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Velominatus: foghorn leghorn

Order: Level 4 Velominatus

locally known as "Uncle Foghorn" or simply "the Rooster", Foghorn is the self-appointed promoter of the Richmond, VA grassroots racing scene. There are but 3 simple rules: no entry fee, no waiver and no whining.

@foghorn leghorn's activity:

The Phoenix

As a dyed-in-the-wool Northerner, my time living in the South was a mixed bag. Southerners think differently, speak differently, eat differently, and prioritize life differently than do Yankees. In many ways, I became a better person during my time in the South, learning to relax a little bit and stop chasing my tail over everything all the time...

@foghorn leghorn's posts:

  1. Frank, don’t be so hard on yourself.  Neither hailing from Minnesota nor Seattle would make you a yankee down here, at worst you are a psuedo-Canadian Midwesterner or a vagrant, pot-smoking Californian.  You would have to be east of the Mississippi and no… »

The New V-estament

During the birth of The Rules, just like the Big Bang, there was a flurry of new activity, too much expanding and not enough contracting; certainly not enough thinking. It’s hard to keep the throttle back when divining the Word of Merckx in real time. The interweb tubes whistled with new Rules shuttling back and forth, beers consumed, genius...

@foghorn leghorn's posts:

  1. Mmm…this isn’t going to go over well, but Rule #23 is absolutely fucked.  Escape velocity refers to ascending, not descending (don’t blame me, blame Newton).  It is the speed required to break free from the earth’s gravitational pull.  As in “When ascen… »

Anatomy of a Photo: Things That Are Hard To Come By

Museeuw rockin’ the bands riding with Cipo decked out in yellow as he twists one up. There are only two things cooler than this and both of them are impossible to get. One is Led Zeppelin playing at your shitty graduation party in the late 70′s and the other is one of those awesome Coca Cola bidons. Fuck yeah!...

@foghorn leghorn's posts:

  1. Clearly Cipo is loading not twisitng one. Geez. »

Anatomy of a Photo: Badgers Are As Badgers Do

I’m not particularly fond of this photo, but it certainly tells you a thing or two about Le Blaireau. A man more comfortable speaking with his appendages than with words, he was patron of the last peloton that truly represented the working class sport that cycling originally was; one where riders escaped a tough life of manual labor and me...

@foghorn leghorn's posts:

  1. Every sport needs it’s enforcers. The fact that he continues the role as an honored dignitary is even better. The guy in Badger’s clutches probably violated Rule V one time too many (or just one time). I am sure somebody has already pointed out an adole… »

On Rule 2: Cycling Sensei

My buddy Chris wants to buy a road bike.  His primary reason for this is to improve his fitness after splitting his patella in half on a rock while skiing a couple weeks ago.   He believes that riding a bicycle, after his arduous healing process is complete, will be easy on his knees and provide him with a fun way to stay fit.  To that I say, o...

@foghorn leghorn's posts:

  1. Diamonds are created through equal parts time, heat and pressure. That being said, a gem cannot be manufactured, it takes the right combination of natural elements and forces. Does he want to ride or does he just want that pretty bike to hang in his gar… »

The Lexicon

We here at the Velominati have our own set of nicknames and terms which have developed over time through our comments and correspondence. Some of these are names of landmarks or terms in cycling; others are nicknames for some of the riders in the pro peleton. While not intended to be offensive or derogatory, the nicknames in the list represent th...

@foghorn leghorn's posts:

  1. Humbly, I would like to submit a suggestion for the Lexicon: Hittin’ ‘Em from the Ladies Tees As in “Geez, Scottie was really hittin’ ‘em from the ladies tees tonight!” This came about on last night’s regular mountain bike ride, when a fellow Velominatus… »

Reverence: Chamois Cream

Pull up a seat around the fire, Old Gianni is going to tell you a story about lube… hey kids, come back here! It’s really just a story about cycling chamois really being made from chamois. There, I knew that would bring you back. Who doesn’t use chamois cream? I’m a little surprised to find a lot of cyclists don’t. Us...

@foghorn leghorn's posts:

  1. Hailing form the barnyard, I naturally go to the local feed & seed for my ointments. Bag Balm contains lanolin, ergo, a hint of antibacterial quality. It is also non-soluble in water. Good for a wet ride, not so good if you are trying to wash that shit… »