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Velominatus: atomicmanatee

Order: Level 3 Velominatus

Location: Montgomery, AL, United States

118kg 109kg of sprinter's muscle Having been an avid mountain biker in high school, I gave it up when life (college, jobs) intervened. A year ago my passion for cycling was renewed by a good friend picking up a mountain bike. Lack of riding time on the trails led me to pursue a road bike, a Felt Z95, in December 2012. In a search for reading material about my new passion, i found the Velominati by coincidence.

@atomicmanatee's activity:

It has been a brutal week for us Keepers, having decided not to hold a Keepers Tour this year. Watching the action from half a world away has been almost too much for us to bear, and I know most of the participants from last year must be feeling similarly. On Sunday, we would be escorted by our friends and guides, William and Alex of Pavé Cycling...

@atomicmanatee's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Boonen 2. Spartacus 3. Phinney 4. Vanmarcke 5. Van Avermaet »

This needs no introduction. The Spring Classics are truly upon us. The course has been modified yet again, it is tougher? The riders make the race and the 2014 Ronde van Vlaanderen is loaded with racers who could win or make the Velominati VSP placings. Just to pick the winner will not be nearly as easy as it has been recently. There are small clo...

@atomicmanatee's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Boonen 2. Spartacus 3. Sagan 4. Thomas 5. Stybar »

The Kemmelberg is a brute. In my opinion, its the hardest of the cobbled climbs in the Spring Classics; it has a high speed tarmac approach that saps the guns of their snap. The transition from tarmac to cobbles is awful, the stones are very badly laid throughout and if you don’t hit it just right, you’ll come to a standstill. The cobbl...

@atomicmanatee's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Boonen 2. Spartacus 3. Sagan 4. Thor 5. Boss Hogg »

Het Volk (it will always be Het Volk to me) and now the Strade Bianche may well mark the sentimental beginning to the season, but those are specialized, pre-season races that appeal mostly to riders who are preparing for bigger objectives later in the year, such as the Cobbled or Ardennes Classics. Same goes for Tirreno Adriatico and Paris-Nice; t...

@atomicmanatee's posts:

  1. Sad news about Boonen. VSP PICKS: 1. Sagan 2. Faboo 3. Cav 4. Phinney 5. Boss Hogg »

  2. VSP PICKS: 1. Sagan 2. Faboo 3. Boonen 4. Cav 5. Boss Hogg »

We reflect on another year of cycling; who has been naughty and who has been nice. The rusty chain award used to go to the biggest tool of the year but that has been folded into the Anti-V award. In years past the rusty chain award usually went to the present day dopers. Multi-year winners like Danilo “triple threat” Di Luca would now be eligib...

@atomicmanatee's posts:

  1. @ChrisO The answer is clear. Not legalization. Mandatory use. Player’s choice of substance; a completely uninsured, uncontained wasteland of drugs. Boonen, coked to the hilt,riding off the front, screaming at spectators. Tract marked, steel muscled spri… »

He didn’t really want to be awake at this hour, but it was the only way. Or one of them, at least. Because he wanted to spend more time with her, he would rise before the sun, making use of the small window between their entwined slumber and the dirge of another day at the office. But still she saw those stolen hours as time he could be spend...

@atomicmanatee's posts:

  1. Powerful stuff, Brett. I paraphrase Raul Duke in saying: “Hell of a thing to lay on a man with a head full of acid.” In seriousness, though, I hope to get past this with my fiance. If I can’t get her to assimilate, then hopefully she will at least accept… »

A Velominatus gives the impression of having been born on the bike; the connection between rider and machine is so deeply entrenched that one can hardly draw the line where one ends and the other begins. There is an air of relaxed precision that is part innate and part learned through countless hours devoted to the craft of riding a bicycle batshit...

