for 20 minutes for a $5 beer, then there’s no where to sit to enjoy it.

    So, rather than go all eveyln STeVens further, I’ve decided a Cogal is just the antidote. Cogals lack everything I just described. Velominati are particularly good bike handlers. There’s no yelling on a Cogal, only V, V, and more V. When we recover, we fill the table with empty beer bottles in a comfy corner of a local brewery. Hence, the STV Summer Cogal in Arlington WA on July 12, 2014. If you plan on doing STP, well, have fun. STV is on that weekend, so you can’t do both. I hope you have a $100 worth of fun. STV, OTOH, adheres to the Keepers’ Cogal Principles: Open to all; Free to all. And Epic. Way Epic.

    As is the tradition with the Settle Summer Cogal, we start and end at a Brewery. In this case, the Skookum Brewery near the Arlington Airport. A short spur away from our loop into the North Cascades, we are taking the route listed as one of the 75 Classic Washington State rides.

    We plan casually deliberate, and will have a periodic regrouping at a couple of the small “towns” as there are several places to refuel and rewater along the route. It is my experience that for long, epic rides like this, company to chat with during the ride is much desired (just not 10,000 people that think that going for a 100 mile ride is life changing, and thus all have stern looks of concentration like they think a freeway overpass is the Fucking Stelvio.) Still, I expect the occasional double-pacelines to form, and we can hammer along a bit, but comraderie is best served on the road.

    We need an early start: V past 8am PDT, and the ride starts on time. Start/End: Skookum Brewery, (360) 652-4917.

    Route Directions are here.

    We may make a few detours to get supplies. The best roads are a little off the beaten commercial highways where there are stores, supplies. Note this is route is Grand Fondo distance – longer than a (Imperial) Century. As a loop, there is no turning back – you’re committed, so bring supplies and a plan. IOW: Epic.

    Casually Deliberate, but multiple groups may form. Take particular note of distances and opportunities for refuel/ rewater. This is not an urban ride. It is spectacularly scenic, and while it is long, it is not overly vertical, and therefore very doable for those us that are always Too Fat to Climb.

    VLVV -Eightzero.

    Event Details

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    Date/Time
    Date - July 12, 2014
    8:05 AM - 9:00 PM

    Location
    Skookum Brewery

    Cogal Details
    Route Details

    Ride Classification

Cycling is a mighty sport with a rich and complex history. Every company, racer, piece of kit, and component has a legend, a story behind it; in many cases it also has a personal and nostalgic connection to our lives.  While this particular sport is steeped in tradition, it is also fiercely modern, a fact that serves only to deepen its complexity...

@DeKerr's posts:

  1. @commodumcyclingteam It appears no one has got back to you on the issue so allow me to refer you to Rule #18, Rule #34, and Rule #69 in regards to footwear. And then, check the Articles and the Lexicon for guidance. »