Velominati Community Profile Archive

Velominatus: The Oracle

Order: Level 2 Velominatus

Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin

36 years old, long-time mountain biker whose lack of proximity to any decent trails has "forced" me to take up road cycling in the past 3 years. Even before I found this site, "la vie velominatus" had called out to me , and imagine my delight at finding a place that gives expression to my as-yet-unvoiced thoughts!

@The Oracle's activity:

I had always imagined that de Ronde van Vlaanderen must be hardest race in the world. The way I worked it out – having never ridden the course of either event at the time – was that de Ronde had the same cobbles as Roubaix, but with 20% grades thrown in. It makes enough sense so long as you don’t know what you’re talking abo...

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. @wiscot I did a quick 30km last night.  I started southbound, so I was in the wind  (and gradually uphill) for the first part of the ride before turning east and eventually north again.  I was about six minutes behind my target pace on the southbound leg,… »

  2. @wiscot X-actly.  Speaking of tough conditions, are you riding in the 23 mph wind this afternoon?  Sounds a tad brutal, until you realize that it’s also 60 degrees and sunny! »

The grade is long and I am climbing away. I’m not going to Pantani this: I am not out of the saddle, not in the drops and not leaving everyone in my wake. The climbing gear was engaged a long time ago. There is progress, but I am not dancing up this climb. A little more cadence would really help here. If I could just get this mother-lover spinnin...

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. The notion of electronic shifters giving little foul-mouthed Rule V pep-talks while grinding up a climb is fucking brilliant.  Make it so. »

I had always imagined that de Ronde van Vlaanderen must be hardest race in the world. The way I worked it out – having never ridden the course of either event at the time – was that de Ronde had the same cobbles as Roubaix, but with 20% grades thrown in. It makes enough sense so long as you don’t know what you’re talking abo...

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. @TBONE Pfft.  A pillow and a blankie?  What a wuss. »

Gravity is the most unavoidable force on Earth, with the possible exception of Stupidity. And like with Stupidity, you can take measures to reduce its influence on you, but you won’t get rid of it completely, assuming you’re staying on this planet. From the very moment we’re born, Gravity takes its unrelenting hold on us –...

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. @UnfilteredDregs Give the newb a prize! »

The Kemmelberg is a brute. In my opinion, its the hardest of the cobbled climbs in the Spring Classics; it has a high speed tarmac approach that saps the guns of their snap. The transition from tarmac to cobbles is awful, the stones are very badly laid throughout and if you don’t hit it just right, you’ll come to a standstill. The cobbl...

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Tommeke 2. Van Avermaet 3. Degenkolb 4. Billions and Billions 5. Sparty »

Evolution doesn’t really seem to be part of the picture anymore, at least not where humans and our direct reports are concerned. We control an astounding number of genetic defects in ourselves, our pets, and agriculture while Science and Technology give Natural Selection swirlies in the locker room.Take exercise-induced asthma, which is a con...

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. Evolutionary transcendence is obviously the answer. »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. @ChrissyOne I’m not sure if I’m more envious of the bike or the green grass… »

I came strongly into the Fall, stronger than in other years thanks to a late-season objective to do well at my first Heck of the North gravel classic in Minnesota. I was light and I had built good power and endurance by riding the steep gravel roads that pepper the North Cascades and suffering through brutal interval sessions on the windswept stre...

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. I “grew out” of my asthma as a kid, but then like an idiot I hit the cancer sticks for a few years during college, and now I’m stuck with occassional symptoms during cold weather of when I get sick.  Advair works for keeping it under control for me.  For … »

Het Volk (it will always be Het Volk to me) and now the Strade Bianche may well mark the sentimental beginning to the season, but those are specialized, pre-season races that appeal mostly to riders who are preparing for bigger objectives later in the year, such as the Cobbled or Ardennes Classics. Same goes for Tirreno Adriatico and Paris-Nice; t...

