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Velominatus: Owen

Order: Level 2 Velominatus

Professional bacteria geek and amateur brewer of beer

@Owen's activity:

Most great ideas in life are accompanied by an unforeseen consequence of equal or greater magnitude. For instance, no one predicted that the Industrial Revolution would pollute our air and set off climate change on a global scale. Similarly, no one realized that when placing unfathomable computing power in the palm of our hands in the form of smart...

@Owen's posts:

  1. @pneaumme Was going to bring up high-tech fitting methodologies to get a feel for what others thought. I’ve always done iterative ways of dialing in my fit, i.e. drop the handlebars by a spacer, go ride. Feel OK? Drop another spacer. Too low? Put it back … »

After a night of sinning, the body must be cleansed. -The Prophet, Eddy Merckx After a week away in Atlanta for business, I feel thick and heavy. These trips away are killers; the shift in time zones means the already-too long work day is extended by a further three hours. I try my best to watch my diet, but in a town like Atlanta where even sush...

@Owen's posts:

  1. If ever there was a time to observe the masturbation principle, certainly this has to be it. Oh by the way 5 beers so 80K. Don’t worry cabs were in effect. Heavy legs this morning and I’m reasonably certain I smelled like a distillery. »

  2. @Teocalli Are we certain he’s not on something harder than ergot fungus when he’s penning these? »

  3. VMH is out of town with friends this weekend, and I have grand plans to hang out tonight with a good friend of mine who also happens to be the head brewer at a spot in town. What do we think, 15-20K penance in the morning per beer consumed this evening? »

The future is dark, which is the best thing the future can be, I think.- Virginia WoolfOur actions lie on the horizon of the present, in that swirling cloud where fantasy turns into reality. To plan is to cast a shadow into the future, to attempt to lay shape to the unknown. As the present merges with the future, reality will try our plans on for s...

@Owen's posts:

  1. Was it here that I’ve read, “don’t quit because there won’t be anything stopping you from quitting next time?” Seems relevant to the first statement above, and it seems to underpin the rest. »

Never forget your roots, they say… OK, I’m a child of the 70′s, and back then bicycles were as big a part of my life as they are today. We’d always be out riding, building tracks and jumps, and tinkering with our Dragsters, stripping them down to emulate our motocross heroes, with varying results.All these memories came f...

@Owen's posts:

  1. @brett Well, he was a GC at the time, and my mother assures me he was very hip, so maybe that had something to do with it. General Contractor, don’t get your hopes up. I believe I still have that vest. He still dresses casually deliberate, with holey swea… »

  2. Somewhere deep in the bowels of my parents’ house I’m sure there’s a shot of my rocking the 40 pound Huffy, but I don’t have it. This will have to do. Early 80′s  fashion, including looking fantastic on the part of pops. Three wheels (note the width of re… »

July 13 2014 marked the 35th anniversary of the seminal ‘cycling film’ Breaking Away. 35 years. Nothing stays popular for that long, right? Things get dated, lose their edge (if there was edge in the first place) and eventually become irrelevant (I’m looking at you, Rolling Stones). Yes, even legends get stale if left out too lon...

@Owen's posts:

  1. Ooof, the scene where he gets a frame pump shoved into the spokes makes me wince even thinking about it. »

After Stage V there was Stage 9, where the World TT champion earned the dotty jumper. In case you missed it, Stage 9 was a trip into the Vosges mountains, 170km with six categorized climbs. This was a stage for a breakaway to stay away. A large group did escape and with 152km remaining to the finish Alessandro De Marchi of Cannondale bolted off the...

@Owen's posts:

  1. @brett @brett And maybe without the (denied, of course) suspicion of dopage. Maybe. »

  2. @Gianni didn’t get those this year, unfortunately. Moving and it’s attendant stressors will do that. Well, that’s not entirely true. I did catch the criterium stage of the Dauphine in which a certain spider humped the shit out of a lightbulb  in order to… »

  3. wtf how did I forget Kittel? Merckx. I have German relations and they seem excited about the up and comers, so maybe there’s hope. »

  4. TM is a beast without reservations. I was reading over on Inner Ring about how he mostly uses the panzerwagon nickname for his foreign fans. Given the charged history of the German military, can’t say I blame him. But between him, the gorilla, and degenko… »

It’s no coincidence that Stage Five of the Tour was not only the best one to watch, or that it helped decide the race before nary a hill was crested, but that it was just, well, Stage Five. Only last minute copyright clearances prevented the organisers actually dubbing it Stage V, though they managed to get the rain delivered on time, an ess...

