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Velominatus: andrew

Order: Gray Order Velominatus

Location: Wuppertal, Germany

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Australian living in Germany; always used to follow along when the TdF was on TV, but never got serious about cycling, usually just had a poorly maintained aluminium thing for commuting. Now fascinated by riding steel-framed road bikes, racing, and maintaining my early 90s Titan.

@andrew's activity:

If Tony gets a flat or two and loses this time trial, bookies will be jumping off bridges into the Thames. It’s a lock, man, it’s a lock. There, it is now jinxed. You are welcome. Picking second through fifth will take some acumen. Will these be Vuelta riders or does that just hold true for the road race? Tony could have a jour sans. Co...

@andrew's posts:

  1. So, uh, when do you think we’ll get a chance to see those stripes on the road next year? »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@andrew's posts:

  1. @Teocalli Now that is really a bit nice. »

Did everyone got tired of seeing a nearly naked Marcel Kittel on the massage table for the Tour’s VSP page? I know I didn’t. Young Kennaugh will be sporting his British road race jersey and his proper shoe/sock pairing in this Vuelta. Get used to it. Ladies and gentleman we have a race. We have some Giro winners, we have some Tour...

@andrew's posts:

  1. Every time I think maybe I could like Bertie, he does that pistol celebration.  Ah well, probably for the best. Great racing, though. »

Brett’s recent post about Jensie brings up the dilemma of professional cycling for me. I admire many of cycling’s famous riders yet I don’t admire cheaters. Luckily for me I can fervently embrace opposable ideas within my consciousness and sleep well at night. Which also means I would have been one of those cheaters. I also see the tangle...

@andrew's posts:

  1. @TheFish I didn’t say anything about you endorsing doping or defending anything.  If you — just for a minute — accept that most of the peloton doped for a while some years ago, and if — stay with me — you assume at least some of them weren’t arsehol… »

  2. @TheFish Nonsense, on multiple levels, as has been covered elsewhere several times. Lance isn’t a douche because he doped.  He is a Cunt of the Highest Order based on the way he bullied and abused those around him, to the point of destroying careers… »

It has been many years (25!) since professional female cyclists have raced on the cobbles of the Champs Elysées. While running the Giro Donne concurrently with the Tour de France makes no sense to me, this Sunday’s women’s race does make sense. It should be the model for a Women’s Tour de France: the route, infrastructure, roadsi...

@andrew's posts:

  1. @Ccos Presumably the same way one goes about being a podium girl.  Equally ridiculously. VSP PICKS: 1. Vos 2. Armitstead 3. Bronzini 4. Johansson 5. Pooley »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@andrew's posts:

  1. @Fausto Crapiz Why a women’s Cat 4?  You don’t think he could take the men’s?  Or is this a personal insecurity?  There are plenty of women who could crush you… Anyway, Nibali’s has been a great ride.  And he was magic attacking in and riding out of t… »

  2. From the Twitters, Cuntador was trying to pass Van den Broeck on the descent, hit a pothole and went over the handlebars… fractured tibia.  And a DS says the bikes on the Tinkoff-Saxo team car got tangled with those on Belkin’s team car on the way to th… »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@andrew's posts:

  1. Here’s a link for any Rule #33 hold-outs: The next time someone asks why you shave your legs, simply flex your bald calf muscles and say, “Science.” »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@andrew's posts:

  1. @wiscot Absolutely.  If only the damned shorts weren’t that fugly colour.  It may not be his fault, but it’ll never be a classic look, will it? »

  2. @ChrisO Interesting points, thanks.  I guess the general point that cycling overall needs an Ecclestone figure means the point about women’s cycling will remain moot.  I know my wife is more interested in women’s cycling than men’s, but she’d also rather … »

  3. @Teocalli Fair point; I suppose I wasn’t thinking specifically about TV advertising, but rather the sponsors of the event and the teams themselves, but even then, your point stands as more than half the point then is getting the logo on TV. I remember ha… »

  4. @ChrisO …or the organizers should target different advertisers, i.e. ones which are interested in accessing and growing the existing audience, which some of the teams seem to be making an effort at (Lululemon yoga gear, for example).  If the sport bet… »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@andrew's posts:

  1. @Geraint Nice.  And I thought we’d left the door open for a Rule #45 debate pretty well wide open, too, but yours has subtlety. »

  2. @Mikael Liddy, @G’rilla I’m actually just jealous, so in addition, I’m going to point and laugh at the length of the inner tube valves. »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@andrew's posts:

  1. @Ccos That succeeds in being hilarious, revealing and a sad indictment of society, all at the same time.  Nice one. »

When it comes to Rule Compliance, we have at our disposal three viable options. The first is to Obey the Rules. That one is pretty straight-forward because we wrote them down for you and also went to the great length of writing a book on the subject, partly as a public service to those suffering from insomnia. But The Rules are full of apparent...

