Velominati Community Profile Archive

Velominatus: Enoch

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@Enoch's activity:

Velominati Super Prestige: Tour de Suisse 2013

The mighty VSP generator has been switched on once again. The mil-spec hydraulic fluid has been changed since the Giro. A new power take-off belt has also been installed. And the punch card reader has been refurbished.Broome and Berti are already riding the Critérium du Dauphiné. The top contenders prefer the Dauphiné for the decent recovery all...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. Yeah, yeah, Schleck is over, blah blah blah. I’ll give him one more shot to show up and stay relevant. VSP PICKS: 1. Van Garderen 2. Schleck 3. Ryder 4. Kreuziger 5. Faboo »

Festum Prophetae: The Impossible Hour

Update: You can watch the live stream (assuming it works from the velodrome) on the Velominati channel at USTREAM. When you log in, you’ll first see my little test video of my puppy eating grass. Please disregard me yelling at it. That never happened.I have always considered myself to have a good imagination, something I attribute half to my...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. This is hard to do, but someone has to low-ball the poor bastard. Frank, may The Prophet be with you, and go kick my ass! 35.0 km. »

The Importance of Environment

While all evidence points to the contrary, the 20th century’s greatest twatwaffle LE Gunderson may have got something at least half right after all. Of course it’s about the bike, otherwise we’d be runners. But there are other factors that contribute to what makes us Cyclists which can often be overlooked completely. Not the cloth...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. @ChrisO “But it’s a dry heat!” I feel you, though. Here in Florida we’re coming into full-on “ride wet from minute 3″ season. I’ll still take it over riding in the cold wind! »

Velominati Super Prestige: Giro D’Italia 2013

Twiggo is dreaming of a Giro-Tour double. He has sent out mixed messages about his Tour ambitions. Will he use the Giro as the ultimate Tour preparation or will be burn all his matches in May and hope he can find another pack for July? He has abandoned his successful 2012 Tour run-up strategy of winning every stage race he entered the previous spri...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps): 1. Nibbles 2. Uran 3. Gesink 4. Cuddles 5. Scarponi »

Guest Article: Down with the YJA

Bicycles and automobiles- can’t we all just get along? @Kah writes about this universal (do aliens have this issue also?) problem of us co-existing with humans in cars. We all drive cars too and have cursed the occasional cyclists for some good reason. Cars are our greatest threat. We can crawl away from our own bicycle crashes, thanks very m...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. @snoov I could be out of line here, but it seems to me that Rule #2 and Rule #3 don’t allow you to pawn that YJA off on someone else. I suppose you could include a note in the listing noting that it may not, under any circumstances, be used for cycling… »

Velominati Super Prestige: Giro D’Italia 2013

Twiggo is dreaming of a Giro-Tour double. He has sent out mixed messages about his Tour ambitions. Will he use the Giro as the ultimate Tour preparation or will be burn all his matches in May and hope he can find another pack for July? He has abandoned his successful 2012 Tour run-up strategy of winning every stage race he entered the previous spri...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Nibbles 2. Wiggo 3. Gesink 4. Ryder 5. Scarponi »

La Vie Velominatus: Lean Properly

There are always at least two ways to accomplish any task: properly and improperly. Drinking beer from a glass, not the bottle; carrying a full umbrella instead of a miniature fold-up; stirring your gin martinis, not shaking them; wearing french cuffs with a suit, not button cuffs. The Velominatus, of course, is drawn towards doing things Properly,...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. I do love that you used Mr. Bond as an example both of doing something properly and improperly, Frank. Good of you to allow him to redeem himself. »

Velominati Super Prestige: Paris-Roubaix 2013

It looks so easy on the television. Well, no, actually it looks pretty bloody hard. We think we have some understanding of how they suffer, how their bodies can take the continual beating. But we don’t really know. Not even by riding these abominations they call roads twice in the space of a few days can we understand the scale of the thing...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Faboo 2. Phinn Phen 3. Boom! 4. Turgot 5. Ed King »

