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Velominatus: minion

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@minion's activity:

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@minion's posts:

  1. Bang. I’m loving this race, it’s now in the hands of the guys (Nibali, Contador, J Rod) who are gonna blow the doors off the rest of the race. Tonight’s stage is 200 odd ks on the flat, and I’m flashing back to Saxo destroying the peloton after Valverde c… »

  2. And Froome goes down twice in 2 days. First words out of the commentator’s mouth was something along the lines of Sky taking a risk by leaving off Wiggins….Looks fooookin filthy weather wise. »

  3. There’s on;y one way this can go pear shaped for me and that for the spider humping stick insect to fucking win. I’m also gonna go out on a limb and say Wiggins is going to have a spanking few months, clean clocks at the Comm Games and ride like a fuckin… »

The Velominati Super Prestige is a season-long competition wherein readers will be submitting their predictions for the top five finishers of each qualifying race.  In order to qualify, your picks via the VSP Picks form above the posts section of the VSP Event article pertaining to the race in question by the time the countdown clock goes to zero...

@minion's posts:

  1. @Chris He’s probably thanking the little baby Jeebus he doesn’t have to wear that stupid POC helmet for three weeks. »

There are two ways in life to be good at something. The first way is the most obvious, which is to actually be good at something. This is harder than it sounds because you need things like skills, talent, fortitude, and light sabers. The other way doesn’t require those things but it has its own challenges; basically, you have to be holistical...

@minion's posts:

  1. @Mikael Liddy It was easy to convince the authorities that Marcus was a woman. I just had to make them look at him. »

I’m not even talking about all the pseudo-asthmatics out there, vaping their way to better breathing. My breathing is just fine. It’s my little citron sized heart that is slowing me down. Is there a street-legal injection or vacuum pump for heart enlargement, or a trip to a doctor in the Congo that would transplant a badass Mandrill heart for m...

@minion's posts:

  1. @Teocalli He’s like a dumber, younger, American Marcus. Preferable in every way, in other words. »

There are two ways in life to be good at something. The first way is the most obvious, which is to actually be good at something. This is harder than it sounds because you need things like skills, talent, fortitude, and light sabers. The other way doesn’t require those things but it has its own challenges; basically, you have to be holistical...

@minion's posts:

  1. It also seems that Pez reads Velominati, beards in the bunch… http://www.pezcyclingnews.com/page/latestnews/?id=129713 »

  2. @Beers Around half a watt is the difference a beard makes. That’s less than not lubing your chain every ride, carrying a bidon, and being as fat as I am. (Its winter and I’m living in one of the coldest parts of Australia). It’s negligible in terms of … »

There was a time when the world was painted in hues of black and white. Right and Wrong were separated by lines painted in such a thick, heavy paint that even to wander close was to already alter your very nature. The Elders taught us on which side we were to dwell and what evils would descend upon us if we were to transcend into the void. Litt...

@minion's posts:

  1. @frank Don’t feel bad that despite spending years on a bike you’ve still got the physique of a 12 year old girl. You’ll get there one day. »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@minion's posts:

  1. @Bikeworkshop Bristol Eurrgh. None of the fucking rules are about mountain bikes. Apart from the one about not using MTB pedals or accessories on a road bike. »

There are two ways in life to be good at something. The first way is the most obvious, which is to actually be good at something. This is harder than it sounds because you need things like skills, talent, fortitude, and light sabers. The other way doesn’t require those things but it has its own challenges; basically, you have to be holistical...

@minion's posts:

  1. You folically gifted bastards can cram it. »

There was a time when I held down ‘real jobs’. Jobs with (a little) stress, with (some) responsibility, but without soul. And while dealing with the great unwashed public never held much appeal, I always envied the guys who worked at my preferred LBS. They seemingly had it all––an endless supply of cheap bikes and parts, hanging out and s...

