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Velominatus: Zoncolan

Order: Level 4 Velominatus

Location: Auckland, NZ but English via Norwich

Social:

Thinks he is a kind of Gilbert grape, loves rain.

@Zoncolan's activity:

Even Wiggo said it’s just a bike race. Bike racing may be just that but Cycling is life. And Love is life and it’s amazing when they all get tangled up together. We first heard from @Farzani months ago; a Belgian in training. She said she had an on-going story to tell and asked if we were interested. It’s an honor we can share the...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. Carpe Diem encapsulated in an article.  Remember to feel the breeze as you descend and hear the hum of the tyres as you ascend.  Stop and take a look around as tomorrow it might all be gone.  It is all in the Bike if you take the time to look. Allez! »

Why would any sane person choose to suffer? The answer to this question is a primal one and of particular relevance to society in the current age: control. With chaos and uncertainty creeping from every corner of life, cycling provides us with control over physical suffering; to suffer at our own will provides us the control we viscerally crave. Th...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. @mouse It was probably snagging the frame after my Too Fat To Climb physique had stress tested the “vertical compliance”… »

  2. @frank For the Record (hurhur) i have actually ridden the Lotus bike Boardman is on in the top photo. My god it is low, unstable and fast and my back nearly died after about 2 minutes. Mental. But then i have not the souplesse that fella had. Or tale… »

With Keepers Tour: Cobbled Classics 2012 stitched up and in the history books, the challenge of documenting the trip became immediately obvious; how do you take the myriad impressions, experiences, and perspectives and put them down in a meaningful way – let alone in a way that can somehow be digested. Surely, to document even just the Keeper...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. My boy Museeuw would counteract a 50 ring with an 11-21 rear surely? However i imagine the truth is the 50t would be his inner granny ring. You obviously misinterpreted him. However those calves would scrape against a big ring over 50t so maybe it m… »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. I li@frank I Literally want to vomit with jealousy, riding with my hero. Now if Gianni meets Bartoli I WILL ride over there and hurt someone (whilst wearing my anti starry eye lensed Jawbones) »

The Keepers and Rigid rolled into a region in France called Flandres which, without doing any further research into the matter, we assume is the coloquial French term for this region of the world. If its anything like the other regions in Europe, these places have roots that extend way past any modern country’s border and situate themselves i...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. ..and THAT race was why we all love Flanders. Much like Bartoli did in 1996, i think this sums up why i get on a bike and daydream about the greats. And now Tommeke is alongside my hero Museeuw in the history books. Fair play. »

One eye open and dreaming; were the building on fire, I suspect this shell of a man could hardly be bothered to move from his bench.As a Cyclist, the enormous weight of the total exhaustion felt by LeMond at this moment fills my spirit with equal measures of dread and envy. Continue reading...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. And yet how about this for Rule V? Panache and reserves in spades. Chapeau! http://www.stuff.co.nz/oddstuff/6447334/100-year-old-sets-cycling-world-record »

Even as a Pre-Cambrian Velominatus, the rusty wires in my brain must have made the connection between my machine’s aesthetics and the lack of a saddle bag; I can’t remember a time when I rode with a European Posterior Man Satchel. But riding without a saddle bag means the tools go in the pocket, and that means great care must be take...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. Road Id on wrist, iPhone to call the team car/take photo/number of passing VMHs. Isn’t that all anyone needs? »

While the The V Moment of the Year is the moment during the season when the sport demonstrated the most pure example of spirit of The V, The Anti-V Moment of the Year similarly acknowledges the moment in which all those things that make The V great were ignored. This is more than just cheating or climbing into the broom wagon; this is reserved...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. @Gianni —and one Tour i would happily swim from New Zealand with my bike on my back for… »

  2. @Gianni ^^^^^^^^^ THIS! They continue to argue and yet metaphorically Gianni has bolted up the road for the win…. Eros Poli eat your heart out. »

It’s no secret that the cobbles are the domain of the big men. Look through the list of winners in Flanders and Roubaix, and you won’t find any flyweights, grimpeurs or probably anyone under 80kg. Ok, maybe lighter than that, but more likely the weight will be compacted in muscle and distributed over a shorter body than Jolly Naughty Wi...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. Care of my hero, lads. Thing is, is this not the photo of him smashing his kneecap in 1998? If it is, it is true Hardman stuff. I still remember his victory subsequently in 2000 when he pointed at his knee. Tearjerking and wonderful Rule #5. »

What Gianni humbly omitted from his last article is that once he finishes ranting about sock color (actually, the lack of need for any color other than than white), he recovers quickly and we wrap up the Keepers executive board meeting with him tearing our legs off on the ride home from the bar with his Magnificent Stroke.  Because after all, he i...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. My yellow Northwave Evolutions with carbon inserts c2000 run just fine, don’t match the bike or kit, but I forking love them and whenever i look down i feel the volupte wash over me. I remember getting them with the carbon sole (woah, futuristic in 200… »