Velominati Super Prestige: Ronde van Vlaanderen 2013

Imagine a world without the little things we take for granted; a house without a roof, a pub with no beer, a Keepers Tour without any clothes. The last one is a reality for me at the moment, five days in and still no trace of where the hell between Wellington and Paris my bag (filled with V-Kit, shoes, helmet, everything) is. The other thing that h...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Faboo 2. Sagan 3. Thor! 4. Pozzato 5. Chavanel (S) »

Velominati Super Prestige: Gent-Wevelgem 2013

Gent (Deinze)-Wevelgem, it starts with 130 km of cruising around Belgium and Northern France followed by a flurry of bergs and then a final 38 km of  flatter riding to the inevitable sprint finish. How hard can the climbing be if Super Mario got over them? Ask the riders from KT 2012, (the ones not in the following car) and they will tell you...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. @Buck Rogers A-Merckx! »

Velominati Super Prestige: Trofeo Alfredo Binda 2013

This is the second round of the Women’s World Cup, the first being the Ronde van Drenthe. Laveno Mombello to Cittiglio, 120 km of racing in Italy. It is a very worthy course and we know who will be wearing the number 1 on her jersey. Enough already, I like Ms Vos as much as the next person but someone has to work her over on the climbs and ri...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Vos 2. Stevens 3. Armistead 4. Johansson 5. Van Djik »

Velominati Super Prestige: Gent-Wevelgem 2013

Gent (Deinze)-Wevelgem, it starts with 130 km of cruising around Belgium and Northern France followed by a flurry of bergs and then a final 38 km of  flatter riding to the inevitable sprint finish. How hard can the climbing be if Super Mario got over them? Ask the riders from KT 2012, (the ones not in the following car) and they will tell you...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Cancellara 2. Phinney 3. Sagan 4. Boonen 5. Boasson Hagen »

Velominati Super Prestige: Milan-Sanremo 2013

Finally, we have Milan-Sanremo. I hope pedale.forcetta is ready to shoot some pictures, especially black and white because it will be cold and possibly wet. Throw in a little wind and a race of this distance will weed out the less hardy. Recently, but not too recently, this race would be won out of a decent size field sprint. And yet, besides Fabs...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. Straight-up sprint finish, weather-permitting. I think Renshaw blows it at the last minute and crashes the field behind the top 7 or so riders. Merckx be merciful if I’m right. VSP PICKS: 1. Cav 2. Greipel 3. Sagan 4. Goss 5. Boonen »

Cobbled Classics 2013 Forecast: Hardman’s Valmanac

As many of you know, one of my specialties is examining events, imagining trends in them, and then predicting future events by painting with broad strokes based on those findings. I find this approach particularly effective when it pertains to topics of which I know less than nothing. In many ways, this is the same thing meteorologists do, so in...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. @G’rilla A most grievous breach of Rule #58, my good man. Get thee to thy LBS! »

Velominati Super Prestige: L’Eroica/Strade Bianche 2013

Until the 70′s it was common to race on gravel roads, but the Paving of the Planet has led to nearly every road being graced by smooth, black tarmac. As is the case with most things, once we are shown the easy path, it is difficult to return to more arduous ways. So it is with gravel roads; we take measures to avoid unpaved roads and in doi...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Boom 2. Phinney 3. Slagter 4. Sagan 5. Pozzato »

Velominati Super Prestige: Omloop Het Nieuwsblad 2013

Outside my window, its pouring rain. My bike is leaning agains the wall in my office, covered in grim and grit from the ride in, which was characterized by equal parts cold, wind, and rain. The spot in the locker room where I changed before my shower was marked by sand and mud, and when I walked to the shower, I left a trail of dirty footprints.It...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. S. Chavanel 2. Lars Boom 3. Pozzato 4. Thor! 5. Phinney »

Velominati Super Prestige: Omloop Het Nieuwsblad Women 2013

Finally, some cold nasty Belgian one day racing. Oman, Qatar, does anyone brag about winning those stage races? Yes, they might but really, it’s a tune up for the real season which finally begins this Saturday. Will racing in China or Oman grow the sport? Will there be a new wave of inspired young racers from these countries. Does professiona...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Evie Stevens 2. Brand 3. Armistead 4. Marion Rousse 5. Gracie Elvin »

