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Velominatus: minion

Order: Level 2 Velominatus


@minion's activity:

I’m not saying I’m Batman; if I was Batman it would be a foolish thing to admit to and if I wasn’t Batman it would be a foolish thing to claim to be. What is true, however, is that Batman is pretty cool and it would probably be pretty cool to be a cool dude like Batman. It bears mentioning, however, that I have never been see...

@minion's posts:

  1. @frank What? You mean you lot weren’t all roiling bags of testosterone when Lance Oakley Nikestrong was busy winning the super obesity cycling bowl 17 times? My memory mustn’t be what it once was. »

  2. @frank @frank How dare you, how dare you criticise Sir Bradley have-my-children Wiggins. Your taste in riders is occassionally impeccable, but often frankly ridiculous – if I’d read the whole article instead of scanning it and flipping through the p… »

“My dear, Find what you love and let it kill you. Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it kill you and let it devour your remains. For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover. ~ Falsely yours” ― Charles BukowskiIt&#...

@minion's posts:

  1. @Buck Rogers I feel I should defend Bretto here, since I encouraged him, but it’s Melbourne Cup week here in the Antipodes, a horse race  otherwise known as cruelty to Animals month. 2 of the horses after the race had to be killed. Brett’s a raging veg… »

  2. Soooo, when I finally meet Trent Reznor, it’s curtains for me? I dunno, didn’t read the article. »

  3. Yep. I’d dig horse racing if they took away the whips, spurs, drugs, selective culling, and “euthenasia” of racehorses, then you’d see what horse wants to run the fastest. No sarcasm, I actually reckon that’d be pretty cool. Like clean cycling. »

  4. Could be worse, you could be a racehorse. »

What does the layman observe when he sees a cyclist in the wild? While we do our utmost to Look Fantastic, in our own eyes and minds at least, outside observers may as well be witnessing little green aliens who’ve just stepped off their spacecraft and are heading to their very first fancy dress/drag party on this weird and wonderful planet...

@minion's posts:

  1. Yeh I’ve found that other people don’t really give too much of a shit what you do, so I stopped being too bothered about what other people “might” think of me/you/it/whatever gender Marcus goes by these days. Most people really don’t care if a few guys ro… »

  2. @brett It’s your masculinity, leaving. »

  3. Brett, your meagre, neglected masculinity just withered up a liitle more and fucked off back down the hole it came from. There are tons of spots to get post ride coffee in Wellington, where the layout and staff are amenable to cyclists. You just need to n… »

If Rouler does not do reviews, we don’t do reviews. Think of this as a commentary on Bont’s Vaypor+ road shoe. Any discussion of points-of-contact will generate a storm of comments ending in why Sidi shoes and fi'zi:k saddles are the best. They may be the best for you but not for me. Everyone’s feet and everyone’s butt has d...

@minion's posts:

  1. @frank My problem is similar to Brett, one foot is fantastic, my left foot there just isn’t enough space for my little toe and it’s really uncomfortable from the first pedal stroke. Heat molding and going up a size didn’t fix anything, the material jus… »

  2. I’m special. In that I’ve tried 3 pairs of Bonts now, 2 road and 1 track, and cant get them to work at all. I’m part of the great unwashed who uses specialized shoes, I need the cant plus a little more, and the arch support is about right. I’ve really, r… »

Jens Voigt is set to retire as we speak, having one final crack at a long break in some race in the Cycling backwater of the USA. Is it fair or fitting that he should go out like this, slipping out the back door with little fanfare, while others have been doing a farewell tour of all the big races, replete with fancy commemorative shoes and a son...

@minion's posts:

  1. Underwhelmed with the record given the equipment he was allowed to use, and what other riders achieved with far inferior equipment. If he hadn’t got the record it would have been fucking humiliating  and a major marketing fail for Trek. I don’t know if t… »

There was never any question in my mind that tubulars are more romantic than clinchers, and as a Velominatus I was always convinced that the additional time and care that goes into gluing on a set of tires would make you feel just that much more connected to your bike and the history of the sport itself. I was skeptical, however, that tubs would ri...

@minion's posts:

  1. @MangoDave H Plus Son tb14s, Mavic reflex, are both popular tubular rims as well. »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@minion's posts:

  1. @The Grande Fondue Looking good, was it you who had the Pinarello that looked much too large? The CerBike looks good, to paraphrase crazy cat people, if it fits it sits. »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@minion's posts:

  1. Because I don’t want to be accused of overwhelming cynicism and negativity, it did warm the blackened cockles of my heart to see Frandy (I don’t know which one it was) rolling with the leaders at the end of the stage last night. »

  2. Wiggin’s instagram looks like he’s having a better time than anyone at the race right now… »

  3. On an unrelated note, fuck you Brailsford, Wiggins Wiggins Wiggins! Oi Oi Oi! Porte did exactly what I expected him to do, just a few stages earlier than I expected. For a rider whose main job it is to deliver a team captain to the business end of a clim… »

  4. Bang. I’m loving this race, it’s now in the hands of the guys (Nibali, Contador, J Rod) who are gonna blow the doors off the rest of the race. Tonight’s stage is 200 odd ks on the flat, and I’m flashing back to Saxo destroying the peloton after Valverde c… »

  5. And Froome goes down twice in 2 days. First words out of the commentator’s mouth was something along the lines of Sky taking a risk by leaving off Wiggins….Looks fooookin filthy weather wise. »

  6. There’s on;y one way this can go pear shaped for me and that for the spider humping stick insect to fucking win. I’m also gonna go out on a limb and say Wiggins is going to have a spanking few months, clean clocks at the Comm Games and ride like a fuckin… »

Jump to: Scoring Guidelines • Prizes • Schedule • ResultsThe Velominati Super Prestige is a season-long competition wherein readers will be submitting their predictions for the top five finishers of each qualifying race.  In order to qualify, your picks via the VSP Picks form above the posts section of the VSP Event article pertaining to the...

@minion's posts:

  1. @Chris He’s probably thanking the little baby Jeebus he doesn’t have to wear that stupid POC helmet for three weeks. »

There are two ways in life to be good at something. The first way is the most obvious, which is to actually be good at something. This is harder than it sounds because you need things like skills, talent, fortitude, and light sabers. The other way doesn’t require those things but it has its own challenges; basically, you have to be holistical...

@minion's posts:

  1. @Mikael Liddy It was easy to convince the authorities that Marcus was a woman. I just had to make them look at him. »

I’m not even talking about all the pseudo-asthmatics out there, vaping their way to better breathing. My breathing is just fine. It’s my little citron sized heart that is slowing me down. Is there a street-legal injection or vacuum pump for heart enlargement, or a trip to a doctor in the Congo that would transplant a badass Mandrill heart for m...

@minion's posts:

  1. @Teocalli He’s like a dumber, younger, American Marcus. Preferable in every way, in other words. »

There are two ways in life to be good at something. The first way is the most obvious, which is to actually be good at something. This is harder than it sounds because you need things like skills, talent, fortitude, and light sabers. The other way doesn’t require those things but it has its own challenges; basically, you have to be holistical...

@minion's posts:

  1. It also seems that Pez reads Velominati, beards in the bunch… »

  2. @Beers Around half a watt is the difference a beard makes. That’s less than not lubing your chain every ride, carrying a bidon, and being as fat as I am. (Its winter and I’m living in one of the coldest parts of Australia). It’s negligible in terms of … »