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Velominatus: frank

Order: Keeper of the Cog

Social: Website / / /

A lifelong Velominatus, the history and culture within cycling fascinates Frank and, if given even the vaguest of excuses, will discuss it to exhuastion. A devoted cycling aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. Email him directly at rouleur at velominati dot com.

@frank's activity:

Jens Voigt is set to retire as we speak, having one final crack at a long break in some race in the Cycling backwater of the USA. Is it fair or fitting that he should go out like this, slipping out the back door with little fanfare, while others have been doing a farewell tour of all the big races, replete with fancy commemorative shoes and a son...

@frank's posts:

  1. @Calmante Welcome back, my friend! »

The future is dark, which is the best thing the future can be, I think.- Virginia WoolfOur actions lie on the horizon of the present, in that swirling cloud where fantasy turns into reality. To plan is to cast a shadow into the future, to attempt to lay shape to the unknown. As the present merges with the future, reality will try our plans on for s...

@frank's posts:

  1. @Nate The camera is the artist’s tool of expression. »

  2. @sinikl So am I, which makes you our target audience, mate! Pleased as punch we got you riding a bit harder. »

  3. @ChrisO I can’t imagine the frustration this must bring a father. There were many profs I got a bollocking from for not trying and then one time in Calc IV (I was a math major, yeah – dork – still am although now I need my iPhone to calculate a tip) I … »

  4. @Nate Correct. The one that makes you look like an Evil Lord, not the one that makes you look like a twat. @Daccordi Rider That’s what I say!  We’re not scrawny, we’re optimizing body weight, ignoring the gut, of course. »

When someone uses the phrase “bucket list” within my hearing, I want to give them a snot-laden cycling glove across the chops. Because when you use a dead metaphor like that one in connection with the topic of mortality, it means that you don’t adequately appreciate the finality of mortality. “Dead metaphor,” get it? D...

@frank's posts:

  1. When someone uses the phrase “bucket list” within my hearing, I want to give them a snot-laden cycling glove across the chops. Because when you use a dead metaphor like that one in connection with the topic of mortality, it means that you don’t adequately appreciate the finality of mortality. “Dead metaphor,” get it? Death deserves his due, as they say, whatever the hell they think they mean by that. I’m saying that dead metaphors do not serve the vital function of warding off death.

    The only reason I bring that up is because if 1) you live in the Pacific Northwest and 2) you are a Cyclist and 3) you have not ridden Hurricane Ridge, well, you should, while you can. Here’s why: it’s an HC climb that begins at the salt water of the Strait of Juan de Fuca and climbs, without relent, to 1600 meters. ‘Muricans, do the math. (Hint: it’s 5242 feet.) It’s not a steep climb, but it’s a damned long one that doesn’t give you a break, and it’s entirely up to you how you let it treat you. That’s freedom. That’s life, which we all understand to be the opposite of death.

    This ride also offers the strange and exotic opportunity to stay at El Rancho del Stumpo del Norte, free of charge. El Rancho–the beginning and end of the route–is a demi-funky log home with an outbuilding and lots of covered porch area on five secluded acres about ten miles east of Sequim. (That’s right; it’s nowhere.) There is effectively unlimited camping space, whether that means pitching a tent or throwing a sleeping bag on the porch or passing out “dead” drunk on the rocked-in fire pit in the back yard. There will be unlimited supplies of ale; there will be music indoors and out; there will be fire and food cooked over fire. There will be The Most Interesting Dog in the World.

    More importantly, there will be Velominati. And their bikes. And a big fucking climb. And, as should follow, one of the funnest descents ever: smooth pavement, light traffic, and views that tempt you to divert your gaze from your line at high rates of speed.

    The details of the route are to be determined; ongoing work on Hwy 101 will determine some details. But this is the general idea: http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/387985892. Basically, we’re talking 150km, roughly, with a 1600-meter climb in the middle of it, with maybe 2400 meters of total elevation gain. Have a look at the route, and you’ll see a very symmetrical pattern: a flat, a climb, a flat. You could, I suppose, use an internal combustion device to avoid the flat bits. I don’t know why you would, but you could. There are ample opportunities to water up or refuel in Sequim and in Port Angeles, which is at the beginning of the business. At the top of Hurricane Ridge, there’s a lodge with basic services (water, bathrooms, and crap food). For detailed info, email me at davidbrande(aht)gmail(dawt)com.

    Event Details

    Loading Map....

    Date/Time
    Date - August 23, 2014
    9:05 AM - 8:00 PM

    Location
    Peakintwoyears HQ

    Cogal Details
    Route Details

    Ride Classification

The future is dark, which is the best thing the future can be, I think.- Virginia WoolfOur actions lie on the horizon of the present, in that swirling cloud where fantasy turns into reality. To plan is to cast a shadow into the future, to attempt to lay shape to the unknown. As the present merges with the future, reality will try our plans on for s...