Voices and Echoes

Doubt. It speaks in whispered tones but echoes in our actions and lingers heavy on the mind. It is a thing that weaves itself into the seeds of our dreams and erodes vision into whim. Doubt leads to uncertainty; uncertainty to fear; fear prevents us from reaching as high as we might.Doubt is a clingy thing. Like a snowball dropped down a mountainsi...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. Luckily there is no rule against correcting the grammar and spelling of the Keepers. Else I would find myself doing hill repeats in penance. It’s “echoes.” @Mikel Pearce I couldn’t agree more. »

Merckxy Christmas, and a Coppi New Year

It has been a crazy year, this, with our first annual Keepers Tour sorted, partnerships with the industry’s leading icons including Johan Museeuw, Pavé Cycling Classics, DeFeet, fi'zi:k, and Lezyne – and a book deal to boot (deadline looming large on January 1st). We couldn’t have asked for a better year, and would like to remind...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. It may not be acceptable to mix geekery with looking fantastic, but Santa made me do it: Merckx help me but I can be a “red shirt” any time I want now. I hope it won’t mean I’m the first to die on away rides…. »

Velominati Photo Contest: Season 2012

Truth be told, how many of us can resist a photo of ourselves Looking Fantastic on the bike? How many of us can resist the temptation of taking our eyes off the road and stealing a glimpse of ourselves in a shop window as we pass by? Not me, but then again a strong case could be made for my being a narcissist and I freely admit that I love looking...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. Subject: me Setting: Kilometer 150 of 630 in a RAAM qualifier Rule violations: Rule #54 – begging an exception for races over 400 km; the aero bar has been removed! »

The Eye of Sauron

Aside from wheels staying in one piece and the frame holding together, the thing we take most for granted when riding a bike is how our bodies instinctively respond to and absorb bumps. The human body is, in fact, an incredible shock-absorber; our arms and legs are capable of flexing and shifting in ways that no mechanical suspension is capable of...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. @Giles The yellow helmet is a a privilege offered to the team leading the points classification during the Tour. Most teams don’t take advantage, with Sky being a notable exception during part of 2012′s race. Given that Team Radio Shack won, it’s odd to… »

Solitude

The task spreads out before me like molasses poured onto a tabletop, indulging in its viscous immensity. Its growing breadth makes it a kind of enigma, the sort distinguished by an elusive end and therefor an intangible beginning. It occurs to me, at this moment, that the difference between those who achieve and those who stagnate is not measu...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. @Ron Even those with many a cold winter behind us acclimate eventually. While there is a certain nostalgia in the feel of the first crisp morning, which thankfully happens here in December most years, the dry, windy cold is more difficult to stave off w… »

The Eternal Seconds: Heroes or Villians?

Joop Zoetemelk was a hard man, a tough nut to crack. He specialized in getting second place, a talent he developed under the doctrine of Eddy Merckx and mastered via the harsh tutelage of Bernard Hinault. It’s very seductive to lean back in our armchairs and draw the conclusion that our sport’s Eternal Seconds, as they’re called,...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. @gaswepass Please please please don’t open old woulds, least of all on the night we have to face A** M*****’s (may he rest in torment) goon squad on their home turf. Nonetheless we remain hopeful, vigilant, returning every season to work, to suffer, perc… »

Velominati Super Prestige: Mens World Championship Road Race 2012

I’m quite upset about it, actually, all this racing that’s been going on in perfectly good weather. Vlaanderen, dry. Roubaix, dry. We were nearly guaranteed shit weather with the Olympics in London, but even then, only the women got to get all Rule #9 on our asses – and only for one race. Damnit, I want Epic, and if we keep insis...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Sagan 2. Boonen 3. Gilbert 4. Voeckler 5. Nibali »

Velominati Super Prestige: Grand Prix Cycliste de Montreal 2012

Ok, as some of you have been reminding us, this one slipped off the radar last year, and threatened to do the same again this time. Is it because it’s held in Canada? That despite a quality field and only two weeks away from the Worlds, it’s in Canada? That even though the course is a perfect template for riders who hold hopes for earni...

@Enoch's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Sagan 2. Boasson Hagen 3. Voeckler 4. Anker Sorensen 5. Hesjedal »

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