Andrei Tchmil got so tired of the palpable disappointment of not being Belgian that he decided to become one. Envision the world the way you want it to be, then make it so.People are cynical when I talk about Belgium. They think I’m only Belgian on paper. That is not true. Yes, I was a Russian, even a proud one…. Now I am proud to be Be...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. @Oli Beat me to it! Strong work. »

The Hardmen. They inspire us; we aspire to be one among them. They drive us to be better cyclists. They are the solitary voice among the thousands in our heads that tell us to keep pushing when all the others tell us to stop. Their long shadows look on in approval as we pull on our cold and wet weather gear and head out into the elements to ride.Ev...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. Awesome, just awesome. »

No double wraps of bar tape. No arm warmers or bandages for an injured left arm; just some wrappings borrowed from an Egyptian mummy he sent back to the underworld earlier in the morning. Nothing special for Roger on a typical race day in Hell. Just unmeasurably enormous helpings of Rule #5.The most remarkable thing about this photo? He did tha...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. @harminator +1 »

The corollary of Rule #12 is that one focusses the bulk of their energies on upgrading Bike #1 with the result that upgraded gear typically cascades down to Bike #2 and on down through Bike #n. This is The Way of Things; Bike #1 gains the most, but in the end, they all benefit as upgrades trickle through the stable, with the oldest and most wo...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. @Minion This, X infinity. Stong turn at the front @minion … »

I can’t understand the American obsession with finger food in general and sliders in particular. Finger food, in its strict interpretation, should be food for your fingers, not food which is eaten with one’s fingers. While “finger food” is inaccurate as a generality, sliders are basically just hamburgers that never got the...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. @frank @frank +++++++1 always good to meet a fellow Bartoli fan. His ability to suddenly go 15km/h faster on a false flat without any perceptible change in rhythmn were beautiful to see. »

Training with the Pros, it sounds like fun but it can’t be. Pros are genetic freaks; they put more kilometers on their bikes than any of us civilians do on our cars each year, they ride around whole countries at an average speed greater than 40km/hour and they can dish out such Rule V style day-after-day-after-day. We all dream about it but w...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. Ryan has a quite funny blog btw, his commuting and CX tales are worth the read, including some top quality heckling at a CX race. »

  2. Apparently he likes beating fancy boys in townline sprints too… »

I can’t understand the American obsession with finger food in general and sliders in particular. Finger food, in its strict interpretation, should be food for your fingers, not food which is eaten with one’s fingers. While “finger food” is inaccurate as a generality, sliders are basically just hamburgers that never got the...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. @Pedale.Forchetta Ahhh, Michele Bartoli. Still my favourite rider ever, he could frustrate and delight in equal measure but ALWAYS with sprezzatura. NAME DROP COMING…Genuinely nice guy, i met him at a dinner once in Milan and he sent me a signed … »

No event of the year is more likely to provide piles of Rule #9 in the Five and Dime than il Giro di Lombardia. A hilly circuit around Lake Como ensures lots of climbing and that the bunch is blown to bits before the finish. Add to that its position as the last classic of the season, nestled in amongst the falling leaves of mid-October, and you...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Gilbert 2. Visconti 3. Voeckler 4. Sella 5. fedrigo »

@Cyclops has taken it upon himself to organize North America’s first official Cogal right in the backyard of where it all started: Seattle, Wa. @Scaler911 and @McSqueak have confirmed that they will be driving up from Portland, OR to attend and we hereby invite any and all Velominati to attend. We’ll be doing a no-drop ride on Whidbey...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. Enjoy. I will be doing V hill repeats as penance for living in NZ. »

Every mechanic has encountered a tyre/rim combination that has just been a real pain in the ass to work with. Remembering back to my early days in the shop, struggling to wrangle a particularly stubborn wire bead tyre off a wheel, my lack of experience and no doubt ham-fisted approach saw me snapping the ends off all of the plastic levers in the wo...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. Obviously i use my teeth like Binda. What the Rule-5ing hell do you lot need tyre levers for? »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. @frank Hell “Is Joey OK?” NEVER gets less funny with each viewing. Poor guy. Kinda like a Velominati equivalent to the NFL player getting hit in the nuts by the ball. It should not be funny but is. Bit like small Spaniard climbers fighting after a c… »

Whenever The Keepers disappear a bit and our postings become sporadic and pointed, you can bet we’re either out riding our bikes or we’ve been busy working away at new features for the site. We have a number of features in various states of completion, and we’ll be rolling them out over the course of the next few weeks and month...

@Zoncolan's posts:

  1. @Zoncolan +1 to me. missed the Thumbs Up. »