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Velominatus: JohnB

Order: Guest Contributor

Location: Arbroath

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Cyclist and cycling fan based on east coast of Scotland. I enjoy the road, track, MTB and commuting. The TT never did it for me. Occasionally I do get to ride in the sun. Pleasantly surprised by my hitherto unknown compliance with The Rules.

@JohnB's activity:

The Whale Shark is the biggest nonmammalian vertebrate* on the planet, rivaling the dinosaurs for size. How do you feed yourself when you’re that huge without loading up on carbs all the time? Easy, you swim around with your mouth wide open for 22 hours a day and hope enough food swims in there to take the edge off the hunger pangs. Cycl...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. I swithered last month over buying one of those photos taken by roadside photographers on Alpe D’Huez because in every one of them my mouth was wide open. Not so nice, I’m suffering and I’m trying to look comfortable for the camera and failing. Now I’ve g… »

Rule #33- Legs are to be carefully shaved at all times.This is one of the Rules that really defines the term Cyclist to the Velominati. Discussions about Rule #33 flare up on the site occasionally, burn brightly then smolder out. Between faces and legs, it is a lot of man-scraping. Rule #33 is a task master. Compliance is one thing, defending it t...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. @Puffy There’s always someone who just goes that step too far! »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. I’m happy the site is back up and running to get these swaps in although now likely to finish with a negative score. VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps): 1. Vincenzo Nibali 2. Richie Porte 3. Alejandro Valverde 4. Juergen Van Den Broeck 5. Andrew Talansky »

  2. Froome  Contador, Contador Froome? The bottle stopped on… VSP PICKS: 1. Chris Froome 2. Alberto Contador 3. Vincenzo Nibali 4. Juergen Van Den Broeck 5. Andrew Talansky »

Why are women’s races run concurrently with men’s races? I would get it if it was the women’s Tour de France, but I don’t get it when it is the women’s Giro in July. Since the Tour de Swiss there has been a lack of stage racing (in my TV watching schedule) and seemingly a perfect time to present a women’s stage r...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Marianne Vos 2. Emma Johansson 3. Emma Pooley 4. Mara Abbott 5. Tiffany Cromwell »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. @Chris and @ChrisO  I was at a Chimp Paradox seminar recently and Dr Steve Peters research has identified that a teenage brain develops from the back to the front. The emotional, irrational and impulsive chimp is in the centre with the rational, logical a… »

  2. @Matthew Bennett Our kids cycling club is full of youngsters just like you, jump on a bike that hasn’t cost the earth, wear something that doesn’t get caught in the chain and just ride. Keep on riding, get fitter, stronger and faster. One day if you do bu… »

Climbing is something I enjoy more than I am good at it; any time I see a new road pointing up to the heavens, I find myself irresistibly drawn to explore where it leads. Every season I come to the conclusion that my training routes are all very hilly and I arrive at the brilliant idea that I should plot out a new course which seeks out the flatt...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. @pink Sorry no Arvy. Photo courtesy of @strathlubnaig, a master of the compact camera on the move. Over the Col de Sarenne and heading up towards the back of Alpe D’Huez. It was a beautiful day, a thought that didn’t really register until we were over th… »

  2. I’m recently returned from a week at Bourg D’Oisans with @strathlubnaig amongst others. In that time we managed Alpe’ D’Huez (more than once), Cols Du Glandon, Croix de Fer, Lauteret/ Galibier, D’Ornon and Sarenne amongst many beauties with no apparent na… »

I’m not even talking about all the pseudo-asthmatics out there, vaping their way to better breathing. My breathing is just fine. It’s my little citron sized heart that is slowing me down. Is there a street-legal injection or vacuum pump for heart enlargement, or a trip to a doctor in the Congo that would transplant a badass Mandrill heart for m...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. I’m a 3 mugs of filter brew a day so any pre-ride coffee is simply part of my daily intake. I don’t think of it as performance enhancing, I don’t think it even is. There’s no doubt it increases alertness. Perhaps if my body was caffeine free and I would f… »

Our products represent the spirit of Velominati; every product we offer is made with the utmost attention to detail – no compromises were made in their selection or design. Whenever possible, our products are made my small, locally-owned businesses who share our passion for quality and we make every effort to ensure they are made in an enviro...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. @Teocalli I’m in a similar position having ordered a SS jersey on 24 January. Frank has been in touch to say that I was missed in error from the order at that time. Being supremely patient and been assured that it’s all being sorted. Big backlog appare… »

The Tour de Suisse can be everyone’s warm-up for the Tour de France, including all you VSP dreamers. The big show seems to be the Critérium de Dauphanié this year, as far as Tour de France contenders go but the Tour de Suisse still has some big guns showing up. Twiggo is here, not for a Tour warm up, unless people are worried about Richie P...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Bradley Wiggins 2. Roman Kreuziger 3. Rui Costa 4. Mathias Frank 5. Warren Barguil »

Maybe it’s the milestone of aging that I recently reached. It could be an awareness of the unique foibles of this sport/activity/pastime that I practice. Possibly, I just woke up one day and realised that this is a weird thing for a middle-aged man to be doing. The time for reassessment hit me, involuntarily and without warning. And I’m...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. @wiscot +1 my friend and a wonderfully written article Brett. It was 50 for me this year too and I bought a new hardtail. I didn’t need it but there was a space in the bike shed I had this simmering desire to ride a little more off road where the CX strug… »

