Velominati Community Profile Archive

Velominatus: antihero

Order: Level 2 Velominatus

@antihero's activity:

What, another guest post? Seemingly yes, but in fact we are keeping to our every-other Friday guest post schedule. We must Keep The Schedule! @Harminator’s post about pigs was the little seen “pop-up” article; a confluence of Paris-Roubaix, Orchies pigs and Jupiler beer. These things go very bad, very fast if not served quickly. @...

@antihero's posts:

  1. Pain brings clarity.  I ride looking for the moment when everything gels and the world makes sense again.  This usually happens only after I’ve pushed body and mind to the ragged edge of what they’ll tolerate before breaking. I’ve been told that I ride m… »

One of greatest cycling pleasures is riding with a mate. Riding ten centimeters off each other’s rear wheel for hours; trust is a beautiful thing. You swing over, ease your effort slightly so your mate rides through, you then tuck behind, in the draft, close and fast. It is the best. @Kah touches on this and other transcendent benefits from...

@antihero's posts:

  1. @scaler911 Yes…we have to teach it to anyone who shows the slightest interest. On one of my first group rides, I did a number of dumbass things, among them being cheeky enough to think that I could hang with a bunch of dudes that were way out of my l… »

Gravity is the most unavoidable force on Earth, with the possible exception of Stupidity. And like with Stupidity, you can take measures to reduce its influence on you, but you won’t get rid of it completely, assuming you’re staying on this planet. From the very moment we’re born, Gravity takes its unrelenting hold on us –...

@antihero's posts:

  1. @Marvellous Can you feel the depth of my envy from here?  That looks like a fine and pleasant misery of a climb.  Sweet. »

I just got turned back from a ride. 5k from the house I realized my bits were getting too cold not only for comfort (in which case, apply Rule #5 and move on) but safety (i’ll take my vasectomy in the hospital, thank you very much). It’s a lovely sunny day, the only problems being the minus 12C temp, biting headwind, and leg warmers th...

@antihero's posts:

  1. @Ccos For pure road riding on one’s road machine, no.  Codifying exceptions to the rules is the road to perdition. That said, I do a lot of Audax, a discipline marked by the worst sort of Rule violations:  Galaxy-class EPMS, YJAs, and unshorn guns abou… »

This winter Shimano showed up on Maui with a flotilla of Colnago C-59s set up with disc brakes. The lucky Shimano people tested the bikes on some of the nicest routes on the island, including some descending down the Haleakala volcano. Unbelievably they didn’t invite me along (!?). If they had I would have suggested a different place to ride, one...

@antihero's posts:

  1. @tessar Dammit @tessar!  How dare you use facts and logic to justify your opinions!   Unacceptable. I do take issue with #3:  a tub is always going to corner better than a clincher at the same pressure.  I know without doubt that I can hit a nasty s… »

  2. @tessar Why is it then that the pro peloton eschews clinchers?  If they offered an actual speed advantage, the kings of marginal gains would be all over them, and yet they are still rolling tubs.  There is also the issue of high speed cornering:  a tub… »

  3. @Barracuda The carbon specific pads are mostly about not trashing your rim every time you brake – a brake pad compound made for alloy rims is like going after carbon fiber with a sandblaster. Rim-braked carbon clinchers have no place in mountainous te… »

For many Americans, their first ten speed bike was a Schwinn. It was heavy. Everything about it was heavy. It was the bike that was going to survive outside the bomb shelter. No one put a better crankset on a Schwinn. When we moved on that old bike languished in the garage and it was not coming back out. Not so for @Teocalli, for starters he didn&#...

@antihero's posts:

  1. BTW Teocalli, that restoration does my heart good.  I bow in respect for this bit of awesome. »

  2. @The Grande Fondue True that.  The compact frame has necessitated lengthy posts.  Note also Pantani’s non-slammed stem.  Still within spec – looks like 10mm to me, but unslammed. »

I wasn’t anywhere near old enough to hold a driver’s license but my dad had already bought me a motorcycle. It was a late seventies BMW R100 RS, dark blue. I loved that bike; I polished it fortnightly even though it never left the garage. I spent hours sitting on it, twisting the throttle and squeezing the clutch, diving in and out of t...

