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Velominatus: Twain

Order: Level 4 Velominatus

Location: Atlanta, GA

@Twain's activity:

I’m a non-climber who enjoys climbing. I’d enjoy it more if I was good at it. And “enjoy” might be too strong a word, “tolerate” might be better. But dragging 89 kilos up a volcano gives one time to contemplate the cycling life .Let us define non-climber. It’s someone either too fat, too big (gravitationally challenged) or a fast- twi...

@Twain's posts:

  1. I refuse to accept that my protuberant gut is the cause of both my climbing and sexual disappointments.  Ah, Hell, need to pour another Templeton rye to wash down these cheese sticks.  Waffle House is gonna taste fuckin great in the morning. »

I recently overheard someone say that there is no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing. This is the kind of statement that makes me want to hate people as a species a little bit. Of course there such a thing as bad weather. There are also bad people (loads of them), bad ideas (even bigger loads of them), bad advice (especially on the inter...

@Twain's posts:

  1. @johnthughes Atlanta born and raised.  Potentially bred, but I choose to remaining ignorant in that department.  Anyway, I’ve been back here riding for 15 years post school.  Some great in town rides, good LBSs, and plenty of start and end points with t… »

  2. My gore phantom 2.0 solves most early season thermoregulation conundrums, but sadly, doesn’t help with early morning vaginitis when the alarm goes off to signal kit up time.  If someone can make and sell me a ringtone/alarm app that plays a recording of J… »

Saddle bags have no place on a road bike, and are only acceptable on mountain bikes in extreme cases.Saddle bags: how do we define them? Is it a saddle bag if it attaches to the seat post and the saddle, if it has a zipper, if it is leather, has two natty straps with buckles, if it swings below the saddle like bumper bollocks? Continue reading...

@Twain's posts:

  1. The coolest scrotum in the world, assuming such a thing exists, is still a scrotum.  I tend to only like one dangling between my legs at all times including rides, but maybe that’s just me. »