For the simple reason that the Cobbled and Ardennes Classics are behind us, I have not alternative but to get back on my soap box about the Giro being the best of the three Grand Tours. Well, usually, at least. Last year’s race sucked the big one (even if it was supremely Rule #9), but for the most part it is the race that is the most cl...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. Jeez, VSP knackered. No gain in rest day swaps, I’ll need to reshuffle everything! »

Anecdotal research suggests that people are being let off-leash without adequate training to perform basic activities such as walking on sidewalks or through airports and busy city centers. I’m assuming this expands to shopping malls, but I never go there so I can’t be sure. It’s easy to blame the mobile phones which apparentl...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. Many posts in this article strike a chord – commuting/ headphoned walkers/ dogs/ being tangled in an un-retracted leash that I didn’t see in the gloom/ actually hitting a mutt that decided to turn right just as I reached it. It wasn’t wearing earbuds eith… »

For the simple reason that the Cobbled and Ardennes Classics are behind us, I have not alternative but to get back on my soap box about the Giro being the best of the three Grand Tours. Well, usually, at least. Last year’s race sucked the big one (even if it was supremely Rule #9), but for the most part it is the race that is the most cl...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. So looking forward to Ireland this weekend. Belfast and Dublin here we go. VSP PICKS: 1. Nairo Quintana 2. Joaquim Rodriguez 3. Dan Martin 4. Rigoberto Uran 5. Cadel Evans »

Midweek in Belgium in Spring is a wonderful thing. Hordes of people come from seemingly nowhere to fill the bars and line the roadsides when presumably they’d usually be working, or at school, or some such. That the only ones who appear to be working are the bartenders and frites dispensers reinforces my belief that Belgium is the greatest co...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. @Gianni I’m obliged. Slagter was my semi educated ‘pin’ into the start list and gaining even one more measly point, or in a more positive tone, increasing my race score by 100% would go a small way to validating the selection process! VLVV »

If Lance won seven Tours then maybe Tyler Hamilton did win a Monument after all, or not. Finally Hamilton had a chance to measure up to Armstrong in a big one day race. That alone must have felt good; riding against him instead of for him. Johann versus Bjarne, Lance versus Tyler, this was a proper knife fight. Tyler looks ahead and Lance looks at...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. Irrespective of what we suspected then or know now, and irrespective of their various levels of douchbaggery, these riders and many others, were the ones who raised, developed and sustained my interest during my formative road cycling years. For that I th… »

Midweek in Belgium in Spring is a wonderful thing. Hordes of people come from seemingly nowhere to fill the bars and line the roadsides when presumably they’d usually be working, or at school, or some such. That the only ones who appear to be working are the bartenders and frites dispensers reinforces my belief that Belgium is the greatest co...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. @Gianni Hi Gianni I’ve hit the dispute button on Tom Jelte Slagter twice. No update. I’ll take no hypen but every other character represented and in the correct order. that 1 point may make a difference at the end of the season. Probably not. »

The 100th running of Liège-Bastogne-Liège takes place this Sunday. Danny-boy Martin will be marked heavily as the defending champion. Malmerde, and Phil Gil have shown they are peaking too. Froomy has thrown his hat into the ring, as he did last year but after last years 26th place, maybe it’s training. 263 kms, past winners include a long...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. Froome’s guns. Locked and loaded. VSP PICKS: 1. Chris Froome 2. Jelle Vanendert 3. Alejandro Valverde 4. Michal Kwiatowski 5. Daniel Moreno »

Given the fact that everyone over-tightens their pedals to the crank arms, one needs a long lever to get too much torque. Rule #94 decrees using the correct tool and using it correctly. While the proper tool has always been available, it is up to us to evolve, to understand the difference between right and wrong, between vice-grip and open-ended wr...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. My Shimano set (pic hopefully posted successfully) is more than a uni-tasker but evolution means that I don’t have the opportunity to work on threaded headsets or cup and cone bottom brackets very often at all. The pedal spanner is the only one that gets … »

Wednesday sees the return of the women to the VSP. More notably, we see the return of Marianne Vos to the road. She’s won this race five of the last seven years. It makes me wonder if the rest of the field have already resigned themselves to racing for second. On the other hand, Vos hasn’t been racing of late and may not be as sharp as...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Elizabeth Armitstead 2. Emma Johansson 3. Anna Van Der Breggen 4. Evelyn Stevens 5. Marianne Vos »

Midweek in Belgium in Spring is a wonderful thing. Hordes of people come from seemingly nowhere to fill the bars and line the roadsides when presumably they’d usually be working, or at school, or some such. That the only ones who appear to be working are the bartenders and frites dispensers reinforces my belief that Belgium is the greatest co...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Michal Kwiatowski 2. Simon Gerrans 3. Phillipe Gilbert 4. Tom Jelte Slagter 5. Daniel Moreno »

Our products represent the spirit of Velominati; every product we offer is made with the utmost attention to detail – no compromises were made in their selection or design. Whenever possible, our products are made my small, locally-owned businesses who share our passion for quality and we make every effort to ensure they are made in an enviro...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. 6 weeks? From personal experience a minute measure of time in the making of V kit… Each occasion I order I convince myself it’ll be quicker this time.  It appears eventually. »

The Amstel Gold Race, 251 km from Maastricht to Valkenburg, the hard way. There appears to be no flat sections longer than ten meters. There are thirty-four mean little climbs to ruin the legs. We have moved on from the real Spring Classics. There is no rest in this VSP; The Ronde and Roubaix were amazing but we must continue. Legs that are smoked...

@JohnB's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Mikal Kwiatkowski 2. Simon Gerrans 3. Tom Dumoulin 4. Tom Jelte Slagter 5. Alejandro Valverde »