@antihero's posts:

  1. @unversio It’s Commuter Grand Prix, I know.  Sad but true. »

  2. @frank @frank is correct here:  at no time do I ever violate traffic laws (save perhaps for the speed limit on a good day.)   As a Velominatus (in training) I am an ambassador for our sport, and not a some idiot messenger boy. I always take the lane w… »

  3. @The Pressure Utterly foolish, of course.  Tell me something I don’t know. »

  4. For some reason I can’t quite explain, I get my jollies from playing in traffic at speed. My commute home has a lovely set of hairpin turns that terminate in a long straight runout of perhaps a mile.  It’s two lanes per side with heavy car traffic in thi… »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@antihero's posts:

  1. @Mike_P Golden Tickets don’t come in clinchers – you’re thinking of the tubular Nemesis rim, which is the finest rim that money can buy.  That includes Zipps and Enves and whatever other carbon hoops you care to name. The Excelights are fine rims, tho… »

The proclamation is heard in the office, on social media, at the bar with friends; “It’s leg day.” When someone utters “it’s leg day” the accompanying tone of resentment and even dread is usually followed by an audible “ugh”. This exasperation belies one fact, the person making the utterance is not a...

@antihero's posts:

  1. I would like to take a moment to unhijack this thread, which has degenerated into utter  nonsense.   We sound like a bunch of pre-pubescent girls.  Just shave the fucking things and get on with it. »

  2. @Richard Johnson You’re new here, so here’s a hint:  don’t take the response to your query too hard.   Taking the piss out of ourselves is the point.  Welcome. Rule of thumb:  if it fails to help you Look Fantastic, it’s unwise.  If you’re operating und… »

  3. If your guns are sprouting hair, it’s an early warning sign that something in life has run off the rails, and that corrective measures are required posthaste. Corrective measure #1 is to shave every square millimeter and immediately apply a Rule V ride. … »

My favorite feeling is perhaps the empty hollowness of hunger. That statement, in itself, is a declaration of the privileged life I’ve led; it is borderline obscene to boast of such a thing in a world where 842 million people don’t have enough to eat. Nevertheless, being lucky enough to have been raised in America and just competent eno...

@antihero's posts:

  1. @frank +1 for riding through lunch:  No lunch but some crudités is the ticket.  Tack on no beer (boo),  no meat, and 250km per week, and the kilos melt away. »

The illusion of transparency is perhaps the most important tool the Velominatus has in their toolbox, apart from having some measure of competence, being Casually Deliberate at all times, Looking Fantastic, and being able to dish out and endure heaping helpings of The V.Cycling is suffering, and one of the most crucial lessons we have to learn is t...

@antihero's posts:

  1. @The Grande Fondue I take great joy in dropping carbon craplets upon my ancient Bottecchia fixed-gear, and I laud him for his insouciance.   That said, I can’t bear to get on the bike without at least attempting to Look Fantastic, and cutoffs don’t qual… »

Every time we get on our bikes, we are playing a game of Russian Roulette. We take care to maintain our machines, to make sure they are in perfect running order, we look after our bodies to maximise our performance, and we, hopefully, abide by the rules of the road to keep ourselves safe from the dangers of other road users. But ultimately, our liv...

@antihero's posts:

  1. @Puffy Yup.  For the daily minefield runs to work, rule violations abound.  Mirror?  Not for me, but no problem if that’s your thing.  Beat up fenders?  Check.  Galactic-scale EPMS and backpack for all the crap I haul to work?  Check.  YJA?  Fuck that…. »

  2. To the subject at hand:  I have seen this kind of senseless, bloody death firsthand, and will happily live out my life without seeing it again.  That said,  I find some hope in the following idea, which I’ve been wanting to set it down in writing for some… »

  3. @Walbly Says who?  Where is that written?  I see no Rule that says we won’t ride with you.  I could give a fuck if you show up for a ride in sandals, YJA, and unshorn guns as long as you can keep up and you don’t crow about it.  Read the entry for “Bria… »

The most important moment in a man’s life is the first time they have a beer. I place it on the list above sex and having a child because sex usually only happens as a direct result of drinking beer. As for having children, I’m given to understand they are poop factories at first, then promptly become loud, and then obnoxious before the...

@antihero's posts:

  1. @kixsand More power to you – that’s awesome.  The bike is the reason that I don’t still smoke a pack a day and guzzle a six-pack to wash it down. That said, there’s a reason that they serve beer and wine at the contrôles at Paris-Brest-Paris – alcohol … »

I’m a non-climber who enjoys climbing. I’d enjoy it more if I was good at it. And “enjoy” might be too strong a word, “tolerate” might be better. But dragging 89 kilos up a volcano gives one time to contemplate the cycling life .Let us define non-climber. It’s someone either too fat, too big (gravitationally challenged) or a fast- twi...

@antihero's posts:

  1. @Chris Concur.  Thinking while climbing, that’s dangerous.  Save thinking for après-velo. »

  2. @Darren H This.  I often commune with the butterflies,  and looking all the way up the hill is the kiss of death.  I don’t worry about getting to the top:  I worry about the next 10 seconds, and it all works out. I climb like a box of rocks, but I love… »