@andrew's posts:

  1. This should probably be permanently linked to the Rules page — it’d save newcomers some time figuring things out. I also can’t read any other comments on the post; the ‘Loading Posts’ messages just stays there. »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@andrew's posts:

  1. @Kevin I thought the Coq did well not to let himself be pushed around when Gerrans got shoved by Cavendish, who looked to be going for something that wasn’t there for him.  Coq held his line, dodged the crash and went on to finish in the front group.  H… »

  2. Sigh… Delgadoed the biggest race of the year.  Good thing my picks have stunk anyway! »

Why are women’s races run concurrently with men’s races? I would get it if it was the women’s Tour de France, but I don’t get it when it is the women’s Giro in July. Since the Tour de Swiss there has been a lack of stage racing (in my TV watching schedule) and seemingly a perfect time to present a women’s stage r...

@andrew's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Vos 2. Longo Borghini 3. Johansson 4. Abbott 5. Pooley »

I’m not even talking about all the pseudo-asthmatics out there, vaping their way to better breathing. My breathing is just fine. It’s my little citron sized heart that is slowing me down. Is there a street-legal injection or vacuum pump for heart enlargement, or a trip to a doctor in the Congo that would transplant a badass Mandrill heart for m...

@andrew's posts:

  1. @PeakInTwoYears I’ve just finished roasting my second ever batch, and I’m sipping the last of my first as a type.  Sensational.  Thanks for the push in the right direction.  Did them on the stove top in a skillet. »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@andrew's posts:

  1. @Matthew Bennett Good god, man, if you let a bunch of imaginary people on the internets affect you so much, unplug the computer.  From everything I’ve read here. elsewhere online and in books, the UK has fantastic cycling clubs that will give you a real r… »

The Tour de Suisse can be everyone’s warm-up for the Tour de France, including all you VSP dreamers. The big show seems to be the Critérium de Dauphanié this year, as far as Tour de France contenders go but the Tour de Suisse still has some big guns showing up. Twiggo is here, not for a Tour warm up, unless people are worried about Richie P...

@andrew's posts:

  1. @Gianni You may think you were looking at Sidis, but you may have been looking at an elaborate disguise… (via the Inrng).  Note that he has more than one pair of these slightly odd-looking things. »

I’m not even talking about all the pseudo-asthmatics out there, vaping their way to better breathing. My breathing is just fine. It’s my little citron sized heart that is slowing me down. Is there a street-legal injection or vacuum pump for heart enlargement, or a trip to a doctor in the Congo that would transplant a badass Mandrill heart for m...

@andrew's posts:

  1. @Fausto Capsule and pad systems are insane once you look at what it costs for the actual coffee by weight.  I buy nice beans and the same people who look at me like I’m crazy to buy ‘expensive’ coffee go and buy masses of packaging and a bit of powder w… »

  2. @wilburrox Who the fuck takes that much time over an espresso that you need a to-go cup?!  Or do these ‘cafés’ belong to the type that don’t do ceramics and expect every beverage to have a landfill component? »

  • Dude, that fucking blows.

  • @Chris, @wiscot, @Puffy, @HMBSteve

    I was going to quote the photo but there are so many violations of The Rules in...

  • Funny you switched the lead pic to this as I was typing. My last big goal was the Gavia Mortirolo loop. The Gavia...

  • Nicely put @Frank. I know that, for me, having an objective is the most potent motivator. And it works both ways....

  • You know me, im not fussy. Handlebars, hood, lap, its all good! Forecast had it puking rain up there. Is there such...

  • @roger

    what about a moose on the handlebars

  • My goal for the week is to come back to boston with a moose on the hood

  • @wiscot

    Not to mention that their choice of gearing is so out of whack they couldn’t possibly need hydration.

  • So stoked for this. Did this loop a few weeks back in training, and it kicked my ass again. It always kicks my ass....

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