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Velominatus: Monty

Order: Level 4 Velominatus

Monty has not set up a V-Profile.

@Monty's activity:

One of the things that strikes me most about the English is they don’t appear to have developed any sort of “inner dialog”. It seems anything that passes through the brain is parlayed directly to the tongue; if the thought being expressed is an insult to you, it will generally include a query for confirmation: “You’r...

@Monty's posts:

  1. I had one, just a measly one, good year on the road. 69kg, muscle def and veins on my legs. Rode like a Belgian. Treated myself to a set of 303s and silk-cased FMB Competition 25mm tyres. The ride quality was truly buttery and the pleasure factor of every… »

Eight point V bar. From the moment I bought my first set of high quality road clinchers, I’ve ridden at that pressure. I started with that number because that’s the pressure the sidewall told me to pump them up to; I didn’t yet understand much about balancing the benefits of high and low pressures to optimize comfort and friction;...

@Monty's posts:

  1. What’s with the obsessing over 5 to 10 psi here or there? I have two floor pumps, one an SKS and one a Bontrager. They each give different readings. The Bontrager produces a much harder tyre for any given reading. Therefore I am firmly in the camp of ‘if … »

Evelyn Stevens was working on Wall Street four years ago and is now the best American women cyclist. How is that possible? Her parents must be enjoying dinner with pulses of 40 bpm and sky high VO2 maxes. Are they both professional marathon runners? Is that how they met? Maybe they have never attempted aerobic sports. If Evelyn has siblings and the...

@Monty's posts:

  1. Although, thinking about it, perhaps he was always a parody of himself. »

  2. @Gianni He was. He’s not Cipo any longer. Now he’s a parody of Cipo. Sadly. »

The memories still foment in my mind. They don’t keep me up at night, but they are there, hidden in the recesses of my recall mechanism or whatever it is called, sitting there waiting, waiting to remind me of the darkest day of Keepers Tour ’12. The day of the Ronde, and the horrors that befell me and a half dozen other wretched souls,...

@Monty's posts:

  1. A wonderful read. It begs the thought ‘why would anyone want to do it’. But of course the answer is intertwined with that very question itself. »

Along the lines of what Bruce Dickinson famously decreed while espousing the medical benefits of cowbell in the remedy of rare types of influenza, I put my shoes on one at a time – just like you. But after I’ve got my shoes on, I ooze fluidly harmonic articulation.As Cyclists, we wield the mighty power of The V, yet lay victim to the na...

@Monty's posts:

  1. It’s not ‘OCD’. It’s ‘CDO’. The letters must be arranged alphabetically. »

Souplesse. Only the French would have such a word; one you can sink your teeth into, chew on. It begs to be spoken over a plate of assorted cheeses and a bottle of vin rouge. Its exact definition is unimportant; such things conjure up an image in our minds that is cheapened by words. Souplesse is the ideal, sought by all and obtained only by The F...

@Monty's posts:

  1. I don’t imagine Brad will be back. »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@Monty's posts:

  1. @marko Heh heh. Great line! The Cyclist’s Lie. Always feels like the truth when spoken though. Truly great ride though Nate.. »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@Monty's posts:

  1. @all Who is @BirdOnABike? And why isn’t she our Queen? »

As a byproduct of brakes being strictly for ornamental purposes, cyclists are often forced to find alternative means of stopping their bikes. As a matter of both convenience and effectiveness, the tarmac and other objects of greater mass than the sum of cyclist and bicycle are often employed for this purpose. Collectively, we refer to this process...

@Monty's posts:

  1. @Cyclops: Is that why they are called Poles? »

When I was but a young Velominatus, my poor mother was often horrified/embarrassed/disgusted by my typical boy’s habit of sucking back the mucous from the back of my throat and swallowing it… yes, I know, now you’re disgusted too. Taking me to seek a cure from the good Dr Edwards, he let her down somewhat with his prognosis that w...

@Monty's posts:

  1. I have never ejected anything into other than a crisply laundered handkerchief. I am a cyclist, but I am primarily a gentleman. Although some eastern cultures would regard even that action as akin to wiping one’s arse and keeping the tissue to throw away … »

The glow from the Giro is still visible, everything is still pink but I’m jumping ahead of all the Wilcocksons of the world with a bold Tour de France prognostication. And to do this  I’ve borrowed Frank’s carbon ball, oft used for somewhat accurate predictions of future cycling events. This article was written weeks ago, at the...

@Monty's posts:

  1. @ChrisO – nice work! Either you’ve been fired (so you had time on your hands during the day to complete this), or your family have already left you behind in the heat for the summer (so you had time on your hands during the evening to complete this). »

The saddle has got to be the most important piece of equipment for the cyclist when it comes to comfort and performance. If your ass is rubbing the wrong way, causing chafing and sores, or all circulation is cut off rendering you unable to locate vital organs for nature breaks, then it’s fair to say you don’t have the right saddle. And...

@Monty's posts:

  1. We were first introduced when I was just 19. I didn’t realize at the time that we were made for each other. Within a few short months, and following our first good rides, it became clearer – the fit was perfect. A decade of near bliss ensued. And then, al… »

It was a simple time. Team kit was understated, with black shorts and a few colored panels on the jersey. Race Leader and National Championship jerseys were plain, and often even lacking in the name of the sponsor. National Championship jerseys in particular were a matter of national pride more than sponsorship; it was an honor to fly the colors o...

@Monty's posts:

  1. @scaler911 We do indeed need to return to these days. I’d wager the image was actually taken using a Hasselblad. Understated wool jerseys, steel frames, medium-format analogue photography. Everything that came after was ‘progress’? I don’t think so. Excep… »

Even as a Pre-Cambrian Velominatus, the rusty wires in my brain must have made the connection between my machine’s aesthetics and the lack of a saddle bag; I can’t remember a time when I rode with a European Posterior Man Satchel. But riding without a saddle bag means the tools go in the pocket, and that means great care must be take...

@Monty's posts:

  1. @The Oracle Exactly. It looks like a photo that might have the caption: “A group of cyclists has been arrested having inadvertently strayed across the Iranian border”. »