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Velominatus: VeloJello

Order: Gray Order Velominatus

Location: Newcastle Upon Tyne, North East England

Social: Website /

Life long cyclist. History of VeloJellos bikes - 1977-1982 Raleigh Boxer 1983-1986 Raleigh Burner (Gold with black mags) 1987-1990 Raleigh Mustang 1994-1997 Gary Fisher Big Sur 1997-1999 Gary Fisher Level Betty 1 2001-2003 Scott Racing Ltd Edition 2003-2004 Powerlite BMX 2003-2006 Gary Fisher Tassajjara 2007-2010 Schwinn Mesa GS 2010-now Giant XTC 4 2013-now Moda Echo Ltd Edition. Ex BMX and MTB privateer. Father of four. A life long lover of the velo but noob of the road. Been battling weight for a long time, its fair to say I am a definite clyde. I try to ride every day. I don't hold a driving licence, always never felt I needed to whilst I had two wheels between my legs. Commute every day, everywhere. I hate climbs, I need to learn to love them.

@VeloJello's activity:

@Bianchi_Bob sent his article in just this week. Its sense of urgency required it to be published NOW. We all need reminding to live in the moment; here is a good reminder. Thanks Bianchi Bob. Yours in Cycling, Gianni Continue reading...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. Thanks so much for sharing such a heart warming and deeply personal story. It’s fair to say all our lives are touched by cancer in some way (my wife has had two battles and I lost my mother at a young age to it), and the way your family is stoically deali… »

We are cyclists, the rest of the world merely rides a bike. What defines us as cyclists? Can a recumbent rider be a cyclist, a unicyclist, a fat recumbent rider with hairy legs and a YJA on? I think yes but am I snob for even asking?Years ago, I was helping a woman at another research institution set up some scientific equipment. Evidently we kept...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. What a great question. I “am” cycling. It is my transport. It is my hobby. It is my watercooler conversation. It is my drug. My lover. My worst enemy. My comfort, and my pain. When friends or colleagues are shopping for bikes or need bike related advice… »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. @Teocalli Sweet! A chap was riding one of these at the Haydon Hundred back in June. Beautiful bike. »

  2. @Chris Black cranks are sexy and de riguer, but looking back at some of my old 90’s bikes the silver crank could easily make a revival. Plus you don’t get that annoying scuff/wear mark on them… »

  3. Best. Dad (or Mum). Ever. »

Did everyone got tired of seeing a nearly naked Marcel Kittel on the massage table for the Tour’s VSP page? I know I didn’t. Young Kennaugh will be sporting his British road race jersey and his proper shoe/sock pairing in this Vuelta. Get used to it. Ladies and gentleman we have a race. We have some Giro winners, we have some Tour...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. @Teocalli I bet his facial expression didn’t change once. Seeing someone do the double would’ve been nice.  Oh well. »

  2. @Floridian There was a great interview on Eurosport with Valverde and Quintana together on a golf cart. They agreed that Quintana was for the GC, Valverde for a few stage wins. Quintana will smash this in the Mountains, I have no doubt. Can I put it o… »

I hesitate to file this in the Guest Article category. It would be better filed under fellow un-rewarded pirate cycling-site writer, if we had such a file. @winnipegcyclechick does all of her site’s writing, her graphics are usually hers and much too funny. Frankly, she makes me sick. And, AND, she can make the jokes we can’t make lest...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. Oh my days. It seems the 80’s “BMX Boys having fun, popping air and doing stunts” was just as alive both sides of the atlantic. We used to go to “The Pond”, an old dried out water hole on our estate, where I often would hit the gravel from my Raleigh Burn… »

After a night of sinning, the body must be cleansed. -The Prophet, Eddy Merckx After a week away in Atlanta for business, I feel thick and heavy. These trips away are killers; the shift in time zones means the already-too long work day is extended by a further three hours. I try my best to watch my diet, but in a town like Atlanta where even sush...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. @Harminator Ha ha ha! This +1 Quite often, a quick shit, a burp of the worm and then a flat 10km along the coast does the job for me. Empty bowels, empty nuts, sea air. Purification at it’s finest. »

Jump to: Scoring Guidelines • Prizes • Schedule • ResultsThe Velominati Super Prestige is a season-long competition wherein readers will be submitting their predictions for the top five finishers of each qualifying race.  In order to qualify, your picks via the VSP Picks form above the posts section of the VSP Event article pertaining to the...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. Froome crashes in training for Vuelta TT… Too much of this perhaps – http://chrisfroomelookingatstems.tumblr.com/ »

