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Velominatus: VeloJello

Order: Level 1 Velominatus

Location: Newcastle Upon Tyne, North East England

Social: Website /

Life long cyclist. History of VeloJellos bikes - 1977-1982 Raleigh Boxer 1983-1986 Raleigh Burner (Gold with black mags) 1987-1990 Raleigh Mustang 1994-1997 Gary Fisher Big Sur 1997-1999 Gary Fisher Level Betty 1 2001-2003 Scott Racing Ltd Edition 2003-2004 Powerlite BMX 2003-2006 Gary Fisher Tassajjara 2007-2010 Schwinn Mesa GS 2010-now Giant XTC 4 2013-now Moda Echo Ltd Edition. Ex BMX and MTB privateer. Father of four. A life long lover of the velo but noob of the road. Been battling weight for a long time, its fair to say I am a definite clyde. I try to ride every day. I hate climbs, I need to learn to love them.

@VeloJello's activity:

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. This. Part of me would love to see him at Sky or OPQS next year, but the anti-patriot in me would love to see him win whilst with FDJ. »

It began when they come took me from my home And put me in Dead Row, Of which I am nearly wholly innocent, you know. And I’ll say it again I.. am.. not.. afraid.. to.. die.Cold, still, heavy, damp air encourages one to remain ensconsed, the familiar nagging doubt weedling away in the back, make that the front, of my mind, and I concede; I...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. Cool as fuck. He has a movie about his life coming out soon, 20,000 Days or something. Too tired to use google-fu. Check IMDB or some shit. Kylie is in it, from what I remember. »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. Nice win for Rogers. My man Thibaut fucking stuck it to Bardet today. Just need Nibbles to have a REALLY bad day with Valverde, then Porte to find his legs and I should be home and dry. Nurse! Time for my meds… »

The Velominati Super Prestige is a season-long competition wherein readers will be submitting their predictions for the top five finishers of each qualifying race.  In order to qualify, your picks via the VSP Picks form above the posts section of the VSP Event article pertaining to the race in question by the time the countdown clock goes to zero...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. So, my maths is awful. After rest day swaps last week , went down to zero points. Do we go into minus numbers? »

Brad Wiggins is sitting at home, watching his team implode at a Tour de France he was not invited to.What’s on his mind? An attempt at the Hour Record, that’s what. Now that the UCI has allowed riders to mount a conventional (track) time trial machine in their efforts and the likes of Boardman, Obree, Moser, Rominger, and Indurain all...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. @ChrisO Wow, I think I need to look into this more. Thanks ChrisO for the info. »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. Shed a tear for Bauer. Fucking awesome ride today by him. Kristoff on form again. »

  2. I hear Pinot muttered “Sur la plaque, fucktard” to Valverde yesterday? Nice. »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. @Bespoke Very lengthy commute? Assuming this is Ti? Can’t see the badge, which frame maker? Work/Ride colleague rides a Sabbath Silk Road which is a beautiful bit frame work, as is yours. »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. @PeakInTwoYears Looks like Valverde got his just deserts today. Nibbles is on another fucking level at present. Seems focusing on the TdF has helped after all (coughs and points finger at Froome)… Watching Pinot and Bardet scrap for second is going t… »

  2. @ChrisO I’ve dropped off twice to the dulcet tones of Kirby and Kelly. I feel its fair to say its a race for second now, and why would any rider want to push themselves against Nibbles and the Astana boys.  A majority French podium may be on the cards i… »

  3. @Teocalli Just catching up on yesterdays stage and I second that. Plus Valverde rode like a fucking prick with Pinot. »

  4. Thibaut Pinot’s my man… Just need Vince to crack. TJ put in a great effort too. »

  5. @Teocalli Well done. I knew my Lantern Rouge was safe… »

  6. @wiscot ha ha  love it »

Rule #33- Legs are to be carefully shaved at all times.This is one of the Rules that really defines the term Cyclist to the Velominati. Discussions about Rule #33 flare up on the site occasionally, burn brightly then smolder out. Between faces and legs, it is a lot of man-scraping. Rule #33 is a task master. Compliance is one thing, defending it t...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. @Teocalli That. Plus a million. The biggest fucking preening bunch of wankers I have ever met. Self righteous pricks. Nurse, time for my shot! »

Yes, this makes three Guest Articles in three weeks, but we run the show around here and we do what we want. Especially when it comes to solid, 24-karat gold Cyclist/Rock star comparisons. Especiallier when it comes from none other than Keeper Jim’s lovely wife and food-writer celebrity, Jess Thomson. Its cute seeing the family come togethe...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. @dyalander If he wins the Tour, I’ll pop on my Dinner Jacket and croon away to a video camera for you all! »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. I’m basically pissing in the wind here… VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps): 1. Thibaut Pinot 2. Vince Nibbles 3. Richard Porte 4. DJ Van Garden 5. Kwiatkowski »

Rule #33- Legs are to be carefully shaved at all times.This is one of the Rules that really defines the term Cyclist to the Velominati. Discussions about Rule #33 flare up on the site occasionally, burn brightly then smolder out. Between faces and legs, it is a lot of man-scraping. Rule #33 is a task master. Compliance is one thing, defending it t...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. Bang on. Have you ever seen a hairy body builder? Or WWF Wrestler? How many hairy sprinters do you see at the Olympics. Not one single fucker. Shaved guns = 90% science + 10 vanity. My morning commute ride doesn’t begin until I’ve checked the guns in the … »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. @wiscot He was begging for money for a new iPhone after his last one was confiscated by Prudhomme.  I think it may be Ms Cound, yes. They say her modelling career has gone off the rails. We now know why. »

  2. @unversio Imagine looking back under your arm and seeing that. I would literally shit my chammy. »

  3. Right, I’m picking absolute rank outsiders tomorrow… »

  4. Fuck me, its a lottery when I do my rest day picks… Cracking stage. Great to see a French man in yellow. »

Yes, this makes three Guest Articles in three weeks, but we run the show around here and we do what we want. Especially when it comes to solid, 24-karat gold Cyclist/Rock star comparisons. Especiallier when it comes from none other than Keeper Jim’s lovely wife and food-writer celebrity, Jess Thomson. Its cute seeing the family come togethe...

@VeloJello's posts:

  1. @dyalander Fuck it. You’ve given me ear worms  I’ve been singing Stybar all morning now. Genius. »

  2. @frank OK. No more fucking dodgy pictures or links. Back to the bikes, the riders and the sport. »

  3. @Teocalli Nope. A genuine examination of the homoeroticism in Top Gun. As well as a Cyclist, I’m also a movie geek and it’s fairly common knowledge that Top Gun is considered in the Gay community as one of the most mainstream homoerotic movies after Broke… »