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Velominatus: marko

Order: Keeper of the Cog

Social: Website

Marko lives and rides in the upper midwest of the States, Minnesota specifically. "Cycling territory" and "the midwest" don't usually end up in the same sentence unless the conversation turns to the roots of LeMond, Hampsten, Heiden and Ochowitz. While the pavé and bergs of Flanders are his preferred places to ride, you can usually find him harvesting gravel along forest and farm roads. He owes a lot to Cycling and his greatest contribution to cycling may forever be coining the term "Rainbow Turd".

@marko's activity:

Jens Voigt is set to retire as we speak, having one final crack at a long break in some race in the Cycling backwater of the USA. Is it fair or fitting that he should go out like this, slipping out the back door with little fanfare, while others have been doing a farewell tour of all the big races, replete with fancy commemorative shoes and a son...

@marko's posts:

  1. Good one, Bretto. Dopers may take away some of the luster and integrity of the sport of cycling but they can’t take away an ounce of the joy and pain I feel when I’m riding my bike. »

Yes, this makes three Guest Articles in three weeks, but we run the show around here and we do what we want. Especially when it comes to solid, 24-karat gold Cyclist/Rock star comparisons. Especiallier when it comes from none other than Keeper Jim’s lovely wife and food-writer celebrity, Jess Thomson. Its cute seeing the family come togethe...

@marko's posts:

  1. I’m confused. Does “crush” have a good or bad connotation to you? I concur though, those dudes look a lot alike. And that hairstyle sure is making the rounds again. The mullet is on deck. »

Before Tomac and Ned, before LeMond and Big Mig, there was Bob Hannah. For a young lad obsessed with motorcycles as well as bicycles, the ‘Hurricane’ was the epitome of style on a bike. His bright yellow Yamaha YZs and matching head-to-toe kit set the bar and inspired me to emulate not only his style on the bike, but off it too. If onl...

@marko's posts:

  1. Great one, Bretto. Moto riding was a natural progression for me from BMX as MTB hadn’t happened yet. I had a couple in high school and then moved on to street bikes. Then I put that shit down for a long time until I saw this baby in the classifieds a few … »

There are two ways in life to be good at something. The first way is the most obvious, which is to actually be good at something. This is harder than it sounds because you need things like skills, talent, fortitude, and light sabers. The other way doesn’t require those things but it has its own challenges; basically, you have to be holistical...

@marko's posts:

  1. @Wah-Balls FWIW, my balls are average as near as I can tell. I just know good gear when I see it and prefer to define my own happiness rather than letting others do it for me. »

  2. @The Grande Fondue You and Frank should read more carefully. I said Wiggo is the only rider who’s approaching anything close to Lemond or Hinault. There’s some pretty clear qualifiers there. What’s more, Cadel, Nibbles, JRod et al are great riders but the… »

  3. @DCR You’re welcome. I’d be willing to wager though if you tried one on you’d have second thoughts. »

  4. @Frank – Wiggo is cool. Let’s face it. We all know the story. He’s one of the few guys in the peloton right now who’s approaching anything close to a LeMond or Hinault as far as being a complete rider is concerned. Nobody else right now is even trying. Th… »

  5. You know who’s wearing a beard these days? Bradley Wiggins that’s who. Because he can fucking grow one, that’s why. Go Brad. »

There was a time when I held down ‘real jobs’. Jobs with (a little) stress, with (some) responsibility, but without soul. And while dealing with the great unwashed public never held much appeal, I always envied the guys who worked at my preferred LBS. They seemingly had it all––an endless supply of cheap bikes and parts, hanging out and s...

@marko's posts:

  1. Great read, Bretto. I like how every LBS in the world smells the same. Such a great smell. The Twin Cities are full of great shops. From large chains, to sole owner shops with incredible knowledge and expertise, to co-ops that appeal to gauged-ear, single… »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@marko's posts:

  1. @wiscot »

That any cyclist can enter the same arena with the same equipment as the professional helps to make cycling an awesome sport. True, the same thing could be said for golf or tennis but as a fan you can’t stand a meter away from any of those pros and scream encouragement. “Come on Tiger, RIP THAT FUCKER!” And if you attempt entry into Wimbledon...

@marko's posts:

  1. The absolute worst is when they impact the outcome of a race or a stage. It’s one thing to make an ass of yourself on international tele but another to effect another man’s livelihood and the experience of fans worldwide just so you can prove what an ass … »

Behind every great rider, there’s a great soigneur. The right hand man, the go-to guy, who tends every whim of his rider, feeding, watering, mending and massaging. Behind the humble Velominatus Regularus, however, there’s a string of injuries, tight muscles, bad posture and aching guns. We are our own soigneurs, and if you’re like...

