Velominati Community Profile Archive

Velominatus: cjcosgrove

Order: Guest Contributor

Location: East Greenwich, RI

Rule compliant Southern expatriate living in New England (happy to be able to buy grits, a bit bummed that can't get pork rinds), physician, steady wheel and occasional grumpy old man.

@cjcosgrove's activity:

What, another guest post? Seemingly yes, but in fact we are keeping to our every-other Friday guest post schedule. We must Keep The Schedule! @Harminator’s post about pigs was the little seen “pop-up” article; a confluence of Paris-Roubaix, Orchies pigs and Jupiler beer. These things go very bad, very fast if not served quickly. @...

@cjcosgrove's posts:

  1. @Steve-o  Small freakin’ world: I went in the other direction. I lived in the New Haven area, Branford included (great restaurants by the way) in my dark non-cycling years before venturing to the land of clear broth chowder, Del’s lemonade and Tattooed pe… »

  2. @Nate Though a Bastard, the Man with a Hammer can eventually bring good things. »

The Amstel Gold Race, 251 km from Maastricht to Valkenburg, the hard way. There appears to be no flat sections longer than ten meters. There are thirty-four mean little climbs to ruin the legs. We have moved on from the real Spring Classics. There is no rest in this VSP; The Ronde and Roubaix were amazing but we must continue. Legs that are smoked...

@cjcosgrove's posts:

  1. If anyone is juicing, I hope at least my picks are juicing. VSP PICKS: 1. Betancur 2. Nibali 3. Gilbert 4. Valverde 5. Kwiatkowski »

Have you ever been told to take a good look at yourself? Usually it infers that you need to smarten up your ideas, get your shit together, shape up or ship out. If Viagra eyedrops had an advertising campaign, (or indeed existed), their tagline would be: “Take a long, hard look at yourself.”Most Cyclists need to take a long hard look at...

@cjcosgrove's posts:

  1. @sthilzy Good fucking lord. Yes Cippo can get away with it in a certain leve (he got fined for that discretion, no?) But the word douche now has a new picture in the dictionary. Sad to see one of my brethren stricken with such an affliction. »

  2. @unversio Ok, unless this was taken on the way to a costume party or was the result of a lost bet, it gets filed under “Fuck no.” There are just too many things wrong here. If done as a joke: well done sir, well done. »

  3. Just how exactly does one’s helmet get so esqued outside of getting whacked in the head? (Which probably should happen to some people). »

  4. Well at least with the spring classics, we don’t have to suffer the unzipped jersey offense. »

It’s no secret that I’m prone to riding in the big ring as much as possible, mostly on account of my not being a giant sissy. In accordance with the ISO Non-Sissy Standard, I also never read instruction manuals or ask for directions when lost. I make sure to only rarely ask my VMH to turn up the radio when Adele comes on, usually follo...

@cjcosgrove's posts:

  1. @Puffy I don’t doubt you for a minute. Lots of us have some variant of Asperger’s to some extent. Keep up the techno posts. »

  2. @Nate Then there’s the Belgian approach to chain rings: small in the winter, then move to big in the spring and summer. Of course, they only eat the crust of the bread, think house plants use up all the oxygen in a room, don’t have sex for a week before… »

  3. @Teocalli Self observation here: up until six years ago I rode a steel bike with down tube shifters (6 wheel cogset) and shifted not so much, choosing instead to change my cadence and power over small climbs (not in drops but will have a go soon). Afte… »

  4. @Puffy Did it hurt when they removed your sense of humor? @frank  since it’s pulled out of someone’s ass, it’s very painful (so I’m told). Getting it back in presents a whole new set of problems. »

  5. Climbing in the drops works for short climbs sure, where leverage is key (that’s why the hills are called punchers, no?) but I was always taught to move the upper body as little as possible on longer climbs. The tops are the place to just rest your relaxe… »

@Harminator just submitted this little gem of a tale. It is too timely not to share with Paris-Roubaix looming. VLVV, Gianni Continue reading...

@cjcosgrove's posts:

  1. Freakin’ awesome story. Only something that tastes as good as a pig could provide such guidance in a time of need. (re: tasting good, not those ones of course). »

It has been a brutal week for us Keepers, having decided not to hold a Keepers Tour this year. Watching the action from half a world away has been almost too much for us to bear, and I know most of the participants from last year must be feeling similarly. On Sunday, we would be escorted by our friends and guides, William and Alex of Pavé Cycling...