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Spartacus 2. Billions and Billions 3. Kwiatkowski 4. Stannard 5. Van Avermaet »

  2. And by the way, holy SHIT is that some nice swag! »

  3. Gawd, this is a tough one, given the start list and the parcours.  I’m going all-in with the notion that the sprinters get left behind somewhere. Boonen said that if the Pompeiana climb was cut from the race that he would be going for the win.  That, alon… »

I came strongly into the Fall, stronger than in other years thanks to a late-season objective to do well at my first Heck of the North gravel classic in Minnesota. I was light and I had built good power and endurance by riding the steep gravel roads that pepper the North Cascades and suffering through brutal interval sessions on the windswept stre...

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. @Ron +1 for truth.  I couldn’t help but marvel at enormous heap of clothing I had to strip off after my ride this weekend.  All I can think about is how much faster I am without all of that crap (and how much better I feel in the summer, when 75% of my … »

We recently lost our beloved Great Dane, Kirki, who we nicknamed Beene for reasons that elude logic. She was a good dog, more sweet than clever. A sad side effect of big dog breeds and their short lives is that it wasn’t until nearly the end of her life that she made certain key discoveries about the world. Such as that weighing nearly 65 kil...

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. @Harminator That picture is oddly disturbing in a way that I can’t fully explain. Anyway, @Keepers, I’m looking forward to purchasing the sacred tome for the benefit of our household.  I knew I laid off procuring the UK version for a reason (it certain… »

I wasn’t anywhere near old enough to hold a driver’s license but my dad had already bought me a motorcycle. It was a late seventies BMW R100 RS, dark blue. I loved that bike; I polished it fortnightly even though it never left the garage. I spent hours sitting on it, twisting the throttle and squeezing the clutch, diving in and out of t...

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. Speed, in terms of “how fast I’m going,” is a fickle thing, and not necessarily related to how I feel on the bike.  Sometimes I’ll get home after a ride that felt “fast,” and see that it’s one of my more pedestrian efforts on a given route.  Other times I… »

Wind is an asshole. I have no patience left for it. It has all of it been used up, gone, finished. It is the only force that I’m aware of (with the possible exception of gravity) that is more stubborn and less willing to listen to reason than I myself am. It blows me around on my bike, it embezzles speed from my Magnificent Stroke. No matter...

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. @RedRanger Great.  Now you’ve surely doomed us to freezing temps through the end of May.  I did a ride on June 2 last year where the high temperature was 45 degrees with rain and wind. »

  2. @RedRanger One would think that another WI cogal should be in the offing.  @wiscot, I’m looking in your general direction … »

  3. @tweed Are you referring to weather predictions?  Because if you are, then “cold and rainy” forecasts in March roughly translate to: “we have no fucking idea what’s gonna happen.” »

  4. @teleguy57 Well, shit.  We’re practically neighbors. »

  5. @teleguy57 Where are you situated, teleguy? »

  6. @wiscot “Teaser” is right.  Nothing too promising on the long-range forecast, either.  The wind was tricky yesterday.  Fond du Lac is situated on low ground on the south end of Lake Winnebago, so you can be lulled into a false sense of security.  Once … »

  7. Had my first outdoor ride today.  I thought about the route for a bit–off to the hills or stay on the flats?  Against my better judgement I went for the hills.  Felt terrific on the way east.  Thought to myself that the hard work this winter on the train… »

The proclamation is heard in the office, on social media, at the bar with friends; “It’s leg day.” When someone utters “it’s leg day” the accompanying tone of resentment and even dread is usually followed by an audible “ugh”. This exasperation belies one fact, the person making the utterance is not a...

@The Oracle's posts:

  1. @wiscot Trust me, tha is exactly how my wife is going to hear it. »

  2. @Marko That’s a pretty effective sales pitch.  Anyone have a 56cm cross bike you can lend me? »

  3. @KW  I am also “genetically pre-disposed to Rule #33 compliance.”  My wife didn’t notice I had shaved for a full two weeks. »