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Velominatus: cipomarc

Order: Level 4 Velominatus

Location: Canada

@cipomarc's activity:

What does the layman observe when he sees a cyclist in the wild? While we do our utmost to Look Fantastic, in our own eyes and minds at least, outside observers may as well be witnessing little green aliens who’ve just stepped off their spacecraft and are heading to their very first fancy dress/drag party on this weird and wonderful planet...

@cipomarc's posts:

  1. »


@cipomarc's posts:

  1. War_of_1812_Charles_de_Salaberry


    On Saturday, June 14, I will host the second annual Tour de de Salaberry, which will start and finish from Camp Tetrault, situated by the winding, picturesque and usually wet Rat River, in St. Malo, Manitoba (100km south east-ish of Winnipeg). The full course will be two laps of a 68km loop, with the option of a single, Executive loop. Some have suggested they may also ride out to the camp on Friday night. The ride is roughly 100km from the city, and can be done safely on pavement, or a combination of pavement and gravel. It is usually awesome, unless there is a South wind, in which case it is balls.

    The route itself will be comprised of pavement, gravel, and dirt. There may be cows. There will certainly be wind, but not enough to save you from the mosquitoes should you stop moving at anytime. Dogfest and beer to follow. Natch.
    As for The Rules, this ride will (naturally) observe them all, but focus specifically on Rules #67 and Rule #11.
    The details:
    +++ TOUR de DE SALABERRY (le deux) +++
    Saturday June 14, rain or shine
    Arrive at 1pm. Roll out at 1:30 PM sharp.
    If you are a crazy badass, ride out Friday night and camp.
    The Route
    Executive Distance (one lap): 68 km
    Voyageur Distance (two laps): 136 km
    Crazy Badass Distance (includes Friday night ride out): 236 km
    What to bring:
    Bug Spray
    Lawn chair
    Change of clothes for sitting around the fire
    Bathing suit/towel (a dip in the river post-ride is as close to heaven as you can get)
    A Bag of chips (or as many as is practicable)
    $15 to cover beer keg
    Did I mention bug spray?
    I will provide dogs, buns and condiments
    Free camping is available. Bonfire and lessons in French swearing will be provided.
    Don’t expect indoor plumbing
    This is a throwdown. Plan to be self sufficient on the road, and don’t expect anyone to wait for you if you are slow, get a flat, or bonk. The course will probably not be marked. A cell phone is a good idea, as is a spare tube and pump. If it’s hot, bring plenty of water so you don’t die.

    Please let me know by Friday, June 6 if you are interested so we can plan accordingly. Feel free to invite others, but only if they are cool.

    CycleChick out.

    Event Details

    Loading Map....

    Date - June 14, 2014
    1:00 PM - 10:00 PM

    Camp Tetrault

    Cogal Details
    Route Details

    Ride Classification

I met a nice character a few weeks ago on a magnificent ride through the Bay Area. He rode a Colnago C-50 which was so filthy that I was unable to ascertain with any degree of certainty what color it was painted. I spent most of the ride suppressing the impulse to lead him and his bike through a local car wash. As it turns out, he’s based o...

@cipomarc's posts:

  1. I’m teaching my bike a good life lesson by not cleaning the bitch »

I would have to start training to even do a recovery ride. And I would have to own a cyclometer, HRM, and the unavoidable watt meter. And all that would tell me what I already don’t want to know. Ignorance is bliss until some teenager on a mountain bike gets by you and at that point you better not have a watt meter on your bike. Still, we hav...

@cipomarc's posts:

  1. You sound just like those riders who only put in 12 hours a week on the bike. Start doing 6 hour hilly rides a couple time a week and you will soon find out why cyclists need really easy days. »

My favorite feeling is perhaps the empty hollowness of hunger. That statement, in itself, is a declaration of the privileged life I’ve led; it is borderline obscene to boast of such a thing in a world where 842 million people don’t have enough to eat. Nevertheless, being lucky enough to have been raised in America and just competent eno...

@cipomarc's posts:

  1. In the video ‘The Road To Paris’ Lance eats a banana with his hot tea when he had to stop due to snow while out doing a mountain recon. »

  2. »

  3. It’s March and I’m not at my climbing weight, therefore I’m on a pharmaceutical cocktail made up of Xenical, Lorcaserin, Phentermine-Topiramate, Benzphetamine, and  Bontril Slow Release.    »

The illusion of transparency is perhaps the most important tool the Velominatus has in their toolbox, apart from having some measure of competence, being Casually Deliberate at all times, Looking Fantastic, and being able to dish out and endure heaping helpings of The V.Cycling is suffering, and one of the most crucial lessons we have to learn is t...