@marko's posts:

  1. Keep it classy people. We pride ourselves on at least making a concerted effort to honor and respect that women are making strides in cycling. Every single person who is a member of this community deserves respect. That’s especially true for women. They h… »

The 100th running of Liège-Bastogne-Liège takes place this Sunday. Danny-boy Martin will be marked heavily as the defending champion. Malmerde, and Phil Gil have shown they are peaking too. Froomy has thrown his hat into the ring, as he did last year but after last years 26th place, maybe it’s training. 263 kms, past winners include a long...

@marko's posts:

  1. Here goes »

  2. Here goes VSP PICKS: 1. Valverde 2. Gilbert 3. Kwiatowski 4. Mollema 5. Froome »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@marko's posts:

  1. @roger »

Cycling is a mighty sport with a rich and complex history. Every company, racer, piece of kit, and component has a legend, a story behind it; in many cases it also has a personal and nostalgic connection to our lives.  While this particular sport is steeped in tradition, it is also fiercely modern, a fact that serves only to deepen its complexity...

@marko's posts:

  1. @mssuo Cheers to you for getting out there and riding the shit out of your bike. Glad we could be of any help at all as that still is up for debate in some circles. Welcome – good to have you in the pack. »

Midweek in Belgium in Spring is a wonderful thing. Hordes of people come from seemingly nowhere to fill the bars and line the roadsides when presumably they’d usually be working, or at school, or some such. That the only ones who appear to be working are the bartenders and frites dispensers reinforces my belief that Belgium is the greatest co...

@marko's posts:

  1. Nice to see Philipe back on form. VSP PICKS: 1. Gilbert 2. Jelle Venendert 3. Nibs Ali 4. Kwiatowski 5. Val Hair Day »

Wednesday sees the return of the women to the VSP. More notably, we see the return of Marianne Vos to the road. She’s won this race five of the last seven years. It makes me wonder if the rest of the field have already resigned themselves to racing for second. On the other hand, Vos hasn’t been racing of late and may not be as sharp as...

@marko's posts:

  1. Not sure if it’s just me or if anyone else has noticed that these Women’s VSP are getting a little more difficult and interesting to pick. In other words, the field is getting stronger as a whole. VSP PICKS: 1. Vos Hog 2. Van Dijk 3. JoHo 4. Stevens 5. … »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@marko's posts:

  1. @ChewbaccaD So what is it about yourself that makes you feel the need to poke your head into a community that’s new to you and pipe off like that? It’s really not necessary. Nor are we douches. Spend more that 30 seconds and ease into it a bit more and y… »

  2. @Mark Harmon You mean like, “Obey the Rules”? »

The Amstel Gold Race, 251 km from Maastricht to Valkenburg, the hard way. There appears to be no flat sections longer than ten meters. There are thirty-four mean little climbs to ruin the legs. We have moved on from the real Spring Classics. There is no rest in this VSP; The Ronde and Roubaix were amazing but we must continue. Legs that are smoked...

@marko's posts:

  1. I think Katowa is gonna be hard to beat in the Ardennes. As will C-dale. Gilbert will be there too but without a team. Cheers. VSP PICKS: 1. Q-tipblutowski 2. Knee ball ee 3. Jill bear 4. J-J-Rod 5. Valve air day »

  2. @Gianni Gianni is this guy for Amstel Gold. Don’t play him like that. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dd7FixvoKBw »

Have you ever been told to take a good look at yourself? Usually it infers that you need to smarten up your ideas, get your shit together, shape up or ship out. If Viagra eyedrops had an advertising campaign, (or indeed existed), their tagline would be: “Take a long, hard look at yourself.”Most Cyclists need to take a long hard look at...

@marko's posts:

  1. @andrew Just being “what you do” is probably part of it. People just associate glovelets with cycling. Bar tape is so much better these days though compared to the old linen stuff. Good thing there’s no Rule about it. »

  2. @andrew Since riding the stones in Roubaix I have sworn off gloves. My hands, and some other guys’ too, were pretty destroyed half way through the ride. It was from gloves that otherwise seemed fine. Boonen doesn’t wear them either. With the quality of… »

  3. @Ron There aren’t enough +1 badges to go around. I will, and have, soundly berated students during class for this. Of course when I did, they all showed up the next time wearing their pajamas. I love my stoodents. »