@frank's posts:

  1. @Yoda So cool, and so sad that the quote is wrong. Difficult to see, the future is. @Mikael Liddy HEY! I’m right here! I actually feel they show pretty well in that photo. Better than most. And there was some serious photoshopping going on here to… »

  2. @Owen It would have been more flowery than that, but I’ve certainly faffed on about that idea several times before but I don’t claim to be the only once to have done so. Quitting begets quitting, that’s for sure. It gets easier every time. And good cal… »

The Rules is an essential part of every cyclist’s kit—whether you’re riding to work or training to be the next Greg LeMond or Marianne Vos. Since 2009, Velominati has become an online cycling mecca, where The Rules helped to guide Cyclists towards The Way of the Cycling Disciple.In this book, the Keepers go beyond The Rules as they exist on...

@frank's posts:

  1. @Paul Amazon tends not to listen to little folk like us; they march along to their own drummer, whom I believe may have played for Metallica at some point. In fairness, most of the negative reviews we have are from disgruntled Kindle users whose kindle… »

Cogals (pronounce it correctly: kog-al) are meetings of like-minded misfits brought together by the promise of beer, preceded by a bike ride. Cogals are free, open to all, organized by our fellow Velominati and are always followed by consumption of post-ride Recovery Ales and merriment. These are gatherings of unbridled observance of Rule #4...

@frank's posts:

  1. When someone uses the phrase “bucket list” within my hearing, I want to give them a snot-laden cycling glove across the chops. Because when you use a dead metaphor like that one in connection with the topic of mortality, it means that you don’t adequately appreciate the finality of mortality. “Dead metaphor,” get it? Death deserves his due, as they say, whatever the hell they think they mean by that. I’m saying that dead metaphors do not serve the vital function of warding off death.

    The only reason I bring that up is because if 1) you live in the Pacific Northwest and 2) you are a Cyclist and 3) you have not ridden Hurricane Ridge, well, you should, while you can. Here’s why: it’s an HC climb that begins at the salt water of the Strait of Juan de Fuca and climbs, without relent, to 1600 meters. ‘Muricans, do the math. (Hint: it’s 5242 feet.) It’s not a steep climb, but it’s a damned long one that doesn’t give you a break, and it’s entirely up to you how you let it treat you. That’s freedom. That’s life, which we all understand to be the opposite of death.

    This ride also offers the strange and exotic opportunity to stay at El Rancho del Stumpo del Norte, free of charge. El Rancho–the beginning and end of the route–is a demi-funky log home with an outbuilding and lots of covered porch area on five secluded acres about ten miles east of Sequim. (That’s right; it’s nowhere.) There is effectively unlimited camping space, whether that means pitching a tent or throwing a sleeping bag on the porch or passing out “dead” drunk on the rocked-in fire pit in the back yard. There will be unlimited supplies of ale; there will be music indoors and out; there will be fire and food cooked over fire. There will be The Most Interesting Dog in the World.

    More importantly, there will be Velominati. And their bikes. And a big fucking climb. And, as should follow, one of the funnest descents ever: smooth pavement, light traffic, and views that tempt you to divert your gaze from your line at high rates of speed.

    The details of the route are to be determined; ongoing work on Hwy 101 will determine some details. But this is the general idea: http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/387985892. Basically, we’re talking 150km, roughly, with a 1600-meter climb in the middle of it, with maybe 2400 meters of total elevation gain. Have a look at the route, and you’ll see a very symmetrical pattern: a flat, a climb, a flat. You could, I suppose, use an internal combustion device to avoid the flat bits. I don’t know why you would, but you could. There are ample opportunities to water up or refuel in Sequim and in Port Angeles, which is at the beginning of the business. At the top of Hurricane Ridge, there’s a lodge with basic services (water, bathrooms, and crap food). For detailed info, email me at davidbrande(aht)gmail(dawt)com.

    Event Details

    Loading Map....

    Date/Time
    Date - August 23, 2014
    9:05 AM - 8:00 PM

    Location
    Peakintwoyears HQ

    Cogal Details
    Route Details

    Ride Classification

Cycling is a mighty sport with a rich and complex history. Every company, racer, piece of kit, and component has a legend, a story behind it; in many cases it also has a personal and nostalgic connection to our lives.  While this particular sport is steeped in tradition, it is also fiercely modern, a fact that serves only to deepen its complexity...

@frank's posts:

  1. @sthilzy Changed your email address, most likely. @xyxax Somehow trashed your post in the midst of clearing out spam. @ChrisO Agreed, not sure what’s causing the spike – the spam filters should be catching this stuff. Made a little tweak and mayb… »

I bought a Road ID the day I learned of Jon Lennard’s death on August 12, 2013. Someone in the posts of the original announcement of his passing (below) mentioned he was identified by his Road ID. Of course he had a Road ID. What I knew of him made that perfect. So responsible and sensible.The nature of this community is a strange thing; we d...

