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Velominatus: Puffy

Order: Gray Order Velominatus

Location: Mackay, Australia

@Puffy's activity:

The Whale Shark is the biggest nonmammalian vertebrate* on the planet, rivaling the dinosaurs for size. How do you feed yourself when you’re that huge without loading up on carbs all the time? Easy, you swim around with your mouth wide open for 22 hours a day and hope enough food swims in there to take the edge off the hunger pangs. Cycl...

@Puffy's posts:

  1. @Rom Get yourself one of these (for the guns): Yes, a machine that has a multitude of spinning tweezers that rips the hair out at the roots. Don’t you dare suggest it’s too painful because I’ll just say HTFU and point to Rule #5. What, can’t handle a … »

  2. Does dribbling enhance or detract from the Whale Shark impression? I suppose Whale Sharks could be dribbling but we wouldn’t know since they are under water. I just ask because when Tony get’s his TT on, man, he looses quite a bit out of the gob. The TDF … »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@Puffy's posts:

  1. @Triathlete If all your races are TT’s, and all your training is for them, why the road bars? Why not make it a proper TT bike (and not a road bike with TT bars) with TT cockpit and profit from the better aero. »

I like definition, to place things in a box and tightly seal the lid. It makes me feel comfortable, like another of life’s little mysteries has been stored away for safe keeping. I also love ambiguity; it is the space wherein all interesting questions are asked; the unknown is life’s greatest beauty. You might say that makes me a hypo...

@Puffy's posts:

  1. Interesting your article on fashion aesthetics is lead by a photo of a rider wearing black socks…. »

Rule #33- Legs are to be carefully shaved at all times.This is one of the Rules that really defines the term Cyclist to the Velominati. Discussions about Rule #33 flare up on the site occasionally, burn brightly then smolder out. Between faces and legs, it is a lot of man-scraping. Rule #33 is a task master. Compliance is one thing, defending it t...

@Puffy's posts:

  1. My Mrs thinks me weird that I have smooth guns but has asked me not to go back to full hairy since she doesn’t like it! Go figure. Personally I think it has bought us closer together. We have another thing to discuss and we have on occasion sat together a… »

Tempo means time in Italian. Riding tempo means riding steadily, like a metronome. It is an important skill to have and since it’s Italian, it sounds cool. What it does not mean is riding at a constant speed, half-wheeling or killing it at the front. Riding at a constant speed is like having cruise control on in a car; the car seems to accelerate...

@Puffy's posts:

  1. I hadn’t realised how good our bunch was at riding tempo until there was a road safety initiative that started with a bunch ride. It was poorly attended and was populated by “easy” bunch riders, those of a more recreational nature. This guy ended up on th… »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@Puffy's posts:

  1. @Matthew Bennett It’s PATH, not a friggin teleporter to top Mt Velominatus! A path requires, steps, and usually many to get to the destination. No one, at any point along the path scoffs at those not as far long. No condemnation, no judgement. You don’t … »

Cyclocross could be the most perplexing of all the cycling disciplines. To me it’s  at once the most beautiful and the most unappealing. The beauty comes from the great European races, and of course by ‘European’ I mean ‘Belgian’. The lack of appeal stems from the fact that I just don’t want to do it. It looks...

@Puffy's posts:

  1. @Beers Yes, I tell the wife (and kids) not to bother with road races although my parents were keen enough once they manned a follow car. Not a bad way to see it really. Crits, I think, are the closest a club road racer will get to the spectator buzz of … »

Maui Velominatus Dave is tapering for this Saturday’s Cycle to the Sun. It is more mass start, time trial to the sun as there is nothing like 3.3 km of continual climbing to sort everyone out by their power to weight ratios. After 2 km of climbing there is no pack and no draft. Everyone climbs as hard as they can and almost everyone is riding alo...

@Puffy's posts:

  1. @souleur Funny you should say that. As I mentined in a post above, my previous “coach” used the ‘ride more’ or TITS principle as I like to call it. (Time In The Saddle). I was always tired, fatigued and my performance plateaued. The new Coach’s motto is… »

  2. @Mike_P Make sure you get a good Coach with runs on the board! My previous “trainer” (he wasn’t coaching me!!) lead me through that exact cycle and when I finally pulled the pin after 64 weeks, he had admitted he’d overdone it but was continuing on the … »

  3. @Gianni I train (with power) 90% of the time alone because I get to do what I need to do without consideration of others. Occasionally I ride with a buddy when he asks what I’m doing that day and our schedules line up. On one occasional we had agreed o… »

  4. @The Grande Fondue I knew someone would bring Froome up…. As you seriously suggesting that absolutly NOTHING other than riding to a set wattage is all that he did? Are you suggesting that tactics, teamwork and the like played no role at all? Maybe, j… »

Climbing is something I enjoy more than I am good at it; any time I see a new road pointing up to the heavens, I find myself irresistibly drawn to explore where it leads. Every season I come to the conclusion that my training routes are all very hilly and I arrive at the brilliant idea that I should plot out a new course which seeks out the flatt...

