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Velominatus: Marcus

Order: Level 1 Velominatus

Location: Melbourne

Social: Website /

Likes (in no particular order) riding his bike, racing his bike and arguing about cycling on the web. Has been known to adopt a contrary stance to his own just to start or continue an argument. When racing, has been described as looking like 6 million dollars - in that he appears to ride in slow motion, like Steve Austin. Most significant item in his palmares is overtaking Phil Anderson on Beach Road.

@Marcus's activity:

That any cyclist can enter the same arena with the same equipment as the professional helps to make cycling an awesome sport. True, the same thing could be said for golf or tennis but as a fan you can’t stand a meter away from any of those pros and scream encouragement. “Come on Tiger, RIP THAT FUCKER!” And if you attempt entry into Wimbledon...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. I think certain exemptions can be had for imaginative and original costumes. I really did appreciate the first guys wearing surgical scrubs. Was it with clenbutador? and Gianni you forgot to ban mankinis. Or do you want to keep them? And what about that… »

I don’t know how a guy who shows off the better part of a half meter of seat post comes to the conclusion that his saddle is too low, but that precise thought occupies an enormous amount of time. Ever closer looms the minimum insertion point on my seat pin, yet I am irrevocably bound to explore its limits.I actually wish my legs were shorter...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @frank You want a seatpost that doesnt move? Get a frame with an integrated seatpost, like a LOOK. Allows for adjustment with the various size shims, and once you have your height dialled, there is NO movement. Then again, an ISP even with no post remo… »

For the simple reason that the Cobbled and Ardennes Classics are behind us, I have not alternative but to get back on my soap box about the Giro being the best of the three Grand Tours. Well, usually, at least. Last year’s race sucked the big one (even if it was supremely Rule #9), but for the most part it is the race that is the most c...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @ChrisO disappointed that you didn’t raise “mutual circle jerk” as a tautology. »

  2. @mouse not a lynch mob – but I am not joining in a mutual circle-jerk of congratulation for a guy who if he was say Spanish, the Anglos would generally be a lot more  suspicious/ dismissive. That being said I was barracking for him all the way up. Just … »

  3. Here are some Rogers facts. Make inferences as you will. Named by Leipheimer in his Reasoned Decision affidavit as being on 2 camps with Ferrari. He says this was a mistake. Profiled in 2011 by UCI as being a rider in the highest category of likely dopi… »

  4. watching rogers win just reminded me of Reeshard’s comeback solo victories at the Tour. »

On our trip to Paris, my wife and I, in need of culture, rode the Vélib bikes to Cycles Laurent. This was our first French bike shop visit and excitement was high as we navigated our helmetless headed way through the city traffic. The shop is a classic; it’s crammed with bikes and clothes. There is no room to move. My wife immediately dove into...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @Buck Rogers Hey Buck – it’s an insult everywhere. »

For the simple reason that the Cobbled and Ardennes Classics are behind us, I have not alternative but to get back on my soap box about the Giro being the best of the three Grand Tours. Well, usually, at least. Last year’s race sucked the big one (even if it was supremely Rule #9), but for the most part it is the race that is the most c...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @norm you sound like the kind of guy who would step on his dog »

  2. All Evans was thinking on the way up was, “Fuck me, so this is what it’s like to have teammates on a hill!” He should get the lead on Saturday, and I imagine he will be very keen to offload it to someone in an unthreatening break on Tuesday. »

I can can feel his cold breath on my back, like a shadow drifting through an alleyway. He’s not yet upon me, but the Man with the Hammer is lurking nearby. I’m not even sure he has the intention to strike; he’s just staying close, cruelly reminding me that my fate is in his hands.I feel the heaviness in my legs from the first turn...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @frank they seemed to miss the bit where the guy in second – someone who is a long way from being a pure climber – pulled back half of Wiggins’ GC lead »

Here are a few lessons learned while in New York City. I’m sure leaving a bar at one o’clock in the morning is not how the serious riders prepare for a ride with a 9 o’clock morning roll-out. I am sure. Conversational pace for a group ride means different things to different people. Eddy could talk your ear off at 40kph. Lezyne mini-pump owne...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @frank Why the fuck were you wearing a helmet indoors? On such a day of days when you are presumably meant to be providing some sort of example, why Frank? Why? »

I would have to start training to even do a recovery ride. And I would have to own a cyclometer, HRM, and the unavoidable watt meter. And all that would tell me what I already don’t want to know. Ignorance is bliss until some teenager on a mountain bike gets by you and at that point you better not have a watt meter on your bike. Still, we hav...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. Whenever you get passed by anyone, just use the refrain, “they don’t know how to train” »