@Owen's posts:

  1. @DeKerr That looks fun. Flemish tan lines will be in effect. »

  2. Regarding the first three steps: I’ve always found that embracing the suck is key to smiting one’s adversaries. When the road turns up at a maddening angle, a cheerful chat with the guy next to me earns my too fat to climb behind a glare, which I know mea… »

No technology can increase the energy of the willpower of the rider, nor can it lessen the doubts which sometimes overwhelm him. - Bernard HinaultAs I swung off the main road, I was momentarily consumed by the simple thrill of my tires leaving the hard tarmac and hitting the rough gravel of the unpaved forest road. It was a brief distraction of the...

@Owen's posts:

  1. Apologies also, it should be “Gruppo-san.” Off to do my Hail Merckx’s now. »

  2. @DeKerr Hey hey hey don’t knock Sora 9-speeds. I’ve had the Sora 9-speed gruppo on the commuter since it was the #1 almost 10 years ago. Don’t worry, I’ve replaced the chain and cassette during the intervening years — she’s the commuter bike now, but … »

The Whale Shark is the biggest nonmammalian vertebrate* on the planet, rivaling the dinosaurs for size. How do you feed yourself when you’re that huge without loading up on carbs all the time? Easy, you swim around with your mouth wide open for 22 hours a day and hope enough food swims in there to take the edge off the hunger pangs. Cycl...

@Owen's posts:

  1. Or is this like pornography, i.e. I’ll know it when I see it? »

  2. I’ll answer half my question, because I was being mildly facetious: I don’t think bottles belong on the handlebars, because it just looks silly, but where in the devil does riding ugly stop being fantastic? »

  3. Two things: 1. I believe that I am yet a young velominatus, but it seems to me that there is a continuum of fantastic. In this case, riding ugly appears to go around the Horn, so to speak, back into looking fantastic? Does this apply to other ugly riding… »

Brad Wiggins is sitting at home, watching his team implode at a Tour de France he was not invited to.What’s on his mind? An attempt at the Hour Record, that’s what. Now that the UCI has allowed riders to mount a conventional (track) time trial machine in their efforts and the likes of Boardman, Obree, Moser, Rominger, and Indurain all...

@Owen's posts:

  1. @Buck Rogers I’d tune in, especially if there were some system by which we could drunkenly support/heckle him as he destroys himself. And/or compares himself to some sort of ubermench at the start like this one. »

  2. @ChrisO It was a ridiculous division – why did it stop at Merckx? Why not insist on replicas of bikes from 1910? Why not set an altitude limit? I think this is an important point. Yes, records were set on specific sets of equipment, but innovation is ke… »

Rule #33- Legs are to be carefully shaved at all times.This is one of the Rules that really defines the term Cyclist to the Velominati. Discussions about Rule #33 flare up on the site occasionally, burn brightly then smolder out. Between faces and legs, it is a lot of man-scraping. Rule #33 is a task master. Compliance is one thing, defending i...

@Owen's posts:

  1. @PeakInTwoYears This is why I shave the guns through the winter. Even if I’m not on the bike I can at least look fantastic, and this motivates me to maintain my Flemish tan lines, after which I may smite mine enemies who haven’t gotten off their duffs … »

  2. @anthony Screw those guys, trolls exist errrwhere »

  3. @therealpeel The VMH gets asked all the time if it creeps her out. She has the common decency to reply that it’s far from the creepiest thing I do. It’s also funny to make people uncomfortable by loudly being concerned that I missed a spot. »

Yes, this makes three Guest Articles in three weeks, but we run the show around here and we do what we want. Especially when it comes to solid, 24-karat gold Cyclist/Rock star comparisons. Especiallier when it comes from none other than Keeper Jim’s lovely wife and food-writer celebrity, Jess Thomson. Its cute seeing the family come togethe...

@Owen's posts:

  1. Maybe Teutons pluck their eyebrows. Don’t make his even more Teutonic cousins come after you. »