@cjcosgrove's posts:

  1. Yep, following the crowd. VSP PICKS: 1. Cancellara 2. Boonen 3. Stybar 4. Vanmarcke 5. Phinney »

The grade is long and I am climbing away. I’m not going to Pantani this: I am not out of the saddle, not in the drops and not leaving everyone in my wake. The climbing gear was engaged a long time ago. There is progress, but I am not dancing up this climb. A little more cadence would really help here. If I could just get this mother-lover spinnin...

@cjcosgrove's posts:

  1. @the-farmer Similar situation with a few friends of mine on a real puncher with a 25% grade: while zig zagging one got pinched between car and side rail of the road, lost his momentum and ended up falling over still clipped in. The other pedaled right … »

  2. @Gianni  Yeah, where are those grupetto pushing jokers when you need them? Of course they’d probably end up being those bikini clad Borat impersonators… »

I had always imagined that de Ronde van Vlaanderen must be hardest race in the world. The way I worked it out – having never ridden the course of either event at the time – was that de Ronde had the same cobbles as Roubaix, but with 20% grades thrown in. It makes enough sense so long as you don’t know what you’re talking abo...

@cjcosgrove's posts:

  1. @KW Mini-Phinney has the right amount of dumb in spades to be successful at PR. Having a gigantic engine doesn’t hurt either. »

  2. @dissolved what you experienced is what makes our sport the greatest sport there is (wee bit of a bias none-the-less). Can’t run the base paths at Yankee Stadium (without the cops or a huge bribe involved). I’m jealous, chapeau! »

One of greatest cycling pleasures is riding with a mate. Riding ten centimeters off each other’s rear wheel for hours; trust is a beautiful thing. You swing over, ease your effort slightly so your mate rides through, you then tuck behind, in the draft, close and fast. It is the best. @Kah touches on this and other transcendent benefits from...

@cjcosgrove's posts:

  1. Well said. I have always been amazed by the tightness of the bond which can form between cyclists even when we see each other infrequently. Some buddies I see just once a year but we flow together as smooth as the machines we ride when in a paceline. The … »

This needs no introduction. The Spring Classics are truly upon us. The course has been modified yet again, it is tougher? The riders make the race and the 2014 Ronde van Vlaanderen is loaded with racers who could win or make the Velominati VSP placings. Just to pick the winner will not be nearly as easy as it has been recently. There are small clo...

@cjcosgrove's posts:

  1. @Rhodri You in little Rhody? If so, wicked awesome. VSP PICKS: 1. P. SAGAN 2. T. BOONEN 3. F. CANCELLARA 4. L. BOOM 5. Z. STYBAR »

Vlaanderen. Its no accident the Flemish word for Flanders starts with a V; there is nothing simple or easy about riding a bike here. If it isn’t wind, its steep bergs. If it isn’t tarmac, its cobbles. Most of the time, its all three. Oh, and the weather there sucks. In fact, Flanders doesn’t have weather – it has VVeather.De...

@cjcosgrove's posts:

  1. What’s the prize again for Lantern rouge? VSP PICKS: 1. Armistead 2. E. Stevens 3. Van Dijk 4. S. Olds 5. E. Johanson »

This needs no introduction. The Spring Classics are truly upon us. The course has been modified yet again, it is tougher? The riders make the race and the 2014 Ronde van Vlaanderen is loaded with racers who could win or make the Velominati VSP placings. Just to pick the winner will not be nearly as easy as it has been recently. There are small clo...

@cjcosgrove's posts:

  1. Sounds like a pretty f’ing awesome law firm: Sagen, Boonen, Cancellara and Boom.   Stybar, fantastic though he may be, unfortunately just gets lumped into the et. al. VSP PICKS: 1. P. SAGAN 2. T. BOONEN 3. F. CANCELLARA 4. L. BOOM 5. Z. STYBAR »

Gravity is the most unavoidable force on Earth, with the possible exception of Stupidity. And like with Stupidity, you can take measures to reduce its influence on you, but you won’t get rid of it completely, assuming you’re staying on this planet. From the very moment we’re born, Gravity takes its unrelenting hold on us –...

@cjcosgrove's posts:

  1. @Teocalli Yes, and then there’s the quote “God loves drunks and idiots.” This explains somewhat the mitigating factors in the proliferation of stupidity and perhaps it’s paradoxical ability to prevent people’s self-selection for removal from the gene po… »

  2. @Frank Gravity is a lot like friction: there are times in life when we do our best to counteract its influence as best we can and other times when we try like hell to seek it out. »

  3. Great piece as always, nicely poetic. Little known fact: the higher above sea level you climb the lighter you get (yes, ok it’s negligible but still lighter). Go high enough and the O2 gets thin, allowing stupidity to take hold. »