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Velominatus: Owen

Order: Level 1 Velominatus

Professional bacteria geek and amateur brewer of beer

@Owen's activity:

What does the layman observe when he sees a cyclist in the wild? While we do our utmost to Look Fantastic, in our own eyes and minds at least, outside observers may as well be witnessing little green aliens who’ve just stepped off their spacecraft and are heading to their very first fancy dress/drag party on this weird and wonderful planet...

@Owen's posts:

  1. @Ccos tip well and make an effort to not plop down next to other patrons. I live about 5 km from my favorite brewery in town and have regularly stopped off in full kit on the way in from a long ride. Luckily the bar staff all know me so they put up with m… »

To keep chickens is to walk a path towards introspection. From the songs they sing after laying an egg (which I assume is “chicken” for “I’m Every Woman“) to the sheer glee they show when they find a worm in the mud, chickens provide a perfect example of living life in and for the moment. The most interesting aspect o...

@Owen's posts:

  1. Here I thought I was German and Swedish. Turns out a Belgian barmaid slipped in there somewhere. Seems to me that when I’m trying to move it on flats this works better than the drops. Think it has anything to do with long monkey arms? »

This article started off as a Reverence for the Camelbak Podium, and might still be, who knows, it’s late and my mind is scrambled. As often happens when searching for a suitable image for an article, tangents often appear from nowhere and derail the original train of thought. Soon one finds oneself careening out of control towards the only...

@Owen's posts:

  1. I love my bottles, but only to the extent that they portray what I’m doing today. Long ass ride? I’ll take my charity 200k souvenirs. Quick punchy group ride? Local shop bottles or even better bottles I got from a visit to a far flung shop while on vacati… »

You can only spend so much time with the Schlecks before you start talking like them, and the fabulous Fabs seems to have crossed the threshold. I’ve heard more complaining from him this season than I have talk about pushing harder on the pedals or going steady up with more speed or going full gas like everyone else, but just doing it for ...

@Owen's posts:

  1. @unversio What is this, Saved by the Bell? Also, @Frank I’ve lost a lot of respect for the Freres Schleck since Andy started crying anytime he had to go downhill not in a straight line. I’ll give him a pass otherwise for having a busted pelvis, but he’… »

I was asking earlier, how do you know if you are a cyclist? One sure sign is when one brings a bike on almost all vacations. If a vacation does not include some cycling, is it a vacation? If you asks that, you are a cyclist. Hopefully this has been a long-term condition and all other vacationeers accept this with a shrug, yeah, a damn Velominatus.V...

@Owen's posts:

  1. That hill looks like a leg-breaker. Good thing you had new friends with along to suffer through it together. »

Cycling is a sport steeped in the tradition of style. There’s no denying it. From the days of miners and farmers escaping the hardships of a life spent toiling in harsh and filthy conditions either under or above ground, through Coppi and his Cosa Nostra-esque garb and swagger, Merckx and De Vlaeminck’s 70s sideburns, to Cipo and his...

@Owen's posts:

  1. @the Engine Don’t forget when *we* decided to not be part of the British Empire any more. Fought TWO wars for that one. »

Watching the Jensie set a “new” record was somehow not-that-interesting and riveting at the same time. One guy going around the track for an hour; only cycling aficionados could find it so compelling. The thing I can’t get out of my mind is Eddy Merckx still did 49.43 km/hr with toe clips, spoked, box section wheels and a hairnet...

@Owen's posts:

  1. @Haldy Agree completely. Hard to compare the records directly due to different equipment, but I see no reason why they can’t be celebrated for what they are. »

I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out. - Bill Hicks That famous quote from the Greatest Comedian Of All Time™ has resonated with me for many years. It became my silent mantra, as I don’t suffer fools gladly and sometimes don’t make much effort to conceal the fact. Lately, I̵...

@Owen's posts:

  1. @davidlhill It occurs to me that the person in question appears to resemble a certain cantankerous Texan. Maybe that’s part of it? »

  2. @Walt I don’t think so. I have a fleece-lined yellow PI jacket for winter commutes — adds visibility on cold and dark mornings when people may not have had their coffee yet. I think what constitutes a YJA, at my understanding from hanging around here, … »

  3. @sinikl I think the point is, if you show up and look like a rookie, be cool. We’ve all every one of us been there. If you show up and look completely pro, be cool. Most of us haven’t been there. If a person is cool, it doesn’t much matter what he or she … »

  4. @wiscot Truth. I’ll go on a group ride and see freds who are legitimately nice guys and who try to learn and be safe. Those are fine. But I’ll also see people on bikes that they don’t know how to handle, who mouth off when experienced riders try to tel… »

  5. @titirangisi Yes, there was much teasing and joking at my expense until I figured it out. Of course, this was in Phoenix so the YJA brigade showed up anytime it dipped below about 60. I didn’t pick up that habit, thank Merckx. »

  6. @VeloVita Seriously. I can’t be the only one who showed up for my first group ride on a $500 aluminum bike with mountain shoes and pedals, with an EPMS and an old mountain helmet. Guns unshorn, low socks, clearance PI shorts (not bibs), etc. Someone(s) … »

Stupidity is a powerful force never to be underestimated. Geese are a good example; a more stupid vertebrate one would be most challenged to come across yet should you wander into a flock of them pecking about peacefully in a field, one is likely to erupt from its grazing to grab a billful of your ass and commence beating you savagely with it...