Did everyone got tired of seeing a nearly naked Marcel Kittel on the massage table for the Tour’s VSP page? I know I didn’t. Young Kennaugh will be sporting his British road race jersey and his proper shoe/sock pairing in this Vuelta. Get used to it. Ladies and gentleman we have a race. We have some Giro winners, we have some Tour...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. Looks like my prediction of Froome crashing was early… http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/froome-uninjured-after-pre-vuelta-crash Fuck it, I’m dropping him like Horner at a MPCC meet and greet. VSP PICKS: 1. Quinatana 2. Uran Uran 3. Ten Dam 4. Cadel E… »

  2. I’ve a feeling Froome will crash out of this one too, so he’s my wildcard rider. VSP PICKS: 1. Quinatana 2. Froome 3. Ten Dam 4. Cancel Evans 5. Sammy Sanchez »

The future is dark, which is the best thing the future can be, I think.- Virginia WoolfOur actions lie on the horizon of the present, in that swirling cloud where fantasy turns into reality. To plan is to cast a shadow into the future, to attempt to lay shape to the unknown. As the present merges with the future, reality will try our plans on for s...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. @ped Sadly, I excel everytime at this. »

If @steampunk can’t take much credit here I guess we can’t take any. We can take pleasure is seeing someone’s kid hauling ass on a bike, a Velominatus spawn, even better. We all came to cycling by different paths, seemingly few by our parents. It is impossible to outguess one’s children; they are clever little bastards. Hop...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. @wilburrox Brilliant. And spot on! »

  2. What a wonderful piece. As a father of four I’ve spawned a party loving event manager, an ex-rock star, a skateboarder and the youngest prodigy I am attempting to steer away from Karate to be my pedal-wan… After taking him to the National Crit held in … »

It’s no coincidence that Stage Five of the Tour was not only the best one to watch, or that it helped decide the race before nary a hill was crested, but that it was just, well, Stage Five. Only last minute copyright clearances prevented the organisers actually dubbing it Stage V, though they managed to get the rain delivered on time, an ess...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. A rule V day at the Tour Of Poland… Golf ball hail storms, falling trees and debris strewn roads. Epic.  »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. @plynie Loving the red anodized parts. How are the EA50 hubs holding up? Nearly got a pair from Wiggle, but decided on handbuilt H Plus Son SL42’s instead. The EA50’s look boss, but did hear a few rumours that the hubs can be high maintenance… »

The race of the funny hat.Every team seems to have included one or two riders fresh off the Tour. One would either feel ruined or unbeatable a week after that slug fest, more than likely, ruined. I imagine there are a few riders dodging calls from their directors this week. Continue reading...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Peter Sagan 2. Phillipe Gilbert 3. Stybar Stybar 4. Galloping 5. Mick Rogers »

It has been many years (25!) since professional female cyclists have raced on the cobbles of the Champs Elysées. While running the Giro Donne concurrently with the Tour de France makes no sense to me, this Sunday’s women’s race does make sense. It should be the model for a Women’s Tour de France: the route, infrastructure, roadsi...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Bronzini 2. Armistead 3. Vos 4. Wild 5. D’Hoore »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. @andrew Ditto. Pinot has had a few TT top tens this year, and his “I’m worried about Peraud” talk could just be a bluff to make Peraud feel too relaxed. The weekend cannot come quick enough! »

The Whale Shark is the biggest nonmammalian vertebrate* on the planet, rivaling the dinosaurs for size. How do you feed yourself when you’re that huge without loading up on carbs all the time? Easy, you swim around with your mouth wide open for 22 hours a day and hope enough food swims in there to take the edge off the hunger pangs. Cycl...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. @Teocalli Spring. Ha ha. Come on, it could’ve been in July given how up and down the weather has been this year! For the record, those arm warmers look dope, as my kids like to say. »

  2. @Teocalli Is that at Fred Whitton? »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. @Mike_P Majka doesn’t pull wheelies over the finish line? Or have fucking ridiculous hair.  Or pinch lasses asses on stage I kinda like him though… »

The Whale Shark is the biggest nonmammalian vertebrate* on the planet, rivaling the dinosaurs for size. How do you feed yourself when you’re that huge without loading up on carbs all the time? Easy, you swim around with your mouth wide open for 22 hours a day and hope enough food swims in there to take the edge off the hunger pangs. Cycl...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. Can Whale Sharks wink? »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. @piwakawaka This +1 »