@atomicmanatee's posts:

  1. Gents, I find all of this “off season” discussion from yesterday to be highly disturbing. Might I suggest tights, wool, and judicious application of rules V and 9? Unless, of course, you live somewhere with permafrost. In that case might i suggest dog sle… »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@atomicmanatee's posts:

  1. @Teocalli What’s all this, then? Question. I’ve been debating steel, Ti, or an R3. I’ve pretty well settled on steel, a neo-retro build- shiny metal bits over carbon, Nemesis on Kings, and for the sake of cross compatibility, a group-san. The floppe… »

I envy my dog. There is nothing in her life that can not be immediately obtained that she bothers herself with; she is a perfect example of the happiness to be found through living in the moment, unclouded by dreams or goals. This is the embodiment of one aspect of what I seek from Cycling: freedom from external pressures via total inward focus on...

@atomicmanatee's posts:

  1. @piwakawaka I left him out on account of becoming Le Melvin. »

  2. @minion 19th worst!? Come on!… We Americans had that one guy… wait, he doped… and was an unbelievable tool bag… …there was that guy after him… oh, also doped… also an unbelievable tool bag… … if you add the Phinneys together you get a … »

  3. Great read, Frank.  The Prophet has a look in this photo that is akin to a mastiff being led through a preschool. “I could consume you all, if I’d a mind to.” »

The world championship road race stands out among all other one-day races as the one where the winner is awarded both a curse and a jersey to carry for the next 12 months. It also inspires way too many riders to wear white bibs, which is an alarming trend in itself and one which I hope Brian Cookston, the new UCI President, prioritizes over the dop...

@atomicmanatee's posts:

  1. Given infinite time, a thousand monkeys with typewriters will eventually recreate the works of shakespear. My picks? One monkey; five minutes. VSP PICKS: 1. Faboo 2. Horner 3. Thor 4. Valverde 5. Sagan »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@atomicmanatee's posts:

  1. @scaler911 Thanks for the graphical representation. I’ve got a set of patent black Giro Empire shoes on the way (courtesy of my loving fiancé for my birthday) and just want to be within regulation. »

  2. While everyone’s fielding questions, I’ve got one i’d like to throw out there. Socks. How short is too short? I prefer a 5-6cm sock. Looks long enough to me, or am i violating the goldilocks principle? »

Don’t be distracted by the sweatband or the lame Bolle sunglasses; this man is a stud.  He came from a different time, a time when suffering was a more visceral experience than it is these days. It permeated everything a professional rider did.  The bike were heavier, the equipment less efficient, the travel to races more grueling, accomm...

@atomicmanatee's posts:

  1. Considering that he’s wearing the same sunglasses as Bill Dance, I can only assume that this was taken moments before crushing a Budweiser can on his forehead and flipping over a bistro table for his pre-race gameface session. »

Seriously. Is it almost September? This was not the agreement, this was supposed to be an endless summer. And all you A-Holes down there in the Antipodes are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, enjoying longer days and shorter nights. I don’t need to tell you where you can take that, but it’s dark and it smells. I have no patien...

@atomicmanatee's posts:

  1. Picks are based on nothing logical. Hoping for a combination of Spanish national pride and beginners luck to deliver the top 3 for me. VSP PICKS: 1. Valverde 2. Sanchez 3. J Rod 4. Nibali 5. Henao »

Our last Look Pro edition discussed moving Sur la Plaque as you approach the top of the climb, thereby reducing your riding companions to withering leaves of wet lettuce. But the article ignored the other component of climbing like a Pro, which is commonly referred to as going Steady Up with More Speed.  Right from the bottom.Many riders make the...

@atomicmanatee's posts:

  1. Sorry to bump such an old thread; I’m new here and have been absorbing articles and knowledge (and some bias, humor and nonsense) like a sponge. i come from an MTB background. The n1 when i rode through highschool in the early 2000’s was always some blin… »

This photo is perhaps the greatest of all time; it shows The Prophet riding in the 1969 Ronde van Vlaanderen, kit and machine perfect. Rule #9 conditions in abundance. He’s gone off the front with some 80km left to race, which predictably sent his directeur into a rage. Ordered to return to the bunch, Merckx calmly suggested he go screw hi...

@atomicmanatee's posts:

  1. After months of lurking and reading here, I decided that the Festum Prophetae was a good time to join up and interact a bit. Father’s day having delayed my Festum activities, I watched the weather radar heralding Rule #9 conditions on 6/17. After work, a… »