@minion's posts:

  1. @infinity87 If you saw the state of some of the bikes that come into the shop, you’d probably be pretty stoked to be working on planes that haven’t been either pissed/bled on, ridden through dogcrap, or doused in a litre of wd40 then cleaned with a pres… »

  2. @unversio We do, don’t we. Apologies all round, that was mental laziness on my part. »

  3. @Teocalli Yeah the shop I work in at the moment is like that, we’re moving into a new store that opens onto a shared space with the cafe next door, the shop has been in its current spot for over 20 years. Also, the owners are happy for customers to buy on… »

Maybe it’s the milestone of aging that I recently reached. It could be an awareness of the unique foibles of this sport/activity/pastime that I practice. Possibly, I just woke up one day and realised that this is a weird thing for a middle-aged man to be doing. The time for reassessment hit me, involuntarily and without warning. And I’m...

@minion's posts:

  1. Middle Age!?! HA!!!!! Yeah right. If you’re gonna live to be 200. »

For the simple reason that the Cobbled and Ardennes Classics are behind us, I have not alternative but to get back on my soap box about the Giro being the best of the three Grand Tours. Well, usually, at least. Last year’s race sucked the big one (even if it was supremely Rule #9), but for the most part it is the race that is the most c...

@minion's posts:

  1. Oh yeah and fuck Mick Rogers. I know, I live in Canberra, and round here he’s mythical, but I got a flashback to the bad old days when time trialists won the toughest climbs and chicken-legged climbers won flat TTs. »

  2. Dammit I stayed up to watch last night’s stage and after the dropkick in the WC jersey fucked Bongiorno over, it was kinda boring. Quintana looked like he rode within himself, and really it was up to him to light it up. DOn’t know it it was a crack in his… »

  3. @Daccordi Rider Nipple lube. Tyler could fall off a fucking tricycle in a swimming pool, it looked to me straight away like he’d had his front wheel taken out which means he was overlapping wheels somewhere. I haven’t checked if that was the case, but s… »

The divisive nature of Rule #29 is not to be underestimated. It is but a humble satchel, but our rejection of its use sends people completely out of their minds. One fine gentleman even threatened my editor at Cyclist Magazine with cancellation of his subscription on the basis that they published an article wherein I espoused the virtues of goi...

@minion's posts:

  1. @Haldy I think the UCI has banned them, haven’t they? There were a lot of them for sale round here about 12 months ago. »

For the simple reason that the Cobbled and Ardennes Classics are behind us, I have not alternative but to get back on my soap box about the Giro being the best of the three Grand Tours. Well, usually, at least. Last year’s race sucked the big one (even if it was supremely Rule #9), but for the most part it is the race that is the most c...

@minion's posts:

  1. @Chris I think in my case that would be the equivalent to driving to the race, hopping out the car, swapping the clinchers for the tubs then swapping those for the carbon clinchers and still coming 19th in C grade. And it would rob me of the joy of puri… »

  2. Run what you brung. I ain’t changing a thing, which means that my picks now have either retired, need to re-enter the race in the final week and somehow manage to win. And Heysjedahl? »

Behind every great rider, there’s a great soigneur. The right hand man, the go-to guy, who tends every whim of his rider, feeding, watering, mending and massaging. Behind the humble Velominatus Regularus, however, there’s a string of injuries, tight muscles, bad posture and aching guns. We are our own soigneurs, and if you’re like...

@minion's posts:

  1. The one thing that’s helped the most has been getting a new bike and ignoring any pro fit bs. 1.5cm shorter I  the top tube, about a cm higher bars, and I can get my back flatter and more aero, and  an stay there for longer. Its backwards to think that go… »

  2. @frank Flattered but i’m not a climber, I’m built more like the normal sprinter »

  3. FWIW I also go to Yoga once a week with my SO. It’s a great preventative form of physical maintenance, though now it’s winter I’m not clocking the miles I have been so there’s that as well, and I’m also doing more in the weight room than on the bike. Now … »

  4. @frank Maaaate, I’m a strapping six footer with long wavy brown hair and eyes like limpid pools of moonlight. If you don’t have space on the bed, you can (kinda) do the same thing by lying on your back on the ground and using a phone book, or a foam bl… »