The 100th running of Liège-Bastogne-Liège takes place this Sunday. Danny-boy Martin will be marked heavily as the defending champion. Malmerde, and Phil Gil have shown they are peaking too. Froomy has thrown his hat into the ring, as he did last year but after last years 26th place, maybe it’s training. 263 kms, past winners include a long...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @ChrisO correct. LBL oldest, M2W second. I am still sad that the Warney gave up its title as the longest one dayer to MSR by changing its route. @Daccordi Rider you just know that isnt a tie-your-own bow tie. »

  2. Useless trivia: Gerrans is now the only rider in history to have won both the oldest and second-oldest bike races in the world. And he would have caught Martin anyway. »

Given the fact that everyone over-tightens their pedals to the crank arms, one needs a long lever to get too much torque. Rule #94 decrees using the correct tool and using it correctly. While the proper tool has always been available, it is up to us to evolve, to understand the difference between right and wrong, between vice-grip and open-ended w...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. I love my Park Tool bottle opener. »

The grade is long and I am climbing away. I’m not going to Pantani this: I am not out of the saddle, not in the drops and not leaving everyone in my wake. The climbing gear was engaged a long time ago. There is progress, but I am not dancing up this climb. A little more cadence would really help here. If I could just get this mother-lover spinnin...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @Bespoke Not just Shimano – Campy also had the ergobrain which told you what gear you were in – which it then used to calculate cadence based on speed. This was a pretty cool feature as it allowed for the removal of the unsightly pedal magnet-sensor co… »

Gravity is the most unavoidable force on Earth, with the possible exception of Stupidity. And like with Stupidity, you can take measures to reduce its influence on you, but you won’t get rid of it completely, assuming you’re staying on this planet. From the very moment we’re born, Gravity takes its unrelenting hold on us –...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. Frank, I think you forgot to mention that if you believe you can defy g-r-a-v-i-t-y, your hair turns awesome »

My favorite feeling is perhaps the empty hollowness of hunger. That statement, in itself, is a declaration of the privileged life I’ve led; it is borderline obscene to boast of such a thing in a world where 842 million people don’t have enough to eat. Nevertheless, being lucky enough to have been raised in America and just competent eno...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @meursault Ah, the old “Borderline Obscene”. Brings back memories. The best Tex-Mex porno film I ever saw. »

Lucky is the cyclist who has a parent cyclist. Early mentoring about the pain cave, guidance gluing on tires, these are worthwhile lessons a parent could lecture a child on. If one has to listen to a parental lecture, better it be about Eddy Merckx and how you are no Eddy Merckx than balancing your checking account. For the rest of us, our parents...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @sthilzy my first “racing” bike was that same Raleigh (have we discussed this before?), except instead of coming from Dad, it was a handmedown from my eldest brother which then passed down through 4 other brothers before it got to me. I bet yours ran smo… »

Every time we get on our bikes, we are playing a game of Russian Roulette. We take care to maintain our machines, to make sure they are in perfect running order, we look after our bodies to maximise our performance, and we, hopefully, abide by the rules of the road to keep ourselves safe from the dangers of other road users. But ultimately, our liv...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @Mikael Liddy Wasn’t a drunk driver, just a newly-qualified one who lost control of her car. Visibility wasnt an issue because the driver lost it going over a hill on a bend. »

The most important moment in a man’s life is the first time they have a beer. I place it on the list above sex and having a child because sex usually only happens as a direct result of drinking beer. As for having children, I’m given to understand they are poop factories at first, then promptly become loud, and then obnoxious before the...

@Marcus's posts:

  1. @sthilzy that pic tells 10,000 words »

  2. @frank your use of bogan makes me think you are learning. And – alcoholics go to meetings. Drunks go to parties. »

  3. @ChrissyOne Sure sure – once I take one of my little blue pills, I reckon  could easily lift that amount. With no hands. »

  4. @Chris ah yes, I have been racing bikes over many years, yet do one ironman and now I am a dirty triathlete. Reminds me of the story of Henri the Famous French Fighter Pilot. “I shoot down 12 German planes. Do they call me Henri the Famous French Fighter… »

  5. And look – this guy just got engaged – to a 21yo porn star no less. See! You can have it all! »

  • Wilkins is right about his role in his bike/car incidents. There’s 2 sides to the equation, always. As cyclists,...

  • One word, old mate … abridge!

    Fuck me that’s a long article. I really should read one someday around here.

  • @DeKerr

    Indeed, great story. What year was it published? I could not find the date. Mentions Pharmstrong’s...

  • @Ron

    YES! Ron, we have a date with DESTINY!!! Or a ride, not sure which? Either way, some of us are going to do...

  • @kixsand best of luck. Have fun and ask lots of questions!

  • Holy fuck! Anyone have any hot deals on GoPros and helmet mounts?

    Or maybe small firearms and bibshort holsters?

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