@Puffy's posts:

  1. @The Grande Fondue When I started training, and riding beyond the short commute I weighed 95kg. I am at 68 right now (185cms). My wife is actually concerned I have developed, or developing an eating disorder because I keep saying things like “I just need… »

Maui Velominatus Dave is tapering for this Saturday’s Cycle to the Sun. It is more mass start, time trial to the sun as there is nothing like 3.3 km of continual climbing to sort everyone out by their power to weight ratios. After 2 km of climbing there is no pack and no draft. Everyone climbs as hard as they can and almost everyone is riding alo...

@Puffy's posts:

  1. There is no denying the enhancement a PM does to training. It is however just a tool in a bag with others. You will never win a race or a bunch ride just by watching your wattage. If I wasnt training (racing), I wouldn’t have a PM that is for sure and whe… »

Climbing is something I enjoy more than I am good at it; any time I see a new road pointing up to the heavens, I find myself irresistibly drawn to explore where it leads. Every season I come to the conclusion that my training routes are all very hilly and I arrive at the brilliant idea that I should plot out a new course which seeks out the flatt...

@Puffy's posts:

  1. @Ron Atta boy! “Eat, Sleep, Train, Repeat”*… what else is there? *yes, most need to jamb “work” in there someplace. »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@Puffy's posts:

  1. @Triathlete Things must be getting slack around here. How is it that no one pulled you up on the Rule #54 violation? »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@Puffy's posts:

  1. @therealpeel Except if you have mudguards (fenders) on… no one shall be called “bad ass” when they have guards fitted FFS. »

  2. @Jamie Yeah, every Saturday just about. I live in the tropics and it rains all the freaking time and yet you will not see a single mudguard (that’s fender for our cousins) on a bike around here. We even manage to race in the rain without them. Here’s an… »

I’m not even talking about all the pseudo-asthmatics out there, vaping their way to better breathing. My breathing is just fine. It’s my little citron sized heart that is slowing me down. Is there a street-legal injection or vacuum pump for heart enlargement, or a trip to a doctor in the Congo that would transplant a badass Mandrill heart for m...

@Puffy's posts:

  1. I don’t put that shit in my body »

  2. Sounds like an addict attempting to find justification for their addiction. There is a reason it’s not on the UCI banned substances list…. it does next to nothing, if anything in real terms. As a Coach once told me (in reference to sups actually but ap… »

There was a time when the world was painted in hues of black and white. Right and Wrong were separated by lines painted in such a thick, heavy paint that even to wander close was to already alter your very nature. The Elders taught us on which side we were to dwell and what evils would descend upon us if we were to transcend into the void. Litt...

@Puffy's posts:

  1. Bike lane? Oh the luxury. Reading this is kinda of like a the starving african kid reading a whine about the quality of food someone in the west has. Just saying… »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@Puffy's posts:

  1. @ChrisO Yes, put the patch on the inside of the tyre, same as you would a tube – like a boot. I have successfully patched latex tubes yes. I had one blow out too big to repair, so it became the donor. I cut a nice sized patch from that tube, apply … »

There are two ways in life to be good at something. The first way is the most obvious, which is to actually be good at something. This is harder than it sounds because you need things like skills, talent, fortitude, and light sabers. The other way doesn’t require those things but it has its own challenges; basically, you have to be holistical...

@Puffy's posts:

  1. @frank As am I (an Asthmatic) but does it really make a difference in heathly individuals? Does it really open up a non construicted trachea? I would have said no but then I have never taken Salbutamol when I didn’t need it. My thought was if it’s diala… »

  2. @Marko I was taught thusly: “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all”. With that in mind, regarding your photo…. nice V-kit. »

  3. @minion Yeah that makes a LOT of sense. Buy a $1000 skin suit (long armed so you don’t have to shave your arms) with magic wind cheating properties, aero frame, $2000 worth of aero wheels, shave your legs but have a massive beard cartching the wind eith… »