@cipomarc's posts:

  1. I find it difficult staying calm sometimes when I’m jaded up on Amphetamines »

Strength can be a fickle thing this time of year, when the training isn’t as consistent as it should be; it comes and goes, sometimes several times in the span of a single ride or even a climb. Like a rosy-eyed dreamer I keep awakening as I train, thrown like a rag doll between a state nearing euphoria and one resembling purgatory.My mind is...

@cipomarc's posts:

  1. I’m well into my third decade of road cycling, and don’t feel the need to ‘push through’ or  ‘overcome’ anything. Oh, and fuck off Strava. »

We’re not really supposed to have favorites, but everyone does. Just ask your parents. So while I’m not supposed to have a favorite, I do, and its Rule #9.Bad weather immediately separates the wheat from the chaff, and so the weekend warriors stay indoors and leave the roads to the devout. I talk most often about riding in the rain, wi...

@cipomarc's posts:

  1. Time to get serious now, you must be leaving for warm weather training within the next two weeks or else you might as well hang up the bike for another year. »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@cipomarc's posts:

  1. @Marcus Really? It’s just a short way of calling someone a retard »

I’m compliant with Rule #74: no Garmin, no cyclometer, just an uncluttered cockpit. I’m not anti-data, if I could generate some awesome data I’d like to know about it. If I was racing I would train with data. I just got bored with looking at the numbers and not doing anything about them. When my Cateye cyclometer/heart rate monit...

@cipomarc's posts:

  1. @sthilzy No, it was sometime last May. »

  2. Still going strong but only with SR44 watch batteries and not the SR44R rechargeable.   »

  3. Keep that goofy plastic mount off the retro bike’s stem »

  4. @poppapro Yea,  I remember back in the late 80’s/early 90’s hearing those guys at the bike shop looking for a cyclocomputer that wouldn’t zero out whenever it hit the 12hr mark on a ride. »

  5. Some of those guys in the photo are packing a bit of extra body weight, as said by me as I sit here keyboarding and drinking a glass of Paul Jaboulet Aîné Côtes du Rhône. »

  6. I really don’t like how that ‘tri-geek yuppie shit power based training’ has taken hold. »

  7. I’ve been a big Strava fan for the last couple of years but sometime this summer I really got sick of the FRED RACES and people giving kudos and comments like ” nice ride” when you just upload some two hour easy spin. Now I can have a nice warm down to my… »

I find it interesting to observe the chasm between parties engaged in a conversation, particularly in response to questions being asked. I’m thinking, at present, of the question, “How many bikes do you have?” My feelings in response are nothing short of complex and maybe a bit confused; reservation that I feel I should have a mo...

@cipomarc's posts:

  1. Been riding over 35 years now, a bike is nothing more than a tool. One black bike is the same as another black bike. »

Somehow Movember and Vajanuary have slipped out of our grasp without too much fanfare. It’s never too late to pay homage to a ‘stash and a rider such as Urs Freuler. Our trusty cycling historian @wiscot has once again stepped up and delivered, many thanks. Yours in Cycling, Gianni Continue reading...

@cipomarc's posts:

  1. Remember when the East German womens team had to shave their face twice a day? »

@steampunk dropped this beauty of a photo on us. Volumes being spoken here, none of which makes being a pro look so great. Thanks Steamy.VLVV, Gianni Continue reading...

@cipomarc's posts:

  1. Even in a photo studio during the offseason posing for a cover shot Barry comes across looking drawn and wasted. »

The northwest has just experienced a spell of dry weather over two months long. It’s been enough to make a man sick.That’s all over now, thank Merckx. Commuting home today, I was caught off guard. No jacket, no gloves– nothing. A few drops hit, heavy and plump like ripe fruit. Then the drops became steady. By my half-way point, I...

@cipomarc's posts:

  1. What it takes to win: »

I must admit to not having read most of the cycling memoirs in the Works. I may eventually but the local public library doesn’t carry any of them and never will so I’ll have to buy them or ask Frank to tote everything he has to Hawaii. I did get off my wallet and buy these two and it was money well spent. David Millar and Tyler Hamilton...

@cipomarc's posts:

  1. I’d be lost without a good hit of Modafinil just before a hard ride   »

As children, none of us were given an allowance. Instead, we were taught from a young age that if we wanted to buy something, we had to earn the money in order to do so. To facilitate the model, and possibly to avoid child-labor law infringement, we were paid to do chores around the house in exchange for a cash payment directly proportional but not...

@cipomarc's posts:

  1. I wish ER doctors would take the time to study all the various cycling shoe retension systems. Nothing worse than being laid out on the hospital bed badly concussed and trying to explain how to release a Sidi buckle just before they take the saw to it. »

  2. I still get out a few times with the old kit including the Detto Pietros »