@Owen's posts:

  1. @extra special and bitter re: never pass on the right: it astounds me how many drivers will roar up my side, slam on their brakes to make a right in front of me, realize I’m there and moving faster than some college kid on a walmart bike, then almost get … »

  2. @frank you got a part number for that tape? »

Summer is a time for getting fat. Winter is a time for getting fat as well, but in a different way; in Winter we get fat on meals of meat and potatoes covered in sauces made of meat and potatoes. In Summer, on the other hand, our minds get fat: we get nice tans, we tone our muscles, long days see us riding at any hour of the day that suits us. W...

@Owen's posts:

  1. Spot on. My two cents: I’ve been spoiled by riding in Arizona for my entire roadie experience; one might say I started out soft, although Rule #9 does specifically mention inordinately hot and I started out in Phoenix. But even up in the mountains, durin… »

The modern day Pro cyclist has many disadvantages stacked against them by comparison to their forefathers. They have to ride plastic bikes with little or no distinguishing character or discernible caché; they must willingly or perhaps unwittingly subject their body to an array of questionable “training techniques”; and they have to sp...

@Owen's posts:

  1. @JohnB Yeah that turned me off too. Those stripes mean something. »

Brett’s recent post about Jensie brings up the dilemma of professional cycling for me. I admire many of cycling’s famous riders yet I don’t admire cheaters. Luckily for me I can fervently embrace opposable ideas within my consciousness and sleep well at night. Which also means I would have been one of those cheaters. I also see the tangle...

@Owen's posts:

  1. Well put. I for example really (really) enjoy watching videos of the fellas in the late 90s/early 2000s fly up hills, even though I know in hindsight that they were as juiced as they come. Doesn’t mean I necessarily approve of doping. In fact, I tend to t… »

The modern day Pro cyclist has many disadvantages stacked against them by comparison to their forefathers. They have to ride plastic bikes with little or no distinguishing character or discernible caché; they must willingly or perhaps unwittingly subject their body to an array of questionable “training techniques”; and they have to sp...

@Owen's posts:

  1. Just found this as an ad over on Inner Ring. Best of both worlds? http://www.prendas.co.uk/cycle-clothing/jerseys/retro.html?p=1 »

  2. I think you’ve got it exactly backwards. Mapei was a slick kit, because it took real men to dress in something that looked like it came from a clown’s fever dream. »

Most great ideas in life are accompanied by an unforeseen consequence of equal or greater magnitude. For instance, no one predicted that the Industrial Revolution would pollute our air and set off climate change on a global scale. Similarly, no one realized that when placing unfathomable computing power in the palm of our hands in the form of smart...

@Owen's posts:

  1. @pneaumme Was going to bring up high-tech fitting methodologies to get a feel for what others thought. I’ve always done iterative ways of dialing in my fit, i.e. drop the handlebars by a spacer, go ride. Feel OK? Drop another spacer. Too low? Put it back … »

After a night of sinning, the body must be cleansed. -The Prophet, Eddy Merckx After a week away in Atlanta for business, I feel thick and heavy. These trips away are killers; the shift in time zones means the already-too long work day is extended by a further three hours. I try my best to watch my diet, but in a town like Atlanta where even sush...

@Owen's posts:

  1. If ever there was a time to observe the masturbation principle, certainly this has to be it. Oh by the way 5 beers so 80K. Don’t worry cabs were in effect. Heavy legs this morning and I’m reasonably certain I smelled like a distillery. »

  2. @Teocalli Are we certain he’s not on something harder than ergot fungus when he’s penning these? »

  3. VMH is out of town with friends this weekend, and I have grand plans to hang out tonight with a good friend of mine who also happens to be the head brewer at a spot in town. What do we think, 15-20K penance in the morning per beer consumed this evening? »

The future is dark, which is the best thing the future can be, I think.- Virginia WoolfOur actions lie on the horizon of the present, in that swirling cloud where fantasy turns into reality. To plan is to cast a shadow into the future, to attempt to lay shape to the unknown. As the present merges with the future, reality will try our plans on for s...

@Owen's posts:

  1. Was it here that I’ve read, “don’t quit because there won’t be anything stopping you from quitting next time?” Seems relevant to the first statement above, and it seems to underpin the rest. »

  • Wilkins is right about his role in his bike/car incidents. There’s 2 sides to the equation, always. As cyclists,...

  • One word, old mate … abridge!

    Fuck me that’s a long article. I really should read one someday around here.

  • @DeKerr

    Indeed, great story. What year was it published? I could not find the date. Mentions Pharmstrong’s...

  • @Ron

    YES! Ron, we have a date with DESTINY!!! Or a ride, not sure which? Either way, some of us are going to do...

  • @kixsand best of luck. Have fun and ask lots of questions!

  • Holy fuck! Anyone have any hot deals on GoPros and helmet mounts?

    Or maybe small firearms and bibshort holsters?

  • @PeakInTwoYears hear, hear. I to am fortunate to ride in friendlier climes

  • One word, old mate…………camera.

  • Mindfulness–and let’s just pass right over the idea of compassion for the moment–isn’t easy when it’s hard. When...

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