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Velominatus: The Oracle

Order: Level 2 Velominatus

Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin

36 years old, long-time mountain biker whose lack of proximity to any decent trails has "forced" me to take up road cycling in the past 3 years. Even before I found this site, "la vie velominatus" had called out to me , and imagine my delight at finding a place that gives expression to my as-yet-unvoiced thoughts!

@The Oracle's activity:

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. I’ve still got Stage V on my DVR, and I’m pretty sure I will never delete it.  It was easily the most dramatic stage I’ve witnessed live since I started regularly watching cycling. »

No technology can increase the energy of the willpower of the rider, nor can it lessen the doubts which sometimes overwhelm him. - Bernard HinaultAs I swung off the main road, I was momentarily consumed by the simple thrill of my tires leaving the hard tarmac and hitting the rough gravel of the unpaved forest road. It was a brief distraction of the...

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. @frank I think the remainder of the sentence is governed by the attributive properties of the introductory clause, “As Merckx says…” Yours, The Pedagogic Grammarian. »

The Whale Shark is the biggest nonmammalian vertebrate* on the planet, rivaling the dinosaurs for size. How do you feed yourself when you’re that huge without loading up on carbs all the time? Easy, you swim around with your mouth wide open for 22 hours a day and hope enough food swims in there to take the edge off the hunger pangs. Cycl...

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. @VeloSix Indeed, the cycling version of the Alcubierre Drive. »

  2. @The Oracle Google translate give me “requin baleine” for the French, and “squalo balena” for Italian.  I think the French version sounds better. »

  3. How would you say “whale shark” in French?  Italian?  If it is going to be a cycling term, we should really have the translation into cycling specific languages. Plus, it will sound cooler.  (e.g., “Sur la plaque” versus “on the dinner plate.”) »

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. My wife occassionally rolls her eyes and calls me a dork when she notices at all.  She commented the other day about how I probably shave more often than her. Which I took as more of a comment on her personal grooming habits than my own. »

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. @wiscot I had penned a gently satiric post about how I’m guilty of several of the infractions singled out in these rants, but the system ate my comments. So, here’s the tl/dr version: don’t be such grumpy gusses, and maybe turn down the judgement-o-met… »

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. Other tools that fall in the same category as the pedal wrench (i.e., otherwise useless tool whose existence is owed to specifics of bicycle mechanisms) are the chain whip and lock ring tool.  You can get the lock ring off without them, but fuck if you wo… »

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@The Oracle's posts:

  1. @wiscot I did a quick 30km last night.  I started southbound, so I was in the wind  (and gradually uphill) for the first part of the ride before turning east and eventually north again.  I was about six minutes behind my target pace on the southbound leg,… »

  2. @wiscot X-actly.  Speaking of tough conditions, are you riding in the 23 mph wind this afternoon?  Sounds a tad brutal, until you realize that it’s also 60 degrees and sunny! »

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. The notion of electronic shifters giving little foul-mouthed Rule V pep-talks while grinding up a climb is fucking brilliant.  Make it so. »

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@The Oracle's posts:

  1. @TBONE Pfft.  A pillow and a blankie?  What a wuss. »

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@The Oracle's posts:

  1. @UnfilteredDregs Give the newb a prize! »

The Kemmelberg is a brute. In my opinion, its the hardest of the cobbled climbs in the Spring Classics; it has a high speed tarmac approach that saps the guns of their snap. The transition from tarmac to cobbles is awful, the stones are very badly laid throughout and if you don’t hit it just right, you’ll come to a standstill. The cobbl...

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Tommeke 2. Van Avermaet 3. Degenkolb 4. Billions and Billions 5. Sparty »

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. Evolutionary transcendence is obviously the answer. »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. @ChrissyOne I’m not sure if I’m more envious of the bike or the green grass… »

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. I “grew out” of my asthma as a kid, but then like an idiot I hit the cancer sticks for a few years during college, and now I’m stuck with occassional symptoms during cold weather of when I get sick.  Advair works for keeping it under control for me.  For … »

Het Volk (it will always be Het Volk to me) and now the Strade Bianche may well mark the sentimental beginning to the season, but those are specialized, pre-season races that appeal mostly to riders who are preparing for bigger objectives later in the year, such as the Cobbled or Ardennes Classics. Same goes for Tirreno Adriatico and Paris-Nice; t...

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Spartacus 2. Billions and Billions 3. Kwiatkowski 4. Stannard 5. Van Avermaet »

  2. And by the way, holy SHIT is that some nice swag! »

  3. Gawd, this is a tough one, given the start list and the parcours.  I’m going all-in with the notion that the sprinters get left behind somewhere. Boonen said that if the Pompeiana climb was cut from the race that he would be going for the win.  That, alon… »

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. @Ron +1 for truth.  I couldn’t help but marvel at enormous heap of clothing I had to strip off after my ride this weekend.  All I can think about is how much faster I am without all of that crap (and how much better I feel in the summer, when 75% of my … »

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. @Harminator That picture is oddly disturbing in a way that I can’t fully explain. Anyway, @Keepers, I’m looking forward to purchasing the sacred tome for the benefit of our household.  I knew I laid off procuring the UK version for a reason (it certain… »

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@The Oracle's posts:

  1. Speed, in terms of “how fast I’m going,” is a fickle thing, and not necessarily related to how I feel on the bike.  Sometimes I’ll get home after a ride that felt “fast,” and see that it’s one of my more pedestrian efforts on a given route.  Other times I… »

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. @RedRanger Great.  Now you’ve surely doomed us to freezing temps through the end of May.  I did a ride on June 2 last year where the high temperature was 45 degrees with rain and wind. »

  2. @RedRanger One would think that another WI cogal should be in the offing.  @wiscot, I’m looking in your general direction … »