@frank's posts:

  1. @Chris This is really just spot on. Sad reality is that I don’t venture into the archives too much except when I’m clearing out spam (fuck you spambots) and the fact is, whenever I see his posts as a result, I’m a bit thankful that spam filters aren’t p… »

  2. @Buck Rogers Maybe we could make him a special one; I did already on the day of his passing dive into the code to do some hard-wiring to make sure his status didn’t fade away (its tied to recent activity, an unfair ask under the circumstances). I wish… »

  3. @Xyverz Mate, I went on my honorary @itburns ride today and had more near-misses than I can recall. We have to be careful, every moment we’re out there. It can happen to any one of us. Cars are clueless and even the best of them are likely distracted b… »

Jump to: Scoring Guidelines • Prizes • Schedule • ResultsThe Velominati Super Prestige is a season-long competition wherein readers will be submitting their predictions for the top five finishers of each qualifying race.  In order to qualify, your picks via the VSP Picks form above the posts section of the VSP Event article pertaining to the...

@frank's posts:

  1. @dancollins Lookie lookie what the cat done drug in. Slideshow: Fullscreen: Download: Powered by DM Albums™ »

Our products represent the spirit of Velominati; every product we offer is made with the utmost attention to detail – no compromises were made in their selection or design. Whenever possible, our products are made my small, locally-owned businesses who share our passion for quality and we make every effort to ensure they are made in an enviro...

@frank's posts:

  1. @Mikael Liddy G’Rilla and I have something we’re working on. We may include you in the beta test crew, mateys. »

Brett’s fine Nick Cave article got me thinking about music and cycling. We spend lots of time alone on our bikes. The bike is on autopilot, it stays upright from second to second, freeing up our brains to consider anything or nothing. Music might be the only riding companion we have but it has to be the right music. Being as Pro as possible is...

@frank's posts:

  1. @ten B Yes. This. I started a 14 hour ride once with only the chorus of “One” by U2 in my head and by the end of the ride I’d sorted out all the lyrics. That was the best possible result. »

  2. Prep music is key; the more gnarly the ride, the more critical this is. And prep music can be different from riding music, because riding music needs a rhythm you can jam to when you’re in the hurt box going up some Merckx-forsaken climb. Something you c… »

  3. We are not married (together for 16 years though) but we have this Rule even outside riding. The worse the song or jingle, the higher the crime of making it known. Partners in life should not be made to suffer in isolation; this is what we have each othe… »

Jump to: Scoring Guidelines • Prizes • Schedule • ResultsThe Velominati Super Prestige is a season-long competition wherein readers will be submitting their predictions for the top five finishers of each qualifying race.  In order to qualify, your picks via the VSP Picks form above the posts section of the VSP Event article pertaining to the...

@frank's posts:

  1. @dancollins Here’s a preview. Its on its way… @Steampunk I see the problemo but I will not have time to look into WTF is going on there for at least a week or two. Maddening, to say the least. »

Patience has never come naturally to me – I’m more Calvin than I am Hobbes in that regard. Yet I am meticulous and demanding of myself and those with whom I journey through life. It is a conflict that has caused its fair share of grief; my childhood is piled high with memories of incidents where I made choices and mistakes that robbed...

@frank's posts:

  1. @unversio Cleaning some spam and saw this. Perfect. Just…perfect. So much better than the ARX you had on there before. Exceptional work. »

Jump to: Scoring Guidelines • Prizes • Schedule • ResultsThe Velominati Super Prestige is a season-long competition wherein readers will be submitting their predictions for the top five finishers of each qualifying race.  In order to qualify, your picks via the VSP Picks form above the posts section of the VSP Event article pertaining to the...

@frank's posts:

  1. @dancollins Dan, you will definitely get it; it has fallen off my priority list a bit per some other burning issues but I will try to get to it in the next week or so. It will be redesigned from previous years, so you have that to look forward to… »

The race of the funny hat.Every team seems to have included one or two riders fresh off the Tour. One would either feel ruined or unbeatable a week after that slug fest, more than likely, ruined. I imagine there are a few riders dodging calls from their directors this week. Continue reading...

@frank's posts:

  1. UUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGHHHHHH. This race is tailor-made for two riders, Dan Martin and Peter Sagan. Which mean’s it isn’t tailor-made, exactly but close enough. We’re not talking bespoke, FFS. So…………Pedro is tired from a Tour in which he overpla… »

It’s no coincidence that Stage Five of the Tour was not only the best one to watch, or that it helped decide the race before nary a hill was crested, but that it was just, well, Stage Five. Only last minute copyright clearances prevented the organisers actually dubbing it Stage V, though they managed to get the rain delivered on time, an ess...

@frank's posts:

  1. VV Dam is possibly the best nickname in recent memory. I hope one of us Keeper dingbats has the sense to put that in the Lexicon. That is solid gold! Bretto, this is your best piece yet. This is going into the scrapbook: »

The Whale Shark is the biggest nonmammalian vertebrate* on the planet, rivaling the dinosaurs for size. How do you feed yourself when you’re that huge without loading up on carbs all the time? Easy, you swim around with your mouth wide open for 22 hours a day and hope enough food swims in there to take the edge off the hunger pangs. Cycl...

@frank's posts:

  1. @DeKerr Less subtle but still rad as shit. Aside from the horrible bibs. »