Velominati Community Profile Archive

Velominatus: Marcus

Order: Black Order Velominatus

Location: Melbourne

Social: Website /

Likes (in no particular order) riding his bike, racing his bike and arguing about cycling on the web. Has been known to adopt a contrary stance to his own just to start or continue an argument. When racing, has been described as looking like 6 million dollars - in that he appears to ride in slow motion, like Steve Austin. Most significant item in his palmares is overtaking Phil Anderson on Beach Road.

@Marcus's activity:

This photo is perhaps the greatest of all time; it shows The Prophet riding in the 1969 Ronde van Vlaanderen, kit and machine perfect. Rule #9 conditions in abundance. He’s gone off the front with some 80km left to race, which predictably sent his directeur into a rage. Ordered to return to the bunch, Merckx calmly suggested he go screw hi...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @brian You sure about that? »

  2. @scaler911 one question – which number in your reasons not to live in Australia am I? »

  3. @Daccordi Rider Bad luck – those furry fuckers are made of iron, no? @scaler911 Kangaroos and wallabies are a serious fucking hazard on the roads out here. You dont need to be far out of Melbourne’s cbd before they can be a factor especially at dawn/du… »

  4. @frank gutsy move to be that high on the bank »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.See also The Prophet’s Prayer. Continue reading...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @scmtns you really do sound like a wanker. To get your jollies dishing it out to some stranger makes you a bit of a dick. To write a story about it makes you more of one. To write a follow up which essentially states that you are upset because no one tol… »

La Vie Velominatus isn’t a part-time gig. La Vie means the life, and The V is my life. Otherwise, I’d be Some V Velominatus, some of the time.Even when I’m not riding my bike, like the last two weeks (for reasons which don’t really matter, and offering them only renders them excuses), I live La Vie through other avenues. Eve...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @brett Scientific fact: 9 out of 10 vegetarians prefer recumbents. »

  2. @brett I cannot fathom how or why people, once they know you. would criticise you for not eating meat. There are far more compelling reasons to think you are a cunt. Not eating meat is the least of your bad choices. What about moving to New Zealand? Gre… »

The Ride. It is the cathedral of our sport, where we worship at the altar of the Man with the Hammer. It is the end to our means. Indeed, The Bike may be the central tool to our sport, but to turn the pedals is to experience the sensation of freedom, of flight. It is all for The Ride.The world is overflowing with small, twisty roads that capture ou...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @G’rilla try spitting instead of swallowing »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @Gianni YES to Selle SMP. Aids performance on and off the bike. »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.See also The Prophet’s Prayer. Continue reading...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @thebaron you need to buy a dictionary. Cos you be lacking some definition. »

  2. I keep it pretty simple. I just look down on the poor and downtrodden. And fat cunts make me laugh. »

I find it interesting to observe the chasm between parties engaged in a conversation, particularly in response to questions being asked. I’m thinking, at present, of the question, “How many bikes do you have?” My feelings in response are nothing short of complex and maybe a bit confused; reservation that I feel I should have a mo...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @G’rilla I heard he works on a staircase. Sits on one step and the keyboard is located three steps lower. He would have made an awesome triathlete because he wouldn’t have to bend down to put on his runners. »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.See also The Prophet’s Prayer. Continue reading...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @strathlubnaig And I bet your oppressors, I mean your friends, over the border are calling him English. »

  2. @wiscot Froome is a lot more than “Kenyan-born”. He represented Kenya in the World Road Champs. He is about as English as Kevin Fucking Pietersen. So on your logic, is Wiggins half-Australian (NB. we dont want the whingeing nancy-boy clearly doped now … »

Update: You can watch the live stream (assuming it works from the velodrome) on the Velominati channel at USTREAM. When you log in, you’ll first see my little test video of my puppy eating grass. Please disregard me yelling at it. That never happened.I have always considered myself to have a good imagination, something I attribute half to my...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @frank yes, i deserved that. But i reckon that time might become a rather fluid concept for you in the latter stages. You may feel that time has indeed slowed down. »

  2. @TBONE your call about no road bikes on tracks would get you beaten up in Australia. We have the most velodromes of any country in theworld (disclaimer: I made this up). Our outdoor tracks get used by many on road bikes (and even triathletes -gasp!) – the… »

  3. .. I want to see what happens to your speed near the end And put your little sultanas on the line and tell us the time you are going for? »

  4. 38.7 – the ONLY way to measure it is via tge track itself. Otherwise you get “rewarded” when you start not being able to hold your line through the turns, especially late in the hour when you are fucked. The pain the pain. Shame you aren’t riding a pursui… »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @G’rilla Cats would go for whichever is the most convenient groupset nearby and would change to another at the blink of an eye. No loyalty. Dogs stick with one groupset forever, it is always the best in their eyes and they are always happy to see it. S… »

Addiction is typically defined as a bad thing. Addiction to drugs, to alcohol, sex or even work is usually portrayed as a condition to be battled, to overcome. The same sources may recommend a strict regime of regular exercise and healthy living as the perfect antidote to the bad addictions that befall an overwhelming majority of the general popul...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @RedRanger if your new prospect’s name is Sara, I think your plans are out in the open. »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.See also The Prophet’s Prayer. Continue reading...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. I wonder how history will view Wiggins’ 2012 season if he continues what might be a permanent decline. He has definitely approached this year differently in terms of lead up races, leaving aside his grand tour efforts. I am guessing his motivation has fal… »

Twiggo is dreaming of a Giro-Tour double. He has sent out mixed messages about his Tour ambitions. Will he use the Giro as the ultimate Tour preparation or will be burn all his matches in May and hope he can find another pack for July? He has abandoned his successful 2012 Tour run-up strategy of winning every stage race he entered the previous spri...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @frank A chick once told me - ’Opinions are like orgasms…mine matters most & I really don’t care if you have one.’ She is still single. »

We have the kind of poor judgement that allows us to have a puppy. She’s half pit, half something, and half something else and boasts a lilliputian-sized head. As her Life Coach, I’ve instructed her to focus on growing her head because, as her Uncle Gianni says, no one gets anywhere in this world with a tiny head. But she’s a g...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. OK Frank – you asked for it. Dogs and bikes? I give you dogs made out of bikes. The person who made these must be so anti-V that they have come all the way round the universe to the other side to be channelling V. »

Twiggo is dreaming of a Giro-Tour double. He has sent out mixed messages about his Tour ambitions. Will he use the Giro as the ultimate Tour preparation or will be burn all his matches in May and hope he can find another pack for July? He has abandoned his successful 2012 Tour run-up strategy of winning every stage race he entered the previous spri...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @paolo You are most probably right – however if i could fuck myself I could probaby also kid myself into thinking that i was really good. »

  2. @ChrisO this fuckin guy has got me agreeing with you and Minion. Can only guess that I have fucked myself silly? »